Silk Road forums
Discussion => Shipping => Topic started by: ktona on June 29, 2013, 04:03 am
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Haven't had many issues so far. I've experienced a few seizes before, but usually the packages just disappear and that's the end of it. However I just received a parcel that came through seemingly untouched, but no goods inside. I weighed it, so it seems there is something missing. (My initial thought was vendor mistake, but the weight difference between what is recorded on the label and what it actually weighs aligns with what was supposed to be received.)
How good are resealing methods? Anybody have experience with this?
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IF it were LE, I would be VERY worried about RFID transmitters in the box now ... unless it was stolen in transit, those guys can rewrap pretty well.
I'd get rid of or burn the box asap!
m
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It is a little worrying. Would have expected there to be signs of it being opened if it were removed. Thing is, it's a new address, first package to this specific address. Others have been getting through fine.
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vendor probably sent you nothing so that when you went to go to RC he could show them the tracking # or whatever and call you a liar :o
or maybe i'm just really high
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...could someone else have intercepted it?
Is there anyone else at this new address that knew it was coming?
Call me conspiracy-minded, but you should cover all the possibilities.
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If it was intercepted (a possibility), then the package would be opened. The package came unopened without any sign of tampering. If somebody intercepted then why not just take the whole package? Seems like a lot of effort to reseal perfectly, you'd need to use heat. If it were customs, I would have thought that they would put a note inside and tape it back up, rather than reseal. I know of cases where authorities have watched mail, photographing contents and then resealing and letting deliveries go through only to bust them later. But why actually take out the goods? That just raises suspicions. Unless they took it out, resealed the package, and are testing the contents to see what exactly it is.
The likeliness of interception is next to none. Two likely scenarios are random inspection at customs, or vendor scam or vendor forgetting to put in goods.
At first I thought maybe the vendor messed up. I've gotten other items from this vendor without issue. (I'm waiting to hear back from them, so I'll see what they say about it.) The only thing is the weight - the amount declared on the package is higher than the physical weight of the entire package, with the difference equating to a little over to what the order was (taking into account material packaging). This signals that it was actually taken and then resealed very carefully.
I've never tried resealing packages to make them look unopened. I imagine with the right equipment it'd be doable, but I would have thought there'd be signs of tampering.
I've experienced seizures before, but this is a first - receiving a package with the actual contents removed. Makes me a little worried.
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There seem to be loads of threads about the exact same thing happening to lots of people....have a search
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There seem to be loads of threads about the exact same thing happening to lots of people....have a search
I've already searched, and haven't found anything similar or helpful. Do you have any relevant threads to link?
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If the mail had some sort of tracking I would definitely assume the vendor is abusing his power. Sending empty packages so tracking says arrived, no skin off his back (noone will believe YOU over the vendor) - till more people start noticing, then hes out.
I would recommend recording a video of you opening everything from scratch next time you order. Delete straight away if all is okay.
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http://dkn255hz262ypmii.onion/index.php?topic=346.0
This should shed some light, bit lengthy though
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That is a bit sketchy. And you are sure that your scale is not off? How much weight difference are we talking here?
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you could weigh the package before opening and show the receipt, Then compare weights on the package.
Just searc the forums, I really cant be bothered linking threads however there were a few in the same section of this.
Hff
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The worst-case scenario I would worry about, although I don't know how likely it would be:
In order to identify all of the parties (whether peripheral or mid-level) involved in a DTO, an investigative option is to deliver the parcel with a “sham.” This is where the drugs are removed (with authority of a search warrant) from the suspected package and “other” material is inserted, such as newspaper. The parcel is delivered and through surveillance an attempt is made to identify the person(s) obtaining the package and where it is ultimately taken (residence/business). During a period of time, many of the DTO suspects can be identified and later criminally charged or indicted for conspiracy to traffic in narcotics or other related criminal charges.
http://dkn255hz262ypmii.onion/index.php?topic=175827.msg1262379#msg1262379
Resealing vacuum bags or metalized bags is not that difficult. If it's a commercial metalized bag, such as a repurposed food product bag, it can be carefully resealed over the original seal (without crinkles, which are a dead giveaway) or just bought and replaced outright. A plain metalized bag - just reseal and trim, or repackage in a similar bag. Resealing boxes is, I suspect, not a problem. Especially if someone goes in from the other side of the box.
Or plain theft, which is common... but more difficult to reseal in a stealthy manner, I'd think?
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That is a bit sketchy. And you are sure that your scale is not off? How much weight difference are we talking here?
he says that the package was empty. so only the weight of the packaging was weighable
Oops, sorry I was under the impression that he was weighing the package without it being opened. Seemed like an odd thing but that's the impression I got.
:P
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The weight of the entire package, unopened, is less than the weight declared for the package. This weight difference is equivalent to the amount that was expected plus a little extra, which accounts for packaging. Because of this, and previous track history, I consider it less likely for the seller to be ripping me off. No tracking was involved. I won't reveal specifics.
SR and resolution is less of a concern for me. I'll write it off as a loss, no problem. I'm more concerned about the fact that it appears the package was opened and resealed with contents removed. Me being ripped off by the seller is best case scenario.
From what I know from experience and set procedures, this isn't common or supposed to happen. It'd make more sense if the contents were replaced, and then a controlled delivery took place. Or if there was a notice of removal. Or if it was opened and contents were left inside to be received (as in the case of an open investigation). The fact that it appears it was removed and resealed is both surprising and worrying.
I guess I'll find out in the coming weeks.
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Hi SR´s!!
I often thought if I would be a postman I could easily recognize many of the SR-pieces!
Maybe there is a postal-worker who is ordering himself off SR, and if he recognizes a piece, he could take it with him, take out the content, make everything look like before, and bring it again to work next day...
How could there be a prove of theft? He knows, you wouldn´t complain at the PO or anywhere!
You´re just happy that there happened nothing LE-related!
Btw I think, that postal-worker got cleared up about drugs-in-the-mail, SR+co...
But still it´s a strange thing... keep us updated!
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vendor probably sent you nothing so that when you went to go to RC he could show them the tracking # or whatever and call you a liar :o
or maybe i'm just really high
:-\
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Maybe there is a postal-worker who is ordering himself off SR, and if he recognizes a piece, he could take it with him, take out the content, make everything look like before, and bring it again to work next day...
How could there be a prove of theft? He knows, you wouldn´t complain at the PO or anywhere!
I think the amount of regulation/self-regulation in the postal system wouldn't allow too much room for this, but I'm speculating.
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This really is awfully curious... and while I generally would agree with enpiping (and am also speculating), I don't really see any other possibility. I mean nothing else makes almost any sense at all...?
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SOmeone in the selive ry chain is likely a theif not affiliated with LE. Could be even before it exported for int'l. This is the most common cause for this problem, though not the only.
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I think that the serious thing here is that the package was received even though the weight on the slip/date/time-stamp is different than the actual weight of the package. From what I have read, if the packing slip and actual weight of the package don't match when going through customs, it will raise a flag and the package is almost always seized, or at least put through extra scrutiny. I have worked in shipping departments for various companies that ship internationally, and have had issues with customs because of discrepancies between the packing slip and the actual package. I would be very concerned if I got a package that was empty but passed through customs and local USPS.
Have you contacted the vendor about this issue? I would contact them to make sure it wasn't a mistake on their part, and most likely burn the address.
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Hi SR´s!!
I often thought if I would be a postman I could easily recognize many of the SR-pieces!
Maybe there is a postal-worker who is ordering himself off SR, and if he recognizes a piece, he could take it with him, take out the content, make everything look like before, and bring it again to work next day...
Would it still be noticeable if you never used SR before or didn't know anything about SR? I don't know, a lot of vendors do a fantastic job of covering it up. I couldn't tell unless I felt on the envelope and it felt like drugs were in there.
I think that the serious thing here is that the package was received even though the weight on the slip/date/time-stamp is different than the actual weight of the package. From what I have read, if the packing slip and actual weight of the package don't match when going through customs, it will raise a flag and the package is almost always seized, or at least put through extra scrutiny. I have worked in shipping departments for various companies that ship internationally, and have had issues with customs because of discrepancies between the packing slip and the actual package. I would be very concerned if I got a package that was empty but passed through customs and local USPS.
Have you contacted the vendor about this issue? I would contact them to make sure it wasn't a mistake on their part, and most likely burn the address.
I can vouch for this. I worked in logistics for 8+ years and that's one thing that gets shipments held up all the time. Is the paperwork and little typo's or an extra number will hold up a package. Sometimes while it pass's customs from the origin, the paperwork can be denied on the receivers country..It all depends on customs agent...I also dealt with problems like this many times.. But in that case either the shipper or the receiver would get a notified.
But yes, this makes no sense just a lot of speculations...Only thing I can think that happen is A. The vendor sent the package empty, it makes sense. Buyer would think LE involvement, theft, the post office..With many variables involved it's easy for the vendor to deny and say he sent a full package..I could only imagine this would work domestically. B. LE & P/O has taken the package and they are watching. C. Some douche bag decided to take the time to steal the contents and re-seal it up, did the package take longer then usual to arrive your drop?
Did you talk to the vendor, what he say?
From now, I would take it easy and be careful. You can try ordering some legit things off ebay since it will have just a name as the shipper and see if it's been tampered with or something...You can try to test a bunch of things just to play it safe and see from there..
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I was thinking about this yesterday, We all know vendors make their packages look as "businessy" and as generic as possible so they blend in. Well to catch a SR package all they would need to do would be look for the packages with no fingerprints. Easy. What normal person sends a package with no fingerprints on it? Nobody, Only drug packages would have no prints.
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I was thinking about this yesterday, We all know vendors make their packages look as "businessy" and as generic as possible so they blend in. Well to catch a SR package all they would need to do would be look for the packages with no fingerprints. Easy. What normal person sends a package with no fingerprints on it? Nobody, Only drug packages would have no prints.
Do you really think they check packages according to whether they have fingerprints or not?
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I was thinking about this yesterday, We all know vendors make their packages look as "businessy" and as generic as possible so they blend in. Well to catch a SR package all they would need to do would be look for the packages with no fingerprints. Easy. What normal person sends a package with no fingerprints on it? Nobody, Only drug packages would have no prints.
Do you really think they check packages according to whether they have fingerprints or not?
No not yet, but i was thinking of ways to make more packages blend in, And it sort of occured to me, The best vendors, or the vendors with the best stealth cant make them blend in much more than they already are, and if the post office needed to find out which packages have illegal contraband inside, then all they would need to do would be check which ones DONT have fingerprints on them, Everybody would get prints on a package unless they were trying not to, Which in my opinion would be probable cause to open it up.
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Other packages were received at the address. Just one package was empty. Nothing has happened, and so I take that as a good sign. Most probable is somebody took the contents out.
Seller confirmed that there was no mistake. As has already been said, the weight discrepancy indicates that if it was empty at the vendor's end, it wouldn't have gotten through, so it would have had to be removed on the receiving end.
Additionally, I received another empty package today (non-SR related) at another address, with letter unopened too. In the process of sorting this one out as well. It's rather odd.
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Other packages were received at the address. Just one package was empty. Nothing has happened, and so I take that as a good sign. Most probable is somebody took the contents out.
Seller confirmed that there was no mistake. As has already been said, the weight discrepancy indicates that if it was empty at the vendor's end, it wouldn't have gotten through, so it would have had to be removed on the receiving end.
Additionally, I received another empty package today (non-SR related) at another address, with letter unopened too. In the process of sorting this one out as well. It's rather odd.
Wait, wait, wait... are you saying that this has happened to you, personally, at a different address, for a non-SR order -- a second time now? That's really seriously pushing it man. I mean that's super bizarre. What kind of commonalities are there between the two orders: same name? Same zip? Same sender? Use the same computer to order them? Are they on the same mailman's route?
I mean that's really pushing coincidence IMHO. I'd start to at least seriously look for anything common between the two that could explain how this has happened to you twice now, myself.
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Other packages were received at the address. Just one package was empty. Nothing has happened, and so I take that as a good sign. Most probable is somebody took the contents out.
Seller confirmed that there was no mistake. As has already been said, the weight discrepancy indicates that if it was empty at the vendor's end, it wouldn't have gotten through, so it would have had to be removed on the receiving end.
Additionally, I received another empty package today (non-SR related) at another address, with letter unopened too. In the process of sorting this one out as well. It's rather odd.
Wait, wait, wait... are you saying that this has happened to you, personally, at a different address, for a non-SR order -- a second time now? That's really seriously pushing it man. I mean that's super bizarre. What kind of commonalities are there between the two orders: same name? Same zip? Same sender? Use the same computer to order them? Are they on the same mailman's route?
I mean that's really pushing coincidence IMHO. I'd start to at least seriously look for anything common between the two that could explain how this has happened to you twice now, myself.
Yes. Two separate countries, actually. It is really weird. I've done business with this other seller before, and so am pretty confident he didn't try to rip me off (his packaging did suck though, it was kind of begging to be inspected). The commonalities are virtually none (different names, different locations). Apart from the same computer, but different communication methods. I've worked with the SR vendor before too. There has been a couple occasions on SR where I've been ripped off from long term relations - they slowly gain trust on small transactions, and then rip you off with the bigger transactions. Thing is, these have been smaller transactions.
I'm used to parcels just not showing up, or being intercepted by customs, but to receive the parcels with nothing inside...that I don't understand. And it has only thankfully been small amounts, other larger packages have been getting through.
Both the addresses are out of use now anyway. I'm just left without any idea about what has happened.
I did an experiment yesterday too, freezing a letter to open and then reseal it. It worked effectively, but is still noticeable. I've confirmed with both sellers that the envelopes are the ones they shipped in and not tampered with.
I've got no idea.
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How in the world would the vendor know that you didn't just open the package and get your goods and then come here and claim the box was empty? That's just a flaw of the escrow system. Either party can make a false claim, once. If no one else reports this exact same thing happening from the same vendor though, it's likely a mistake (forgetting to put the goods in) or you aren't being truthful, which is HARDLY surprising on this site and why vendors will get the benefit of the doubt until proven otherwise. LE isn't gonna send you an empty box to fuck with your head. I'm not a lawyer, but I don't see how they could possibly get a search warrant off sending you an empty box and saying you took delivery. They at least have to put fake drugs back in. I think you are just messing with us and this is a troll.
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Other packages were received at the address. Just one package was empty. Nothing has happened, and so I take that as a good sign. Most probable is somebody took the contents out.
Seller confirmed that there was no mistake. As has already been said, the weight discrepancy indicates that if it was empty at the vendor's end, it wouldn't have gotten through, so it would have had to be removed on the receiving end.
Additionally, I received another empty package today (non-SR related) at another address, with letter unopened too. In the process of sorting this one out as well. It's rather odd.
Wait, wait, wait... are you saying that this has happened to you, personally, at a different address, for a non-SR order -- a second time now? That's really seriously pushing it man. I mean that's super bizarre. What kind of commonalities are there between the two orders: same name? Same zip? Same sender? Use the same computer to order them? Are they on the same mailman's route?
I mean that's really pushing coincidence IMHO. I'd start to at least seriously look for anything common between the two that could explain how this has happened to you twice now, myself.
Yes. Two separate countries, actually. It is really weird. I've done business with this other seller before, and so am pretty confident he didn't try to rip me off (his packaging did suck though, it was kind of begging to be inspected). The commonalities are virtually none (different names, different locations). Apart from the same computer, but different communication methods. I've worked with the SR vendor before too. There has been a couple occasions on SR where I've been ripped off from long term relations - they slowly gain trust on small transactions, and then rip you off with the bigger transactions. Thing is, these have been smaller transactions.
I'm used to parcels just not showing up, or being intercepted by customs, but to receive the parcels with nothing inside...that I don't understand. And it has only thankfully been small amounts, other larger packages have been getting through.
Both the addresses are out of use now anyway. I'm just left without any idea about what has happened.
I did an experiment yesterday too, freezing a letter to open and then reseal it. It worked effectively, but is still noticeable. I've confirmed with both sellers that the envelopes are the ones they shipped in and not tampered with.
I've got no idea.
... dude, I would be fucking sketched out right up the fucking wall and onto the ceiling if I were you. I mean I would seriously consider backing the fuck off. I agree that this is very bizarre and not your typical long term investigation tactic, but... either you're like a pink unicorn or something similarly as unlikely, or someone is monitoring you and your actions for some unknown reason and knows at least some of the drug packages you're getting.
There's NO reason for that which doesn't end as close to "game over" as you're going to get, my friend. For your sake I hope you're either full of it, or that some buddy of yours installed a keylogger on your computer and is snagging your packages for greed's sake.
Check the machine, the actual physical part of it. Make sure there's absolutely nothing that you don't recognize anywhere on the thing. Unplug the keyboard and mouse and make sure there isn't anything inbetween the connection to your computer and the device. I've read, but can't verify, they often like to sneak in and install such devices for surveillance.
I don't know man. I'm as clueless as you, and if it happens once I can say "fuck it, the universe did something weird and unexplained, what else is new." But twice? With different sources entirely? That seems more like a sign of *something* dangerous, even if it's just some greedy friend... but either way, I think you need to reassess your threat model.
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How in the world would the vendor know that you didn't just open the package and get your goods and then come here and claim the box was empty? That's just a flaw of the escrow system. Either party can make a false claim, once. If no one else reports this exact same thing happening from the same vendor though, it's likely a mistake (forgetting to put the goods in) or you aren't being truthful, which is HARDLY surprising on this site and why vendors will get the benefit of the doubt until proven otherwise. LE isn't gonna send you an empty box to fuck with your head. I'm not a lawyer, but I don't see how they could possibly get a search warrant off sending you an empty box and saying you took delivery. They at least have to put fake drugs back in. I think you are just messing with us and this is a troll.
Both sellers got their money, don't worry. I'm not concerned with losses. I'm not mentioning sellers or products, or anything that would reveal my identity (this is a new forum account, in case you didn't notice). I don't always use escrow either, so it's not a worry. Some shit doesn't get through, it happens, not a big deal. There's no reason for me to troll though.
I know LE wouldn't do this, and it's not legal. That's not the point. I'm just trying to figure out what the fuck has happened. I know one guy who was arrested and put in prison from an investigation that was off the books too. He's going to fight back, but still, he's in prison. Doesn't matter whether they do it legally or not, if you get caught then you're caught.
I doubt it was customs or LE. Something else is happening. I don't know why the packages are empty, it doesn't make sense.
Other packages were received at the address. Just one package was empty. Nothing has happened, and so I take that as a good sign. Most probable is somebody took the contents out.
Seller confirmed that there was no mistake. As has already been said, the weight discrepancy indicates that if it was empty at the vendor's end, it wouldn't have gotten through, so it would have had to be removed on the receiving end.
Additionally, I received another empty package today (non-SR related) at another address, with letter unopened too. In the process of sorting this one out as well. It's rather odd.
Wait, wait, wait... are you saying that this has happened to you, personally, at a different address, for a non-SR order -- a second time now? That's really seriously pushing it man. I mean that's super bizarre. What kind of commonalities are there between the two orders: same name? Same zip? Same sender? Use the same computer to order them? Are they on the same mailman's route?
I mean that's really pushing coincidence IMHO. I'd start to at least seriously look for anything common between the two that could explain how this has happened to you twice now, myself.
Yes. Two separate countries, actually. It is really weird. I've done business with this other seller before, and so am pretty confident he didn't try to rip me off (his packaging did suck though, it was kind of begging to be inspected). The commonalities are virtually none (different names, different locations). Apart from the same computer, but different communication methods. I've worked with the SR vendor before too. There has been a couple occasions on SR where I've been ripped off from long term relations - they slowly gain trust on small transactions, and then rip you off with the bigger transactions. Thing is, these have been smaller transactions.
I'm used to parcels just not showing up, or being intercepted by customs, but to receive the parcels with nothing inside...that I don't understand. And it has only thankfully been small amounts, other larger packages have been getting through.
Both the addresses are out of use now anyway. I'm just left without any idea about what has happened.
I did an experiment yesterday too, freezing a letter to open and then reseal it. It worked effectively, but is still noticeable. I've confirmed with both sellers that the envelopes are the ones they shipped in and not tampered with.
I've got no idea.
... dude, I would be fucking sketched out right up the fucking wall and onto the ceiling if I were you. I mean I would seriously consider backing the fuck off. I agree that this is very bizarre and not your typical long term investigation tactic, but... either you're like a pink unicorn or something similarly as unlikely, or someone is monitoring you and your actions for some unknown reason and knows at least some of the drug packages you're getting.
There's NO reason for that which doesn't end as close to "game over" as you're going to get, my friend. For your sake I hope you're either full of it, or that some buddy of yours installed a keylogger on your computer and is snagging your packages for greed's sake.
Check the machine, the actual physical part of it. Make sure there's absolutely nothing that you don't recognize anywhere on the thing. Unplug the keyboard and mouse and make sure there isn't anything inbetween the connection to your computer and the device. I've read, but can't verify, they often like to sneak in and install such devices for surveillance.
I don't know man. I'm as clueless as you, and if it happens once I can say "fuck it, the universe did something weird and unexplained, what else is new." But twice? With different sources entirely? That seems more like a sign of *something* dangerous, even if it's just some greedy friend... but either way, I think you need to reassess your threat model.
I'm not so worried. I'm just confused. If someone is investigating then this is a bizarre tactic, so I don't think that's the case. I've tried burning links between addresses as much as possible. The stuff maybe could be on my end somehow...I mean, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't just drop goods without noticing, but what else makes sense? Maybe someone is messing with me, who knows.
And nobody would be following between countries, the incidents have got to be unrelated. Considering the amount of successes, can't rule out coincidences completely.
As for my computer, it'll be dumped soon anyway, but the likeliness of someone cracking it is unlikely.
I'm starting fresh. Better safe than sorry.
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LE isn't gonna send you an empty box to fuck with your head. I'm not a lawyer, but I don't see how they could possibly get a search warrant off sending you an empty box and saying you took delivery. They at least have to put fake drugs back in. I think you are just messing with us and this is a troll.
I doubt they'd do it just to fuck with someone's head.
I think the technique is used, as above, to gather information about the recipient's comings/goings/behavior/doings -if there's reason to think the contents are being redistributed-, etc., observing someone in their natural habitat once a package has arrived, the calls they make/mails they send and places they go once that empty parcel arrives are of interest.
No need to meet the standard of getting a warrant to open the package if international, and, if the point is to gather information only, they [I mean 'they' in the paranoid sense, no specific agency] would not need to be looking to specifically get a warrant to go into the OP's home at this point... so, basically, the international post equivalent of a knock and talk. Only more of a ding-and-ditch-and-stare-from-binoculars - that's a much less catchy phrase.
If not quantities/substances that would be worthy of that sort of attention, or if OP doesn't know some People Who Are Of Significant Interest to LE, then those possibilities seem much less likely, because LE wouldn't want to invest the energy into surveillance/information gathering.
@ktona's last post, I don't see how it wouldn't be legal if these are international parcels. They don't need a reason to open things, they won't send illicits through, but they can send empties through and then gather info.
Sure, OP could be trolling merrily along, but at least it's been thought-provoking. If troll, it's a nicely dressed and well-mannered one, +10 for elegance and educational potential.
The only thing that supports troll for me is the relative -absence- of paranoia, but I'm not gonna downvote for rationality.
my current paranoia-ranking, in the absence of other information: LE gathering info > stupid yet curiously meticulous thievery > trollage
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The two incidents are completely unrelated.
The only thing that supports troll for me is the relative -absence- of paranoia, but I'm not gonna downvote for rationality.
Paranoia is irrational. There's nothing to be paranoid about, all that happened was some goods went missing, that's all.
I don't see how it wouldn't be legal if these are international parcels. They don't need a reason to open things, they won't send illicits through, but they can send empties through and then gather info.
It depends on individual country laws. They do need probable cause, and it does require to be documented and processed. I agree that if it were customs then most likely they confiscated the goods to do testing, and I won't be hearing back from them again. If it was x-rayed, they would have seen the organic matter, then they may have opened it, taking out the goods and resealed everything to send it back on its way, while photographing and documenting everything. Likely this type of packaging is now compromised, and so this particular seller's packages will be picked up from customs more often now. This happens all the time. It's just the first I've seen of receiving a package seemingly unopened without a note.
I know of a specific case in the country where one individual was monitored over several months and got each package without problem, only to get busted because LE opened and photographed each package and sent it through appearing as unopened. It could be upgraded practices. Time will tell.
From previous experience, many times drug packages will be confiscated without notice, but if it's something other that's also illegal (e.g. weaponry) then a notice is sent. When a package is opened and inspected by customs then usually there is also a note inside and customs tape around the package.
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I did a little experiment with resealing envelopes, and it works extremely well:
http://torimagesbp2vt3u.onion/i/5oTw.jpg
So it certainly is feasible, with the right equipment, to open and reseal a standard envelop without any noticeable marks.
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hey, ktona, sorry to necro this thread - you have apparently been logged on fairly recently, so - any more developments with this? I was wondering and specifically sought out this thread to check.
also,
dude, I would be fucking sketched out right up the fucking wall and onto the ceiling if I were you
This phrasing is still making me laugh, um, in an empathetic way.