Thanks for the well wishes and everything, guys, but to be totally honest: I lied. I'm still sitting on enough to get me through until my $1300 is returned in resolution (and no, his ass being banned did FUCKING NOTHING, still 5 days until I can bring one half ounce into resolution and 7 until I can bring the other one in to resolution -- retarded).I was just hoping I could manipulate him into canceling the orders, since there was no way I was gonna finalize. But it didn't work out so well. I mean I just walked right into that "hurt somebody" comment, LOL... I swear, I actually almost forgave the fucker because of how hard I laughed. The little bitch twisted it around so perfectly I couldn't stop grinning at what a beautiful response it was :)So moving on... may I vent, brothers? Just a touch? Only one or two of you will know wtf I'm talking about, but... I really feel the need. And this thread is my home, for better or worse.I was on vacation for several days there. Was lost in a lady friend of mine. First time in decades I felt that way, too; but oh my, how it all turned sour SO FUCKING FAST. She thought she wanted intensity. She thought she could handle me. She was wrong. Oh so very, very wrong.And she broke my heart in the process... :( I'm not in a truly bad place right now, in fact I almost can't believe how "okay," I feel, but the smell of that towel or that pillow case... makes my heart feel as though it's hollow and collapsing in on itself...She wants nothing to do with me. I'm very intense, and I felt very strong things for her. She couldn't handle it. She's a fucking pothead that just wants to chill out. I'm a meth addict looking for truth and knowledge and the secrets of existence: we almost combusted like matter and antimatter. I've never seen such an insane thing happen so quickly. It was incredibly painful, and every day it got worse. I left her, eventually, alone in the expensive hotel room we were going to share... left her with enough drugs to OD on, plus a few more that I didn't mean to leave for her (rawr, underhanded thief!) Which was her request. That I leave. She wouldn't even let me look in her eyes one last time. Just as well, I suppose. Wouldn't have done any good, but I would have liked it, that's for sure.I loved looking in her eyes... you have no idea. God I loved those eyes. I really did lose myself in there somewhere, I think. But she's just not... she just can't handle me. And I can't just chill and let things be calm and easy. If something doesn't end up grabbing me at the base of my cock like an iron vice and dragging me off to witness time and space melt before my eyes... then I'm probably pretty bored and looking for the next vice-like experience. Sigh...The entire thing was an incredibly painful mistake. Oh how I loved her though. And that smell... haunts me.I'd rather burn to ashes and get a glimpse of Truth before my last flame goes out than spend an eternity in mediocrity. I don't want to be any different than I am. Hope everybody's well. I'm really pretty good, all things considered. Didn't think I would be, but somehow... I really am.Oh how I miss you though... :(