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Author Topic: Can we have a thread where we talk about our real names and the crimes we commit  (Read 783 times)

NotACop

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Can we have a thread where we talk about our real names and the crimes we commit
« on: October 11, 2013, 04:13:28 am »
Hey Guys!

Don't worry, there's no cops here.
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NotACop is not a cop.. yet, I'm applying to the academy but I won't pass the drug test.

AussieMitch

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Re: Can we have a thread where we talk about our real names and the crimes we commit
« Reply #1 on: October 11, 2013, 05:20:29 am »
Good idea, lets share as much personal information about ourselves as possible.

Personally I'm a Mexican-born Australian immigrant with tanned skin and jet black hair. My name is Rodger Elmone. I have a big mustache I'm very proud of never leave the house without a pair of boots on.

I drive a pickup truck and also own a horse and two pit-balls, and I live in a small acreage property in a place called Miami on the Queensland coast of Australia. If you ever need to call me just buzz 0419037182, I'm good for meth and prescription opiates so give me a ring if your chasing.

I only listen to country music and my favorite drink is a large shot of Jack Daniels, straight Bourbon no ice the way real men do it.

Your turn...
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Ben Bernanke

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Re: Can we have a thread where we talk about our real names and the crimes we commit
« Reply #2 on: October 11, 2013, 07:17:28 am »
My name is Ben Shalom Bernanke, and I'm the 14th Chairman of the Federal Reserve. You can read up on my accomplishments on wikipedia, and I'm in the press fairly often. My favourite crime is probably printing money and stealing purchasing power from the holders of dollars everywhere - because it's legal and I can get away with it!
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player13

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Re: Can we have a thread where we talk about our real names and the crimes we commit
« Reply #3 on: October 11, 2013, 07:31:43 am »
i think it should be a crime to bust in someones door at 3 in the morning with guns and shit looking for drugs and taking prisoners
i dont get how they can brainwash people into thinking that shit is acceptable or even necessary
break in my house and then call me a criminal lmfao the nerve of these pigs
i wish i could just blow one of yall mofos head off and get away with it (:
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monoxide

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Re: Can we have a thread where we talk about our real names and the crimes we commit
« Reply #4 on: October 11, 2013, 09:32:06 am »
I like to beat down old people...Oh and my name is Fernade Peterson. I live in Perth and like to get drunk, take my pants off and pick fights with the bikies...
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Clarity

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Re: Can we have a thread where we talk about our real names and the crimes we commit
« Reply #5 on: October 11, 2013, 10:30:11 am »
Hello my name is Obama
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jpinkman

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Re: Can we have a thread where we talk about our real names and the crimes we commit
« Reply #6 on: October 11, 2013, 10:42:40 am »
Quote from: Clarity on October 11, 2013, 10:30:11 am
Hello my name is Obama

You know how I know you're lying? Because Obama lies. It's what he does.
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Christopher Tarbell

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Re: Can we have a thread where we talk about our real names and the crimes we commit
« Reply #7 on: October 11, 2013, 10:43:50 am »
Attention OP seems to be a cop, trust me.
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NotACop

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Re: Can we have a thread where we talk about our real names and the crimes we commit
« Reply #8 on: October 11, 2013, 11:34:00 am »
Quote from: Christopher Tarbell on October 11, 2013, 10:43:50 am
Attention OP seems to be a cop, trust me.

I could not be a cop because if I were -I wouldn't love felonies so much.
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NotACop is not a cop.. yet, I'm applying to the academy but I won't pass the drug test.

Cannabis Maximus

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Re: Can we have a thread where we talk about our real names and the crimes we commit
« Reply #9 on: October 11, 2013, 12:07:40 pm »
Mostly drug offenses although I'm willing to try anything really to better myself
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Thehourofchaos

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Re: Can we have a thread where we talk about our real names and the crimes we commit
« Reply #10 on: October 11, 2013, 12:39:02 pm »
Quote from: NotACop on October 11, 2013, 04:13:28 am
Hey Guys!

Don't worry, there's no cops here.

I feel so much safer now you have said that! Had doubts after seeing your name but im ok now!

-H
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Re: Can we have a thread where we talk about our real names and the crimes we commit
« Reply #11 on: October 11, 2013, 01:30:56 pm »
I appreciate the comedy here.

But for the sake of the intellectually challenge, I think I should stamp this thread with a disclaimer:

Not To Be Taken Seriously.

;)

V
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take_care

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Re: Can we have a thread where we talk about our real names and the crimes we commit
« Reply #12 on: October 11, 2013, 02:02:50 pm »
me likes satire!

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Alfred

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Re: Can we have a thread where we talk about our real names and the crimes we commit
« Reply #13 on: October 11, 2013, 04:43:45 pm »
My name is Alfred Thaddeus Crane Pennyworth.  I come from a long line of butlers, and I have taken on the same occupation as my forefathers.  I am a veteran of the British Army's SAS unit.

I have committed no crimes that I can think of, unless you consider aiding in the organization and propagation of an international team of armed vigilantes a crime.

It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance.
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twatWaffle

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Re: Can we have a thread where we talk about our real names and the crimes we commit
« Reply #14 on: October 12, 2013, 01:19:37 am »
My real name is....If I told you I would have to kill you. I only do as I am instructed by my handlers. Assassination of foreign diplomats, smuggling cocaine, arms dealing to the Contra's of S.A., I am legion. I am your unwillingness to get your own hands dirty. I am the expression of fascism, racism, and misogyny you believe in, but don't have the stones to own in public. 
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Re: Can we have a thread where we talk about our real names and the crimes we commit
« Reply #15 on: October 12, 2013, 03:31:40 am »
I'm so evil... I think for myself; and sometimes use logic!
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fartsinthewind

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Re: Can we have a thread where we talk about our real names and the crimes we commit
« Reply #16 on: October 12, 2013, 03:42:03 am »
two flags fly up above my land that really sum up how I feel; One is the colors that fly high and proud
The red, the white, the blue.

The other one's got a rattlesnake with a simple statement made; "Don't Tread on me," is what it says, and I'll take that to the grave!
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Re: Can we have a thread where we talk about our real names and the crimes we commit
« Reply #17 on: October 12, 2013, 05:08:52 am »
My real name is Butters Stotch, I once invented a machine that takes the cherry out of chocolate coated cherries and fills it with gross mayonnaise. Another time I stole BOTH of my teachers chalk board erasers. Soon my time will come to bring destruction and chaos to the world. You will all bow before PROFESSOR CHAOS!
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ModernLove

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Re: Can we have a thread where we talk about our real names and the crimes we commit
« Reply #18 on: October 12, 2013, 03:46:59 pm »
My real name is Jeremy Fleetwood Klotch. I'm here to confess that when I was fourteen years old, I urinated on the front seat of my math teacher's car. At the time I told myself that she was mean and I hated her, but I am now able to understand that the action was really an expression of frustrated sexual desire. I am deeply ashamed. Mrs. Gubersteen, if you're reading this, please accept my most heartfelt apologies. If you feel that justice might be served by your urinating upon some part of my anatomy, I am ready to accept my punishment. Thanks for letting me share.
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NotACop

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Re: Can we have a thread where we talk about our real names and the crimes we commit
« Reply #19 on: October 13, 2013, 04:16:17 am »
Quote from: ModernLove on October 12, 2013, 03:46:59 pm
My real name is Jeremy Fleetwood Klotch. I'm here to confess that when I was fourteen years old, I urinated on the front seat of my math teacher's car.

I hate to mention this. I'm not a cop but during a protracted torture, I might have mentioned this to one. I think they may be on their way to your house. Again, I'm sorry. Perhaps I will change my username to "NotARat"...
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NotACop is not a cop.. yet, I'm applying to the academy but I won't pass the drug test.

Yellow Ocean

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Re: Can we have a thread where we talk about our real names and the crimes we commit
« Reply #20 on: October 13, 2013, 07:53:32 am »
Ive been bad... very very bad...
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Sir William Wonka

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Re: Can we have a thread where we talk about our real names and the crimes we commit
« Reply #21 on: October 14, 2013, 06:07:19 pm »
My name is William Wonka.  I had a movie made about me and my factory many years ago.  Then they made a movie about fucking Charlie.  Now its all Charlie, Charlie, Charlie.  I have yet to commit any crimes but I m planning on killing Charlie.  Oh yeah, Queen Elizabeth Knighted me so I am now Sir William Wonka.
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. . . it is a corrupting thing to live one's real life in secret. One should live with the stream of life, not against it.
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WickedWords

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Re: Can we have a thread where we talk about our real names and the crimes we commit
« Reply #22 on: October 14, 2013, 06:37:43 pm »
Quote from: Sir William Wonka on October 14, 2013, 06:07:19 pm
My name is William Wonka.  I had a movie made about me and my factory many years ago.  Then they made a movie about fucking Charlie.  Now its all Charlie, Charlie, Charlie.  I have yet to commit any crimes but I m planning on killing Charlie.  Oh yeah, Queen Elizabeth Knighted me so I am now Sir William Wonka.

Do you have any golden tickets going spare?
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Re: Can we have a thread where we talk about our real names and the crimes we commit
« Reply #23 on: October 14, 2013, 08:23:35 pm »
Please allow me kindly to introduce myself. I am (Mrs.) Audrey Omotayo, wife to the late Prince Abu Omotavo who died at 2009. My single crime be due to infelicitous use of thesaurus. I am forsaken that my government take possession of my own and late husband's fortune of 98473892384756438048 dollars and put in power of attorney of Mr. Sheriff Khulen and it is this sum I implore you to help restore to rightful owner. Please leave name, address and bank details so moneys can be stored predating return and you reap 15%.
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Re: Can we have a thread where we talk about our real names and the crimes we commit
« Reply #24 on: October 14, 2013, 08:33:32 pm »
My name is Mark Knowingly and I am a FBI agent who was bullied as a kid and I'm as corrupt as they come
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Re: Can we have a thread where we talk about our real names and the crimes we commit
« Reply #25 on: October 14, 2013, 08:46:43 pm »
Hello I'm rene pinnell and I'm the first DPR. ross was my asst. Luckily i got out when i made 40 mill, now in Barbados Smoking a fat one, PEACE 
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Re: Can we have a thread where we talk about our real names and the crimes we commit
« Reply #26 on: October 14, 2013, 08:58:02 pm »
My name is Rolf Harris and I wrote a song about two little boys :-$
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Re: Can we have a thread where we talk about our real names and the crimes we commit
« Reply #27 on: October 14, 2013, 09:12:01 pm »
...I took a nickel from my Mommy's change cup when I was 5.........
« Last Edit: October 14, 2013, 09:45:39 pm by shashimartell »
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Re: Can we have a thread where we talk about our real names and the crimes we commit
« Reply #28 on: October 14, 2013, 09:39:37 pm »
Hello

My name is James Saville.

Just like Elvis and Tupac, I aint dead.
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ato72543

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Re: Can we have a thread where we talk about our real names and the crimes we commit
« Reply #29 on: October 17, 2013, 04:20:25 am »
You know, you all know exactly who I am.

Say my name!
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Sir William Wonka

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Re: Can we have a thread where we talk about our real names and the crimes we commit
« Reply #30 on: October 17, 2013, 04:16:00 pm »
Quote from: WickedWords on October 14, 2013, 06:37:43 pm
Quote from: Sir William Wonka on October 14, 2013, 06:07:19 pm
My name is William Wonka.  I had a movie made about me and my factory many years ago.  Then they made a movie about fucking Charlie.  Now its all Charlie, Charlie, Charlie.  I have yet to commit any crimes but I m planning on killing Charlie.  Oh yeah, Queen Elizabeth Knighted me so I am now Sir William Wonka.

Do you have any golden tickets going spare?

You must find the golden ticket. lol
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WickedWords

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Re: Can we have a thread where we talk about our real names and the crimes we commit
« Reply #31 on: October 17, 2013, 04:30:38 pm »
Quote from: Sir William Wonka on October 17, 2013, 04:16:00 pm
Quote from: WickedWords on October 14, 2013, 06:37:43 pm
Quote from: Sir William Wonka on October 14, 2013, 06:07:19 pm
My name is William Wonka.  I had a movie made about me and my factory many years ago.  Then they made a movie about fucking Charlie.  Now its all Charlie, Charlie, Charlie.  I have yet to commit any crimes but I m planning on killing Charlie.  Oh yeah, Queen Elizabeth Knighted me so I am now Sir William Wonka.

Do you have any golden tickets going spare?

You must find the golden ticket. lol

Damn.

Well, that's me resigned to unwrapping and eating Wonka bars for the rest of the foreseeable future...
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Hetty the Hoover

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Re: Can we have a thread where we talk about our real names and the crimes we commit
« Reply #32 on: October 17, 2013, 07:03:21 pm »
Tony Blair, my crimes to do have all fucking day?????
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