There is this girl i like. She has beautiful tattoos and a gorgeous smile. Sometimes i let her sleep in my beard or let her see my hook.
How do i tell her i like her?
Captain. Come and sit on Uncle's knee.
The trouble with most people when they tell a girl they like her, is they come across as a stalker.
What YOU need, is to cut off a lock of your beard and stitch it into her pillow (you know where she lives, right?).
Then, take a photograph... no wait, SEVERAL photographs of your shiny hook - all from several angles - and then mail them to her in envelopes sprayed with your own bottled piss for added attraction value (note here that some would tell you to spray with deodrant or aftershave... I say NAY, do it the pirate way).
Next, you need to send her a few love letters - after all, you need to be direct. Tell her EXACTLY how you feel, word for word (wickedword can help you there I'm sure) - but just to spice things up a bit, try adding variety by using different handwriting styles. You could even use letters you've cut out of magazines!
Go get 'em, captain!