You know, Chaos... I started trying to kill myself almost 18 years ago. I kept trying for about 3 years, give or take. The only reason I was never able to do it is that I never really, truly gave up hope. I never really believed it wouldn't change someday, somehow -- eventually.Now 15 years later, I suddenly realized one day recently that if I had known back then what the next 15 years would bring... I wouldn't have had hope. I would have died the day I found out what was coming.I don't know if it's worth being here to ask that question again in 15 more years; I'm scared the answer will be the same... I'm very scared of it. But for whatever it's worth, I hope your answer is different. Today, tomorrow, and all the days that follow.