and you aren't crazy -- you're depressed. there is a difference. it's horrible to think that you're killing yourself when all you need is to find a doctor who can help you find the right combo of meds to make things feel easier to deal with. your situation needs to change, but that doesn't mean suicide is a solution. kitkat ... you were depressed about your friend who committed suicide ... so you know how your friends and family - and child - will feel if you do. your son will never forget you -- but he will suffer from your absence. there's nothing permanent about the situation you're in - it just needs to change! suicide, on the other hand, is permanent.