Quote from: BoxofShapes on September 05, 2013, 12:01 amSome dogs you just gotta put down. People are creatures of habit. I guess if she had kept him around he would at least be an honest cheater?And 50%? I really hope there aren't that many people that can't find any amount of satisfaction in life.It's fine to be into polyamory, but that involves a lot of communication. I've done it. (though it's not for me) It was only possible because we talked. If you respect your partner that much to marry them you shouldn't have to feel shady about talking about anything. If you just wanna grab what you want without consulting your supposed soul mate, it just makes it a one way street and pointless to call it a "relationship". Quote from: SelfSovereignty on September 04, 2013, 11:13 pmit's obvious you consider monogamy synonymous with loyaltyGod this statement hurts my head. Even if she thought it would be ok, it was right before they were supposedly going to share the rest of their lives together. There was zero communication about it except for after the fact. But anyway. I don't know why I bothered. You admit to it being a stupid thing to say in the first place and have moved on.I've respected you since I've found this place, and still will. You have said some amazingly smart things. This is not one of them. Not so much about bring up a discussion about being poly in today's world. More so this girl is pretty hurt and doesn't need salt thrown at her. It's a fresh wound. @DCDo yourself a favor and don't feed into this. SS is not a happy person. I took a step back and thought about it, and I still have a strong desire to respond to this: I do not know what it sounded like I meant, but my post was (meant to be) more about forgiveness than polyamory. I had no information whatsoever, but to me it sounded like a knee-jerk reaction. I had no intention of hurting anyone or of bringing up sore subjects. Truly, I did not. I hate hurting people's feelings, and I would never do so deliberately unless it served some (dire) purpose.Here's what I saw in my head when I made my statement: two people who love each other enough to want to spend their lives together, and who bring each other comfort in a cold world. No one and nothing is perfect. One person did something he agreed not to do. He made a mistake. Will he make it again? I don't know. What I was getting at is that _if_ he did not, or _if_ she could live with it... perhaps the comfort he brought was not worth throwing away in a knee-jerk reaction. I still do not feel that my statement was "stupid." What was stupid was my not seeing that monogamy, for her -- because of her upbringing or her genetics or whatever else -- is too important. It can't be forgiven, and there's presumably no amount of thinking or forgiveness that can make it "okay," again.I do not think it is stupid to be a proponent of forgiveness. We must forgive those who hurt us (and who do not wish to): otherwise we will always be left alone in the end, and not everyone who makes a mistake does so with the intent of hurting people. If you wish to deride me for _this_ belief, then so be it, but I honestly don't know what it is you think I was saying because I don't think my position is something worthy of such a response from you.Perhaps I sounded like it was just fine of him, but what I meant was that it's very common and no one is perfect. To me, honesty is more important than _anything_ else. Yes, I have been cheated on. Yes, I forgave her -- she was honest about it. I believe I made the right choice at the time. Things ended for other reasons, but I still agree with my choice. That's all I was trying to say. Someone worth marrying isn't worth throwing away easily.