I know exactly what happened. Exactly, I tell you! Let me paint the picture for you: it was a dark and stormy morning... suddenly he was awoken by a gentle rapping against his window frame. "What?! Who-who's there???" ... "I'm not expecting company!" he muttered.He then tripped and fell as he stumbled out of bed to open the window, sending the bluebird that sought only the sweet company of another living thing flapping for its life to the next door neighbor's house; on his way down, his foot twisted and careened like a hammer into the half-concealed package which he had thrown beneath his bed next to a pizza shortly after having received it a week ago while in a drunken stupor. The phone he discarded after calling for the pizza came toppling down on top of his skull and clattered to the floor beside him.The world went dark.Soon, when he came to, he quite naturally assumed that his local law enforcement agency had left the package to monitor what he did when faced with the inescapable guilt of his crime. They will, no doubt, be dragging him off to be raped by Bubba or Jonny-Sue or the like before the moon rises high in the night sky. Crime, ladies and gentleman, does not pay...... what? Fuck, you try coming up with a funny story in 4.7 minutes, then! ::)