Silk Road forums
Discussion => Drug safety => Topic started by: kitkat82 on February 19, 2013, 09:07 am
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I drank a 1/5 of vodka and took 90 clonopin .5 wityh phenergan and zofran...Iam gappy...it's better this way.
This is nothing to do woth anything but my own life struggles...nothing anyone said could have made it betteer...sorry guys, but i wanted to explain...
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things never get better overnight ... it's a long process, but it gets better if you work at it and if you give it time.
:(
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Sorry for you girl...hope you informed s.o. else besides us and got help :-[
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Geeez, what a waste of 4/5 of a bottle of Vodka
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dammit
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I don't understand why you feel compelled to post something like this. I'm not going to give you a lecture and tell you why you shouldn't do what your doing, it's pretty damn obvious... but it feels as though you are very lonely and you are seeking nothing more than a little attention. I call BS on this... I'm sorry.
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If you wanted to kill yourself you'd have fucking done it by now.
Stop posting for attention, bitch. Get a dick or 3 in ya or something
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You're all so very, very right. Much more good comes out of insulting and belittling people who are suffering.
... yes, yes, I know how tempting it is to say something mean, but for God's sake, bite your fucking tongue. Just let it go by, will you. She doesn't need to hear anymore; she gets enough of that shit at home.
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You're all so very, very right. Much more good comes out of insulting and belittling people who are suffering.
... yes, yes, I know how tempting it is to say something mean, but for God's sake, bite your fucking tongue. Just let it go by, will you. She doesn't need to hear anymore; she gets enough of that shit at home.
Thank you for saying this. I just think these people don't know what they're saying. They either don't know or weren't paying attention to the last thread like this, or they think it was a joke, or they're fucking kids and have never had to face a real situation before. The people who know her IRL have been trying to reach her. We have no idea, I mean, the problem is that we honestly have no reason to doubt her post. So, that leaves us... where it leaves us.
Anyway, thanks for sticking up for decency.
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well. i don't really know what to say. You have made your choice.
maybe its already done. I hope you had a nice and peaceful death. And i hope you've found what your looking for.
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I wouldn't worry too much. She just wants to play with it until she's half way there. If she'd really decided, she wouldn't be saying goodbye.
She may screw up and do it anyway, but I think she'll be okay. Just sick. Maybe a little bit damaged, but not dead.
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I wouldn't worry too much. She just wants to play with it until she's half way there. If she'd really decided, she wouldn't be saying goodbye.
She may screw up and do it anyway, but I think she'll be okay. Just sick. Maybe a little bit damaged, but not dead.
i hope you are right! I know suicidal people toy with death first.
I had a friend old speedfreak who hang himself. I remember he was joking about it first. Experimenting. And then he just did it.
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Damn what a combo, for your sake I hope your a failure in this mission
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I have thought about killing myself as well. The only thing that really keeps me alive, is the fact that there are gonna be alot of people that are gonna be fucked up afterwards. Not to mention the financial strain those individuals will have to endure during the weeks, months, years after the deal goes down.
It's a fucked up situation to be in. Loved ones will be crushed if you take your own life, but you feel that there is nothing left in your life that is worth living for. Trust me, dog.. I live with that shit everyday. Most days, my mood swings a dozen times just during the 8 hours I am at work. I wouldn't wish that upon most people.
I guess what I am trying to say is, you aren't alone.
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kitkat -- any update? last i heard from you around 5am this morning was that you were okay and your dad had come over.
how are you?
are you safe? is your son still with your parents?
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If she'd really decided, she wouldn't be saying goodbye.
Most of the time they don't even leave a note.
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wow just wow... stupid western emo girls. just snort/shoot raw fentanyl powder like 10 mg and you'll be gone for good you attention seeking whore. if you really want to kill yourself buy a van learn how to make ANFO and pack it with 0.5-2 tons of ANFO go into crowded place and blow yourself up. that would atleast make some point that your life sucked and someone should have done soemthing about it. now no one will care actually will be laughing at just another dead junky.. just pathetic..
Oh btw so whats that some alcohol and 45mg of clonazepam. You are probably passed out right now and will wake up a couple days later I bet 2000$ that you'll survive.
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I've heard from kitkat82 and she says she's just hungover and sick from the pills.
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Please get some professional medical and psychiatric help IMMEDIATELY!!
I'm not getting drawn into this any further, kitkat, I feel sorry for your pain I really do but this is not how to go about things.
Be gentle with yourself, you have a child that loves you, at least think of them if not yourself.
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Glad she's okay...I saw her other post, and my heart goes out to you Kit.
I know I can't really say anything to help, however I hope you know that people do care. Which includes me. :)
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Please get some professional medical and psychiatric help IMMEDIATELY!!
I'm not getting drawn into this any further, kitkat, I feel sorry for your pain I really do but this is not how to go about things.
Be gentle with yourself, you have a child that loves you, at least think of them if not yourself.
This!
/Thread
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pa·thet·ic
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Please get some professional medical and psychiatric help IMMEDIATELY!!
I'm not getting drawn into this any further, kitkat, I feel sorry for your pain I really do but this is not how to go about things.
Be gentle with yourself, you have a child that loves you, at least think of them if not yourself.
This!
/Thread
I agree, kitkat please get help your life is spiraling out of control, if not for yourself please do it for your child who loves you. I wish you all the best and my heartfelt thoughts go out to you.
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Fake.
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First of all a big fat heart-felt FUCK YOU to the all the people bashing kitkat. You have absolutely no idea what you're talking about or what kitkat is going through. So shut the fuck up.
kitkat, you sound a lot like me and (this is all speculation, so sorry if I'm wrong) from what I understand, by trying to kill yourself you're not trying to get a message across to someone. You're trying it not because you don't want to live anymore per se but because you'd rather be dead than endure the pain you're currently experiencing.
I know how that feels. I'm sick of crying myself to sleep every night. I'm sick of being lonely. I'm sick of being full of hate. I'm sick of being controlled by fear. I need a shoulder to cry on but I seem to be scaring everyone away who gets to know me too well. I'm sick of having no significant impact on anyone's life.
And I'm running out of reasons not to end it all.
And even though I have only roughly 20 years of life experience, I can almost guarantee you that this pain is going to go away and after that you can look back at what happened and feel really good and strong about what you endured and withstood :)
Why am I writing all this? I don't know. Feels liberating in a funny way and this was kinda the right thread to write this.
What I originally wanted to say:
kitkat, I'm wholeheartedly hoping that you're alive and physically okay. If you need any kind of advice or just a good ol' shoulder to cry on and someone to listen to you, you can always PM me or email me at ballzinator@tormail.org.
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Also, are you sad because you worry about other people's happiness ("Weltschmerz")? Or because you think nobody worries about yours (a subconscious egoic process)? Or maybe a combination of "inner" and "outer" pain?
If it's the latter (egoic pain), I highly recommend checking out the teachings of Eckhart Tolle on YouTube and maybe buy his book. Follow the link in my signature to the depression thread and check out the links there :)
If it's the former, you might just be giving too much of a fuck.
Not giving a fuck is awesome. Try it some time, do something crazy and out of the blue. People might giggle at you, but who gives a fuck? If people judge me for doing something wacko, I don't want anything to do with them anyway. It's like an idiot filter - if you do something nuts, cool people will respect you and idiots won't. The cool people will think you're awesome and the idiots will go home, watch three hours of reality TV and cry themselves to sleep because they're jealous of people like you who don't give a shit.
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Haha, I tried for so long to come across as a badass/nerd hybrid and all it takes is 4mg of Xanax and a beer to make me sound like a 14-year-old on PMS :-\
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ban this OP
this is utter bullshit. seriously....using a tor browser, signing into an illicit drug selling site to proclaim your method of suicide?
get a fucking grip.
the only people i respect out of this..are the ones who care..but dont for this bitch..fake shit
She is a respected member of the community and you're a dick for decrying her for expressing her feelings. We are all anonymous here so maybe this forum was her only outlet because she was anxious about the stigmatization of mental illness by fuckwits like you. So please do me, yourself, this community and the entirety of humanity a favor and crawl into a hole and think about yourself until you either die or have an epiphany.
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She is a respected member of the community and you're a dick for decrying her for expressing her feelings. We are all anonymous here so maybe this forum was her only outlet because she was anxious about the stigmatization of mental illness by fuckwits like you
Couldn't have said it better myself. I'd +1 you, but I agree with you so often that I have to wait another day or so.
I don't know what corner of the third world any of you haters grew up in to think that a statement of suicidal intent should be met with derision and insults, but if that's all the social refinement you can muster, then please just say nothing at all.
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I dont know kitkat, and I am somewhat new to SR, but I lost someone very close to me to suicide. I saw all the signs and warnings before it happened. I was too caught up in my own life to realize my friend was reaching out to me. One morning I had about 10 missed calls from my friends number and I knew what happened. I wish I would have just helped my buddy find help with his issues. Mental health is something everyone should take seriously. I hope that if kitkat is ok, she talks to a professional about her issues and considers getting on some kind of medication. I myself was also in a really dark place in my life and all it took to get me out of the rut was a prescription for a sublingual tablet taken before bedtime. The meds took about 4 days before I noticed a difference... but after 4 weeks my mind was clearer, I had a much brighter outlook, and I was for the first time in years grounded and happy to be alive. Please seek help if you are having suicidal or homicidal thoughts, or even if you just get angry easily. Its so much easier to live a happy life!
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I've got no vested interest here and have no real understanding of kitkats situation and nor do I want too but I was quite shocked at some of the unhelpful comments posted in this thread. Everyone is entitled to an opinion but seriously whatever you may think about her just pause for a moment and consider what you are posting, sometimes if you can't say anything nice it's better to say nothing at all.
She needs professional help and whatever her reasons for posting in here she is clearly reaching out for something be that support, advise, attention or whatever, she certainly doesn't need yet more pain and misery.
At consider that before posting.
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Geeez, what a waste of 4/5 of a bottle of Vodka
Thank you for that contribution, which also served to reveal how much you lack in commom knowledge of basic things in the real world, that most intelligent adults know.
A 5th of Vodka is a decent sized bottle of Vodka. She wrote "a 1/5 of Vodka" though still correct, the proper way to write it would be a 5th of Vodka. Other liquors are sold in 5ths as well.
It's about 6 ounces shy of a quart. The size called 'a fifth" means 'A fifth of a gallon", and goes back to the good old days before the metric system. So a little lesson for you there son.
And to all the rest of you. who say "WOW, JUST, WOW". And the haters, especially Meatgrinder (such a tough macho name), suggesting what sounds like gang rape, as a solution. You're all just inexperienced little potheads that don't know how to handle emotional situations, so you try to say something degrading or what you 'think' is clever or badass.
I'll impart a little wisdom to you all. It's an old saying, that is still used, and for good reason.
If you haven't got something good to say, don't say anything.
You impressed nobody, with your ignorance. The biggest disservice you did, was to yourselves, because in that one ignorant, not well thought out post, you revealed to the rest of us, what immature little
brats we have in our midst.
What drew you to this thread? Nothing better to do?
I was drawn to it out of sympathy. Whether she was serious, or just wanted/needed attention. She sure didn't need your immature thoughtless negative comments.
I was in that depressed state at one time. So I can sympathize with her. The last thing she needs is Alcohol and Benzos. I've known plenty of people, who get a hold of their Valium Rx, or Dalmane, or whatever, and they take 2-3X's the prescribed amount. They almost all go into that "I should just kill myself" zone. They are depressants.You will get depressed if you take them.
I'd love to see how she does on Adderall. - I used to only want the Valium, and Xanax, from my doctor, and refused to take any more SSRI's (the biggest scam perpetrated on the public by Big Pharma)
Finally my shrink tested me for Adult ADHD, and asked me to try Adderall. - I was like "Speed? I'm hyper enough as it is!" After much discussion, and him pleading with me to just "try" it. I went home with some free samples. - Well that was the end of my depression. Two years ago I was ready to go sit on the train tracks. I had it all planned out, and didn't tell a soul.
Now, at 50 something, I have more of a will to live than I ever remember having. I went through a pile of bills going back 2 years, and cleaned and painted my apartment. Just a complete turn around.
The weight loss was a nice side effect too. My high blood pressure is gone, and my cholesterol is normal.
I'm not saying that's the answer for KitKat, but it's certainly worth a try! It's being used more and more "off label" for depression that is resistant to traditional "zombie" drugs, like Prozac and Zoloft.
I hope she pulls out of it all, and if you're reading this KitKat, the next time you're feeling down. Please don't hesitate to come on and talk about it. If the little babies can't handle how uncomfortable real human emotions make them, hopefully they'll have the common sense to skip over the thread.
Hang in there KitKat! and grow up you little newbie children. You obviously have a lot to learn about life, and really should look into your own psyche, to see if you can figure out why a sad girl, spilling her guts, makes you so uncomfortable. I think you people are the truly fucked up people.
Though, I also believe there is hope, even for people like you. Perhaps a tragic event in your life will do it. Perhaps, you'll just mature, as you make your way in this world.
I wish you all good luck. I know I was a little hard on a few of you, but you had it coming.
Peace
jagfug
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Sad to see all this lack of compassion, as if some people were so disconnected from othe human beings that they could only have it with mdma or other drugs. For those who've never experienced suicidal thoughts, I can assure you it's one of the most dreadful feelings in the world.
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I'm still alive....just very, very sick and groggy. Hard to think clearly and concentrate. I'm going to go to my Doctor today, and if I can't drive will ask my Dad if he can take me. I just don't want to be dumped in another mental hospital....
I slept about 24 hours after waking up for a brief moment to let Scout know I was ok, then slept until about now. But I am physically very ill.
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I'm still alive....just very, very sick and groggy. Hard to think clearly and concentrate. I'm going to go to my Doctor today, and if I can't drive will ask my Dad if he can take me. I just don't want to be dumped in another mental hospital....
I slept about 24 hours after waking up for a brief moment to let Scout know I was ok, then slept until about now. But I am physically very ill.
Hey KK, you will have no idea who I am nor I you, but for the short time I have been here I picked up on your posting and would look forward to reading. I have never been part of a forum of any kind and know very little of how things work on them, but for what ever the reason you caught my attention. i had seen your post back a few weeks ago and knew something was very bad for you and I waited and looked for your posts and nothing. i had hoped you were just taking sometime to clear your thoughts and I would soon see your posts. Well I did not want to see this. There is nothing I can say to change your thoughts and feelings towards life, but sometimes just knowing you have a positive effect on people you don't know and the most important on your family can make you realize that ending your pain causes all those around you to endure a much greater one. I fight through life to survive for my kids, and hope that some day I will not be fighting life but enjoying it. I know there is no promise from anyone that can't be broken, but you can promise to fight through life and deal with the pain to keep from causing those that love you will not have to burden the pain of losing you to yourself. Be well and I will be looking for your witty posts sometime down the road.
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I'm still alive....just very, very sick and groggy. Hard to think clearly and concentrate. I'm going to go to my Doctor today, and if I can't drive will ask my Dad if he can take me. I just don't want to be dumped in another mental hospital....
I slept about 24 hours after waking up for a brief moment to let Scout know I was ok, then slept until about now. But I am physically very ill.
I'm very relieved to see you're alive and more or less okay considering the circumstances. When I read your two threads, I cried because I hate to see you in such pain and I can relate to you. If you need to talk, you can always PM me.
And please don't try to kill yourself again :'(
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Hope this means you're thinking of seeking some professional help! I also hope you feel better soon physically!
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I'm still alive....just very, very sick and groggy. Hard to think clearly and concentrate. I'm going to go to my Doctor today, and if I can't drive will ask my Dad if he can take me. I just don't want to be dumped in another mental hospital....
I slept about 24 hours after waking up for a brief moment to let Scout know I was ok, then slept until about now. But I am physically very ill.
Kitkat,
There is an important perspective you need to have here, seeing as you're dabbling in death as you are...
If you kill the body, then it dies, but you continue. You will still need to face and deal with everything that you are facing and dealing with now, but you will simply be un-anchored in this physical plane. You do not get relief from your suffering by that act. You just think you do, but that is not how it works.
I know where you're at, I've been there - and many (maybe most) people have been there. And to take your life is actually a decision I would respect - if you do it in full clarity and consciousness of what you are doing. But if you believe that it's just kind of "lights out" and "game over" and "no more existential pain" then you're deluding yourself.
That you chose to communicate what you're doing here is good, because then you can get some response. And this is one of them. So leave if you must, but know where you're going. You will remain conscious, and you will still need to deal with yourself. Better you do it here where you are among friends.
Love to you.
BG
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Very well said, BlueGiraffe. Like you, I'm not an opponent of the idea of suicide in general. For example when someone is very sick without reasonable chance of cure and the pain from the sickness just makes their life unbearable. That's a case where a suicide is totally fine in my book. Maybe I'd even go as far as assisting such a person with their suicide.
But kitkat's case is clearly not of that nature so kitkat, don't kill yourself! From what I've seen of you on the forums, you're a wonderful person and your death would be a loss to not only this community, but to the whole of humanity. One good person like you killing themselves shifts the ratio of good and bad people on this planet toward the bad people. And I'd hate that to happen.
So please, for the sake of yourself, your family and friends, the SR community and mankind in its entirety, try getting back on your feet and don't kill yourself. As soon as you recognize your own awesomeness you will develop a healthy "fuck you" attitude toward anything trying to bring you down. So hang in there okay? :)
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Im not smart enough to put into words the thoughts and emotions im feeling for you kit. Good vibrations coming your way.
And as for the haters... meh... I could write a paragraph but each letter on my keyboard has only an average lifetime of 50 million presses before wearing out and frankly im not going to waste my money on you except to say your mothers must be so proud.
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Fuck suicide!
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I'm still alive....just very, very sick and groggy. Hard to think clearly and concentrate. I'm going to go to my Doctor today, and if I can't drive will ask my Dad if he can take me. I just don't want to be dumped in another mental hospital....
I slept about 24 hours after waking up for a brief moment to let Scout know I was ok, then slept until about now. But I am physically very ill.
Kitkat,
There is an important perspective you need to have here, seeing as you're dabbling in death as you are...
If you kill the body, then it dies, but you continue. You will still need to face and deal with everything that you are facing and dealing with now, but you will simply be un-anchored in this physical plane. You do not get relief from your suffering by that act. You just think you do, but that is not how it works.
I know where you're at, I've been there - and many (maybe most) people have been there. And to take your life is actually a decision I would respect - if you do it in full clarity and consciousness of what you are doing. But if you believe that it's just kind of "lights out" and "game over" and "no more existential pain" then you're deluding yourself.
That you chose to communicate what you're doing here is good, because then you can get some response. And this is one of them. So leave if you must, but know where you're going. You will remain conscious, and you will still need to deal with yourself. Better you do it here where you are among friends.
Love to you.
BG
I hope you understand that what you've just done is told someone in so much pain they're literally debating defying thousands of years of instinct and genetic motivation to end their own life -- someone who commits suicide accomplishes something that very few end up being able to do, they go against the shrieking sounds of their own self preservation mechanisms grating through every fiber of their being trying to stop them -- and essentially you have told such a person in that much pain, that she will suffer eternally.
What can I say? Masterful choice there. "Bravo."
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I hope you understand that what you've just done is told someone in so much pain they're literally debating defying thousands of years of instinct and genetic motivation
Haha, people have been killing themselves for a long time. To think that we've actually been following any sort of genetic guidelines is not only short sighted, it is flat out wrong. People guzzle high fructose corn syrup, litres a day. Half of them don't even drink water. We drive to work, drive to our family/friends. Hell. Most of us drive 2 blocks to the store when anyone with any sense would just walk. We stick needles in our arms to achieve highs that end up killing us. We show nothing but disregard for out genetics, what makes you think we're supposed to be so against killing ourselves? In this day and age it is weird NOT to think about killing yourself.
Humanity is just a soup of terrible genes. People that would've died early in life because of sheer stupidity now grow up to have 12 kids. We are not genetically disposed to anything but death, we are not built to survive anymore.
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I hope you understand that what you've just done is told someone in so much pain they're literally debating defying thousands of years of instinct and genetic motivation
Haha, people have been killing themselves for a long time. To think that we've actually been following any sort of genetic guidelines is not only short sighted, it is flat out wrong. People guzzle high fructose corn syrup, litres a day. Half of them don't even drink water. We drive to work, drive to our family/friends. Hell. Most of us drive 2 blocks to the store when anyone with any sense would just walk. We stick needles in our arms to achieve highs that end up killing us. We show nothing but disregard for out genetics, what makes you think we're supposed to be so against killing ourselves? In this day and age it is weird NOT to think about killing yourself.
Humanity is just a soup of terrible genes. People that would've died early in life because of sheer stupidity now grow up to have 12 kids. We are not genetically disposed to anything but death, we are not built to survive anymore.
I don't know what happened, hon, but you confuse the Hell out of me these days. This is a poor thread for an academic argument -- I just can't stand people who posit theories as though they were fact and then try to manipulate others based on their own personal interpretations of "reality." So I went for the most obvious flaw I could see, which is how terrible the repercussions would be if they were true. I don't care what someone believes, everyone should have the right to believe anything they choose -- but when you start telling someone in pain that their pain is going to last forever if they're not careful, I take issue with it.
So I commented. If you took what I said personally, then I apologize. I didn't mean to offend you. I'm not sure exactly what to say to that though. Regardless, it wouldn't be appropriate in this thread I suppose...
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I'm still alive....just very, very sick and groggy. Hard to think clearly and concentrate. I'm going to go to my Doctor today, and if I can't drive will ask my Dad if he can take me. I just don't want to be dumped in another mental hospital....
I slept about 24 hours after waking up for a brief moment to let Scout know I was ok, then slept until about now. But I am physically very ill.
Kitkat,
There is an important perspective you need to have here, seeing as you're dabbling in death as you are...
If you kill the body, then it dies, but you continue. You will still need to face and deal with everything that you are facing and dealing with now, but you will simply be un-anchored in this physical plane. You do not get relief from your suffering by that act. You just think you do, but that is not how it works.
I know where you're at, I've been there - and many (maybe most) people have been there. And to take your life is actually a decision I would respect - if you do it in full clarity and consciousness of what you are doing. But if you believe that it's just kind of "lights out" and "game over" and "no more existential pain" then you're deluding yourself.
That you chose to communicate what you're doing here is good, because then you can get some response. And this is one of them. So leave if you must, but know where you're going. You will remain conscious, and you will still need to deal with yourself. Better you do it here where you are among friends.
Love to you.
BG
I hope you understand that what you've just done is told someone in so much pain they're literally debating defying thousands of years of instinct and genetic motivation to end their own life -- someone who commits suicide accomplishes something that very few end up being able to do, they go against the shrieking sounds of their own self preservation mechanisms grating through every fiber of their being trying to stop them -- and essentially you have told such a person in that much pain, that she will suffer eternally.
What can I say? Masterful choice there. "Bravo."
SS,
I considered my words very carefully before I wrote them because I know full well the sensitivity of the moment.
You will see that I actually said that I respect a person's decision to take their life, but I wanted KitKat to have the opportunity to consider a point of view that perhaps she has not yet. And that is that death is not the end of anything. Anyone who has tripped deeply and paid attention, or who has been engaged in serious spiritual practice, knows this to be true.
And you will also see that I never suggested that she "will suffer eternally" - those are your words. I said that she will still need to deal with herself (whether before or after death) and take responsibility for the causes of her suffering. If she can have a have a tacit insight into understanding that death does not actually "work" as a solution to emotional/psychic/existential pain, then maybe she won't be so quick to choose that option.
Ultimately all our pain is self-caused, and we are the ones who have the power to become free of that. Death seems like a way out but it isn't. If knowing this, someone still consciously choose to exit this world, then major respect and blessing to them.
My gut tells me though that KitKat is looking for another solution that does not involve death. That's why she's on this forum telling us about it and is why she's still alive. It's a context where friends, who don't know her at all (but also perfectly do) can provide input that she can use to work a process that leads to a resolution of her situation. She's being very intelligent actually even if she's not totally aware of that.
KitKat, apologies speaking about you in the 3rd person - I'm sure you're reading this. I'm glad you're still here and I invite you to stay here and go through this in the company of those who understand you. And we do.
BG
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Anyone who has tripped deeply and paid attention, or who has been engaged in serious spiritual practice, knows this to be true.
I disagree with every ounce of my body. Not in the sentiments of your words, but in your certainty of them.
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Ultimately all our pain is self-caused, and we are the ones who have the power to become free of that.
I agree with every ounce of my body.
Happiness is a choice. Ignorance is a choice. Sadness is a choice. Knowledge is a choice. Life is a choice. Death is a choice. Make no mistake, your life is the sum of your decisions.
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I hope you understand that what you've just done is told someone in so much pain they're literally debating defying thousands of years of instinct and genetic motivation
Haha, people have been killing themselves for a long time. To think that we've actually been following any sort of genetic guidelines is not only short sighted, it is flat out wrong. People guzzle high fructose corn syrup, litres a day. Half of them don't even drink water. We drive to work, drive to our family/friends. Hell. Most of us drive 2 blocks to the store when anyone with any sense would just walk. We stick needles in our arms to achieve highs that end up killing us. We show nothing but disregard for out genetics, what makes you think we're supposed to be so against killing ourselves? In this day and age it is weird NOT to think about killing yourself.
Humanity is just a soup of terrible genes. People that would've died early in life because of sheer stupidity now grow up to have 12 kids. We are not genetically disposed to anything but death, we are not built to survive anymore.
I don't know what happened, hon, but you confuse the Hell out of me these days. This is a poor thread for an academic argument -- I just can't stand people who posit theories as though they were fact and then try to manipulate others based on their own personal interpretations of "reality." So I went for the most obvious flaw I could see, which is how terrible the repercussions would be if they were true. I don't care what someone believes, everyone should have the right to believe anything they choose -- but when you start telling someone in pain that their pain is going to last forever if they're not careful, I take issue with it.
So I commented. If you took what I said personally, then I apologize. I didn't mean to offend you. I'm not sure exactly what to say to that though. Regardless, it wouldn't be appropriate in this thread I suppose...
SS, please read my response, and please re-read my previous post.
I have NEVER said or suggested that "her pain is going to last forever". Once again this is your reading, and (mis)interpretation of my words. Not sure why you're doing that, but anyway...
All statements anyone makes are clearly their point of view. To state that every time we speak is superfluous. However I do propose that consciousness is eternal and as we are that, we do not die - can not die. If you wish to believe that physical death is the end of everything you're welcome to that (rather depressing) idea. But it's not my point of view at all :)
And frankly if I did have that point of view I would find it very depressing. Happily I know that it doesn't end and it cannot end. We are eternal, never born, never dying. It's a beautiful thing to contemplate. And (KitKat this is for you too) contemplating the unfathomable mystery of how that could be so, and how we even come to exist now, it can be found to be the foundation of sanity and deep peace...
Yes, life is fucking hard, and is filled with masses of pain (and probably more pain than pleasure in the final analysis). And it can be headfucking confusing. And so it is. And so it is. Our task is only to recover and express our native happiness and freedom in the midst of that. That is what the shamanic use of drugs is all about at the root, and is what all spiritual systems are purposed towards ultimately. And right here on SR are masses of entheogenic substances that serve that recovery, and many people who know how to use them.
It's not a bad place all in all for someone to find their way again...
BG
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Anyone who has tripped deeply and paid attention, or who has been engaged in serious spiritual practice, knows this to be true.
I disagree with every ounce of my body. Not in the sentiments of your words, but in your certainty of them.
I hear you bro :) Certainty is always suspect, and can be a very dodgy quality, especially in the utter mystery and unknowability of life. And yet, and yet... For me that point is a certainty, or perhaps I simply choose that it be so. It's not at the level of belief, it's something that's kinda self-evident and obvious to me. What to say... :)
BG
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Ultimately all our pain is self-caused, and we are the ones who have the power to become free of that.
I agree with every ounce of my body.
Happiness is a choice. Ignorance is a choice. Sadness is a choice. Knowledge is a choice. Life is a choice. Death is a choice. Make no mistake, your life is the sum of your decisions.
Indeed :)
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Ultimately all our pain is self-caused, and we are the ones who have the power to become free of that.
I agree with every ounce of my body.
Happiness is a choice. Ignorance is a choice. Sadness is a choice. Knowledge is a choice. Life is a choice. Death is a choice. Make no mistake, your life is the sum of your decisions.
Indeed :)
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I hope you understand that what you've just done is told someone in so much pain they're literally debating defying thousands of years of instinct and genetic motivation
Haha, people have been killing themselves for a long time. To think that we've actually been following any sort of genetic guidelines is not only short sighted, it is flat out wrong. People guzzle high fructose corn syrup, litres a day. Half of them don't even drink water. We drive to work, drive to our family/friends. Hell. Most of us drive 2 blocks to the store when anyone with any sense would just walk. We stick needles in our arms to achieve highs that end up killing us. We show nothing but disregard for out genetics, what makes you think we're supposed to be so against killing ourselves? In this day and age it is weird NOT to think about killing yourself.
Humanity is just a soup of terrible genes. People that would've died early in life because of sheer stupidity now grow up to have 12 kids. We are not genetically disposed to anything but death, we are not built to survive anymore.
I don't know what happened, hon, but you confuse the Hell out of me these days. This is a poor thread for an academic argument -- I just can't stand people who posit theories as though they were fact and then try to manipulate others based on their own personal interpretations of "reality." So I went for the most obvious flaw I could see, which is how terrible the repercussions would be if they were true. I don't care what someone believes, everyone should have the right to believe anything they choose -- but when you start telling someone in pain that their pain is going to last forever if they're not careful, I take issue with it.
So I commented. If you took what I said personally, then I apologize. I didn't mean to offend you. I'm not sure exactly what to say to that though. Regardless, it wouldn't be appropriate in this thread I suppose...
SS, please read my response, and please re-read my previous post.
I have NEVER said or suggested that "her pain is going to last forever". Once again this is your reading, and (mis)interpretation of my words. Not sure why you're doing that, but anyway...
All statements anyone makes are clearly their point of view. To state that every time we speak is superfluous. However I do propose that consciousness is eternal and as we are that, we do not die - can not die. If you wish to believe that physical death is the end of everything you're welcome to that (rather depressing) idea. But it's not my point of view at all :)
And frankly if I did have that point of view I would find it very depressing. Happily I know that it doesn't end and it cannot end. We are eternal, never born, never dying. It's a beautiful thing to contemplate. And (KitKat this is for you too) contemplating the unfathomable mystery of how that could be so, and how we even come to exist now, it can be found to be the foundation of sanity and deep peace...
Yes, life is fucking hard, and is filled with masses of pain (and probably more pain than pleasure in the final analysis). And it can be headfucking confusing. And so it is. And so it is. Our task is only to recover and express our native happiness and freedom in the midst of that. That is what the shamanic use of drugs is all about at the root, and is what all spiritual systems are purposed towards ultimately. And right here on SR are masses of entheogenic substances that serve that recovery, and many people who know how to use them.
It's not a bad place all in all for someone to find their way again...
BG
There are two kinds of people here: those who do drugs because they feel good, and those who think that somehow ingesting a chemical lends you magical powers of perception. I'm sorry, but in my eyes, you are fucking insane. It is that clear to me: you are irrational and wrong in my opinion. I have done LSD, psilocybin, MDMA, MDA, 2C-B, marijuana, cocaine, amphetamine, methamphetamine, 2-FMA, 4-FMA, mephedrone, MDPV, and more fucking pharmaceuticals than I can even count let alone remember. I have seen and felt the things that you speak of, and I tell you, you are fucking wrong.
It is blatantly obvious to me that you have mistaken the only lesson drugs have to teach -- that we are ephemeral and given to mistaken perceptions. That is it. That is all. Accepting that we fail as often as we succeed in our attempt to perceive the world is the basis of science, it has created this modern world around is, it has made us undisputed masters of all that we see. We are as Gods among these creatures because of science. And you reject it. I cannot understand how you fail to see the power in requiring proof for one's beliefs. Not sensation, proof.
I do not go about reminding people that I think they're crazy and stupid for believing that the sensations they experience from drugs are real. They are as real as the fucking molecule in your blood and no more; they are not indicative of some metaphysical truth, and anyone who accepts such a thing on the basis of a sensation and nothing else is mistaken on such a grand level as to be awe inspiring.
I am sorry, but in my unprofessional, subjective opinion, you are fucking insane. Go believe your bullshit and stop leading others astray with it. You have every right to believe it. You have NO right to try and manipulate people in pain with it.
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I think it's fair enough to bring up the possibility that death isn't just lights out, but wrong to say that you know it. Ultimately though I think bluegiraffe's intentions are to help kitkat deal with her problems in a way that isn't killing herself which is well meaning.
I also apologise for speaking in third person KK. Hope you're improving and overcome this (you will), same goes to anyone reading this who's feeling shit or suicidal.
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I hope you understand that what you've just done is told someone in so much pain they're literally debating defying thousands of years of instinct and genetic motivation
Haha, people have been killing themselves for a long time. To think that we've actually been following any sort of genetic guidelines is not only short sighted, it is flat out wrong. People guzzle high fructose corn syrup, litres a day. Half of them don't even drink water. We drive to work, drive to our family/friends. Hell. Most of us drive 2 blocks to the store when anyone with any sense would just walk. We stick needles in our arms to achieve highs that end up killing us. We show nothing but disregard for out genetics, what makes you think we're supposed to be so against killing ourselves? In this day and age it is weird NOT to think about killing yourself.
Humanity is just a soup of terrible genes. People that would've died early in life because of sheer stupidity now grow up to have 12 kids. We are not genetically disposed to anything but death, we are not built to survive anymore.
I don't know what happened, hon, but you confuse the Hell out of me these days. This is a poor thread for an academic argument -- I just can't stand people who posit theories as though they were fact and then try to manipulate others based on their own personal interpretations of "reality." So I went for the most obvious flaw I could see, which is how terrible the repercussions would be if they were true. I don't care what someone believes, everyone should have the right to believe anything they choose -- but when you start telling someone in pain that their pain is going to last forever if they're not careful, I take issue with it.
So I commented. If you took what I said personally, then I apologize. I didn't mean to offend you. I'm not sure exactly what to say to that though. Regardless, it wouldn't be appropriate in this thread I suppose...
SS, please read my response, and please re-read my previous post.
I have NEVER said or suggested that "her pain is going to last forever". Once again this is your reading, and (mis)interpretation of my words. Not sure why you're doing that, but anyway...
All statements anyone makes are clearly their point of view. To state that every time we speak is superfluous. However I do propose that consciousness is eternal and as we are that, we do not die - can not die. If you wish to believe that physical death is the end of everything you're welcome to that (rather depressing) idea. But it's not my point of view at all :)
And frankly if I did have that point of view I would find it very depressing. Happily I know that it doesn't end and it cannot end. We are eternal, never born, never dying. It's a beautiful thing to contemplate. And (KitKat this is for you too) contemplating the unfathomable mystery of how that could be so, and how we even come to exist now, it can be found to be the foundation of sanity and deep peace...
Yes, life is fucking hard, and is filled with masses of pain (and probably more pain than pleasure in the final analysis). And it can be headfucking confusing. And so it is. And so it is. Our task is only to recover and express our native happiness and freedom in the midst of that. That is what the shamanic use of drugs is all about at the root, and is what all spiritual systems are purposed towards ultimately. And right here on SR are masses of entheogenic substances that serve that recovery, and many people who know how to use them.
It's not a bad place all in all for someone to find their way again...
BG
"those who think that somehow ingesting a chemical lends you magical powers of perception. I'm sorry, but in my eyes, you are fucking insane. "
I have done LSD, psilocybin, MDMA, MDA, 2C-B, marijuana, cocaine, amphetamine, methamphetamine, 2-FMA, 4-FMA, mephedrone, MDPV, and more fucking pharmaceuticals than I can even count let alone remember.
They are as real as the fucking molecule in your blood and no more;
I am sorry, but in my unprofessional, subjective opinion, you are fucking insane. Go believe your bullshit and stop leading others astray with it. You have every right to believe it. You have NO right to try and manipulate people in pain with it.
Yes and no. Psychedelics DO open your perception, it's just how you interpret the things they open you to that will determine your sanity. I can think of one person in particular who I know, who was never quite stable anyhow, but when he started taking psychedelics, he viewed them as proof for god. Long story short, you can't figure out anything on psychedelics that you couldn't sober, they are only the fast-track to realization.
Back on topic, feel better kk. I told someone who was going through severe depression awhile back, "if you can't be happy sober, then you shouldn't take drugs because it only leads to greater disparity in happiness between sober & high." I don't know if this applies directly to you -- but anything I can do to help.
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I hope you understand that what you've just done is told someone in so much pain they're literally debating defying thousands of years of instinct and genetic motivation
Haha, people have been killing themselves for a long time. To think that we've actually been following any sort of genetic guidelines is not only short sighted, it is flat out wrong. People guzzle high fructose corn syrup, litres a day. Half of them don't even drink water. We drive to work, drive to our family/friends. Hell. Most of us drive 2 blocks to the store when anyone with any sense would just walk. We stick needles in our arms to achieve highs that end up killing us. We show nothing but disregard for out genetics, what makes you think we're supposed to be so against killing ourselves? In this day and age it is weird NOT to think about killing yourself.
Humanity is just a soup of terrible genes. People that would've died early in life because of sheer stupidity now grow up to have 12 kids. We are not genetically disposed to anything but death, we are not built to survive anymore.
I don't know what happened, hon, but you confuse the Hell out of me these days. This is a poor thread for an academic argument -- I just can't stand people who posit theories as though they were fact and then try to manipulate others based on their own personal interpretations of "reality." So I went for the most obvious flaw I could see, which is how terrible the repercussions would be if they were true. I don't care what someone believes, everyone should have the right to believe anything they choose -- but when you start telling someone in pain that their pain is going to last forever if they're not careful, I take issue with it.
So I commented. If you took what I said personally, then I apologize. I didn't mean to offend you. I'm not sure exactly what to say to that though. Regardless, it wouldn't be appropriate in this thread I suppose...
SS, please read my response, and please re-read my previous post.
I have NEVER said or suggested that "her pain is going to last forever". Once again this is your reading, and (mis)interpretation of my words. Not sure why you're doing that, but anyway...
All statements anyone makes are clearly their point of view. To state that every time we speak is superfluous. However I do propose that consciousness is eternal and as we are that, we do not die - can not die. If you wish to believe that physical death is the end of everything you're welcome to that (rather depressing) idea. But it's not my point of view at all :)
And frankly if I did have that point of view I would find it very depressing. Happily I know that it doesn't end and it cannot end. We are eternal, never born, never dying. It's a beautiful thing to contemplate. And (KitKat this is for you too) contemplating the unfathomable mystery of how that could be so, and how we even come to exist now, it can be found to be the foundation of sanity and deep peace...
Yes, life is fucking hard, and is filled with masses of pain (and probably more pain than pleasure in the final analysis). And it can be headfucking confusing. And so it is. And so it is. Our task is only to recover and express our native happiness and freedom in the midst of that. That is what the shamanic use of drugs is all about at the root, and is what all spiritual systems are purposed towards ultimately. And right here on SR are masses of entheogenic substances that serve that recovery, and many people who know how to use them.
It's not a bad place all in all for someone to find their way again...
BG
There are two kinds of people here: those who do drugs because they feel good, and those who think that somehow ingesting a chemical lends you magical powers of perception. I'm sorry, but in my eyes, you are fucking insane. It is that clear to me: you are irrational and wrong in my opinion. I have done LSD, psilocybin, MDMA, MDA, 2C-B, marijuana, cocaine, amphetamine, methamphetamine, 2-FMA, 4-FMA, mephedrone, MDPV, and more fucking pharmaceuticals than I can even count let alone remember. I have seen and felt the things that you speak of, and I tell you, you are fucking wrong.
It is blatantly obvious to me that you have mistaken the only lesson drugs have to teach -- that we are ephemeral and given to mistaken perceptions. That is it. That is all. Accepting that we fail as often as we succeed in our attempt to perceive the world is the basis of science, it has created this modern world around is, it has made us undisputed masters of all that we see. We are as Gods among these creatures because of science. And you reject it. I cannot understand how you fail to see the power in requiring proof for one's beliefs. Not sensation, proof.
I do not go about reminding people that I think they're crazy and stupid for believing that the sensations they experience from drugs are real. They are as real as the fucking molecule in your blood and no more; they are not indicative of some metaphysical truth, and anyone who accepts such a thing on the basis of a sensation and nothing else is mistaken on such a grand level as to be awe inspiring.
I am sorry, but in my unprofessional, subjective opinion, you are fucking insane. Go believe your bullshit and stop leading others astray with it. You have every right to believe it. You have NO right to try and manipulate people in pain with it.
sorry, but i strongly disagree. if you are truly objective, you'd see that your opinion.. is just your opinion. it does not prove or disprove the pro argument vs. the con argument.
my "opinion" is that drugs do open the gateway to other levels of consciousness.. there are eerie resemblences to what psychadelic drug reports mention when you consider the fundamentals of buddhism and physics (in particular, string theory). buddhists say "everything is a vibration," which physics agrees with. and guess what happens when you smoke DMT or do LSD? everything "melts" away, as if it were vibrations. acidheads and buddhists also believe that consciousness affects reality, and physics has proven this (i forget what it's called, but by paying attention to something, you affect the way it functions atomically).
anyway, kitkat.. if you really want to kill yourself, you would have by now.. instead of failing twice. you still obviously have a will to live, so stop trying to kill yourself? and stop hating yourself more than anyone else in existence. do you realize that you probably hate yourself at least 10x more than anyone else does and how fucked up that logic is when you tell yourself how everyone else is better off without you?
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I hope you understand that what you've just done is told someone in so much pain they're literally debating defying thousands of years of instinct and genetic motivation
Haha, people have been killing themselves for a long time. To think that we've actually been following any sort of genetic guidelines is not only short sighted, it is flat out wrong. People guzzle high fructose corn syrup, litres a day. Half of them don't even drink water. We drive to work, drive to our family/friends. Hell. Most of us drive 2 blocks to the store when anyone with any sense would just walk. We stick needles in our arms to achieve highs that end up killing us. We show nothing but disregard for out genetics, what makes you think we're supposed to be so against killing ourselves? In this day and age it is weird NOT to think about killing yourself.
Humanity is just a soup of terrible genes. People that would've died early in life because of sheer stupidity now grow up to have 12 kids. We are not genetically disposed to anything but death, we are not built to survive anymore.
I don't know what happened, hon, but you confuse the Hell out of me these days. This is a poor thread for an academic argument -- I just can't stand people who posit theories as though they were fact and then try to manipulate others based on their own personal interpretations of "reality." So I went for the most obvious flaw I could see, which is how terrible the repercussions would be if they were true. I don't care what someone believes, everyone should have the right to believe anything they choose -- but when you start telling someone in pain that their pain is going to last forever if they're not careful, I take issue with it.
So I commented. If you took what I said personally, then I apologize. I didn't mean to offend you. I'm not sure exactly what to say to that though. Regardless, it wouldn't be appropriate in this thread I suppose...
SS, please read my response, and please re-read my previous post.
I have NEVER said or suggested that "her pain is going to last forever". Once again this is your reading, and (mis)interpretation of my words. Not sure why you're doing that, but anyway...
All statements anyone makes are clearly their point of view. To state that every time we speak is superfluous. However I do propose that consciousness is eternal and as we are that, we do not die - can not die. If you wish to believe that physical death is the end of everything you're welcome to that (rather depressing) idea. But it's not my point of view at all :)
And frankly if I did have that point of view I would find it very depressing. Happily I know that it doesn't end and it cannot end. We are eternal, never born, never dying. It's a beautiful thing to contemplate. And (KitKat this is for you too) contemplating the unfathomable mystery of how that could be so, and how we even come to exist now, it can be found to be the foundation of sanity and deep peace...
Yes, life is fucking hard, and is filled with masses of pain (and probably more pain than pleasure in the final analysis). And it can be headfucking confusing. And so it is. And so it is. Our task is only to recover and express our native happiness and freedom in the midst of that. That is what the shamanic use of drugs is all about at the root, and is what all spiritual systems are purposed towards ultimately. And right here on SR are masses of entheogenic substances that serve that recovery, and many people who know how to use them.
It's not a bad place all in all for someone to find their way again...
BG
There are two kinds of people here: those who do drugs because they feel good, and those who think that somehow ingesting a chemical lends you magical powers of perception. I'm sorry, but in my eyes, you are fucking insane. It is that clear to me: you are irrational and wrong in my opinion. I have done LSD, psilocybin, MDMA, MDA, 2C-B, marijuana, cocaine, amphetamine, methamphetamine, 2-FMA, 4-FMA, mephedrone, MDPV, and more fucking pharmaceuticals than I can even count let alone remember. I have seen and felt the things that you speak of, and I tell you, you are fucking wrong.
It is blatantly obvious to me that you have mistaken the only lesson drugs have to teach -- that we are ephemeral and given to mistaken perceptions. That is it. That is all. Accepting that we fail as often as we succeed in our attempt to perceive the world is the basis of science, it has created this modern world around is, it has made us undisputed masters of all that we see. We are as Gods among these creatures because of science. And you reject it. I cannot understand how you fail to see the power in requiring proof for one's beliefs. Not sensation, proof.
I do not go about reminding people that I think they're crazy and stupid for believing that the sensations they experience from drugs are real. They are as real as the fucking molecule in your blood and no more; they are not indicative of some metaphysical truth, and anyone who accepts such a thing on the basis of a sensation and nothing else is mistaken on such a grand level as to be awe inspiring.
I am sorry, but in my unprofessional, subjective opinion, you are fucking insane. Go believe your bullshit and stop leading others astray with it. You have every right to believe it. You have NO right to try and manipulate people in pain with it.
sorry, but i strongly disagree. if you are truly objective, you'd see that your opinion.. is just your opinion. it does not prove or disprove the pro argument vs. the con argument.
my "opinion" is that drugs do open the gateway to other levels of consciousness.. there are eerie resemblences to what psychadelic drug reports mention when you consider the fundamentals of buddhism and physics (in particular, string theory). buddhists say "everything is a vibration," which physics agrees with. and guess what happens when you smoke DMT or do LSD? everything "melts" away, as if it were vibrations. acidheads and buddhists also believe that consciousness affects reality, and physics has proven this (i forget what it's called, but by paying attention to something, you affect the way it functions atomically).
anyway, kitkat.. if you really want to kill yourself, you would have by now.. instead of failing twice. you still obviously have a will to live, so stop trying to kill yourself? and stop hating yourself more than anyone else in existence. do you realize that you probably hate yourself at least 10x more than anyone else does and how fucked up that logic is when you tell yourself how everyone else is better off without you?
I might start a thread of it's own for this subject seeing as this thread could maybe get boycotted.
Anyway, again, more good vibes n prayers towards you KitKat. You Will get better I promise. :)
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I think what I have learned from all of this is that a members status is not based at all off of the content of their words. I am guessing it is based off of number of posts, because some of these SR members and above have said some very rude and unexpected things.
I have know idea what KitKat is going through, and I am no real church goer but I once heard a pastor say "If you are going through hell, keep going eventually you will make it out" I also truly believe that you cant lose forever. In my psychology class my teacher was teaching us about downward comparisons. Once you have been in an extremely situation all of your life when something bad happens you can see "at least im not there anymore" for instance ranger school in the Army is the toughest thing any human will ever willing go through, and when my instructor was in Afghanistan he would say damn at least I am not in Ranger school.
So Kit Kat I am happy you made it out of this, keep going and once your better you will look back on this and be happy.
I don't know how much different drugs you do but maybe some of this can have an effect. DO whats best for yourself whether that means not doing drugs, or finding one that helps to heal you.
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First of all a big fat heart-felt FUCK YOU to the all the people bashing kitkat. You have absolutely no idea what you're talking about or what kitkat is going through. So shut the fuck up.
kitkat, you sound a lot like me and (this is all speculation, so sorry if I'm wrong) from what I understand, by trying to kill yourself you're not trying to get a message across to someone. You're trying it not because you don't want to live anymore per se but because you'd rather be dead than endure the pain you're currently experiencing.
I know how that feels. I'm sick of crying myself to sleep every night. I'm sick of being lonely. I'm sick of being full of hate. I'm sick of being controlled by fear. I need a shoulder to cry on but I seem to be scaring everyone away who gets to know me too well. I'm sick of having no significant impact on anyone's life.
And I'm running out of reasons not to end it all.
And even though I have only roughly 20 years of life experience, I can almost guarantee you that this pain is going to go away and after that you can look back at what happened and feel really good and strong about what you endured and withstood :)
Why am I writing all this? I don't know. Feels liberating in a funny way and this was kinda the right thread to write this.
What I originally wanted to say:
kitkat, I'm wholeheartedly hoping that you're alive and physically okay. If you need any kind of advice or just a good ol' shoulder to cry on and someone to listen to you, you can always PM me or email me at ballzinator@tormail.org.
You sound like a good person.
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Ok, I logged on to read the last few messages I have and delete my account...but I can't pretend not to be upset and hurt by a lot of the negative comments saying I am making shit up or attention seeking, using my gender....for what, a little attention/? Because I am a lonely person, and making fun of me for that? WTF is wrong with people. Obviously a sick person does what I do. So why kick me when I am down?!?. So to the people who seem to be total assholes about this....Why don't you listen up to what the deal is.
I have a personality disorder, been confirmed and reconfirmed for 11 years by many psychologists and psychiatrists called Borderline Personality Disorder....it makes it near impossible when I am untreated for me to control my impulses, and I do 100% mean what I say when I say it, but don't realize that it is attention seeking or that I am trying to push people away or whatever. So when I say I took an overdose, then I actually did. I don't really have a whole lot of control when I get in that frantic state of mind, and I do make posts or phone calls to people that are attention seeking, but not intentionally, if that makes sense? I don't have an active control or awareness of these behaviors. It's not like "Oh I am lonely, let me act like a whiny bitch". ::)
If I have a friend who says they are going to call me at 8 or if my sister says she is going to meet me for lunch and cancels, I get deeply hurt, I have an inability to see a grey area, and I internalize and make everything personal. So whatever....you may call it attention seeking and sneer at me....but it is pretty much my illness...and it's actually called para suicidal behavior, which often ends in many cases with completed suicide. So fuck off if you can't be a little kind to someone who has never felt a moment of personal peace in 30 years.
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/borderline-personality-disorder/DS00442/DSECTION=symptoms
Impulsive and risky behavior, such as risky driving, unsafe sex, gambling sprees or illegal drug use
Awareness of destructive behavior, including self-injury, but sometimes feeling unable to change it
Wide mood swings
Short but intense episodes of anxiety or depression
Inappropriate anger and antagonistic behavior, sometimes escalating into physical fights
Difficulty controlling emotions or impulses
Suicidal behavior
Feeling misunderstood, neglected, alone, empty or hopeless
Fear of being alone
Feelings of self-hate and self-loathing
When you have borderline personality disorder, you often have an insecure sense of who you are. Your self-image, self-identity or sense of self often rapidly changes. You may view yourself as evil or bad, and sometimes you may feel as if you don't exist at all. An unstable self-image often leads to frequent changes in jobs, friendships, goals and values.
Your relationships are usually in turmoil. You may idealize someone one moment and then abruptly and dramatically shift to fury and hate over perceived slights or even minor misunderstandings. This is because people with borderline personality disorder often have difficulty accepting gray areas — things seem to be either black or white.
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Whether in showing kindness and concern or in showing complete disregard and cruelty, many users in this thread and the corresponding one have shown their colors. I am very happy to be in the same community as so many of you. Others, well, you have quite a bit of growing up to do, to say the least.
Moderators, would it be too much to ask to lock these two forums? I think all has been said that could be said publicly. Kitkat knows who supported her through this, and she also knows who among us are the stupid dickless wonders of the world.
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I agree, sleepyeyes2k2.