Silk Road forums
Discussion => Drug safety => Topic started by: kitkat82 on February 18, 2013, 03:03 am
-
I take effexor and took 400mg of pure MDMA and wellbutrin, trying to cause myself to pass out and die. Pretty sure my kidneys are in failure already, but not sure if I am doing something wrong?
also been drinking and taking anything i can find that will cause seratonin syndrome.
-
Why would you do this to yourself? Your family?
Please, call a hospital and find help. You can't tell me you really want your life to end..
There's still time to change your mind dude!!!
-
:( kitkat.
what's going on? when did you start trying to commit suicide?? don't you have a child? are they safe?
please don't do this! if you're able to login to SR and post coherently, there's still time to change your mind and get some medical help ...
-
I really do...it's probably too late...i cvan hardly move now...it's better this way
-
my child is safe...with my family now...it will be ok...sorry
-
if you can move enough to post here, you can move enough to dial 911.
is your child somewhere safe?
-
yes my child is safe, but I don't want to live anymore...I don't want to go to another mental hospital
-
no, kitkat ... :(
there is nothing so permanent as to make suicide the only solution.
what can we do to get you to call 911? to get you to stop? there is still time and NO ONE is better off with you killing yourself.
-
I really do...it's probably too late...i cvan hardly move now...it's better this way
It isn't better this way man, there's so much to do..so much to experience. Call help, anybody can help you. How will your loved ones feel? Please..don't do this.
-
No...I am tired of being crazy, lonely, alone, miserable, a burden to my family, verbally abused and constantly rejected....I just can't take it anymore.
Plus a friend of mine killed herself and taht has been depressing me, as well as other things...but mostly realizing that I am a failure asa person.
-
you are not a failure as a person! all of these things can be helped and can be dealt with in ways far less permanent!
-
I really do...it's probably too late...i cvan hardly move now...it's better this way
It isn't better this way man, there's so much to do..so much to experience. Call help, anybody can help you. How will your loved ones feel? Please..don't do this.
I know it will hurt them, but I have caused them so much paina nd suffering that I really think they would be relieved to be rid of me. My son is young enough tht he will forget me...I can't take the pain of living anymore, i just cant
-
and you aren't crazy -- you're depressed. there is a difference. it's horrible to think that you're killing yourself when all you need is to find a doctor who can help you find the right combo of meds to make things feel easier to deal with. your situation needs to change, but that doesn't mean suicide is a solution.
kitkat ... you were depressed about your friend who committed suicide ... so you know how your friends and family - and child - will feel if you do.
your son will never forget you -- but he will suffer from your absence. there's nothing permanent about the situation you're in - it just needs to change! suicide, on the other hand, is permanent.
-
also, there is nothing a child could do to make their parents "relieved" to "be rid" of them. NOTHING.
-
Don't do it. This world we live in is far too miraculous in some places to leave. Please reconsider mate. Much love your way. I personally lost a parent and it IS NOT easier by any means.....
-
I am ok....i think i am gonna live...don't worry...it should have killed me by niow....so it didn't work...
i can't even kill myself properly.
-
it's not a bad thing that it didn't work --- it is a very, very good thing!
however, you may really want to get to a hospital because i'm not sure of what all you've taken -- they may be able to prevent more damage to your organs if you let them help you. it doesn't mean you have to go to a mental hospital.
no one wants you to kill yourself ... so i hope to God that you will get some medical help to prevent any longterm damage from happening! people need you around! people you may not have even met yet! and definitely your son!
is there anything i can do? anything any of us can do for you right now? please don't continue to take stuff -- if you think your kidneys might be failing, you need to get some medical help (which, again, does not necessarily mean mental hospital).
-
C'mon man, don't commit suicide. You have children who should be first and foremost in your life. My cousin's father committed suicide and it's done nothing but trouble her day in and day out. You may think you are ending your own pain, but you also cause pain to so many others. It really isn't the answer
Although we don't really know eachother on here, it really is a loving community and we can do our best to help you out
-
Kitkat, I know we don't know each other, but I wish we did. Things got so bad for me once that I did what you did, and I would have let down so many people. Please reach out to someone tonight who can be with you, or talk you through this. If there is anything that I can do, please let me know somehow. No one here wants to think that you are alone tonight, wishing that things had ended.
-
i'll echo what i stated in my message to you, kitkat --- you have people here on an anonymous drug forum on the darknet who genuinely CARE. this itself is proof that life doesn't have to be a lonely, dark, solitary thing.
is there anyone you can call to just hang out with you tonight? maybe watch some tv or movies, just keep you company and make sure you do okay while the drugs wear off? tomorrow is a brand new day, and i want you to see it.
-
I am so sorry. I am so sorry you have to feel this way... and that there's nothing I can do. I would have enjoyed talking to you more. Any time, feel free to say hi. You're wrong, by the way. Your life has as much (or as little) worth as anyone elses. I don't know who has told you what, but they're wrong. I'm smart, right? Well I say it's true, and I'm smart, so it must be right -- right? :P
... bad joke. Feel better, KitKat. By the way... when your kidneys fail, you generally live for several days. You get very sick, and very weak, and it's not very pleasant I hear.
-
I hope you're alright and that things get better for you soon.
-
it's not a bad thing that it didn't work --- it is a very, very good thing!
however, you may really want to get to a hospital because i'm not sure of what all you've taken -- they may be able to prevent more damage to your organs if you let them help you. it doesn't mean you have to go to a mental hospital.
no one wants you to kill yourself ... so i hope to God that you will get some medical help to prevent any longterm damage from happening! people need you around! people you may not have even met yet! and definitely your son!
is there anything i can do? anything any of us can do for you right now? please don't continue to take stuff -- if you think your kidneys might be failing, you need to get some medical help (which, again, does not necessarily mean mental hospital).
The only thing that would help is if someone came over to sit and talk with me...I have no real friends in this area....and my parents don't really want to hear me talk about anything
-
Who is looking after you child?
Go see them and talk to them about it.
Most countries in the world have suicide hotlines.
Think about your child. No matter how loved he is, he always deserve to have his mother.
No matter what situation you are in, it can always be improved.
Self medicating will only make things worse, you really should speak to a doctor.
There is nothign in your life that cant be fixed
-
kitkat82, I'm happy your alive, your a mum, your child needs you, stay strong for your child he/she deserves a mum, every child does. You don't need to go to the mental hospital, however by the sounds of your situation you need a little empathy and a listening ear. You have a lot of emotional baggage depressing your emotions and you need to let go. If your family think you're a burden to them, forget about them, sometimes your friends can be closer than your family. Get to the hospital quickly, I'm not an expert in this but you may need your stomach pumped, kidney failure is very painful, you don't want that, drink a lot of water, you need to keep yourself hydrated. If you need a little emotional support tonight, a voice on the phone beyond the forums (however much some of us would love to give you that we can't), you can call the sameritans, it's confidential, they'll listen to you, and will try to help you see a little light in your life, they're good people. Always remember no matter what and how tough it gets there's someone always worse off than you, life sends us challenges, and if we manage to overcome them we become better people from our experience. If you ever need someone to listen to you feel free to pm me anytime, my door is open to you, my sincerest well wishes go out to you kitkat82, please come back and let us know your okay.
-
I agree with PrincessHIGH ... to prevent painful unpleasant future issues, you may need some medical intervention just to help your kidneys. Plus, with MDMA, it's easy to drink too much water, and with possible kidney failure on top of everything, it's something you don't want to mess with.
Is there anyone who can help you get to a hospital? Tell the doctors everything you took - they'll be able to help give you whatever is necessary to prevent more problems.
Keep hanging in there. I'm sorry that none of us can be there with you - I'd definitely hang out with you and take you to the doctor, and then home for some light & humorous tv shows. And food! And we could talk as long as you needed.
There is an outpouring of support, empathy, and care here ... all of which are possible IRL as well. Hold onto that knowledge!
-
Kitkat,
Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Don't worry, ALL SHALL PASS!
Get some medical help, don't tell them you were trying to committ suicide as they will put you in the mental hospital.
Just tell them it was an accidental overdose. Make sure you hide or destroy any drugs at home to avoid possible drug charges.
-
I agree with PrincessHIGH ... to prevent painful unpleasant future issues, you may need some medical intervention just to help your kidneys. Plus, with MDMA, it's easy to drink too much water, and with possible kidney failure on top of everything, it's something you don't want to mess with.
Is there anyone who can help you get to a hospital? Tell the doctors everything you took - they'll be able to help give you whatever is necessary to prevent more problems.
Keep hanging in there. I'm sorry that none of us can be there with you - I'd definitely hang out with you and take you to the doctor, and then home for some light & humorous tv shows. And food! And we could talk as long as you needed.
There is an outpouring of support, empathy, and care here ... all of which are possible IRL as well. Hold onto that knowledge!
I am trying to work up the courage to dial 911...afraid of hospitals...and they might try to take my baby away...he is safe with my folks....but still
-
i think as long as you aren't threatening to harm someone, doctors are bound by doctor-patient confidentiality ... so i don't think she needs to worry too much about that right now.
-
I am trying to work up the courage to dial 911...afraid of hospitals...and they might try to take my baby away...he is safe with my folks....but still
i think as long as you aren't threatening to harm someone, doctors are bound by doctor-patient confidentiality ... so i don't think she needs to worry too much about that right now.
What scout said is correct, doctors are bound by doctor patient confidentiality, you don't need to worry. Get to hospital kitkat82, everyone on this thread cares about you, you need urgent medical treatment, please do the right thing and pick up the phone now.
-
The only thing you need to worry about right now is going to the ER. When you get back home, be sure to let us know how you're feeling!
We'll be thinking of you!
-
... I'm sorry, but I find some of the things people are saying here disgusting.
1) she already said she has no real friends. Why on Earth would you tell her friends are sometimes closer than family?
2) I think you guys are wrong. If they decide she's unstable and needs to be held for observation, it becomes their responsibility to find out where the child is. They have to, they can't just leave a kid who may or may not have someone looking after them alone for up to 72 hours. But whatever, I really hope you're right.
3) It would be wonderful if there was always some help. But they have no magic pill. It's been my experience that their "help" does more harm than good. You're assuming these people can make her problems go away. Some people seem to appreciate the attention and all, but there's often no actual help there.
4) With overdoses that happened hours prior, they often can't do anything except treat symptoms as they arise and hope the patient lives long enough for their kidneys and liver to remove the toxins from the blood. There isn't a magic antidote for every substance. She may end up sitting there hooked up to an IV, forced to stay for 72 hours, with her child taken away when she gets out, and no real help at all.
... I'm sure you can figure out how I know this if you want to.
-
Just a quick update.
I heard from Kitkat. She made it to the ER, and checked out physically okay. No clear word yet on whether she's coming home tonight. I know she appreciates the warm thoughts and well wishes.
Cheers.
-
How did you hear from her? Do you know her IRL?
So her kidneys were not in failure?
That's great news. Thank you for the update!
-
KitKat, I only wish I was on here last night to talk with you. You are a valuable human being and worthy of love. I will be your friend. PM me when you are able and I will check in often. We can talk about anything and everything. I am here for you. I lost 2 of my sisters to suicide. I know about the pain. Again, you are not really alone. Reach out!
Big hug sent your way. ML
-
I think you guys are wrong. If they decide she's unstable and needs to be held for observation, it becomes their responsibility to find out where the child is. They have to, they can't just leave a kid who may or may not have someone looking after them alone for up to 72 hours.
Yep. It doesn't necessarily mean removal or other Big Hairy Deal (maybe Kitkat is in some magical state with unicorns and readily available foster care, generally kids aren't 'removed' without much more serious threat in my underfunded system), but they do have to check on the kiddo's safety. I've been the kid, I support this idea.
It would be wonderful if there was always some help. But they have no magic pill. It's been my experience that their "help" does more harm than good. You're assuming these people can make her problems go away. Some people seem to appreciate the attention and all, but there's often no actual help there.
Also correct, although 'actual help' might be defined differently. Sometimes just being removed from the environment is enough of a reset. People who do this kind of thing a lot look at static and modifiable risk factors and see what they can do to modify the modifiable ones. That's part of the 72h - people get sober, they get some sleep, their anxiety gets mitigated, etc. Being in a safe place or in contact with someone long enough to stay safe when really impulsive can be enough to keep someone from acting in the service of overwhelming feelings.
No one's going to make the problems go away, I agree, or reduce their severity or imminence. If there's someone good involved, s/he may may be able to help with the options narrowing and the distorted thinking and help Kitkat with the feeling of disconnection, and s/he won't trivialize whatever Kitkat has going on.
With overdoses that happened hours prior, they often can't do anything except treat symptoms as they arise and hope the patient lives long enough for their kidneys and liver to remove the toxins from the blood. There isn't a magic antidote for every substance. She may end up sitting there hooked up to an IV, forced to stay for 72 hours, with her child taken away when she gets out, and no real help at all.
Again correct. There are frustratingly few antidotes, although they are kind of freaking awesome when they get used. Hell, even with poisonings that happened very shortly prior, symptom management is usually the rule. Activated charcoal and lavage aren't all that and a bag of chips.
Could be forced to stay more than 72 hours but it would depend on a lot of things, and someone can of course sign herself in on a voluntary stay if they petition for an involuntary. Having had another recent poisoning in the past several months would make that longer stay more likely.
I would like to think that *sometimes* there is some help but obviously that's not something I can make happen.
Kitkat, I'm not much for talking people down - long story, but it's just not where I can put my energy. I'm better at the resuscitation / reconstruction end of things though. PM me if you'd like. I'm around every day or two.
I'm worried, because when you clear/come back, there's a core question I'd ask, and it's the core question someone should ask anyone before releasing them (or trusting them to be in risky situations - I'm gonna get kicked for that, but I have a lot of suicidal people in my immediate life) after an attempt: so what's changed? what's different now than when you decided to take this mix to poison yourself?
Because from here, you have all the same risks/stressors as when you poisoned yourself... but now you have the added stress of this attempt. Plus the post MDMA slump (maybe you took enough everything else that you didn't totally crash and burn, that would be a pleasant irony, and it is one that I wish you.)
Excuse my rudeness in asking, because you don't know me from Eve, I just lurk around here mostly and then post walls of text.
Still, I want you to do well and, uh, not die. And stuff. Like that. [scuffs toe, looks down]
-
Just a quick update.
I heard from Kitkat. She made it to the ER, and checked out physically okay. No clear word yet on whether she's coming home tonight. I know she appreciates the warm thoughts and well wishes.
Cheers.
Thank-you sleepyeyes2k2 for the update and good news, I'm happy to hear kitkat82 made it safely to ER and she's okay (I hope her kidneys are fine?), please let her know she's in my thoughts and send her a big hug from me, thank-you :)
-
@kitkat
sweetheart please dont think about things like this.
ive also lost a person who was everything for me ....
i also miss this person so much, and i was always close to the edge.
a big hug from me to you :-*
things will getting better, you will see !!
-
They released me early this morning. My electrolytes where out of whack and causing me some issues and I was dehydrated, but otherwise ok.
The interesting thing is they ran a million tests...ekg, kidney liver etc etc...but it turns out I have severe hypothyroidism....and when the levels get that low it can cause severe depression, even suicidal thoughts. Makes people lose interest in socializing, anxious, obsessive.
So I have to go get my prescription, but hopefully in a few weeks I will feel better. I already feel a little better knowing that there is something that might actually help me this time.
-
They released me early this morning. My electrolytes where out of whack and causing me some issues and I was dehydrated, but otherwise ok.
The interesting thing is they ran a million tests...ekg, kidney liver etc etc...but it turns out I have severe hypothyroidism....and when the levels get that low it can cause severe depression, even suicidal thoughts. Makes people lose interest in socializing, anxious, obsessive.
So I have to go get my prescription, but hopefully in a few weeks I will feel better. I already feel a little better knowing that there is something that might actually help me this time.
Yeah I've been mostly suicidal my whole life but really the thing that keeps me going, as fucked up as it sounds, is the fact that suicide is a declaration that nothing in the world matters any more and if nothing in the world matters than I can do ANYTHING I want to. It's sort of liberating for me. Life without all the social consequences that people deal with in day to day reality which were in fact the very things that made me want to off myself most the time. Hard to keep it together as a functional anarchist but it's possible.When you get to a better place I'd suggest picking something impossible to do and simply conquer it. For me, suicidal thoughts come from being trapped in a system from which I feel there is no hope and no escape but there is always a plan B, C and D out there if you look for it. Fuck, move to India for a year and become a Buddhist. Learn how to fly a plane. Run for freaking Mayor of your Town. Whatever it takes, liberate yourself from complacency and life becomes infinitely more tolerable.
Glad you're okay! We only get one shot at this as far as we know so might as well ride it out and see where it goes.
-
They released me early this morning. My electrolytes where out of whack and causing me some issues and I was dehydrated, but otherwise ok.
The interesting thing is they ran a million tests...ekg, kidney liver etc etc...but it turns out I have severe hypothyroidism....and when the levels get that low it can cause severe depression, even suicidal thoughts. Makes people lose interest in socializing, anxious, obsessive.
So I have to go get my prescription, but hopefully in a few weeks I will feel better. I already feel a little better knowing that there is something that might actually help me this time.
I'm happy to hear you're okay kitkat82, I was worried about you last night, I'm relived you did the right thing and went to ER. The good news is hypothyroidism isn't the end of the world, you can keep it under control, it could well be the cause of some of the symptoms you've been experiencing. More than likely you'll be prescribed a low dose of of levothyroxine, which your doctor may increase depending on how your body responds, you may experience some temporary symptoms while your body adjusts to the levothyroxine (your doctor will tell you about these), but once you're adjusted these symptoms will go away. You'll be monitored through regular blood testes to ensure the balance of levothyroxine in your system is right. If you need any diet advice send me a pm I'd be more than happy to help. I'm sending you my well wishes and a big hug, all the best kitkat, please keep us updated on how your getting on :)
-
So I have to go get my prescription, but hopefully in a few weeks I will feel better. I already feel a little better knowing that there is something that might actually help me this time.
Welcome back!!!!! I have all faith that you will, in fact, feel better, and I hope that for you, as I know everyone in this thread does, too. Get plenty of rest, and never forget that you have plenty of friends here.
-
i'll echo what i stated in my message to you, kitkat --- you have people here on an anonymous drug forum on the darknet who genuinely CARE. this itself is proof that life doesn't have to be a lonely, dark, solitary thing.
This is a great point. The people who have posted so far on an anonymous drug website genuinely care about you, I do! There are millions more who would show the same compassion and empathy towards you given the chance, always remember that! :)
-
i feel bad that you are this way... but you shouldn't forget that you aren't really alone in the way you feel. there are plenty of people who attempt suicide, and they most likely feel just the way you do. i often tell myself "i don't want to live anymore," but killing myself isn't really an option worth considering. just because up to this point in your life you feel like a failture; and that you want to run to somewhere safe, but the more and more you look, there doesn't seem to exist a place... it doesn't mean that you'll never get to that point. don't let go of that last ounce of hope, because it's always there.
okay, enough with the platitudes, but i really do feel this way.
-
KITKAT MY SISTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was thinking about you LAST NIGHT, and then couldn't get on the forums all fuking day.
I'm am so happy you've got his sorted out. Tears are pouring down my cheeks right now. Don't you EVER do that again.
FUCK IRL FRIENDS WE HAVE EACHOTHER.
Never again, my sister, NEVER AGAIN.
-
Yay Kitkat! I'm so glad you're ok! I've been worried about you all day. Please don't ever, ever give up. Sometimes I know its all you can do to put one foot in front of the other. That's ok. Just keep doing it. The tunnel can seem so dark and deep but there is light on the other side. (insert hokey cliche) I think there are some genuinely good people in this community so always reach out for help when you need it. My email is Marylamb1005@tormail.org. I couldn't get on the road today so if that should happen again I will check my email often if you want to talk privately. Once you get your thyroid back on track maybe other things will be more manageable. :)
Another big hug coming your way!
-
Listen me carefully.
Let's live in love and unity
For anything you do, just see 'we'
you can make your life full again. Pull yourself together. Life can get hard and ugly but you can make it beautiful again.
It is the ultimate mind trip. Life.
if you need to talk to someone we are here. Look how many people care for you. you belong ! everyone has a place. Even if its anon forum.
everyone has a purpose! You will find yours again!
the medication will help you! your head will be as clear as ever! the world will be your playground again, flowers will bloom for you! the birds will sing for you! the elves will chant a new reality. Love!
-
stay safe gurl, dont scare people like that again :'( hope u feel better soon, i went thru the same stage in life as you
-
Hi kitkat, try watching this video if you haven't already: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Ja75T5wF1U
If that sparks any interest, get one of his books and sit down and read. You'll learn some great stuff.
-
I know I'm late to this and I don't know who the fuck you are but I'm damn glad you're okay. Don't die kitty. Its never the answer.
Peace love and happiness to you. I smoke this joint in your name. Good vibes.
-
I know I'm late to this and I don't know who the fuck you are but I'm damn glad you're okay. Don't die kitty. Its never the answer.
Peace love and happiness to you. I smoke this joint in your name. Good vibes.
Yeah... it doesn't matter who you are, it can send chills down people's spines reading the first page's post.
You gotta realize that life isn't as bad as your mind makes it. There's a way to drop emotional baggage, there's a way to drop what your mind thinks is you.
People care. Conscious people care for people. It doesn't matter who the person is. You have to be forgiving of yourself and others.
Hopefully you understand what I'm saying.
-
i apologize for bringing this thread back up..
but kitkat damnit!!
i don't even know you.. but i had tears welling up halfway through the first page!!
if you can stir up this amount of emotion and support in a dark web drug 711 forum, you have the awesomeness IRL to gain friends.. even with that being said, friends aren't all their cracked up to be ;)
just please please know that this particular permanent solution's effects last for a long time, and what you're currently battling, although seemingly unconquerable, will pass!!
we love you!! stay strong!!
-
They released me early this morning. My electrolytes where out of whack and causing me some issues and I was dehydrated, but otherwise ok.
The interesting thing is they ran a million tests...ekg, kidney liver etc etc...but it turns out I have severe hypothyroidism....and when the levels get that low it can cause severe depression, even suicidal thoughts. Makes people lose interest in socializing, anxious, obsessive.
So I have to go get my prescription, but hopefully in a few weeks I will feel better. I already feel a little better knowing that there is something that might actually help me this time.
Kitkat I am so pleased to hear you went for help, hypothyroidism can most certainly cause you to feel the emotions you were experiencing. With the right medical help and a good psychologist you can get through this I promise you. You have a small human who depends upon you and irrespective of how you may feel at times your world is bigger than you. Please be gentle with yourself, I will PM you.
-
I dont know you but I want to send you the Love you need now.
Stay, just stay to see what happens next. Big hugs to you!
-
kitkat -- I know you tried again last night to kill yourself ... eventually you stopped responding to messages, so I'm hoping it's because you got help.
let us know you are okay?
-
I got the same PM, kitkat please get some professional help immediately and let us know if you are ok???
-
heard from her - she's doing fine other than being sick from all the pills and vodka. trying to encourage her to seek help from someone who is qualified in her area. sometimes just having someone in person to talk to can help - especially when they help people deal with these issues every day.
-
“Pain is not the same as suffering. Left to itself, the body discharges pain spontaneously, letting go of it the moment that the underlying cause is healed. Suffering is pain that we hold on to. It comes from the mind’s mysterious instinct to believe that pain is good, or that it cannot be escaped, or that the person deserves it.”
-
if you are able to type 'cant tell if its working' ....your attempted suicide isn't working (neither did your academic performance i am guessing)
all jokes aside (not really though)...hope you get better!!
-
jesus, after reading your 'attempt' i can not believe your choice.
i seriously hope you are better and seeked help. it really saddens me that you took such a torturous...albeit..long way to hurt yourself. serotonin syndrome? kidney failure? this isnt suicide...this is torture. weird.
-
holy cow kit kat when i first saw the title i thought it was a joke then i read the first post and became terrified i'm so glad you are ok. you've been an awesome member of this family for so long. You really would have been very missed. i'm praying this new thyroid medication helps you. We need to keep the good ones like you in this world.
-
I have thyroid problems. When it was bad it was no joke. I wouldn't wish that feeling on anyone.
Best of wishes kat.
Thanks for the update scout.
-
i triedagain with a shit load of alchohol haad 2 cranberry vodkas, 2 white russians, 2 long island ice teas, a few shots, a couple beers, and a bunch of klonopin monday night. i was so shit faced in the other thread i just estimated it to be equal to a 5th of vodka. i feel like i am dying atm....very very sick still, going to the doctor...butt just trying to chill on my sofa and stay calm till then. might need to get my dad to drive me. but yeah, i don't really want to die anymore, i feel like i'm dying, but hopefully i'm wrong, lol. that would suck, if i ended up dying after i realized i didnt want to.
-
stay communicative to everyone around you!
you will get through this!
i must say, given the selection of drinks, you're going out in style and class! (thats as dark humor as anyone can get...apologies if that offends)
again, let all those close to you know your situation, drink plenty water, rest up, and try to exercise. if u have health insurance, hop on to a psychiatrist, they really helped me when i was down and out
sending u positivity and good vibes. feel free to PM me
-
stay communicative to everyone around you!
you will get through this!
i must say, given the selection of drinks, you're going out in style and class! (thats as dark humor as anyone can get...apologies if that offends)
again, let all those close to you know your situation, drink plenty water, rest up, and try to exercise. if u have health insurance, hop on to a psychiatrist, they really helped me when i was down and out
sending u positivity and good vibes. feel free to PM me
Thanks man. LOL, I take the drink comment as a compliment...I used to be bartender so I know my shit. After the Vodk Cranberries I was like, fuck this shit I need to pound some serious shit and ordered the Long Islands. Then some people were buying shots so I have no damn idea what they were.
-
=)
for what it's worth, i royally fucked up my dopamine levels a few months back. shit was really dark...morbid like. I stuck through it..(had thought of ways out) let a few key people in my life know the situation (and some good pals on SR too)
needless to say..slow and steadily ..things began to get color...its not a day to day improvement..its a week to week.
-
Depression is a shitty thing to deal with.
You have to make your mind your bitch.
I read this really cool thing a while back. A professor holds up a glass of water and says, "How heavy is the water in this glass?"
The students try to figure out the weight of water vs how much they think is in the glass.
The professor says, "It doesn't matter. I can hold a full glass of water in front of me for 5 minutes. If I hold it for 20 it gets a little uncomfortable. If I hold it for an hour my arm would have pins and needles or drop the glass entirely. The weight of the water doesn't change, but your ability to hold it up does."
The prof then goes on to explain that the glass of water is like our problems. If we keep thinking about a problem, and weigh down our minds with what is wrong with ourselves and the world, then you will surely fail to be happy. I pulled myself out of a terrible depression almost 20 years ago, long before I heard this, but I used the same techniques.
Don't dwell on the negative thoughts in your head, they will only make things worse and will never solve anything.
I'm not saying ignore your problems, just think about solving them for limited amounts of time, or even schedule an hour out of your day to worry.
The rest of the time, any time you begin thinking a negative thought, change the conversation in your mind, or change your setting... like when you're having a bad trip.
That kid of yours may be small, but you are the one they will love forever if you take care of them, regardless of the screw-ups you experience.
To end it will not make their life any better. In fact children of people who commit suicides are more likely to do so themselves. If you succeed not only will you allow this child to grow up without your love, but they will likely be doomed to the same fate.
Life will get better, as everyone here is telling you, hyperthyroidism is treatable and you just have to hold on until the meds kick in and the psychologist has a chance to work with you.
-
@kitkat82
After reading this thread, I really don't know what to say that hasn't already been said.
I just really wish you the best, @kitkat82. I don't know you very well and we haven't really spoken on the forums but you seem like an awesome person and it would really be a shame to lose a cool kat like you!
cheesy, I know.
Get well, soon!
Keep us updated.
-
Depression is a shitty thing to deal with.
You have to make your mind your bitch.
I read this really cool thing a while back. A professor holds up a glass of water and says, "How heavy is the water in this glass?"
The students try to figure out the weight of water vs how much they think is in the glass.
The professor says, "It doesn't matter. I can hold a full glass of water in front of me for 5 minutes. If I hold it for 20 it gets a little uncomfortable. If I hold it for an hour my arm would have pins and needles or drop the glass entirely. The weight of the water doesn't change, but your ability to hold it up does."
The prof then goes on to explain that the glass of water is like our problems. If we keep thinking about a problem, and weigh down our minds with what is wrong with ourselves and the world, then you will surely fail to be happy. I pulled myself out of a terrible depression almost 20 years ago, long before I heard this, but I used the same techniques.
Don't dwell on the negative thoughts in your head, they will only make things worse and will never solve anything.
I'm not saying ignore your problems, just think about solving them for limited amounts of time, or even schedule an hour out of your day to worry.
The rest of the time, any time you begin thinking a negative thought, change the conversation in your mind, or change your setting... like when you're having a bad trip.
That kid of yours may be small, but you are the one they will love forever if you take care of them, regardless of the screw-ups you experience.
To end it will not make their life any better. In fact children of people who commit suicides are more likely to do so themselves. If you succeed not only will you allow this child to grow up without your love, but they will likely be doomed to the same fate.
Life will get better, as everyone here is telling you, hyperthyroidism is treatable and you just have to hold on until the meds kick in and the psychologist has a chance to work with you.
Thank you so much. That was pretty profound. I'm doing my best to get some help....it's just hard, so many hoops to jump through.
It's a lot easier to just go out and get wasted and have sex with some random stranger than sit at home alone thinking about my problems....but yeah, that's not really helping me in the long run.
-
Depression is a shitty thing to deal with.
You have to make your mind your bitch.
I read this really cool thing a while back. A professor holds up a glass of water and says, "How heavy is the water in this glass?"
The students try to figure out the weight of water vs how much they think is in the glass.
The professor says, "It doesn't matter. I can hold a full glass of water in front of me for 5 minutes. If I hold it for 20 it gets a little uncomfortable. If I hold it for an hour my arm would have pins and needles or drop the glass entirely. The weight of the water doesn't change, but your ability to hold it up does."
The prof then goes on to explain that the glass of water is like our problems. If we keep thinking about a problem, and weigh down our minds with what is wrong with ourselves and the world, then you will surely fail to be happy. I pulled myself out of a terrible depression almost 20 years ago, long before I heard this, but I used the same techniques.
Don't dwell on the negative thoughts in your head, they will only make things worse and will never solve anything.
I'm not saying ignore your problems, just think about solving them for limited amounts of time, or even schedule an hour out of your day to worry.
The rest of the time, any time you begin thinking a negative thought, change the conversation in your mind, or change your setting... like when you're having a bad trip.
That kid of yours may be small, but you are the one they will love forever if you take care of them, regardless of the screw-ups you experience.
To end it will not make their life any better. In fact children of people who commit suicides are more likely to do so themselves. If you succeed not only will you allow this child to grow up without your love, but they will likely be doomed to the same fate.
Life will get better, as everyone here is telling you, hyperthyroidism is treatable and you just have to hold on until the meds kick in and the psychologist has a chance to work with you.
Thank you so much. That was pretty profound. I'm doing my best to get some help....it's just hard, so many hoops to jump through.
It's a lot easier to just go out and get wasted and have sex with some random stranger than sit at home alone thinking about my problems....but yeah, that's not really helping me in the long run.
MAN I WISH IT WAS THIS EASY TO GET LAID.
I need to be a girl. Just being able to go out and fuck whenever I want. Don't even need to be that hot, just need a vagina and hopefully not fat.
/rant
-
ive read through this.
Hope you're ok Kitkat. Chin up
xxxx
-
Depression is a shitty thing to deal with.
You have to make your mind your bitch.
I read this really cool thing a while back. A professor holds up a glass of water and says, "How heavy is the water in this glass?"
The students try to figure out the weight of water vs how much they think is in the glass.
The professor says, "It doesn't matter. I can hold a full glass of water in front of me for 5 minutes. If I hold it for 20 it gets a little uncomfortable. If I hold it for an hour my arm would have pins and needles or drop the glass entirely. The weight of the water doesn't change, but your ability to hold it up does."
The prof then goes on to explain that the glass of water is like our problems. If we keep thinking about a problem, and weigh down our minds with what is wrong with ourselves and the world, then you will surely fail to be happy. I pulled myself out of a terrible depression almost 20 years ago, long before I heard this, but I used the same techniques.
Don't dwell on the negative thoughts in your head, they will only make things worse and will never solve anything.
I'm not saying ignore your problems, just think about solving them for limited amounts of time, or even schedule an hour out of your day to worry.
The rest of the time, any time you begin thinking a negative thought, change the conversation in your mind, or change your setting... like when you're having a bad trip.
That kid of yours may be small, but you are the one they will love forever if you take care of them, regardless of the screw-ups you experience.
To end it will not make their life any better. In fact children of people who commit suicides are more likely to do so themselves. If you succeed not only will you allow this child to grow up without your love, but they will likely be doomed to the same fate.
Life will get better, as everyone here is telling you, hyperthyroidism is treatable and you just have to hold on until the meds kick in and the psychologist has a chance to work with you.
Thank you so much. That was pretty profound. I'm doing my best to get some help....it's just hard, so many hoops to jump through.
It's a lot easier to just go out and get wasted and have sex with some random stranger than sit at home alone thinking about my problems....but yeah, that's not really helping me in the long run.
MAN I WISH IT WAS THIS EASY TO GET LAID.
I need to be a girl. Just being able to go out and fuck whenever I want. Don't even need to be that hot, just need a vagina and hopefully not fat.
/rant
That was totally out of place and extremely distasteful considering the thread topic!
I know we're in the off-topic section of an anonymous drug forum so the standards here tend to get rather low sometimes so I don't give a shit about most of the stupid shit I read but your comment just crossed the fucking line, man :-\
-
Depression is a shitty thing to deal with.
You have to make your mind your bitch.
I read this really cool thing a while back. A professor holds up a glass of water and says, "How heavy is the water in this glass?"
The students try to figure out the weight of water vs how much they think is in the glass.
The professor says, "It doesn't matter. I can hold a full glass of water in front of me for 5 minutes. If I hold it for 20 it gets a little uncomfortable. If I hold it for an hour my arm would have pins and needles or drop the glass entirely. The weight of the water doesn't change, but your ability to hold it up does."
The prof then goes on to explain that the glass of water is like our problems. If we keep thinking about a problem, and weigh down our minds with what is wrong with ourselves and the world, then you will surely fail to be happy. I pulled myself out of a terrible depression almost 20 years ago, long before I heard this, but I used the same techniques.
Don't dwell on the negative thoughts in your head, they will only make things worse and will never solve anything.
I'm not saying ignore your problems, just think about solving them for limited amounts of time, or even schedule an hour out of your day to worry.
The rest of the time, any time you begin thinking a negative thought, change the conversation in your mind, or change your setting... like when you're having a bad trip.
That kid of yours may be small, but you are the one they will love forever if you take care of them, regardless of the screw-ups you experience.
To end it will not make their life any better. In fact children of people who commit suicides are more likely to do so themselves. If you succeed not only will you allow this child to grow up without your love, but they will likely be doomed to the same fate.
Life will get better, as everyone here is telling you, hyperthyroidism is treatable and you just have to hold on until the meds kick in and the psychologist has a chance to work with you.
Thank you so much. That was pretty profound. I'm doing my best to get some help....it's just hard, so many hoops to jump through.
It's a lot easier to just go out and get wasted and have sex with some random stranger than sit at home alone thinking about my problems....but yeah, that's not really helping me in the long run.
MAN I WISH IT WAS THIS EASY TO GET LAID.
I need to be a girl. Just being able to go out and fuck whenever I want. Don't even need to be that hot, just need a vagina and hopefully not fat.
/rant
That was totally out of place and extremely distasteful considering the thread topic!
I know we're in the off-topic section of an anonymous drug forum so the standards here tend to get rather low sometimes so I don't give a shit about most of the stupid shit I read but your comment just crossed the fucking line, man :-\
It was certainly distasteful, but the logic is true: it is definitely easier to sit at home moping about your problems that going out and getting wasted & laid. A lot more effort is needed. However, both will only make you more depressed. Loving yourself and being loved are the best way out, if not the only way.
-
Kitkat
I dont know if youve seen any of my other posts on threads,but I am a new vendor on here,and already have become good ''friends'' with a couple of people on here.When I read this I was truely saddened.
I want you to know that I'm a lover of weed,and I love to share my love with lovers of weed on here....hence why I become a vendor.I would like to ask if you like weed?Because if you do,I'll create a free listing and post it to wherever you are.I'd like you to know people care man,and whatever shits gone on you can talk to people on here.From personal experience with a good friend doing themselves over I can tell you I saw his anguish,and had the anguish of his death on our shoulders which carries to this day.It will get better,trust me.You're a human being with LOVE.So let ME send YOU some LOVE your way:D
Let me know on here or via PM,if you'd like it I'd set you up a free listing and send a couple of joints out to you:D Hopefully this gesture will just let you know people want you well and happy.We are a community on here afterall,illegal or not!
BE STRONG!
-
I'll create a free listing and post it to wherever you are.
:o
seriously?!?
just for offering, you are a saint!!
who does this?!? only down to earth people who truly understand how it is!!
+1
i apologize for bringing this topic back up.. but i'm glad someone could materialize how we feel about you kitkat!!
give that kid of yours a big squeeze!! and take these guys up on that free smoke!! i truly hope everything works out for you girl!!
-
I'll create a free listing and post it to wherever you are.
:o
seriously?!?
just for offering, you are a saint!!
who does this?!? only down to earth people who truly understand how it is!!
+1
i apologize for bringing this topic back up.. but i'm glad someone could materialize how we feel about you kitkat!!
give that kid of yours a big squeeze!! and take these guys up on that free smoke!! i truly hope everything works out for you girl!!
we all need love at times :D
thankyou for your kind words.if i could +1 you I most definately would!Hopefully this message of love will suffice:D
-
Your listing is up Kitkat!
try to pay over the weekend so i can have it sent to you first thing Monday:D
-
i apologize for bringing this topic back up..
This is not necessarily a bad thing, although maybe the title could be changed to something less.... upsetting.... for anyone who stumbles upon this for the first time.
KITKAT, I LOVE YOU, SIS :-*
Ok, getting to my point. This thread shows how supportive this community really is... sure there's a few assholes (such is life ::) ) who take advantage of the anonymity factor, but it's very easy to ignore them. Which brings me to a quote:
“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, 'Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping,'" -Mr Rodgers
This was especially true in this thread and it really, truly warms my heart. These are unique circumstances we're in, but it's nice to know that there are people here who are not afraid to [edit]
KITKAT is a fucking person and she is what matters. Not drugs, not sex or FUCKING MONEY or your stupid reputation
PEOPLE FUCKING MATTER. We are only here a short time, connect to your fellow brethren because everything else if fucking material.
-
I sincerely hope your okay and you realize this is just one of many ruts that you may have to dig yourself out of... emotionally and sometimes financially and other times physically. I just lost my dad this month and I can tell you that that pain will never go away, pain you think you cause others while living is so temporary to permanent loss of you yourself. I've never met you but the simple fact that you get so much attention from an anonymous board gives me much hope for the world. Peace and love to you.
-
Thank you so much everyone.
I have decided that for my mental well being and peace of mind that I will have to leave this community. I really enjoy everyone here, but it just encourages me to stay in the house and avoid the real world. It also tempts me to take drugs, which really have just messed me up a lot more than they have helped.
I have appointments for a therapist and psychiatrist now, so hopefully things will get better. I may drop by from time to time....but don't be surprised if I delete the account altogether...
I will miss you guys...I might have to uninstall Tor Browser and delete my forum account altogether, because it is such a routine for me to log in here and talk to everyone....
I guess I am a little melodramatic, but I'm gonna miss you guys, here's a song :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a00_tPLcE_g
She would never say where she came from
Yesterday don't matter if it's gone
While the sun is bright
Or in the darkest night
No one knows
She comes and goes
Goodbye, Ruby Tuesday
Who could hang a name on you?
When you change with every new day
Still I'm gonna miss you...
Don't question why she needs to be so free
She'll tell you it's the only way to be
She just can't be chained
To a life where nothing's gained
And nothing's lost
At such a cost
Goodbye, Ruby Tuesday
Who could hang a name on you?
When you change with every new day
Still I'm gonna miss you...
There's no time to lose, I heard her say
Catch your dreams before they slip away
Dying all the time
Lose your dreams
And you will lose your mind.
Ain't life unkind?
Goodbye, Ruby Tuesday
Who could hang a name on you?
When you change with every new day
Still I'm gonna miss you...
Goodbye, Ruby Tuesday
Who could hang a name on you?
When you change with every new day
Still I'm gonna miss you...
-
Thank you so much everyone.
I have decided that for my mental well being and peace of mind that I will have to leave this community. I really enjoy everyone here, but it just encourages me to stay in the house and avoid the real world. It also tempts me to take drugs, which really have just messed me up a lot more than they have helped.
I have appointments for a therapist and psychiatrist now, so hopefully things will get better. I may drop by from time to time....but don't be surprised if I delete the account altogether...
I will miss you guys...I might have to uninstall Tor Browser and delete my forum account altogether, because it is such a routine for me to log in here and talk to everyone....
I guess I am a little melodramatic, but I'm gonna miss you guys, here's a song :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a00_tPLcE_g
She would never say where she came from
Yesterday don't matter if it's gone
While the sun is bright
Or in the darkest night
No one knows
She comes and goes
Goodbye, Ruby Tuesday
Who could hang a name on you?
When you change with every new day
Still I'm gonna miss you...
Don't question why she needs to be so free
She'll tell you it's the only way to be
She just can't be chained
To a life where nothing's gained
And nothing's lost
At such a cost
Goodbye, Ruby Tuesday
Who could hang a name on you?
When you change with every new day
Still I'm gonna miss you...
There's no time to lose, I heard her say
Catch your dreams before they slip away
Dying all the time
Lose your dreams
And you will lose your mind.
Ain't life unkind?
Goodbye, Ruby Tuesday
Who could hang a name on you?
When you change with every new day
Still I'm gonna miss you...
Goodbye, Ruby Tuesday
Who could hang a name on you?
When you change with every new day
Still I'm gonna miss you...
As a customer I'm sure a few vendors will miss you lol,as a human I'm sure there will be MANY who do.
By all means close your SR account,but keep this one open!Check in from time to time!Talking to those who care IS NOT in any way going to help you get back into drugs,and those who would force upon you on this forum aren't your friends:D
Of course I can't stop you from closing this account nobody can,but I'm sure many will miss you,and wonder what you're doing!!
Whatever path you take I wish you all the best and much love :D:D:D
Come fly x
-
I'm ecstatic that your okay and have been refreshed this post since I posted. Thanks for the update and I wish you greatness on all your journies and endeavours. May luck be with you through all of life's little mishaps. Peace and love.
-
Pfff, I ca only admire you for your will power!
Honestly, if you read this, well played for making such a monumental effort at changing things!
Good luck with everything! It's a great idea to lay off the drugs and sort things out :)
Try and keep positive, no matter what :D
-
I'm sorry that you are in a rut, but this is no way to go about taking care of your problems. I'm glad you are getting help, kitkat but please just go ahead and take your issues and keep them off the road from now on. Not to sound unsympathetic, but when someone publically announces suicide to anonomous people its just a cry for attention(like when females have to tell everyone on the net they are female). I kept my mouth shut for a good amount of time while I watched kitkat play the "I'm a female please pay attention to me internet" card like a thousand times, but this is just taking it too far. Honestly I know people with organ failure so if you want to take your life I completely understand. Just please don't involve this entire community into your drama. Again I am not unsympathetic to people with problems both mental and physical but this type of behavior is the same kind when you see a person put shallow cuts into themselves saying they want to kill themselves. I honestly think you need to put down all substances and seek a good mental health professional before you take this stunt too far to turn back. I know things look bad in the world and your health maybe in the crossfire right now, but its never worth taking your own life.
-
I'm sorry that you are in a rut, but this is no way to go about taking care of your problems. I'm glad you are getting help, kitkat but please just go ahead and take your issues and keep them off the road from now on. Not to sound unsympathetic, but when someone publically announces suicide to anonomous people its just a cry for attention(like when females have to tell everyone on the net they are female). I kept my mouth shut for a good amount of time while I watched kitkat play the "I'm a female please pay attention to me internet" card like a thousand times, but this is just taking it too far. Honestly I know people with organ failure so if you want to take your life I completely understand. Just please don't involve this entire community into your drama. Again I am not unsympathetic to people with problems both mental and physical but this type of behavior is the same kind when you see a person put shallow cuts into themselves saying they want to kill themselves. I honestly think you need to put down all substances and seek a good mental health professional before you take this stunt too far to turn back. I know things look bad in the world and your health maybe in the crossfire right now, but its never worth taking your own life.
You actually said stunt. I didn't respond to this thread for reasons that don't concern most here. Don't know why I'm breaking my never seen never heard policy, felt I had to. Anyway, I'm taking a break for a few days and I can say what I like before I piece out.
Obviously when someone says they are going to kill th............................ wait, I have a better idea.
As there are a lot of lazy people on this forum I will simply do this:
http://dkn255hz262ypmii.onion/index.php?topic=110701.msg841880#msg841880
........................... as I have already covered it and it is now redundant. If you scroll up you will find kitkat made a post on Flush's thread that prefaced this "stunt". Not sure where you have been on forums earlier today but kitkat has already left a few hours ago now. I never talked to her b/c she never talked to me, it's really that simple, though I do remember having a couple of one-way conversations with her and soon gave up. So this is me making a first direct comment on kitkat, as well as you.
If you spend any time here you'll know a well quoted line acted out. It is......."Those that know don't talk, and those that don't know, do." I know kitkat is genuine b/c of the info I've had on this since this thread was made. And I STILL didn't post.
But I will post now, b/c you seem to genuinely believe this is not actually genuine. I'm also being polite. Beyond what's necessary for a post like yours. If you yourself were serious about suicide -- not a stunt -- and you reached out on SR forums all hazy and phucked up over the keyboard, would you like a post like that on your thread? You been here since last year, you know by now people here don't talk about anything over Main. Just bits and pieces. But no, this was definitely not a stunt. Figured it was wrong to just not say anything when I saw your post.
Piece, Love, and Fuck Haters.
-
Good to hear, Kitkat. Your problems won't be solved overnight but hang in there, it will all soon be over.
-
I'm sorry that you are in a rut, but this is no way to go about taking care of your problems. I'm glad you are getting help, kitkat but please just go ahead and take your issues and keep them off the road from now on. Not to sound unsympathetic, but when someone publically announces suicide to anonomous people its just a cry for attention(like when females have to tell everyone on the net they are female). I kept my mouth shut for a good amount of time while I watched kitkat play the "I'm a female please pay attention to me internet" card like a thousand times, but this is just taking it too far. Honestly I know people with organ failure so if you want to take your life I completely understand. Just please don't involve this entire community into your drama. Again I am not unsympathetic to people with problems both mental and physical but this type of behavior is the same kind when you see a person put shallow cuts into themselves saying they want to kill themselves. I honestly think you need to put down all substances and seek a good mental health professional before you take this stunt too far to turn back. I know things look bad in the world and your health maybe in the crossfire right now, but its never worth taking your own life.
I see the "I'm a female please pay attention to me internet" card as definately one that Trashbox always plays, and the "im female and im talking about sex" attention grab, it is quite annoying, definately easy to see through if you think about it, why would an attractive female need to find attention on a drugs forum ?
Peace, Love, and Happiness 2 all.
-
to sound unsympathetic, but when someone publically announces suicide to anonomous people its just a cry for attention(like when females have to tell everyone on the net they are female). I kept my mouth shut for a good amount of time while I watched kitkat play the "I'm a female please pay attention to me internet" card like a thousand times, but this is just taking it too far. Honestly I know people with organ failure so if you want to take your life I completely understand. Just please don't involve this entire community into your drama. Again I am not unsympathetic to people with problems both mental and physical but this type of behavior is the same kind when you see a person put shallow cuts into themselves saying they want to kill themselves. I honestly think you need to put down all substances and seek a good mental health professional before you take this stunt too far to turn back. I know things look bad in the world and your health maybe in the crossfire right now, but its never worth taking your own life.
I see the "I'm a female please pay attention to me internet" card as definately one that Trashbox always plays, and the "im female and im talking about sex" attention grab, it is quite annoying, definately easy to see through if you think about it, why would an attractive female need to find attention on a drugs forum ?
Peace, Love, and Happiness 2 all.
[/quote]
exactly......... +1 sir +1. That was the subtle point I was getting at too. What decent female needs to find solace in a drug forum for the kind of attention that has been spewed on these forums? I post here to drum up business and enjoy a good laugh with the other vendors from time to time on the ridiculousness of this place sometimes. Between the tinfoil and the drama lama's I don't know who to verbally slap first.
And to the other person complaining about the use of the word stunt. Sorry but that is what it is. If you talk about it and claim you did it, then your having a change of heart. I can't take someone like that seriously at all with there own emotions if they can flip flop between wanting to live and die. I've also seen some fucked up things in my time and my body isn't what I would like it to be either but I'm not about to bring my personal drama on here(on another account mind you), and boo hoo to the site that I'm killing myself. Again this is the same behavior when I see girls, and I do mean GIRLS put shallow cuts on their arms and claim they were trying to kill themselves its a cry for help and I really don't take them seriously other than to tell them to go talk to a mental health professional if you need real help. But I will not pander to this behavior and act like it's to be taken seriously over the internet of all places silk road........
tldr: Kill yourself or shut up. (seriously though never kill yourself, it's not worth it)
-
yep couldn't agree more at the risk of sounding heartless. I do sympathize on a human level but I think the posts above sum it up pretty well.
-
Ok, I logged on to read the last few messages I have and delete my account...but I can't pretend not to be upset and hurt by a lot of the negative comments saying I am making shit up or attention seeking. So to the people who seem to be total assholes about this....Why don't you listen up to what the deal is.
I have a personality disorder, been confirmed and reconfirmed for 11 years by many psychologists and psychiatrists called Borderline Personality Disorder....it makes it near impossible when I am untreated for me to control my impulses, and I do 100% mean what I say when I say it, but don't realize that it is attention seeking or that I am trying to push people away or whatever. So when I say I took an overdose, then I actually did. I don't really have a whole lot of control when I get in that frantic state of mind, and I do make posts or phone calls to people that are attention seeking, but not intentionally, if that makes sense? I don't have an active control or awareness of these behaviors. It's not like "Oh I am lonely, let me act like a whiny bitch". ::)
If I have a friend who says they are going to call me at 8 or if my sister says she is going to meet me for lunch and cancels, I get deeply hurt, I have an inability to see a grey area, and I internalize and make everything personal. So whatever....you may call it attention seeking and sneer at me....but it is pretty much my illness...and it's actually called para suicidal behavior, which often ends in many cases with completed suicide. So fuck off if you can't be a little kind to someone who has never felt a moment of personal peace in 30 years.
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/borderline-personality-disorder/DS00442/DSECTION=symptoms
Impulsive and risky behavior, such as risky driving, unsafe sex, gambling sprees or illegal drug use
Awareness of destructive behavior, including self-injury, but sometimes feeling unable to change it
Wide mood swings
Short but intense episodes of anxiety or depression
Inappropriate anger and antagonistic behavior, sometimes escalating into physical fights
Difficulty controlling emotions or impulses
Suicidal behavior
Feeling misunderstood, neglected, alone, empty or hopeless
Fear of being alone
Feelings of self-hate and self-loathing
When you have borderline personality disorder, you often have an insecure sense of who you are. Your self-image, self-identity or sense of self often rapidly changes. You may view yourself as evil or bad, and sometimes you may feel as if you don't exist at all. An unstable self-image often leads to frequent changes in jobs, friendships, goals and values.
Your relationships are usually in turmoil. You may idealize someone one moment and then abruptly and dramatically shift to fury and hate over perceived slights or even minor misunderstandings. This is because people with borderline personality disorder often have difficulty accepting gray areas — things seem to be either black or white.
-
Agreed 100%, Aurelius Venport.
You always have "active control" over choosing to seek help.
-
Hey scout, I made a similar request in the other thread. How about locking these two threads down? Is there really anything left to say? Kitkat knows who supported her through this and who was an asshole. Seems to be no reason to keep these threads going.
-
Yep, agreed. Gladly locking the threads.