I adore this thread. I absolutely, completely adore this thread. Such beautiful, honest, and self aware insights. Sometimes I think that I'm destroying myself. Other times I wonder why I would ever think that. I've had some symptoms and quirks come on during my time around SR, things I never had before... and oddly enough, I've had them go away again. Strange what the human body can adapt to when the necessity is there and it's a slow decline instead of an acute disease. I do not subscribe to the somewhat popular belief around here that drugs are a wonderful, good thing for people. I think what some people seem to get from psychedelics really is enlightening in some ways for them... but I think that's more of the exception than the rule. I think we're all poisoning ourselves to some degree or another here.For me, the self destruction came first; which lends some credence to the opinion that drugs are just another symptom. For me they started that way: getting high has been more of a means toward the end of destroying myself rather than the thing I was seeking itself. That's how it used to be at least. I think drugs have become inextricably entwined with "me," as I choose to define myself. I don't know how I'd ever stop completely. I don't even know how to want to stop completely.By the way: love your posts, Nanpa. I wish you were a hot girl. I'd marry you or something in a heartbeat. Though I must admit, I really am unduly influenced by avatars... and the idea of a female joker... well, I always did love the crazy ones ::)