Silk Road forums
Discussion => Off topic => Topic started by: tedrux on September 17, 2013, 09:43 pm
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don't care for the critics and don't expect the decent people to contribute but still gotta keep the feeler out there. giving up is hard, lol. little suicide humor there. anyways the plan is to buy a certain cocktail of drugs to cause my heart to just stop and breathing to slow then stop and just essentially be too fucked up to realize it. the way I'm thinking is pricey but any donations are appreciated. I do have some form of small income now and I'm working my way towards saving enough to do this and every contribution counts. please help me . thanks for your time. -teddy.
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ps. for any one who wants a sob story I'll give you one to entertain you since fuckit. I got nothing to live for and you all always love to laugh at the burning clown. can't stop the cheers and cheers at executions so here it goes. for any one else, people who might potentially actually help me out, please discount this post as it is , in reality, irrelevent why I want to kill myself. I do . end of story.
the essential reasons are simply because I feel like I'm not measuring up to basic human requirements. I was rejected by girls a lot , obsessive and creepy. i dont feel love or fear or god or compassion or anything like that like normal people should or like an epic which of course every one should hold themselves to their own epic scale . why be around if you can't give your best? and nothing inspires me to really care enough to try for any reason. I know these feelings exist in me in some form, some sort of shame, some sort of heart, some sort of soul....just really weak. i caused hatred in some one who meant a lot to me and thats what im fixated on at the moment (past three years). it was flunking out of school before, or failing to be able to make any money with my skills/labor/talent which is pretty non existent. work and romance and personal identity /ego /lack of self respect is mostly why. I'm getting older and nothings getting better . i am a lot like a child in my mentality but not even just imature, its a twisted child in the first place. I'm not great evil and I know there are worse out there but I'm not good enough for my standards. my lack of ability to love in any normal fashion makes me say that death is a blessing because your worth the amount of love you can give/receive. I'll never have kids, be able to help out my family or be emotionally present for them. latidatida.w/e. proceed with the tomatoes. no idea if/when I'll actually kill myself but I know I like downers so that would probably be relatively quickly given the right materials. I don't really want to die I just think its the just(ice) thing to do . no real guilt coming with that comment, just observational analysis. your opinion may differ but thats yours to have and this is mine. thats what right to life and self is all about.
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Oh boo fucking who.
Maybe if you just let your balls drop, you wouldn't have to whine.
I am a troll. an attention seeker. I am not genuine in anything I say . I am a creepy stalker fuckwit who has relentlessly harassed some one who meant only to be helpful and tried very hard to do so. I invaded their lives and the lives of those they cared about. I am a child molester and I will burn in hell. I deserve nothing but to be shit on and then ignored.
-teddy
ps. its true. sometimes people tell me I look like im being the martyr or like ive been abused. sometimes that would be true of people who shit on themselves. sometimes its just true that they do so in order to throw you off. in this case its neither- I'm just a worthless peice of shit and the world has the right to know.
in short- I know better. I just don't care. never let me tell you otherwise, never swallow my bullshit.
Enough said?
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trolling a troll. because you need that attention just a little bit more then him.
official trolls response: *shrug*. contribute and be productive or shut up and leave me alone. or don't. tomatoes will be treated as such though.
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FUCK OFF LOOSER NO ONE IS PAYING FOR YOU TO GET HIGH SO GET A JOB YOU SAD FUCKING EXCUSE FOR A LIFE
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*shrug*
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child molester??
you have god damned well better be fucking about!!
because if there is ANY truth to this..
defiling of youth, destroying innocence..
you can forget suicide, because I'll kill you my fucking self!!
and that's a Murderface guarantee!!
you BETTER be trollin on that one so help me Shiva!!
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Sorry, but no donation from me, I'd talk you out of it but this is not the time nor place.
Its ok to think all yopur probs will be solved but people who care - they hurt the most, and whatever else life is - its all we have and best to make the most of it.
As for 'love' - its not guarenteed, but its out there.
As for children, whoever harms any is damned anyhow.
Peace.
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if you have a problem with me murderface then contribute to my suicide fund.
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.25btc buy some H inject it and leave us alone
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someone come please put some clink in my can, can't you spare change for the sad lonely man?
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you are sad arent you
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Ted. We've been through this a million times.
No-one on here will give you money to kill yourself because no-one wants that shit on their conscience. We also quite like spending our bitcoins on buying ourselves drugs. Because that's what drug users do but also because who wants to buy some insane stranger drugs especially when they've been talking about killing themselves (and not doing it) for the best part of a year now?
Albert Einstein said that the definition of insanity is "doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results" and that's exactly what you're doing here on the silk road forums, continually posting for suicide funds and yet every single time you do it getting nothing in return apart from a shedload of abuse.
Time to call it a day and admit to yourself that (as you told me in IM) that you're delusional and won't ever really kill yourself. And, that's a good thing, no shame in that.
Keep up with the therapy, don't stalk engaged women and make suicide threats to get their attention in real life and stop doing it here as well. It's a bit like people who pretend to be seriously ill to get attention (Münchausen syndrome) but in your case it's suicide threats.
Try and enjoy life, that's what it's for. It'll be over before you know it so go and get your kicks while you're still young enough to get them.
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Ted. We've been through this a million times.
No-one on here will give you money to kill yourself because no-one wants that shit on their conscience. We also quite like spending our bitcoins on buying ourselves drugs. Because that's what drug users do but also because who wants to buy some insane stranger drugs especially when they've been talking about killing themselves (and not doing it) for the best part of a year now?
Albert Einstein said that the definition of insanity is "doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results" and that's exactly what you're doing here on the silk road forums, continually posting for suicide funds and yet every single time you do it getting nothing in return apart from a shedload of abuse.
Time to call it a day and admit to yourself that (as you told me in IM) that you're delusional and won't ever really kill yourself. And, that's a good thing, no shame in that.
Keep up with the therapy, don't stalk engaged women and make suicide threats to get their attention in real life and stop doing it here as well. It's a bit like people who pretend to be seriously ill to get attention (Münchausen syndrome) but in your case it's suicide threats.
Try and enjoy life, that's what it's for. It'll be over before you know it so go and get your kicks while you're still young enough to get them.
Honestly I would give him the btc if I believed he would use them for the stated purpose but as you said he has pm'd you saying he never would then my thoughts were true just a cunt wanting a hand out for free drugs sad
Placed a order with oze gunna try his new batch and also ordered some liquid fent 1mg/ml going to be fucking saweeta
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ooooooh nom, nom, nom. If I lived down under I'd be all over Oz's listings I like the look of his gear and a bit of liquid fent would be the icing on the cake. Can you bang it up? I'd want to try that but only if I was with someone else...
Yeah on Tedrux, he got in a snot because I mentioned in one of his previous threads a posting where he'd admitted touching up his sister when they were younger and he sent me a few messages about that saying not to mention 'hurtful' shit and adding that he's not a joke. And then in the most recent IM he said that he's delusional and I'm right he probably won't have the guts to kill himself because he's scared to.
Who knows what's utter bullshit and what's true though?
Personally I feel a bit sorry for him - I think he's autistic or something and drinks too which is why he comes off so socially inept and can't grasp that asking for suicide money on here continually is a total waste of time.
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Oz delivers internationally now which is lucky for the rest of the world..
Yes the fent is made for IV or IM its the proper hospital grade stuff the vendor also has fent nasal spray also pharmacy produced
I never have any probs finding someone willing to have a shot with lol
I know what you mean I saw that in a thread and murderface straight up told him he's fucked for touching up kids
He's definately delusional and I did feel sorry for him at the start but the more it drags on the more I dont and sort of wish he'd do it or shut up......I know thats bad but if you do truely want to kill yourself you just do it, I know i tried years ago, i just went and did it i didnt ask/talk about it at all because if you do someone might stop you and thats the last thing you want
Times like this i wish it wasnt an anonymous forum so someone could inform his family so he could get the help he needs
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for anyone to call themselves delusional is a joke because how could they know?
yes, I would gladly use the coins for the intended purpose and be out of your hair.
I don't come here to troll as people say I do. I think the problem for me is an inconsistent defintion of the term 'troll'. most people say that and mean that I strait up fabricate shit for attention. well , no. I don't. you can question my sincerity but not my factuality.
I attempted suicide by pills once before. I'd do it again.
I never used to talk about my suicidal ideations but they've been with me since I was a 15 or younger. I used to have a totally different personality, where I never talked about my problems and always tried to be helpful to others and idk what happened. I stopped caring I guess.
anyways I do go to therapy and I do take pills. I still intend on suicide, I just feel better about it :p. my overall mood is better. suicidal ideations did not go away. and before you ask , I've been to a psyche ward before. the only help I can get is from the angel of the night- she is equiped to handle this better then I am and I in turn care about working myself out for her. other then that I pretty much care about nothing.
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If you actually are serious (which I doubt) here's an easy and free way to get this done.
Go to the interstate. Wait for an 18 wheeler to come by then jump in front of it. It'd be instantaneous.
Problem solved. But why would you want to make other people have to go through dealing with that? It's selfish b/c you are not thinking of the impact it would have on others. From the lucky bastard who got to clean that mess up to the people who watched it happen. It's going to mess them up permanently. Not even mentions the poor soul who couldn't swerve fast enough and would be plagued for years to come just b/c he was doing his job making a living.
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I truly don't care.
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Get yourself some clomipramine, buspirone, and lithium orotate.
Take 10mg clomi every morning, half a li-or tab every morning and 10mg busp every morning, afternoon, and evening. Avoid grapefruit juice with this.
Get a hobby or two - guitars, r/c helicopters or quadcopters, whatever.
Find some idols - role models, maybe musicians, successful people who you feel are also a bit weird, yet still cool. (for example David Byrne from Talking Heads would be a respectable idol for someone who thinks they might be a bit aspie / austistic)
Buy some nice clothes, get a different haircut, start using aftershave, and shower more often.
Post on facebook a lot.
Just do something. Exercise, golf, running, learning to fly that toy helicopter, or play that guitar.
Don't get over-engrossed in your own problems. Try to avoid self-help forums for whatever you think is bad/wrong with you.
Stop looking at yourself in the mirror if you have a poor opinion of your physical looks. You look your worst when you're staring at your problems in a mirror. A happy average-looking person is so much more attractive than an unhappy perfect-person.
or find a shrink.
You gotta have goals, short term (exercise, hovering the helicopter, doing the chord changes), and long term (getting a girlfriend, a job, a house, a family), if you want to have self confidence. You get confidence from achieving your goals, and you get to choose how easy/hard the goals are.
I'm my younger years, when I sometimes considered suicide, I soon became very aware that I would feel suicidal one night, and not at all the next day, i.e. the next day I would think "WTF was I thinking?". On that basis, I always knew to take my own feelings 'with a pinch of salt', i.e. in the knowledge that I shouldn't take drastic action based on my current feelings because I had learned that whatever I was feeling and thinking would be very different another day.
By the way, this being a drugs forum and all, do you take drugs? Have you ever taken drugs? Specifically, have you ever taken MDMA?
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cars.. fixing project cars. There's a hobby.
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the good people here lent me money to get shrooms, insisting it would change my life. I took seven grams . it was a trip....of course. but it did not do a deep personal change in me. I've never kissed molley but I've always wanted to go to a rave .
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if you have a problem with me murderface then contribute to my suicide fund.
No!! why don't you contribute to MY addiction fund!! since i have a family to provide for!
since you failed to respond to my previous VERY important inquiry.. i am officially through with you!!
may you rot in the filth that you created!
good riddance!!
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What can I say mioda face. it's true. I touched my little sister in a sexual way when I was sixteen and she was ten. wheather or not I was completely in touch with reality at the point I did it is debatable and possibly irrelavent depending on your own moral compass. most fundementalists would say my soul is going strait to hell and I don't deserve life. I can't refute it. thus I am here. for so many reasons all inexorabley connected in some fashion. I don't contribute to you for a simple reason that I don't have money available to me at the moment. if I did I can't say what I'd do.
but isn't vanquishing my self hatred and creating potential for giving love of higher priority then self vengeance.
but justice must be had.
so thats where I am.
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Well if that is true then you disgust me. Everyone knows its wrong I dont care what any pedo says they know..
As for the other problem, you live in Murica aye dont cha, get a knife go somewhere wait for the cops to show up, run at them and Im sure they will be more than happy to accomidate you
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Aye yo fuck that, I contribute way more than this annoying faggot does. If you wanna throw away bitcoins send that shit to me.
Tedrux, srsly, you can afford to buy a couple xanax, then just down a fifth of cheap vodka and voila, you're fuckin' dead.
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please , contribute.
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I meant contributing to the site. I'm not giving you free money to most likely buy recreational drugs.
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The title of this thread should be, 'Too weird to live, too scared to die, give me some fucking money'.
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child molester??
you have god damned well better be fucking about!!
because if there is ANY truth to this..
defiling of youth, destroying innocence..
you can forget suicide, because I'll kill you my fucking self!!
and that's a Murderface guarantee!!
you BETTER be trollin on that one so help me Shiva!!
Haha, murderface for the win. Nice Shiva reference. The only shred of legitimacy this OP has is what shivahas whispered into my ear. Or Dr. Hofmann. Memo to the OP: GO OUTSIDE, COLLECT SOME CANS, SELL EM, BUY YOU SOME QUALITY BLOTTERS, LIVE ON HAPPILY.
Hope all is well.
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GHB puts you to sleep, and all the warnings about it said that it depresses the respiratory system, i.e. if you take way too much you'll go to sleep and stop breathing. Maybe give that a shot. Sounds pretty painless. Or if you have a car and a garage there's always the carbon monoxide method - "hosepipe from exhaust to inside of car, sit in car" or "start engine, shut all garage doors, and chill in the car or garage for a while".
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My post on the previous page is a fail safe option if you were realistic about this wish you would do as I said, but as you dont you are a troll looking for sympathy which you wont get here
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the good people here lent me money to get shrooms, insisting it would change my life. I took seven grams . it was a trip....of course. but it did not do a deep personal change in me. I've never kissed molley but I've always wanted to go to a rave .
You need to find a friend, or a counselor / talk therapist who is willing to be with you at home while you take 120mg of MDMA, with a further 75mg taken at the 2hr point. Or alternatively a whole pill, followed by a half at the 2hr point. Make sure pills are legit (pillreports.com, marquis test, discussions on SR vendor pages etc).
It needs to be somebody who won't murder you or ruin your life if you spill the beans about the bad things you've done.
If you have no friends, and finding a non-friend to be there is too difficult, then just do it by yourself.
It will let you see the power of your perspective, and show you that the whole world is just what you perceive it to be.
When it wears off you might find it a bit difficult to be smiley about anything for a day or two. You might hate your usual choice of music, and food. Pink Floyd's Comfortably Numb will probably go down smoothly though.
The experience should give you an insight into just how different things can be and feel, and hopefully inspire you to want to be a more positive person in daily life. Of course you can't just re-write your personality in a week, it takes time, but you can work on it, if you choose you want to, and the MDMA experience may make you feel that you do want to.
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MDMA is a terrible idea how do you think he will feel when he becomes scat after coming down?
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MDMA is a terrible idea how do you think he will feel when he becomes scat after coming down?
I did cover that bit. If you are sensible with the dose and do not re-dose beyond the single half-dose booster that I recommended above, then for many people the day after can be fairly mild, even giving something of an "afterglow."
That said, I would recommend doing it when you know you will not have to face parents/neighbours/anybody you might want to hide your drug taking from for the next day.
Another important point is that if you are taking anti depressants, it will be a waste of time with none of the desired effects. Just don't bother. It can even be very dangerous in combination with some types of AD.
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Maybe time to start asking for a "free" death instead of money? Pretty sure if you'd fork over your address someone would be willing to help you out free of charge if only for not having to see these silly beggar posts of yours anymore.
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Well if that is true then you disgust me. Everyone knows its wrong I dont care what any pedo says they know..
As for the other problem, you live in Murica aye dont cha, get a knife go somewhere wait for the cops to show up, run at them and Im sure they will be more than happy to accomidate you
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The title of this thread should be, 'Too weird to live, too scared to die, give me some fucking money'.
lmao!!
in regards to my previous inquiry, i appreciate your honesty (I'm presuming)..
I'm glad to hear you're not some pedophile in a constant hunt!! or are you?!?
if you change your thread title to the aforementioned Remediless' perfectly suited title, on my next coin up, i will donate to your fund!!
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Murerface he admited touching up his 10yr old sister when he was 16
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Murerface he admited touching up his 10yr old sister when he was 16
???
SOB
why did i not see that!?!
now I'm even MORE infuriated!!
i am SO done with this!!
thank you for pointing that out cryngie!!
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Maybe time to start asking for a "free" death instead of money? Pretty sure if you'd fork over your address someone would be willing to help you out free of charge if only for not having to see these silly beggar posts of yours anymore.
I'd happily spend the gas money and 50cents it cost to put a round in his head.
Seriously though. You know you can actually make really really good money with a cardboard sign? You might have to sell your Abercrombie and Bitch shit and maybe your hipster shades. You can do it. Go actually be homeless for a week. Come back. Then tell us about how much you hate your life. Do you even know how hard it is for some people bro? With no one to help them? Seriously. I challenge you to go live on the streets for a week. Ever dumpster dived for meals behind a Churches Chicken? I was so thirsty once I scooped rain water out of a puddle. Someone saw that and gave me a $20. But it was fucking hot and no one lets you in their place of business when you haven't bathed in 2 weeks. Ever needed a drink so bad to that you actually ENJOY drinking mouthwash? Nah. That's my challenge to you man. I will gladly give you $100 if you can prove to me you lived on the streets for one full week without mommy and daddy helping you out. Fuck tell em you're going on vacation with a friend. Tell em to fuck off who cares? You'll be $100 richer and much better man b/c of it. I'll need pics. Yeah. And actual documentation. You'll need to tell me the people you meet and who you ran into. Stories you shared and all that shit. I got time. You obviously have nothing better to do.
Everyone here. I stand by what I just said. I will give this guy $100 if he can prove to me that he has lived on the streets for one full week. Promise. I'll deposit straight to your SR account. Heres a tip. Start a blog and write about it there so I can follow.
$100 bucks man.
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We should start a side bet here on how long he'll last.
Another side bet for how long before he gets his pretty boy parts man handled by some crackhead homeless guy.
And another for how long it takes him to suck dick for a meal.
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child molester??
you have god damned well better be fucking about!!
because if there is ANY truth to this..
defiling of youth, destroying innocence..
you can forget suicide, because I'll kill you my fucking self!!
and that's a Murderface guarantee!!
you BETTER be trollin on that one so help me Shiva!!
I gave you +1 for this comment. I try not to post such harsh comments myself considering how liberal the audience is here but with that being said I am strongly against child molesters and I firmly believe that they deserve the worst punishments imaginable and I would be happy to help dish out thier punishments so that others may live safer and that thier victims can know that people out there are willing to hunt these monsters in order to protect the children.
Right on murderface! Protect the children.
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And another for how long it takes him to suck dick for a meal.
So much for your signature saying 'peace, love, and unity'. Someone whos apparently gone through hardship/trauma, and is now handling it by projecting negative energy.
OP Heres some REAL advice. Theres potassium cyanide listed for 100 bucks on silk road. If you actually go through with it... well.
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Well if that is true then you disgust me. Everyone knows its wrong I dont care what any pedo says they know..
As for the other problem, you live in Murica aye dont cha, get a knife go somewhere wait for the cops to show up, run at them and Im sure they will be more than happy to accomidate you
This idea is genius. Best advice of all.
But I've got a feeling that him topping himself is one last passive-aggressive and totally insane fantasy of his aimed to get his sister to take notice of him and regret things turning out the way they did because of totally twisted things that HE did to her when she was an innocent kid.
I don't know if it was his sister he admitted before in a previous thread about stalking for three years or if it was someone different but I'm sure this suicide fantasy is also a final attempt to get her to wish she'd not rebuffed his advances too. He admitted in that thread making constant suicide threats to get her attention so this is just an extension of that.
I'm sure he fantasizes about his sister and the chick he stalked crying at his funeral and making a eulogy about how misunderstood he was and how cruel life was to him, and wishing that they'd appreciated him more when he was alive.
It's a sick attempt at making her feel fucking guilty for the rest of her life for something that HE did.
Ted - my advice is change up your meds and get more extensive therapy and then do something worthwhile with your life like helping other people.
At the very least, donate your body to medical science before you run at the cops with a knife so scientists can maybe isolate the mentalist kiddy fiddler/incest gene.
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Put yourself out of your own misery
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child molester??
you have god damned well better be fucking about!!
because if there is ANY truth to this..
defiling of youth, destroying innocence..
you can forget suicide, because I'll kill you my fucking self!!
and that's a Murderface guarantee!!
you BETTER be trollin on that one so help me Shiva!!
haha exactly what i would of said m face!! jump of a roof you mug its cheaper :o
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for anyone to call themselves delusional is a joke because how could they know?
yes, I would gladly use the coins for the intended purpose and be out of your hair.
I don't come here to troll as people say I do. I think the problem for me is an inconsistent defintion of the term 'troll'. most people say that and mean that I strait up fabricate shit for attention. well , no. I don't. you can question my sincerity but not my factuality.
I attempted suicide by pills once before. I'd do it again.
I never used to talk about my suicidal ideations but they've been with me since I was a 15 or younger. I used to have a totally different personality, where I never talked about my problems and always tried to be helpful to others and idk what happened. I stopped caring I guess.
anyways I do go to therapy and I do take pills. I still intend on suicide, I just feel better about it :p. my overall mood is better. suicidal ideations did not go away. and before you ask , I've been to a psyche ward before. the only help I can get is from the angel of the night- she is equiped to handle this better then I am and I in turn care about working myself out for her. other then that I pretty much care about nothing.
Bullshit.
If you really had given up all hope on yourself you wouldn't be capable of constructing that post. When people hit rock bottom they can barely function, you are far from rock bottom because you are on here looking for free handouts under the pretense of funding your suicide endeavors.
Get a better therapist, one that actually challenges you. Get involved in some community work in your area, some men's organizations are good like the Mankind Project for example, they can help you figure your shit out.
And above all else abstain from any substances that mess with your brain chemistry, you are not going to find the solutions to your issues in a bag of mushies or mdma, depressed people should not be taking anything that can exasperate their imbalances.
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Having worked with/been around suicidal people for many years I am fairly certain of this: if someone truly wants to die, they will find a way to die, which would mean without relying on donations from people on the internet. This person just wants attention/free drug money to get fucked up. Ted, I really hope you either decide to put the huge amounts of work in that will be needed to change your life for the better or make the choice to die and quit dragging it out on here.
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And another for how long it takes him to suck dick for a meal.
So much for your signature saying 'peace, love, and unity'. Someone whos apparently gone through hardship/trauma, and is now handling it by projecting negative energy.
OP Heres some REAL advice. Theres potassium cyanide listed for 100 bucks on silk road. If you actually go through with it... well.
Sucking dick is not inherently a negative thing. If you enjoy sucking dick then it could be positive. I know I like getting mine sucked. Maybe he'll like it and he'll realize all along that he was only fighting his own homosexuality and that was the true root of the problem all the time. Then he could embrace it, be himself, anf fly his flag with pride! BTW. It was a joke so lighten up.
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And another for how long it takes him to suck dick for a meal.
So much for your signature saying 'peace, love, and unity'. Someone whos apparently gone through hardship/trauma, and is now handling it by projecting negative energy.
OP Heres some REAL advice. Theres potassium cyanide listed for 100 bucks on silk road. If you actually go through with it... well.
Mate, op has had multiple threads like this going on for months, he is just an attention seeker as if he really wanted to off himself he would have by now, I cant speaks for anonypunk but I assume they feel the same as I do and that is sick of reading this fools lies attempting to get money to buy drugs. There has been multiple ways explained to op that are free, but thats not how he wants to go he wants everyone to pay for some reason, the most resent one was 10g of barbituates where .25g of heroin would kill him. He would require 300mg of pottasium cyanide to kill himself are you going to pay for it? because thats all this troll wants is free money. In the months he has been posting this bullshit he could have gotten a job earned enough money to buy what he wants to "kill himself" but all he wants if free btc to buy drugs. So what if anonypunk has gone through hardship alot of people have and dont piss and moan constantly to anonymous people on a forum asking for free money,I have been through some very hard parts of my life so I fail to have sympathy for someone who when they started the first of these threads I was nice polite kind and helpful and what did I get? told to shut up and give him coin for nothing. Mate this cunt touched up his 10yr old sister when he was 16, should I feel sorry for him? no I feel sorry for his sister who has had a life changing event forced on her, trust me its not the type of thing you get over easily if at all, 14yrs on and im still "damaged" from it
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the reason I'm not dead is the same why you all wish I was but wont buy me the necesary tools. heroin, barbs, wtf ever. I don't really care as long as I go out in a state of oblivious joy. we only get to die once, why do it any other way? give me the money and watch me disappear and then go ahead and criticize me afterwords if I prove to be a liar. you are all speculating on events that may or may not come to pass. . honestly if my angel of the night were back in my life I would try to change....i love her...but she knows me for what I am and decided I'm not worth the effort. so why should I think I am when she doesnt.
i am not "" anything. I am not lying or spinning. I am literal and direct . money for drugs to die in od. not looking to just get high all the time based on a lie. use your common sense: it'd only work ONCE. I'd have better odds asking for recreational drug money directly and honestly but thats not what I'm after. and for getting a job....you think i could? reall
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Maybe time to start asking for a "free" death instead of money? Pretty sure if you'd fork over your address someone would be willing to help you out free of charge if only for not having to see these silly beggar posts of yours anymore.
I'd happily spend the gas money and 50cents it cost to put a round in his head.
Seriously though. You know you can actually make really really good money with a cardboard sign? You might have to sell your Abercrombie and Bitch shit and maybe your hipster shades. You can do it. Go actually be homeless for a week. Come back. Then tell us about how much you hate your life. Do you even know how hard it is for some people bro? With no one to help them? Seriously. I challenge you to go live on the streets for a week. Ever dumpster dived for meals behind a Churches Chicken? I was so thirsty once I scooped rain water out of a puddle. Someone saw that and gave me a $20. But it was fucking hot and no one lets you in their place of business when you haven't bathed in 2 weeks. Ever needed a drink so bad to that you actually ENJOY drinking mouthwash? Nah. That's my challenge to you man. I will gladly give you $100 if you can prove to me you lived on the streets for one full week without mommy and daddy helping you out. Fuck tell em you're going on vacation with a friend. Tell em to fuck off who cares? You'll be $100 richer and much better man b/c of it. I'll need pics. Yeah. And actual documentation. You'll need to tell me the people you meet and who you ran into. Stories you shared and all that shit. I got time. You obviously have nothing better to do.
Everyone here. I stand by what I just said. I will give this guy $100 if he can prove to me that he has lived on the streets for one full week. Promise. I'll deposit straight to your SR account. Heres a tip. Start a blog and write about it there so I can follow.
$100 bucks man.
done. will a blog and pictures be sufficient evidence? honestly I always sort of wanted to do that just for the fuck of it anyways. I'll let you know when my day one starts , need to do some preperation.
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And another for how long it takes him to suck dick for a meal.
So much for your signature saying 'peace, love, and unity'. Someone whos apparently gone through hardship/trauma, and is now handling it by projecting negative energy.
OP Heres some REAL advice. Theres potassium cyanide listed for 100 bucks on silk road. If you actually go through with it... well.
http://silkroadvb5piz3r.onion/silkroad/search_results/potassium+cyanide
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Oz delivers internationally now which is lucky for the rest of the world..
Yes the fent is made for IV or IM its the proper hospital grade stuff the vendor also has fent nasal spray also pharmacy produced
I never have any probs finding someone willing to have a shot with lol
I know what you mean I saw that in a thread and murderface straight up told him he's fucked for touching up kids
He's definately delusional and I did feel sorry for him at the start but the more it drags on the more I dont and sort of wish he'd do it or shut up......I know thats bad but if you do truely want to kill yourself you just do it, I know i tried years ago, i just went and did it i didnt ask/talk about it at all because if you do someone might stop you and thats the last thing you want
Times like this i wish it wasnt an anonymous forum so someone could inform his family so he could get the help he needs
im not ignoring this advice it just costs money that I don't have.
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Maybe time to start asking for a "free" death instead of money? Pretty sure if you'd fork over your address someone would be willing to help you out free of charge if only for not having to see these silly beggar posts of yours anymore.
I'd happily spend the gas money and 50cents it cost to put a round in his head.
Seriously though. You know you can actually make really really good money with a cardboard sign? You might have to sell your Abercrombie and Bitch shit and maybe your hipster shades. You can do it. Go actually be homeless for a week. Come back. Then tell us about how much you hate your life. Do you even know how hard it is for some people bro? With no one to help them? Seriously. I challenge you to go live on the streets for a week. Ever dumpster dived for meals behind a Churches Chicken? I was so thirsty once I scooped rain water out of a puddle. Someone saw that and gave me a $20. But it was fucking hot and no one lets you in their place of business when you haven't bathed in 2 weeks. Ever needed a drink so bad to that you actually ENJOY drinking mouthwash? Nah. That's my challenge to you man. I will gladly give you $100 if you can prove to me you lived on the streets for one full week without mommy and daddy helping you out. Fuck tell em you're going on vacation with a friend. Tell em to fuck off who cares? You'll be $100 richer and much better man b/c of it. I'll need pics. Yeah. And actual documentation. You'll need to tell me the people you meet and who you ran into. Stories you shared and all that shit. I got time. You obviously have nothing better to do.
Everyone here. I stand by what I just said. I will give this guy $100 if he can prove to me that he has lived on the streets for one full week. Promise. I'll deposit straight to your SR account. Heres a tip. Start a blog and write about it there so I can follow.
$100 bucks man.
done. will a blog and pictures be sufficient evidence? honestly I always sort of wanted to do that just for the fuck of it anyways. I'll let you know when my day one starts , need to do some preperation.
Here you go, you can sign up for a free blog at the link below. I don't see what prep you need to do. Just get out there, get up go out of your house and go. Real homeless people don't get much warning. And, no faking and going home secretly at night though. You could probably update the blog from your phone.
https://signup.wordpress.com/signup/
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bump.
I am not as thankful for all the love and support as I should be. I aknowledge that. its kind of the point of it all though.just send me back to god to be made whole.
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Piece. Of. Shit. Find a rope and sturdy post.
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I thought my advice was valuable but clearly not.
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BTW it's normal for opposite-sex siblings to play doctors and nurses, and it's normal to question that in later life and have to deal with feelings of guilt and wrongdoing. The pubescent vs prepubescent significance, I.e. your age gap, the fact that a 16yr old should know that it's wrong, and also the question of the 16yr old's intentions (was it sexually motivated or was it clueless naievety?) are clearly significant factors for consideration, but I'd hate to think your self-loathing was a result of something pretty normal. You shouldn't dtalk people though BTW, it's such an unromantic and solely negative thing.
How old are you now BTW, and are you honest, or a manipulator (in these discussions)?
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GHB puts you to sleep, and all the warnings about it said that it depresses the respiratory system, i.e. if you take way too much you'll go to sleep and stop breathing. Maybe give that a shot. Sounds pretty painless. Or if you have a car and a garage there's always the carbon monoxide method - "hosepipe from exhaust to inside of car, sit in car" or "start engine, shut all garage doors, and chill in the car or garage for a while".
when I'm able to get the money it'll be an option to consider.
I am manipulative , we all are to an extent but I don't say I'm holding up four fingers if I'm holding up three. there is definitely a difference between truth and honesty , one being objective and one being subjective. I try to stick to objectivism as much as I can but of course I can't do that in every way. I felt attraction to a girl once where I wanted to kiss her, I felt pulled to her. I never was attracted to my sister. I remember (this isn't an excuse or explaination but just what parts of the puzzle I can put together) feeling really lonely and depressed and thinking about how I would never have sex or connect with people. I took advantage of her nievete, but I thought she was old enough to enjoy it. I still talk to her. we never talk about this . I brought it up drunk once but not by name. the idea she might have blocked it out of her memory makes me think real hard about confronting the issue directly now that we're both older. my angel told me morals just were that they cant be developed or grown or changed. so if im a bad person and I always will be whats the point? murderface- your conflicted? me too , bro. me too. please, keep your money. I wanted to see if you'd keep your word and I;d of given it right back. you really shouldn't be spending on drugs when you need to invest in your climb back up the social ladder but you already know that. my morals suck but my ethics woulcn't allow me to take from the impovershed.
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Free grammar tip: Don't write "of" when you mean have or 've.
You rabbit on more than I do when I'm coked up (as I have been in most of my "greater-than 20-word " posts on here recently).
I think you have been given good (quantity, quality, variety of) advice and suggestions, and other bits of wisdom. I think you should choose which of that advice you think might be worth pursuing, and begin to act on it.
Further discussions and confessions, and dwelling upon your negative feelings on here (and in general) is doing you harm.
Come back and let us know when something's changed.
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Free grammar tip: Don't write "of" when you mean have or 've.
Uh oh. Looks like I've got competition, AND that I'm being undercut :p
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This reminds me of my own suicide plan...
Perhaps I should put a little context around that. I have a depressive disorder which occasionally provokes suicidal thoughts, although I haven't really acted on them for decades and even then used to chicken out partway through (I suspect because I was more into the self-indulgent drama of it all than truly, in my heart, wanting to abandon all of my possible future experience). Still, the urge still pops up now and then, I drag myself down the spiral of everything that seems terrible about myself and my life whilst repelling anything remotely positive... and I start to really believe that part of myself telling me that it's all too much too bear and will never get better. So, a couple of years ago I decided to formulate the plan as a sort of counter-argument to myself:
If I'm really that serious about ending my story partway through then a few more days shouldn't make any difference. In that time I can dig into my savings, purchase a mountain of assorted stimulants and depressants and party myself to death. Of course, getting the money out and meeting enough contacts to accumulate all these substances would take days, perhaps well over a week. As my episodes of self-destructive agony rarely last more than a few hours, and have usually more or less entirely dissipated by the next day, this plan is actually more designed to prevent me from achieving the ultimate silliness by forcing me to wait until I regain perspective :)
(Now I suppose it'd be transferring bitcoins and waiting for orders to arrive in the post, which is unlikely to be much faster).
BTW, to head off any misplaced pity, my emotional life is generally far more comfortable than that of most people I've met in group therapy. Others often find themselves on the edge of the abyss on a monthly, even weekly, basis while I may visit it only a couple of times per year. The illness in me manifests mostly as apathy, lethargy and self-neglect, so for the most part I'm just clinically lazy ;)
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please donate a little spare coin.help me leave this rock. be rid of me.
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please donate a little spare coin.help me leave this rock. be rid of me.
But if you go, so will this thread. And it's been rather entertaining so far.
So sorry, but I'm going to prolong your suffering and my own entertainment by NOT donating. Hope you understand!