Silk Road forums
Discussion => Newbie discussion => Topic started by: AussieMitch on January 27, 2013, 03:25 pm
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In spite of taking extreme measures to ensure my personal safety I live in almost constant fear of getting locked up, and when it gets really bad no amount of rational thinking can make me relax. It just scares me that all I'm doing is helping people get high, and even though i've never been violent towards other people or been responsible for any fatal overdoses the government would throw me in jail in a second if they caught up with me. The war on drugs is fucked.
I've got cash on tap and can afford pretty much anything I want to buy but sometimes I wonder if it's worth feeling on-edge and nervous 24/7. Pretty much my whole life revolves around meeting other dealers, organizing deals, browsing Silk Road for new ways to make profit, waiting on people, counting money or drugs and stressing about keeping myself safe. When I do have free time all I do is blow large amounts of cash in restaurants, nightclubs and shop for overpriced shit I don't really need. Occasionally I take a holiday but even when i'm sitting on a beach in Bali or shopping in Tokyo my thoughts are concerned with making more money and extra security measures I can implement to protect myself. My girlfriend tells me I always have a serious look on my face and I often find it hard to just laugh and have a good time in social situations. Even when I get loose and drink, smoke weed or snort a bit of coke i'm really careful not to let myself get too intoxicated to make rational decisions and deal with any dangerous situations that might arise. I know this comes with the territory when you sell drugs but a-lot of people who don't deal have no idea that this lifestyle isn't as fun as it's made out to be.
Can anyone else here relate?
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I think you should reexamine how you define profit.
Sounds like you're financially profiting from your business BUT suffering emotionally and mentally.
This is similar to those who are unhappy with their day jobs with the following important distinction:
You're suffering from FEAR not unhappiness. FEAR that you will get caught. FEAR that, if caught, you'll lose your freedom. FEAR that, if you lose your freedom, your life as you enjoy it will be over.
The problem, however, is that if you're suffering from as much anxiety and paranoia as you say, then you're not exactly enjoying your life with your financial profits. And if that's the case, then you're not really profiting from your business, at all. In my opinion, you're actually operating at a loss!
Final note: The mind can do terrible things, and it can actually betray you. Your unconscious mind might trip you up so that you do get caught (as a defensive act) just to relieve the overwhelming pressure of fear of getting caught!
I wish you the best of luck!
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Hey man, I feel your pain.
You say you have lots of money.
Well if you have a person you trust, then you should have them set up the deals. Find a good middle man and use him so that you can distance yourself from all these activities. Sacrifice a bit of money for peace of mind. I think it would be worth it and you could continue making the profit you always are.
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That's too bad.
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I know its WAY easier said than done, but perhaps you should look to diversify and shift your dealing and finances to legit profitable business over time and with every step you make towards your goal you may feel better...But like I said, easier said than done
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We can't all be drug dealers forever...you have to get out of the game at some point. It's best to save money and work towards something legitimate, eventually.
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yeh i feel u man i earn good ,nice toys, great holidays and the best foods
from the highs to the lows i deal with anxiety and have enough coin to get whatever i want no debts got a benz a 300c and i actually take valiums to relax with lots of booze
dont like socializing alot wont go to a club without a 22 in da missus purse ,drink drugs seem to work to keep me more off edge but i dont like being out of control
its always on my mind...........holidays have been my only salvation phucket bali even then i dont like leaving the hotel resort and a few other aussie secluded destinations............you need to accept the life you have chosen for better or worse that i have found helps and then just be the best you can be...........but draw a line in the sand as enough at some stage has to be enough (money wise)
then retire in the greek insland like fat tony did but without the wig
and dont meet dealers send others and never speak on the mob phone or home text only
and change phones every 2 weeks to be safe new phone and sim
and make new accounts for posts like these :-
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Nice post started here Aussie Mitch.
Personally I have been purchasing from the same speed dealer for over 10 years now they used to deal up to a kilogram a week but were selling to anyone and everyone been raided twice nothing found. They reckon they only deal with people who sell gear no stolen goods.
I believe a solid eight to ten hours sleep is one of the most beneficial wonders to a healthy life . Supplements can help quality magnesium chelates 1 gram a day, tryptophan at night tyrosine in the morning. Contrary to popular cereal, toast are very poor food choices for the brain. Whole Food High fat high protein breakfast is the way to with plenty of veggies.
On a final note if a your gonna have a bender try and make it one night only I can't stress that enough said fred
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I suppose I would ask you what would it take for you not to feel paranoid and stressed? would you need to totally walk away from the 'life' so to speak?
As one of the posts above mentioned profit is measured in human capital too, what you value about your life, enjoying the nice things and feeling a genuine sense of pleasure and happiness in your day to day is worth more than any deal or profit margin, something I know you already get anyway but it is worth reminding yourself.
Best advice I can give is have an exit strategy so you are working towards a point in time when you no longer need to do the things that are causing you to feel this stressed. Like most of us we all have a lot to lose playing this risking game on SR, I take my liberty very seriously and even though I'm not experiencing the same level of anxiety as you are I certainly think a healthy dose of paranoia is a good thing to keep yourself sharp to avoid making stupid complacent mistakes.
From what you have said you seem to have your shit locked down pretty tight, maybe it's time to look for a way to put a bit of distance between the the things that could see you come to under an LE spotlight, at the very least give yourself permission to take a proper holiday and relax, your body and mind will thank you.
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I FEEL YA BROTHER
Been hustling for about 7years now and all i can say is it never gets less stressful i have to take breaks from time to time just to keep my sanity. I have 12 cctv cameras around my house, 2 floor safes and several guns stashed about the house. and i still feel unsafe moving weight
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CAN'T DO THE TIME, DON'T DO THE CRIME
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Shiiit,the reason we live this life is because we refuse to be bitchs...we see that there is something we want and we work towards it,regardless of 'laws',i refuse to follow rules,that are not respected by those who control them
i myself had to deal with being paranoid and living on edge,17 years of age walking around with a bulletproof vest,and gun tucked on the streets of the uk...on top of gettin less than 8 hours sleep on average and a heavy smoking habit BUT i fucking loved it :P...keep ya head up,stay on top of your game and you'll be fine...:),if your life is the way you describe it im very jealous hahahaa..
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You need to make friends with the worst possible outcome and then put it out of your mind. You can only control what you can control. Blowing your money is probably one of the reasons your so stressed out. You should really have a goal in mind, that when you reach, your out. Live frugally, save your money, and continually work towards the end game. Look at ways to invest your money such as starting a legal business one day. Making good money and then blowing it all is just spinning your wheels. You should have an exit plan that your working towards.
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I can relate.....
I used to 'cook' at home. Fark me, i would be freaking out about it.
Now I have a place in the middle of the bush where i can cook to my hearts content.... I still get a bit sketchy sometimes when im brewing a batch; but i also think a little paranoia is not a bad thing.
WIthout a bit of an edge you get complacent and thats never a good thing.