Silk Road forums
Discussion => Philosophy, Economics and Justice => Topic started by: Railgun on August 13, 2013, 10:44 pm
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It seems the line between what people consider recreational use and abuse is quite indistinct. Some, often anti-drug dissidents, don't even see a difference between recreational use and abuse.
My question is: Do you consider yourself an addict--be it physically or mentally--of your substance of choice. More importantly, does this bother you?
The reason I ask the latter is because some people can lead quite productive lives in their own accord, but the idea of being an "addict" is so revolting that they think they need 'help' or to quit.
Personally, I don't see a problem with being an addict so long as it does not interrupt other daily activities. With that said, my definition of addict is one who nearly or somewhat compulsively desires the effect of a high more than 2-3 times per week. Everyone's definition is different.
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I'm an addict. No doubt about it, and I wouldn't deny it to anyone except my baby mamas.
I've been on painkiller meds for many years, rXed from a good doctor whose kindness I'd never take advantage of. I'm sure that if I tried to skip a dose (I take pills twice daily), I'd be plenty hurting. OPbviously, there are some complications with being addicted to anything. Little things like ALWAYS having to remember to take some pills with me, even if I'm just going out of town for the night, or having to schedule doctor's appointments to get refills.
I've also had some episodes strung out on other substances, and I had a drinking problem for many years. I've been dry for years now, and SR has been a godsend in terms of being able to get good quality drugs without much risk and without dealing with shady drug-sellers IRL.
I would honestly consider myself to be a productive and mature member of my community and family. I'm a good dad to my kids, a good son to my folks, and a helpful and decent person. I'd guess that 90%+ of the people I know would be astonished to know I'm on strong pain pills.
As far as judgmental people who look down their noses at people who use or abuse drugs, fuck them. They literally have no clue what they're talking about. I hope it doesn't take them dealing with a child with a drug problem to learn to be more sensible, but sadly, it might.
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I'm addicted to cannabis.
For sure.
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I'm addicted to cannabis.
For sure.
Same fucking here. I knew I was but it didn't really show itself till I went home for a week, and realized I literally can't eat food if I don't smoke first. Or sleep.
Doesn't bother me at all. I do plenty of other substances but am not addicted to any others (besides nicotine :D).
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I have been wrestling with this thought recently and I still don't have a clear answer for myself. I have been addicted to a substance before but I recovered on my own will. I consider addiction to be when a substance consumes your life and overshadows other aspects necessary to function in today's society, btw by your definition I'm a full blown addict, because I think of getting high at least once a day.
I have actually been on a little detox these past couple months, and one thing I don't like is that being sober conjures up very negative feelings towards my past drug use. It is as if it amplifies my drug use memories to that of being an addict, even though I really don't see myself as one.
The good news: I'm back on the pipe and thinking clearly. 8)
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The good news: I'm back on the pipe and thinking clearly. 8)
Hahaha, fucking right on 8)
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I draw a distinction between drug users, drug abusers, and drug addicts. I also believe there are also folks who are dependent on their medication but take it as prescribed and don't meet addiction criteria.
I became dependent on my medication (adderall) after taking 30mg a day for several years, if I didn't take my medication I would experience withdrawal (mild). I would sleep more, eat more, have trouble focusing (worse than baseline), low energy level, etc. This was true for about four years, I would come off my meds and withdraw every weekend so that I would still get the full effect of amphetamine during the week. During my fifth year of medicating with amphetamine I began abusing my meds, crushing and snorting them and taking up to 70mg a day. This went on for several weeks (without sleep) until I had some panic attacks and mild auditory hallucinations and paranoia. At that point I underwent a rehab program (inpatient 9 days outpatient 6 weeks). I don't believe I was ever addicted to my medication and was able to return to my 30mg dose without further issues.
In rehab programs and 12 step groups they preach the "disease model" of addiction. Basically this means that once you train your brain to love drugs and become addicted to one substance, it's all over and you can never touch any psychoactive again lest you fall into the pit of addiction. I don't buy this, it's bullshit. Even though I'm basically dependent on amphetamine and will experience withdrawal my feelings towards amphetamines does not extend to any other drugs. I just don't feel the same way about cannabis, psychedelics, opiates, benzos, or alcohol that I do about the direct stimulants (amphetamines, etc). The feeling I get from those is specific to their class.
AM I AN ADDICT?
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It seems the line between what people consider recreational use and abuse is quite indistinct. Some, often anti-drug dissidents, don't even see a difference between recreational use and abuse.
My question is: Do you consider yourself an addict--be it physically or mentally--of your substance of choice. More importantly, does this bother you?
The reason I ask the latter is because some people can lead quite productive lives in their own accord, but the idea of being an "addict" is so revolting that they think they need 'help' or to quit.
Personally, I don't see a problem with being an addict so long as it does not interrupt other daily activities. With that said, my definition of addict is one who nearly or somewhat compulsively desires the effect of a high more than 2-3 times per week. Everyone's definition is different.
Since I quit smoking cigarettes some years ago I am happy to say I am no longer an addict.
To me being addicted is a bit like being a slave. You are not really free to choose what course you want to take.
I sincerely hope that should I develop an addiction again - I will see the warning signs and stop using the substance immediately just to not get caught in the habit unless I have absolutely no choice (say you need pain-meds for a disease or after an accident).
I want to use whatever substances I use for the joy of using them not because I have to.
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It's so interesting to read that many people on here admit being addicted to cannabis (not just in this thread, there was a topic called "what's your problem drug" or something like that a while ago where also many people stated it was cannabis for them).
Addiction is a very sketchy topic, because (in my eyes), it is a generalized invention. You ask ten doctors about it, you get at least ten different answers. I'm not saying that there is no such thing as addiction, that would just be ignorant. I guess most people on here have experienced withdrawel, including myself.
Everyone is so different and has unique bodies in terms of biology, chemical processes and mental/physical reaction. Substance (ab)use that is normal for one person might be absolutely lethal and destructive to the next person. And I'm not talking about substance tolerance here. It's not so much of importantance what a drug does chemically. That is reproducable evidence, aka science.
The important thing is what you believe the drug will do to you. The placebo/nocebo effect is something that should be looked at much much more. The process of expectation is probably more important than the drug itself. In my opinion, placebo/nocebo are one of the most important things ever to be discovered in medical history. Do your own research and you will be amazed! You will also start hating the government for printing their death wishes on cigarette packs for example. That's a nocebo-effect mass experiment going on right under our noses.
Back to topic... I did have a drinking problem for a while. A little trip to rock bottom solved this though, been sober for a while now. Personally, I wouldn't risk touching alcohol ever again. Don't be fooled by it because you can buy it in a supermarket, alcohol is one of the most toxic and dangerous drugs out there, period. Alcohol is one of the few substances that actually deserve the negatively connotated term DRUG.
My other addiction is nicotine. So, as you can see, the government is/was my number one drug dealer. Very reliable connection :)
My nicotine addiction bothers me sometimes, yes. I can't get away from it.
I also smoke a lot of weed, but I wouldn't say I'm addicted. I have some days where I just wake up and know I don't want to smoke, and then I don't, simple as that. I use weed as a tool, especially for reading. Have you ever read Oscar Wilde poems or his stories? You could read anything, he's a genius. Get stoned, lower the lights and dive straight into Reading Gaol. Heaven! :)
cheers and stay safe all!
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Will not say i am addicted to cannabis, but i love to smoke it.
There is no problem for me not to smoke in a week, but normally i smoke everyday 8)
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I love cannabis for the fact that it's so benign. I don't even know if it's possible to become addicted to it, and if by some chance you do, I don't think it'll ruin your life or even worse take it away like some of the other drugs- heroin comes to mind.
I think in America, food is a bigger addiction than cannabis. People die from eating too much food via heart disease!!!
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^^^^^^YES...drugs are just one category of substances/behaviors/lifestyles one can be 'addicted' to.....I see so many people running around addicted to sugar, to exercise, to Jesus, to sex, to maintaining their looks, to chasing the almighty dollar, seeking social status, keeping up with the Jones's, career advancement, etc.etc. Humans have a knack for addiction. In comes in many different forms. Yes, I've been addicted to one substance or another for nearly 20 years now. But I don't consider it as dysfunctional or morally revolting as some of the more 'socially acceptable' forms of addiction listed above.
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Everyone is 'addicted' to something, usually multiple things. Most people these days are addicted to commercial food/drink additives (such as high-fructose or aspartame) or consumerism in general.
For a good few years I was an alcoholic (daily consuming excess of at least one bottle of voddy and often a few tins of lager/cider) and for the later years of that period I was also addicted to various phenthylamine derivatives and synthetic cannabinoids. Throughout this period I also consumed excessive amounts of good old ganja. Seeing as I would consume all aforementioned substances long after ill effects (vomiting, blackouts etc) and my general health began to visibly deteriorate excessively, I'd say that qualifies as a harmful addiction. It definitely harmed almost all aspects of my social life and damaged any career/education paths I attempted to embark upon. Although I would not have believed you at the time if you had tried to tell me that.
However, for about a year now I have been off everything except weed and the occasional hallucinogenic weekend. Best thing I ever did. To anyone who is a boozer, I'd say you are definitely capable of getting off the sauce if you just want it enough, it completely comes down to making a conscious, determined decision and sticking to it.
Now I'm just addicted to civil disobedience like I used to be. :)
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It seems the line between what people consider recreational use and abuse is quite indistinct. Some, often anti-drug dissidents, don't even see a difference between recreational use and abuse.
My question is: Do you consider yourself an addict--be it physically or mentally--of your substance of choice. More importantly, does this bother you?
The reason I ask the latter is because some people can lead quite productive lives in their own accord, but the idea of being an "addict" is so revolting that they think they need 'help' or to quit.
Personally, I don't see a problem with being an addict so long as it does not interrupt other daily activities. With that said, my definition of addict is one who nearly or somewhat compulsively desires the effect of a high more than 2-3 times per week. Everyone's definition is different.
Yeah exactly, I could say I'm addicted to the thoughts of drugs, none strong in particular but definitely addicted to THC. I can go without I know that, but I smoke at least 4-7g of that top shelf a day. But shit, if I can only get mids, I'll smoke maybe a blunt a day. Just isn't the same!! lol
But with the amount of drugs I have done, compared to the self control I have over those substances, I can say I'm happy with my drug abuse level considering how much I have in my drawer right now. I haven't even touched any of my molly/acid and I've been on that for months. If you can say no, but choose not to, that's when you know you're in too far.
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why/for what reason did you get addicted? (for the ones that did)
Was there something going on in your life or was it out of curiosity and just happened to carry on?
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I feel that i'm definitely and addict. I'm not really the type that is mentally and addict, but i'm for sure physically addicted. I went for years and drank beer several nights a week. I never was the type that got full blown drunk during the week, but it did have effects the next day. Just mild hang over. I smoked weed for years as well. I always enjoyed this, but i have a really demanding work schedule including working in the evenings and the weed caused problems with this. It made me paranoid and stupid. I just couldn't get my shit done and get high without something suffering. So i worked this pattern for years and never found the right balance. I've never been the type that could pull it all off completely sober either. I've always felt very nervous sober all the time. I also would get so stressed sober that i wouldn't sleep good and i would be all amped up and would have a hair trigger temper.
Well then i found my drug love of my life - opiates. A buddy had a bad work injury and a couple of years after this happened he was in the pain management program. Over the course of three of four years he had it all. He started with oxycontin (old school 20's), then they put him on morphine and percs, and alot of generics over time. He got to where he was clean after several years and started selling his script. Well after partying with his script and then buying it later i found what i thought was the perfect fit for me. I could take a mild dose of any opiate and it took the edge off. I could get that warm fuzzy feeling, i was relaxed, buzzed slightly, and i slept like a baby. All in all it was great. I didn't take them all day, but i did every evening. I still get all my shit done at work and at home. It's just the perfect feel good take the edge off pill. I can go for months and do nothing else (beer or weed) and i'm fine. I still feel like it's my perfect fix. It really does make me feel great. The problem is from time to time i run out and holy fucking shit it's like letting the devil in the door and i'm totally at his mercy. It's terrible! The worst i've ever felt in my life and when withdrawal is coming i truly fear it. I had a period last year where i was sober for 3 months and i recently did about 1 month sober. I never did feel right. I've done more reading on the subject than about any other. I fully understand it, and there is no way around it. If i want to be happy and feel normal or especially great i have to take an opiate. The great feeling and happiness is nearly instant. I truly do hate the fact that i've gotten myself here, but to get my hands on it is just too easy of a fix.
So from the physical aspect there is no doubt in my mind i'm an addict. It's such a weird thing though because i have full knowledge of this, but i love opiates. I don't do a lot and i don't even do it to the point where i'm nodding off with a buzz. I just love them for taking the edge off. I worry i'm at the point now where i'm so physically used to them that i've screwed my system up so bad that it won't be normal or happy without them. I'm sure one of these days my guilt or money will cause me to cold turkey for a long enough period where i'll find out. But damn after three months and i still felt nervous and off. whenever that time comes it's going to SUCK.
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Holy Jesus, that's a fuckload of karma! Nice karma/bad karma ratio. Fuck the addiction, you're doing something right brother!!!! :D 8)
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Interesting thread. I used to drink and usually have some sort of white every weekend, and every weekend would end with vomiting and pain. Hangovers grew worse and worse till i had to stop, i still enjoy a casuall 2-3 drinks, but any more than that and i feel it the next day. Now i just smoke alot of weed, and the tobbacco its mixed with, for me SR is a godsend as highgrade was rarly available in my area. I would say im addicted to weed, but is it weird that it doesnt really bother me ?
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I feel that i'm definitely and addict. I'm not really the type that is mentally and addict, but i'm for sure physically addicted. I went for years and drank beer several nights a week. I never was the type that got full blown drunk during the week, but it did have effects the next day. Just mild hang over. I smoked weed for years as well. I always enjoyed this, but i have a really demanding work schedule including working in the evenings and the weed caused problems with this. It made me paranoid and stupid. I just couldn't get my shit done and get high without something suffering. So i worked this pattern for years and never found the right balance. I've never been the type that could pull it all off completely sober either. I've always felt very nervous sober all the time. I also would get so stressed sober that i wouldn't sleep good and i would be all amped up and would have a hair trigger temper.
Well then i found my drug love of my life - opiates. A buddy had a bad work injury and a couple of years after this happened he was in the pain management program. Over the course of three of four years he had it all. He started with oxycontin (old school 20's), then they put him on morphine and percs, and alot of generics over time. He got to where he was clean after several years and started selling his script. Well after partying with his script and then buying it later i found what i thought was the perfect fit for me. I could take a mild dose of any opiate and it took the edge off. I could get that warm fuzzy feeling, i was relaxed, buzzed slightly, and i slept like a baby. All in all it was great. I didn't take them all day, but i did every evening. I still get all my shit done at work and at home. It's just the perfect feel good take the edge off pill. I can go for months and do nothing else (beer or weed) and i'm fine. I still feel like it's my perfect fix. It really does make me feel great. The problem is from time to time i run out and holy fucking shit it's like letting the devil in the door and i'm totally at his mercy. It's terrible! The worst i've ever felt in my life and when withdrawal is coming i truly fear it. I had a period last year where i was sober for 3 months and i recently did about 1 month sober. I never did feel right. I've done more reading on the subject than about any other. I fully understand it, and there is no way around it. If i want to be happy and feel normal or especially great i have to take an opiate. The great feeling and happiness is nearly instant. I truly do hate the fact that i've gotten myself here, but to get my hands on it is just too easy of a fix.
So from the physical aspect there is no doubt in my mind i'm an addict. It's such a weird thing though because i have full knowledge of this, but i love opiates. I don't do a lot and i don't even do it to the point where i'm nodding off with a buzz. I just love them for taking the edge off. I worry i'm at the point now where i'm so physically used to them that i've screwed my system up so bad that it won't be normal or happy without them. I'm sure one of these days my guilt or money will cause me to cold turkey for a long enough period where i'll find out. But damn after three months and i still felt nervous and off. whenever that time comes it's going to SUCK.
Crazy stuff man. I don't know how old you are or exactly how long you've been doing opiates, hopefully not for decades. But you don't want to be living on borrowed time my friend. What I would do is come down and do some damage control. I'm sure you know this, but the reason that you feel lousy without them is because you've taught your body to become dependant on them.
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I don't take enough of anything to be physically addicted. And honestly, I'm beginning to think I can't get psychologically addicted or even dependent. I have one of those pathologically rational brains. I can't be hypnotized. My emotional range is pretty limited because emotions don't make very much sense (and I consider myself a stoic). Drugs always wear off of me mentally before they do physically (as in, I'm stumbling because I've had so much alcohol, but my thoughts are lucid and I don't sound drunk.)
I think it's a control thing for me. I've never not been in control mentally. Part of me really wants to test that limit and see just how fucked I'd have to get to not know what was going on, but for the most part I think it's a safeguard. I don't do things drunk/high that I wouldn't do sober because I can always stop and think 'wait, don't do that.'
I've had periods where I sort of tried to get addicted to things (dumb teenager) but it never stuck. And even when I was doing coke all the fucking time, I had to force myself to take it and if I didn't have money for it, I really didn't care.
Anyway, I'm going to try heroin next month probably. But I hate other downers, so I doubt I'll be into it. I also ordered some ketamine, but I have a feeling it'll take me too close to the 'not in control' line to really enjoy.
I guess my point is that I'm on the edge, checking out the drop and trying to figure out whether or not I'd survive the jump.
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Ive experimented quite a bit in my lifetime, been addicted to many different substances. Nowadays I can usually find a balance, but damn the cravings are tough to deal with, which makes me realize Im an addict and not just a weekend warrior. I get those cravings every fucking week without fail. These days its not even always for one drug in particular just anything to stop the cravings.
Smoke weed on a daily basis but I dont consider that much of an addiction though I can relate to the physical withdrawl symptoms. I cant eat or sleep without weed. So I guess I contradicted myself there, it is an addiction. I guess what I meant to say is that its not much of a drug, I like to consider it a curative plant.
Ill tell ya what though, that cocaine, that cocaine is a hell of a drug. As much as I like it I cant fucking turn it down. I am def an addict, hence the name thedopestjunkie. This site gives me hope though. I think addicts helping addicts is a great thing and that happens here from time to time.
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Personally, I don't see a problem with being an addict so long as it does not interrupt other daily activities. With that said, my definition of addict is one who nearly or somewhat compulsively desires the effect of a high more than 2-3 times per week. Everyone's definition is different.
I agree with this whole heartedly.
A lot of people walk around as if their life is not going to end someday, as if they can defer the enjoyment of existence to a later date.
I don't understand it. But brainwashed is as brainwashed does.
I guess the point is, like anything else, to not allow something that is temporary as anything else in life to control the level of happiness in your life.
I haven't touched a single drug in over 4 months. But I'm pretty sure the Silk Road will change that. Only the good ones, I promise.
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Definitely. Opiates.
I started when I was 14 and was prescribed oc 20s for an injury.
After that I started using opiates whenever I could, which was occasionally. All I did was hydrocodone until I got into high school. I met a kid who's mother had a plethora of opiates. Seriously, she had tabs, Percs, oc 20s 40s an 80s, morphine, k 4 and k 8s, and fentanyl Patches. He would fed me these daily probably because he wanted to fuck my girl friend. And they ended up doing it, so I would gladly take what he was giving me to help with depression I was experiencing. I loved her. It was a hard time. It was this time in my life that I seriously became addicted. After high school I had a daily roxi habit. I was shooting about 5 30s a day. I sold all my belongings, stole a lot and I was a frequent at the pawn shop. Around this time I found Heroin. Started shooting a balloon a day. I went to rehab twice in the last year and continue to struggle with my addiction, which is more mentally addicting, but with the inevitable physical addiction that comes with shooting opiates. I have been cutting Down a lot on my own will, because I'm tired of being beat down all the time.
So yes, I am addicted. But I am gradually over coming the mental addiction which is most important to my sobriety. There's a lot more to it but ill keep it short. A lot of pain an using to cope with that pain.
My advice to anyone would be to never Abuse opiates. Especially if you have depression or anxiety. It will ruin your life.
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I don't take enough of anything to be physically addicted. And honestly, I'm beginning to think I can't get psychologically addicted or even dependent. I have one of those pathologically rational brains. I can't be hypnotized. My emotional range is pretty limited because emotions don't make very much sense (and I consider myself a stoic). Drugs always wear off of me mentally before they do physically (as in, I'm stumbling because I've had so much alcohol, but my thoughts are lucid and I don't sound drunk.)
I think it's a control thing for me. I've never not been in control mentally. Part of me really wants to test that limit and see just how fucked I'd have to get to not know what was going on, but for the most part I think it's a safeguard. I don't do things drunk/high that I wouldn't do sober because I can always stop and think 'wait, don't do that.'
I've had periods where I sort of tried to get addicted to things (dumb teenager) but it never stuck. And even when I was doing coke all the fucking time, I had to force myself to take it and if I didn't have money for it, I really didn't care.
Anyway, I'm going to try heroin next month probably. But I hate other downers, so I doubt I'll be into it. I also ordered some ketamine, but I have a feeling it'll take me too close to the 'not in control' line to really enjoy.
I guess my point is that I'm on the edge, checking out the drop and trying to figure out whether or not I'd survive the jump.
This could've been written by myself ;D.
Totally get what you mean.
The only exception was smoking salvia extract.
And when i was younger could not go without weed to sleep but that was just silly mental thing i guess cause as soon as i hit a dry spell i was good:).
Nowadays drugs mostly have a functional use.
To get things done and to have a steady daily rhytm oddly enough.
Self medicating.
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I started when I was 14 and was prescribed oc 20s for an injury.
After that I started using opiates whenever I could, which was occasionally. All I did was hydrocodone until I got into high school. I met a kid who's mother had a plethora of opiates. Seriously, she had tabs, Percs, oc 20s 40s an 80s, morphine, k 4 and k 8s, and fentanyl Patches. He would fed me these daily probably because he wanted to fuck my girl friend. And they ended up doing it, so I would gladly take what he was giving me to help with depression I was experiencing. I loved her. It was a hard time. It was this time in my life that I seriously became addicted. After high school I had a daily roxi habit. I was shooting about 5 30s a day. I sold all my belongings, stole a lot and I was a frequent at the pawn shop. Around this time I found Heroin. Started shooting a balloon a day. I went to rehab twice in the last year and continue to struggle with my addiction, which is more mentally addicting, but with the inevitable physical addiction that comes with shooting opiates. I have been cutting Down a lot on my own will, because I'm tired of being beat down all the time.
So yes, I am addicted. But I am gradually over coming the mental addiction which is most important to my sobriety. There's a lot more to it but ill keep it short. A lot of pain an using to cope with that pain.
My advice to anyone would be to never Abuse opiates. Especially if you have depression or anxiety. It will ruin your life.
+1 for a very real and honest testimony. I think there are gradations in being an addict, with some substances being easier to be addicted to than others. Opiates are a bitch. And you described the downside of opiate addiction very well. I wish you luck brother, keep on fighting the good fight. I wish you all the best.
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Thank you for that. It's good to hear support, even here. I'd +1 you but I can't.
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Definitely. Opiates.
I started when I was 14 and was prescribed oc 20s for an injury.
After that I started using opiates whenever I could, which was occasionally. All I did was hydrocodone until I got into high school. I met a kid who's mother had a plethora of opiates. Seriously, she had tabs, Percs, oc 20s 40s an 80s, morphine, k 4 and k 8s, and fentanyl Patches. He would fed me these daily probably because he wanted to fuck my girl friend. And they ended up doing it, so I would gladly take what he was giving me to help with depression I was experiencing. I loved her. It was a hard time. It was this time in my life that I seriously became addicted. After high school I had a daily roxi habit. I was shooting about 5 30s a day. I sold all my belongings, stole a lot and I was a frequent at the pawn shop. Around this time I found Heroin. Started shooting a balloon a day. I went to rehab twice in the last year and continue to struggle with my addiction, which is more mentally addicting, but with the inevitable physical addiction that comes with shooting opiates. I have been cutting Down a lot on my own will, because I'm tired of being beat down all the time.
So yes, I am addicted. But I am gradually over coming the mental addiction which is most important to my sobriety. There's a lot more to it but ill keep it short. A lot of pain an using to cope with that pain.
My advice to anyone would be to never Abuse opiates. Especially if you have depression or anxiety. It will ruin your life.
When I was 13, I was avidly into BMXing. I made a stupid decision one day, and after what I can vividly describe over many pages, I broke my back. I was lucky, I avoided paralysis, but the damage was done.
I played football for two years after that, and in the off season one day I went down during a squat - normal workout weight not pushing it - and I didn't come back up. I never played football again. The next two years were just your normal regimen of higher doses of ibuprofein, but the pain was getting worse. Thus started my addiction to vicodin.
Fast forward to now. I had been on and off many times, sometimes a year apart from on and off. But, the damage was done. Fast forward to a year ago, when I was finally fed up with my back. I had only recently turned the age applicable for back surgery of the area affected, as before it is dangerous due to still shifting growth plates. Upon an MRI, I was informed I no longer had the injury.
I had been seeing another doctor, in another state, for many years. I had an MRI every 6 months or so, and a bone scan every 2 years. I was kept pretty well up to date on everything. As far as I knew, I wasn't getting better. Here was this doctor telling me I didn't have a problem. My back was in tip top shape.
Thus began one of the biggest problems of my life, and one that I am still facing. My father saw that as me lying, and that I was just wanting another prescription. My mom, saw it as a gross betrayal by our prior physician. I myself, somewhat shared both feelings. In addition to that, I had - and still have - a hard time reconciling the issue that I feel the poor portrayal of how I view myself after this experience is the fault of others berating me for being addicted to opiates, while they drink their coffee like clockwork.
This is maddening too, as it's that difficulty in reconciliation of what addiction truly is and the social rejection that I've faced in lieu of it, which makes me go through an endless circle arguing with myself. Am I justifying my addiction by making it seem less wrong, or am I making it worse by hating myself for it? Is one thing I say going to look like "an addict's excuse" and the other a "pathetic attempt at passing blame?"
The pain is still there, and since then I've had a more specific scan done and they've found that there will always be pain. It healed fine, but some of it was unrepairable, at least for the time being.
This experience was profound for me though, as it demonstrated to me what addiction really was... at least, to me. I suffer from other addictions - video games, certain types of food. Its a behavioral trait that I have always had, and it has shifted and applied to different things over the years. My career was even founded in my addiction to computers.
My back though, was a completely different problem, that I have had to confront in an entirely different way. On one hand, some of the pain that I believe is there, is not. On the other, there is pain there, that will always be there. In addition, without knowing at the time the grip it had on me, many people commented on my demeanor while using - my depression was largely gone, I was more successful at work, I had a better social life. This of course though, was entirely reliant on my supply.
You aren't alone in this world, and everyone conquers it differently.
** Edit: I don't mean to imply vicodin was the only thing that I was addicted to. There came a point where I took anything I could find, spending all of my reasonably high paycheck at the time on finding anything to help avoid W/D, the pain, and generally being nonfunctional. Through all of that time, I was lucky to have kept a job... and it supported my habit. I left that job... as I found out that to a certain degree, I had applied and decided to work there because it was a party every day there. I really stress the lucky part though - if not for that, I would have been stealing too. On a couple of occasions I did use a pawn shop - I pawned my work laptop to cover a day and a half til paycheck.
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When I was 13, I was avidly into BMXing. I made a stupid decision one day, and after what I can vividly describe over many pages, I broke my back. I was lucky, I avoided paralysis, but the damage was done.
I played football for two years after that, and in the off season one day I went down during a squat - normal workout weight not pushing it - and I didn't come back up. I never played football again. The next two years were just your normal regimen of higher doses of ibuprofein, but the pain was getting worse. Thus started my addiction to vicodin.
Fast forward to now. I had been on and off many times, sometimes a year apart from on and off. But, the damage was done. Fast forward to a year ago, when I was finally fed up with my back. I had only recently turned the age applicable for back surgery of the area affected, as before it is dangerous due to still shifting growth plates. Upon an MRI, I was informed I no longer had the injury.
I had been seeing another doctor, in another state, for many years. I had an MRI every 6 months or so, and a bone scan every 2 years. I was kept pretty well up to date on everything. As far as I knew, I wasn't getting better. Here was this doctor telling me I didn't have a problem. My back was in tip top shape.
Thus began one of the biggest problems of my life, and one that I am still facing. My father saw that as me lying, and that I was just wanting another prescription. My mom, saw it as a gross betrayal by our prior physician. I myself, somewhat shared both feelings. In addition to that, I had - and still have - a hard time reconciling the issue that I feel the poor portrayal of how I view myself after this experience is the fault of others berating me for being addicted to opiates, while they drink their coffee like clockwork.
This is maddening too, as it's that difficulty in reconciliation of what addiction truly is and the social rejection that I've faced in lieu of it, which makes me go through an endless circle arguing with myself. Am I justifying my addiction by making it seem less wrong, or am I making it worse by hating myself for it? Is one thing I say going to look like "an addict's excuse" and the other a "pathetic attempt at passing blame?"
The pain is still there, and since then I've had a more specific scan done and they've found that there will always be pain. It healed fine, but some of it was unrepairable, at least for the time being.
This experience was profound for me though, as it demonstrated to me what addiction really was... at least, to me. I suffer from other addictions - video games, certain types of food. Its a behavioral trait that I have always had, and it has shifted and applied to different things over the years. My career was even founded in my addiction to computers.
My back though, was a completely different problem, that I have had to confront in an entirely different way. On one hand, some of the pain that I believe is there, is not. On the other, there is pain there, that will always be there. In addition, without knowing at the time the grip it had on me, many people commented on my demeanor while using - my depression was largely gone, I was more successful at work, I had a better social life. This of course though, was entirely reliant on my supply.
You aren't alone in this world, and everyone conquers it differently.
** Edit: I don't mean to imply vicodin was the only thing that I was addicted to. There came a point where I took anything I could find, spending all of my reasonably high paycheck at the time on finding anything to help avoid W/D, the pain, and generally being nonfunctional. Through all of that time, I was lucky to have kept a job... and it supported my habit. I left that job... as I found out that to a certain degree, I had applied and decided to work there because it was a party every day there. I really stress the lucky part though - if not for that, I would have been stealing too. On a couple of occasions I did use a pawn shop - I pawned my work laptop to cover a day and a half til paycheck.
It's cool to hear other people's stories. It starts with someone's disaster, or boredom or their good time. It whirlpools into a drama of addiction. Then you can only wonder...
Is this a comedy or a tragedy?
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I think it's a combination of brain chemistry and genetic pre-disposition. I had a fascination with drugs years before ever trying them. Regular, every-day consciousness seemed extremely boring to me...I knew I would alter it someday and perhaps become an addict. I almost feel I was wired to become an addict...and free will has nothing to do with it...in fact I doubt the whole premise of free will. I was never influenced or peer pressured by my friends. I didn't grow up in a dysfunctional family. The only outside triggers I can pinpoint that may have contributed to my addictions were a series of unexpected deaths of people close to me all in a period of about a year. But that was 15 years ago now...I think a lot of it must be explained as self-medicating...due to imbalances in my neurotransmitter levels...but it's not a moral dilemma for me...I realize it's just who I am. Maybe one day I may wake up and decide I don't need them anymore, maybe I won't. But it's nothing I lose sleep over...I'm not wracked with guilt over it...I've come to accept it's just the way I'm wired.
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I think it's a combination of brain chemistry and genetic pre-disposition. I had a fascination with drugs years before ever trying them. Regular, every-day consciousness seemed extremely boring to me...I knew I would alter it someday and perhaps become an addict. I almost feel I was wired to become an addict...and free will has nothing to do with it...in fact I doubt the whole premise of free will. I was never influenced or peer pressured by my friends. I didn't grow up in a dysfunctional family. The only outside triggers I can pinpoint that may have contributed to my addictions were a series of unexpected deaths of people close to me all in a period of about a year. But that was 15 years ago now...I think a lot of it must be explained as self-medicating...due to imbalances in my neurotransmitter levels...but it's not a moral dilemma for me...I realize it's just who I am. Maybe one day I may wake up and decide I don't need them anymore, maybe I won't. But it's nothing I lose sleep over...I'm not wracked with guilt over it...I've come to accept it's just the way I'm wired.
I don't disagree at all with any of what you said. While I'd prefer to leave my story the way it is for now... I don't know that I'm comfortable justifying my addiction to others in a way that might drive someone down the wrong path. I'll say this though... there is no small amount of examples of individuals who have claimed to have their minds opened and all sorts of various events, in relation to the drugs that they used. It's not unheard of, and for some drugs that is the very reason they presently sit in trials for attempts at using them to help with various mental issues.
At the same time, I do believe that there are some who are predisposed to the negative side of addiction, and some who are not. Genetically, or environmentally. To a certain extent, I do believe that the ability to say no, is both a learned ability... and an inherited one.
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My question is: Do you consider yourself an addict--be it physically or mentally--of your substance of choice. More importantly, does this bother you?
...
With that said, my definition of addict is one who nearly or somewhat compulsively desires the effect of a high more than 2-3 times per week.
I'm going to admit something that I'm not sure I've ever said publicly even here. I can only hope that my brothers in arms (in chemicals?) can forgive me... ... ... I do not find it pleasant to be mentally impaired. There. I've said it, I can't take it back :-X
Amphetamine, however, (usually) allows me to use my intellect freely. For whatever reason, without it I'm unable to do so without extreme aggravation. I desire to use to my intellect all day, every day; how you define that kind of use is your business and not mine, in the end :P
All jokes aside, yes: I'm an addict. I accept myself and the life I choose to live; sometimes I even rather like myself, hah. Still, if it didn't bother me, I wouldn't need to laugh and make jokes about it, now would I.
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I'm going to admit something that I'm not sure I've ever said publicly even here. I can only hope that my brothers in arms (in chemicals?) can forgive me... ... ... I do not find it pleasant to be mentally impaired. There. I've said it, I can't take it back :-X
You don't need to be ashamed of this. There are many that believe and feel this way.
Drugs, like any chemical, interacts differently with everyone. For you, amphetamine gives you your intellectual freedom, to use it completely. For me it is the opposite. I can't touch the stuff. It increases the chaos of my mind to catastrophe. I am the opposite. I don't particularly like cannabis, but I do enjoy many of the other "downers" that slow things down. I suffer no mental impairment - quite the contrary, I suffer quite a greater expansion, and I use my intellect in a complete manner.
I naturally multitask, I carry about 3 or 4 tasks at any normal time. With an opiate, I normally double that, and I'm usually reading on the side. With an amphetamine, I'm lucky if I can carry out 1 task.
Everyone is different.
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+1 offbeatadam.....I like your all-inclusive attitude regarding addiction...without a hint of judgment. Not like I was expecting it from you or anybody else...but it's just refreshing to be affirmed for who I am, without a lecture or diatribe about how I'm either rationalizing my addiction or making excuses for it. Thanks brother.
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+1 offbeatadam.....I like your all-inclusive attitude regarding addiction...without a hint of judgment. Not like I was expecting it from you or anybody else...but it's just refreshing to be affirmed for who I am, without a lecture or diatribe about how I'm either rationalizing my addiction or making excuses for it. Thanks brother.
My entire outlook on life in many cases is very simple. It's only a problem when it's a problem. You see this example in everything. People in poverty living wonderful, happy lives. People with fatal diseases, continuing on without a worry. People with handicaps... people oppressed... people beaten. We are strong, we are mighty. Life is grand. I stand not to make it a problem for someone else, so why should it be a problem to them? I do not affect anyone else, so why must it matter? No one gets angry when someone gets a beer after work. No one gets angry (well, sometimes they do, if its stinky) when someone goes out for a smoke break. No one looks down on me, degrades me, considers me a lower human being... when I open a Mt. Dew.
I have an addiction. I am an addict. I'm ok with that. It seems stupid to me, that someone should ever think differently than I do about myself (in regards to myself, that is).
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I've definitely had a problem with marijuana. If smoke like two days in a row and then stop then next, i will often be awake for 24 hours before i can fall asleep. It is insane. I like to smoke it everyonce in a while but not everyday, however, if i smoke one day the next day i usually will end up smoking, and then the next day, and the next day. Ya it helps me get to sleep but the day after smoking it i feel tired and unmotivated, and less creative. My mind just feels slower.
Also with alcohol after i have a couple drinks i never stop and drink till i cant anymore (run out of booze, pass out). It got me into trouble a few times but i would continue with the same behavior. I never drank everyday or by myself but it became a multiple time a week thing and i felt like i couldn't be social without it. I have always been a loner and drank because it allowed me to talk to people.
I recently had a crazy lsd experience were i tried jumping out of shut windows and running into walls repeating nonsensical things, and i thought i was in an intervention(either that or in hell, or i was in prison for life). That experience made me super self aware. It made me realize that i needed to stop smoking weed and drinking by a huuuuge amount. I realized alcohol was bad news for me. It made me realize that i hadn't made any new friends by drinking. Yea it makes me talk more, but it was just about dumb shit and i looked like a loser to anyone that was sober. I realized i could talk to people better without drugs, i just need to try hard.
The two times i have drank since then i had the self control to only have 2 drinks, and i did not even feel like a wanted to drink more at all. To be honest i don't think i even enjoyed the two drinks at all, i think i remember thinking "i would rather be sober".
So i would say i have had a problem with drugs, before that experience i would never admit that, although i knew i had a weed problem. Im not sure if i agree with the addiction is a disease you carry for life deal but i definitely feel like if i smoke weed i fall off the wagon and want/end up getting high the next day.
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I've definitely had a problem with marijuana. If smoke like two days in a row and then stop then next, i will often be awake for 24 hours before i can fall asleep. It is insane. I like to smoke it everyonce in a while but not everyday, however, if i smoke one day the next day i usually will end up smoking, and then the next day, and the next day. Ya it helps me get to sleep but the day after smoking it i feel tired and unmotivated, and less creative. My mind just feels slower.
My experience with cannabis is extremely small... its never agreed with me. Any time I've smoked it, no matter the strain, the entire world goes quiet around me and all I can hear is my heart beating faster. It's the most stressful, crazy thing. That being said, I have had good moments on it too though... but only when I've been rolling for an exceptionally extended time... it's the only time its ever gone well.
I had one experience though, where I had taken some shrooms, a few hours in I smoked what to me seemed like an extremely small amount - I only took a few hits off of a joint and it was a relatively small one. I blacked out not long after that, woke up in my bed at home 4 or 5 hours later, car in the garage, no one else there. To this day, I have no idea if I drove myself home or if someone else did.
But yea, more on point... I've come to realize the same about alcohol. My ex of 4 years taught me that. She was the most wonderful girl in the world, until a few drinks in. Unfortunately she was also an alcoholic, so my evidence for the former person isn't substantial. It was through those experiences though that I started seeing how *I* acted myself when I was blitzed. I don't know what it is, I know alcohol is a depressant... but it is just bad sauce for me. It's strange too - I am naturally investigative, so I tend to study the effects of things on me, especially when I notice they are extreme. I experimented with type too, both to see whether or not I could notice a difference that many people proclaim between like, tequila and whiskey and the like. I can't have tequila. There is nothing good, about me drinking tequila. I should have known too, my ex has mexican heritage. lol.
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The only drug I can say that I was truly addicted to was cannabis. Especially smoking bongs with tobacco mixed in.
That was the only substance that I would literally lose my mind if I couldn't get.
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I have an addiction. I am an addict. I'm ok with that. It seems stupid to me, that someone should ever think differently than I do about myself (in regards to myself, that is).
There is "addiction" and "addiction". Addiction to coffee is one thing, like mine, where I NEED coffee to start my day. But there is also addiction to heroin, which is substantially different than coffee addiction. I'm fine with being a coffee addict, I wouldn't be fine with being an heroin addict, since it would rob me of my most precious gift: my free will. Coffee addiction robs me of my free will for a moment in the morning, Heroin would rob me of my free will the whole day. So I don't know about your addiction but I wouldn't be too happy about having to spend the day only worrying about my next dose.
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Best way to explain an addition is to call it 'The Grip'
does it hold you? Pull you? Call you and you have no way to stop it?
I use to get a little addicted to many things that attached to my personality.. Driving really fast... Gambling... certain video games... but drinking or drugs never had that same Grip on me. Has always just been an enhancement, not gripping me.
Then some dark sexual porn addictions really took hold and washed away those other addictions.. made everything else nothing in comparison. It is how it attaches into your persona.. good or bad it becomes you.
LSD and Molly and finding the Road have set me free from those dark chains.. lets the love come through.
If you can get love to be The Grip in your life.. then you will be set free
When I tried DMT a month ago it was all dark.. gray and black patterns.. and a message of 'without love in your life there is no point to go further' that was the message I got.. a month later, and opening up and feeling my life change for the better, I tried DMT again and was seeing the bright crazy patterns and a hint of breaking through.. felt great love.
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I have an addiction. I am an addict. I'm ok with that. It seems stupid to me, that someone should ever think differently than I do about myself (in regards to myself, that is).
There is "addiction" and "addiction". Addiction to coffee is one thing, like mine, where I NEED coffee to start my day. But there is also addiction to heroin, which is substantially different than coffee addiction. I'm fine with being a coffee addict, I wouldn't be fine with being an heroin addict, since it would rob me of my most precious gift: my free will. Coffee addiction robs me of my free will for a moment in the morning, Heroin would rob me of my free will the whole day. So I don't know about your addiction but I wouldn't be too happy about having to spend the day only worrying about my next dose.
Caffeine, chemically, behaves differently in the body in that it does not directly release dopamine but instead increases the levels of dopamine and norepinephrine in the body naturally, through the blockage of the receptors that naturally govern sleep and exhaustion. It is far from incapable of addiction. I suspect that for the most part this very real thing is actually desensitized in society from its prevalence - the very real number of those who may be addicted to it may very well go on their daily lives never once knowing they are, in fact, addicted.
Heroin is not the only addiction on this planet that has the capability of altering body chemistry to create dependency. Actually, from what I've read, to an extent I would consider chemical dependency on the strong opioids to be insignificant to the results of a dependency on some of the most commonly used anti-depressants, some of the stimulants used to treat ADHD... there are demons far worse than heroin withdrawals. I went through withdrawal on zoloft as a teenager. It was an experience I hope I never go through again. I've been through opiate withdrawal, more than once. I've no room or capacity to speak to some who have maintained a habit for longer continuously than I - I know that it can get fatally worse. I missed school for a month getting off zoloft. I still have nightmares.
While this post may seem a bit overly defensive, and in a way... it is, it's only because I don't think we have a grip on what the real issue(s) are. You identify heroin addiction as this terrible, terrible thing. Why is that? What is it that made you choose to target heroin users, and not say... meth addicts, benzo addicts, etc? Why did you choose to compare heroin to caffeine, and not nicotine... or its derivative addictions? Why leave cocaine out? Besides knowing that I have an opiate addiction?
Regardless, addiction is a funny thing. Those of us who have experienced it, tend to be more open to the idea that other things might pose as addictions, whereas those who may not have come to that self awareness, do not. It's understandable. When I wasn't an addict, I didn't want to be called one.
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Zoloft is scary shit. I had a gf on that and it was total jekyl hyde crazy
anyway.. sXe can be an addiction too!!
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I have an addiction. I am an addict. I'm ok with that. It seems stupid to me, that someone should ever think differently than I do about myself (in regards to myself, that is).
There is "addiction" and "addiction". Addiction to coffee is one thing, like mine, where I NEED coffee to start my day. But there is also addiction to heroin, which is substantially different than coffee addiction. I'm fine with being a coffee addict, I wouldn't be fine with being an heroin addict, since it would rob me of my most precious gift: my free will. Coffee addiction robs me of my free will for a moment in the morning, Heroin would rob me of my free will the whole day. So I don't know about your addiction but I wouldn't be too happy about having to spend the day only worrying about my next dose.
Heroin is not the only addiction on this planet that has the capability of altering body chemistry to create dependency. Actually, from what I've read, to an extent I would consider chemical dependency on the strong opioids to be insignificant to the results of a dependency on some of the most commonly used anti-depressants, some of the stimulants used to treat ADHD... there are demons far worse than heroin withdrawals. I went through withdrawal on zoloft as a teenager. It was an experience I hope I never go through again. I've been through opiate withdrawal, more than once. I've no room or capacity to speak to some who have maintained a habit for longer continuously than I - I know that it can get fatally worse. I missed school for a month getting off zoloft. I still have nightmares.
While this post may seem a bit overly defensive, and in a way... it is, it's only because I don't think we have a grip on what the real issue(s) are. You identify heroin addiction as this terrible, terrible thing. Why is that? What is it that made you choose to target heroin users, and not say... meth addicts, benzo addicts, etc? Why did you choose to compare heroin to caffeine, and not nicotine... or its derivative addictions? Why leave cocaine out? Besides knowing that I have an opiate addiction?
I enjoy your posts a lot, however I'm not sure you got my point.
I was saying that
1) not all addictions are equal
2) some addictions are more challenging than others
3) the most challenging addictions rob you of your free will for the entire day
4) I wouldn't like to be a prisoner of my addictions, being able to do what I want without having to think constantly about my next dose.
So yes, you can include any terribly addictive drug: benzos, opiates, stimulants, whatever. Besides, rest assured that I'm not judging anyone, just saying that I wouldn't like not being able to decide what I really want, and spending my days zombified by drugs. If you enjoy it, good for you, I just cannot understand and would love to have some perspective on how being an addict is actually ok.
So I'm not talking about what society thinks about what is ok or not, I'm just saying that I don't think I would enjoy being an addict. I probably would enjoy the pleasure drugs give me, but it seems to me that I enjoy my life best when I'm in control of myself.
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I enjoy your posts a lot, however I'm not sure you got my point.
I was saying that
1) not all addictions are equal
2) some addictions are more challenging than others
3) the most challenging addictions rob you of your free will for the entire day
4) I wouldn't like to be a prisoner of my addictions, being able to do what I want without having to think constantly about my next dose.
So yes, you can include any terribly addictive drug: benzos, opiates, stimulants, whatever. Besides, rest assured that I'm not judging anyone, just saying that I wouldn't like not being able to decide what I really want, and spending my days zombified by drugs. If you enjoy it, good for you, I just cannot understand and would love to have some perspective on how being an addict is actually ok.
So I'm not talking about what society thinks about what is ok or not, I'm just saying that I don't think I would enjoy being an addict. I probably would enjoy the pleasure drugs give me, but it seems to me that I enjoy my life best when I'm in control of myself.
While I appreciate your even-handed tone, I still sense a bit of value-judgment in these statements. Saying you don't want to spend your days "zombified" by drugs or that you enjoy your life "best when I'm in control of myself" are a bit problematic. First of all, these sound a bit biased..b/c I know a ton of presumably "straight" people who act awfully like zombies throughout the day...stuck in mindless routines and thoughtlessly going thru the motions on a daily basis. In fact the drug users I know are a lot more authentic, spontaneous, and less "zombified" than just about any habitual coffee drinker worker drone I know. Second, who can ever claim they are "in control" of themselves? Whether it's drugs, food, sex, Bible-thumpers, speed racers, thrill junkies....what have you....who is ever really "in control?" I think we all like to think we're in control of things. I don't think any of us truly are. In fact, taking drugs actually makes me feel more subjectively "in control" than being sober. I have more confidence, I'm more socially astute, and usually more productive. And I dismiss the whole "free will" argument out of hand, b/c I don't believe anybody has free will. Free will is a myth like the soul, or the resurrection of Jesus Christ. It's a helpful and nice little thing that empowers us, and gives us the feeling of being "in control"...but we are programmed by our genetics, upbringing, and habits to such an extent that an objective outside observer can predict what we are going to do before we even know ourselves we are doing it. Cheers...... 8)
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I enjoy your posts a lot, however I'm not sure you got my point.
I was saying that
1) not all addictions are equal
2) some addictions are more challenging than others
3) the most challenging addictions rob you of your free will for the entire day
4) I wouldn't like to be a prisoner of my addictions, being able to do what I want without having to think constantly about my next dose.
So yes, you can include any terribly addictive drug: benzos, opiates, stimulants, whatever. Besides, rest assured that I'm not judging anyone, just saying that I wouldn't like not being able to decide what I really want, and spending my days zombified by drugs. If you enjoy it, good for you, I just cannot understand and would love to have some perspective on how being an addict is actually ok.
So I'm not talking about what society thinks about what is ok or not, I'm just saying that I don't think I would enjoy being an addict. I probably would enjoy the pleasure drugs give me, but it seems to me that I enjoy my life best when I'm in control of myself.
While I appreciate your even-handed tone, I still sense a bit of value-judgment in these statements. Saying you don't want to spend your days "zombified" by drugs or that you enjoy your life "best when I'm in control of myself" are a bit problematic. First of all, these sound a bit biased..b/c I know a ton of presumably "straight" people who act awfully like zombies throughout the day...stuck in mindless routines and thoughtlessly going thru the motions on a daily basis. In fact the drug users I know are a lot more authentic, spontaneous, and less "zombified" than just about any habitual coffee drinker worker drone I know. Second, who can ever claim they are "in control" of themselves? Whether it's drugs, food, sex, Bible-thumpers, speed racers, thrill junkies....what have you....who is ever really "in control?" I think we all like to think we're in control of things. I don't think any of us truly are. In fact, taking drugs actually makes me feel more subjectively "in control" than being sober. I have more confidence, I'm more socially astute, and usually more productive. And I dismiss the whole "free will" argument out of hand, b/c I don't believe anybody has free will. Free will is a myth like the soul, or the resurrection of Jesus Christ. It's a helpful and nice little thing that empowers us, and gives us the feeling of being "in control"...but we are programmed by our genetics, upbringing, and habits to such an extent that an objective outside observer can predict what we are going to do before we even know ourselves we are doing it. Cheers...... 8)
Yes, the use of qualifiers such as "terribly" and "zombified" may hint at what I think about *being addicted*, yet I'm still not judging *addicts*, because, frankly, I don't have a clue of what kind of life they had nor what led them to addiction or even how they are actually living.
While your points about the nature of free will and the meaning of "zombified" are valid, they fail to convince me. Because here again it's a matter of scaling and proportions, in my humble opinion. Having read tons of addicts accounts of their lives and how it is like to be an addict, I really do not wish to be one: most describe the virtual prison that addiction is, and how an addicted life revolves exclusively around that very addiction, and it annihilates your free will, in the sense that it reshapes your thinking and how you can't get out of it.
So your stance on free will is a deterministic one, mine is a compatibilist one: although most of our desires are pre-determined, we still have the choice to act upon them. Addiction does not allow that. It dictates a need, and that need needs to be satisfied immediately, whether you want it or not.
Yes, many people in their everyday lives act like zombies but :
1) that does not mean everybody is one
2) Even if you don't see one, there is a phenomenological distinction between "life zombie" and "drug zombie". You've probably tried both modes, and know what I'm talking about. For instance, a downer drug-induced state usually makes you less motivated to do stuff.
So again, it's all a matter of proportions.
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What an interesting thread! ;D Full of complex and impossible to quantify ideas like self determination, good, bad, and of course addiction.
One of the biggest problems with being a human being is that our primary means of conveying ideas is with words. They will always be inadequate. As the Zen masters say, a finger pointing at the moon is not the moon. Thats what words are, and it's all we have (outside of art perhaps).
Thus, when we use the word addiction it is only a finger pointing at something...and that something is far harder to understand than the moon that hangs in the sky.
I believe therefore that only you can decide if you are an addict. It is a unique and personal interpretation of your own experience. Abraham Lincoln famously said, that "most people are about as happy as they make thier minds up to be". I think this is how it is with addiction. If you've decided that your drug use is making you less happy, you are an addict. If you feel your drug use has either a neutral or positive effect to your happiness, then you are a tool user (using drugs to construct a better happiness).
Thus am I addicted, no. My objective in using Cannabis (and the other psychadelics I dabbled in as a younger person), was always to enhance my happiness or my understanding of myself and the world to that end. Is my decision an act of free will or merely the consequence of a long series of events beyond my perview? Well..since I can't know, it doesn't really matter to me.
Choose to be happy, you'll enjoy the donuts more.
R.
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Right...it's almost like we need to go back to the original question and define the terms. Implicit in the question is the assumption that "being an addict" is a "bad thing." A pejorative. It's almost like a loaded question. It can immediately put people on the defensive. Then we have to figure out whether "addict" actually means anything, or is it just a convenient label ? I happen to think labeling somebody an "addict" is meaningless. Humans are intrinsically habit-oriented beings. So the original question might as well be, "Are you a human, does it matter to you?"
And as to chil's "well, it's all a matter of proportions" argument, I'm not sure if judging sizes, ratios, or amounts is very helpful. Whether a guy eats 3 cheeseburgers a day, smokes 3 packs of cigarettes a day, or snorts 3 grams of cocaine a day is irrelevant if they still kick the dog when they get home from work. :P
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Cocaine here, at least a half a gram to a gram a day. It's pretty bad, but so far i can pay for it (not sexually either). I'm a fucking zombie bitch to the max if I stop.
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(not sexually either)
If you ever do, can you post a thread about it? :D
Have you had bf's just because they had access to coke? How that turn out?
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(not sexually either)
If you ever do, can you post a thread about it? :D
Have you had bf's just because they had access to coke? How that turn out?
Well if I ever get down to that level (I'd kill myself) I probably would have already resorted to selling my belongings including my computers so I would not be posting a thread lol.
I've dated guys that have access to it but I'd always pay them at cost, I never let them give me it for free for fear that I would subconsciously be indebted to them. And those 2 relationships didn't really work out but I left not feeling like I owed them anything. For the most part I'm an ultra careful girl.
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(not sexually either)
If you ever do, can you post a thread about it? :D
Have you had bf's just because they had access to coke? How that turn out?
Well if I ever get down to that level (I'd kill myself) I probably would have already resorted to selling my belongings including my computers so I would not be posting a thread lol.
I've dated guys that have access to it but I'd always pay them at cost, I never let them give me it for free for fear that I would subconsciously be indebted to them. And those 2 relationships didn't really work out but I left not feeling like I owed them anything. For the most part I'm an ultra careful girl.
I feel for ya. I've had a lot of strippers as friends and a few as gf's but I wasn't in the coke scene. The girls I knew that were into coke kept getting ripped off by their ' bf's ' $400 here, $100 there, etc
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(not sexually either)
If you ever do, can you post a thread about it? :D
Have you had bf's just because they had access to coke? How that turn out?
Well if I ever get down to that level (I'd kill myself) I probably would have already resorted to selling my belongings including my computers so I would not be posting a thread lol.
I've dated guys that have access to it but I'd always pay them at cost, I never let them give me it for free for fear that I would subconsciously be indebted to them. And those 2 relationships didn't really work out but I left not feeling like I owed them anything. For the most part I'm an ultra careful girl.
I feel for ya. I've had a lot of strippers as friends and a few as gf's but I wasn't in the coke scene. The girls I knew that were into coke kept getting ripped off by their ' bf's ' $400 here, $100 there, etc
Yep yep it can get really bad for those girls. I'd honestly like to taper off to no more than once or twice a week but I have no idea how to do it without just crashing the whole day.
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Taper off a little each day...and use benzodiazepines like Xanax or Valium to help with the comedown...eat and drink lots of fluids...don't drink alcohol....it's better than cold turkey.....in my opinion....just a thought. Take care ;) 8)
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Thanks I appreciate that, I'm gonna give it a try.
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Thanks I appreciate that, I'm gonna give it a try.
also you are on the Road so its not like you just have cokedealer or jonestown as choices.... go grab like 10 different drugs and you might just forget about your coke habit altogether!!
maybe you'll change from 'hot cokehead actress' to 'cute schroomin emo checkout girl' or maybe 'crazy molly munching photographer chick' or 'nerdy acid tabbing fashion designer lady' or..
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So many titles...which to choose from...lol thanks guys