Silk Road forums
Discussion => Off topic => Topic started by: Ballzinator on March 22, 2013, 10:13 pm
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Shit went sideways and now I'm in a psychiatric ward. FML. The only real entertainment I get is making the doctors nervous with my knowledge (they seem to prefer dumb sheeple).
I'll try to be here as much as possible but I might not make it because I can't use Tor Browser because the public computer here is locked down with a shitty software called SiteKiosk. I ripped the LAN cable out of the computer and connected it to my laptop to write this but I'm pretty sure that's not allowed. They don't have WiFi either so I might not be here for some time :(
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ill see you soon
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Awww Ballzinator I'm sending you hugs you will be missed, I wish you all the best for a quick recovery :)
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Oh shit... I'm so sorry to hear that. Maybe you can get something out of it, at least? ... yeah, probably not.
I'm sorry you have to go through that man. Best of luck if I don't see you around again.
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Shit, what the fuck happened! cant you just get someone to send you a prepay 3g usb thing for your laptop
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Damn, u been here a long while. Like yur posts.
Hope u are better soon.
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Sad to see ya go ballz
I'm not sure exactly what you say to someone who is admitted to a psychiatric ward. (Get well soon? Feel better? bust out of there! Goodluck!)? Whatever it is, i hope you get what you need. We'll be here if you need to talk to anyone
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Everyone needs help sometimes Ballz! I'm sending my love and my light, and I'm sure whatever you're going through will just make you stronger and smarter :)
<3 <3 <3
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Hey Ballz!
You crazy guy, what have you done now? Oh wait... hmm...
Haha just kidding ;D
Look on the bright side - I'm sure you get to meet interesting people right now! Get well soon either way and I hope you get back to doing what you want to do soon. We'll miss ya around here if you can't come hang.
Come back soon!
P.s. I got the honor of giving you your 600th karma!
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Frequently the best of us lose their thread, if it is any comfort it is rarely mediocre folk who suffer so. I hope this helps, it is reputed to have been said to King Solomon, no slouch himself.
It is said an Eastern monarch once charged his wise men to invent him a sentence, to be ever in view, and which should be true and appropriate in all times and situations. They presented him the words: "And this, too, shall pass away." How much it expresses! How chastening in the hour of pride! How consoling in the depths of affliction! -- Lincoln
Take care Ballzinator, our little tribe on the darknet shall be here when you get back :)
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After seeing a sibling and very close friend go to a ward, I really wish you whatever it is you need. It's heart breaking seeing some of the people in the wards, I wish you well.
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make sure you keep the mouth guard in when they turn the juice on :P
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Thank you for the kind words :)
Looks like I can pull off stealing their internet with my laptop for now. Let's see how long that lasts :D
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[Redacted - quoted anyway, oh well]
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Also.... Damn man you're in a Hilton compared to the places I was institutionalized
Haha yeah I was thinking that too. Germany must be the bee's knee's haha When I was put in a ward they even took my socks! Apparently you can kill a man with thigh highs ::) They wouldn't even give me a real cup I had to drink like 40 of those tiny little dixie cups they usually hand out meds in haha
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Good luck man, but the path to enlightenment sometimes takes some weird detours. As has often been said, it's sometimes a sane response to an insane situation that gets you into those places.
Can highly recommend a (short) book by the psychoanalyst RD Laing "The Politics of Experience", nailed a lot of stuff for me.
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Shit went sideways and now I'm in a psychiatric ward. FML. The only real entertainment I get is making the doctors nervous with my knowledge (they seem to prefer dumb sheeple).
I'll try to be here as much as possible but I might not make it because I can't use Tor Browser because the public computer here is locked down with a shitty software called SiteKiosk. I ripped the LAN cable out of the computer and connected it to my laptop to write this but I'm pretty sure that's not allowed. They don't have WiFi either so I might not be here for some time :(
Stay SNEAKY, I bet you anything they will take your laptop if the see you have the LAN hooked up to it.
Also.... Damn man you're in a Hilton compared to the places I was institutionalized. You get to have a laptop AND an internet connection.
That laptop is considered a "sharp" meaning it could be a weapon, in this case a bludgeoning device. When I was inside I couldn't even have hardback books or art supplies(certainly not any paint, I could swallow that and try to kill myself apparently they didn't understand what "non-toxic' meant, same exact reason they took soap out of the bathroom, people were swallowing massive amounts of soap trying to kill themselves). And you get internet that's amazing, granted they have whatever censoring program on it but it is still a great privilege and you bypassed it to get on the SR forums, props for shenanigans. I certainly wasn't allowed a cellphone, laptop, or any electronic device. I am beyond surprised they let you bring your laptop, I'm going to guess it has a webcam on it. which is another reason they wouldn't allow it. Confidentiality. They don't want people taking pictures of other patients and violating the medical privacy, they can get sued for that. Anyway keep us updated but not at the expense of your laptop, getting friends or family to sneak you in a pre-paid 3G usb stick is a great idea. You get cigarette breaks? How's the food? One of the hospitals I was in I was served day after day what looked like catfood and catshit mixed together and to this day I have no idea what the fuck it was they served us I lost a lot of weight in that one, not to mention the one community bathroom we had was broken for 3 days (on day two a patient jumped up on top of the nurses desk proceeded to shit and piss on a the nurses computer monitor... they got right on it after that episode) and when it wasn't broken you had to go get a fucking key from the nurses desk (usually they were too busy to be bothered with something like caring for the patients, even something as simple as giving them the key to the bathroom, or getting you a blanket, or even a snack for a diabetic patient with low blood sugar, that patient started to freak out and cried and wept continuously for hours pleading for help and they wouldn't do anything but sedate her after 3 straight hours of that. So low-blood sugar with no food combined with tranquilizers equals a diabetic coma, no shit all this really happened) That one was the worst I've ever been in. We had ONE doctor for 6 floors of patients about 20 patients on each floor which basically meant you get almost 5 minutes with the doctor to try and figure out what medicine you need to take, plus that damn doctor barely spoke English so that was a hellish 2 weeks. It was almost as bad as when I was in an institute that was full they didn't have any beds so I spent three days in a extremely overcrowded room sleeping in a chair (my back was fucking killing me) and they wouldn't let us sleep on the fucking floor because too many people had shit and pissed all over it and they hadn't brought anyone in to clean the damn carpets. Anyway I've got a million stories not all of them about malpractice but I should stop here with the stories anyway. Pisses me off about all the gun debates going on right now, nobody gives two fucks about America's piss-poor state of mental health care. That would require a lot of money that nobody wants to give up (certainly not the insurance companies) however stricter gun laws will cost a whole lot less and get guns away from civilians. Also now that you've been institutionalized you can no longer buy a gun, Brady laws prohibit that, assuming you're American. I actually agree with that one even though it means I can't have a gun
My advice... Don't make the doctors nervous with your knowledge, that will only make them keep you longer. You are superior to their intelligence, work them don't let them work you. Use it against those stupid quacks. My trick was to pretend how happy and upbeat I was when in reality I was freaking the fuck out. So I pretended to be happy and having the fucking time of my life and the meds were actually working. When I was asked "You think you're ready to get out?" I would reply, "I could stay here a few more days, I'm doing good here, do you think I'm ready doctor?" if you show panic they'll keep you there longer. Plus this is the only time you will be glad you're insurance company doesn't want to pay for medical expenses. Right now it is costing them thousands to keep you in there, after a week or a few days they'll basically send the doctor a message that is basically "Is he ready to get out, can we stop paying for this shit yet?" (depending on your behavior, go to groups, get up when they wake you up, try and eat, participate in group, engage the staff in conversation and make them laugh charm the hell out of them) that is when the doctor will ask you if you think you're ready to leave remember of course to be calm and "normal", don't panic don't even act slightly eager to leave. Act like it is no big deal even though you want out so bad. The insurance company will put pressure on the doctor to decide whether or not you are ready to leave so take advantage of the insurance companies avarice and the stupidity of the psychiatrists and their inability to read people.
Let us know how it went when you get out
Wow, Copycats, my stay here seems like holidays in the Burj Al Arab compared to the "institutions" you were in. I have my laptop, cell phone and all kinds of stuff I could theoretically use to kill myself, including a blow drier. One could almost have the impression that no one gives a shit here except they actually do. There's at least two nurses here 24/7 who answer all my questions. There's space for only 18 people in this ward and each ward has its own doctor so he has plenty of time for everyone.
That thing with the medical privacy is the same here but I can still have my laptop and cellphone which has a camera, I'm just not allowed to take photos of anyone without their consent, but that's the law in Germany anyway.
Anyone can smoke whenever the fuck they want, there's a balcony for that and there's two recreation rooms, one of which is for smokers and both have flat-screen TVs.
The food is awesome compared to the shit I had in other regular hospitals.
There's no such thing as community bathrooms here, each room (with two people living in it) has its own bathroom with a shower.
It's fucking ridiculous. I always thought of psychiatric wards as those horrible places like you described but apparently not where I live. Thank God for that shit :D
And about the gun thing, I'm in Germany so I can't have a gun anyway (legally at least ::) ;) :P 8)) so being institutionalized doesn't change anything for me in that regard.
And yeah, I'm gradually starting to play a little bit dumb to spare the doctor's self esteem. I think I scared the shit out of him during the first interview. He actually asked me if I had memorized my "symptoms" from Google searches because I was so articulate :D
I'm not bent on getting out as quickly as possible although I don't particularly like being here of course. But it's free (gotta love the German health care system) and it's definitely helping me getting my act back together.
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[Redacted - damn I poured my heart out in these posts, way too much info on me]
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Hi Ballz
Get home soon, sending lots of love your way. Don't let them get you down no matter what! You fuckin rock and it always brightens my day to read your posts. I still remember that thread about depression! Fk the system =D
AV
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damn dude that sucks. Take care. At least you got to travel the road.
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I hope you get outta there soon, man. I hate to see someone being forced to be somewhere they don't want to be. I know the feeling and it sucks.I hope they atleast give you icecream there!!!!
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Ballz this is my new account. I can't tell you my old accounts username because it is in the hands of LE. You had helped me out so much in the past on a certain project. I owe you man.
When I was a teenager I got sent away to the looney bin. My mom said that she didnt have the money for food for me so she called the police told them some crazy ass bullshit stories and I got sent away.
Clearly in The U.S. it is different. I remeber the crazy people trying to kill me with pencils. They didnt even allow shoes. Prison clothing. Checkups every 15 minutes. Your lucky you don't live here.
All the best to you man, I really feel for you. You are a huge part of the reason my cause existed.
Thanks man
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Your thread got pushed down due to an influx of spam so I'll reply to it for you, sending lots of good energy and give us more updates when you can!
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Good luck in there Ballz - Some of your threads on depression really helped me get out of a mindset that I had no idea at the time was affecting me so much. It was a simple realization :)
Dr. Gabor Mate says that one of the hardest things to do is follow one's own advice. I hope that you can find resolution within yourself because, truly, you are gifted with the insight (and curse) of self reflection.
Cheers
Also, if they prescribe you anything really fucking crazy then send it to us :)
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Hey Ballzy,
Thanks for updating. Thinking of you and sending lots of love your way :-* :-*
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heh .what happened?
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I know I'm a late-comer to this thread, but I'm sending good thoughts your way, Ballzy. I hate hospitals, but I've done plenty of time in the psych wards. Sounds like I need to move to Germany!
Best of luck to you, and let us know when you're out, so we can throw back a pint in your honor. Cheers, mate.
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it sounds like a good place, i know there have been times i was grateful to be locked down and times i just downright needed to be. all those times helped generate a willingness to change and work towards being healthy/well and i'm much happier today because of it. it seems like there's a really large part of the population with mental illness/issues and the good news is that a lot of those people, these days, are managing happy lives amongst all the "normies."
love and good luck!
seriously my first thought when i read your post,
"his own laptop in a psych ward, hijacking internet access to log on SR? thats Ballzy!" ;D
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Shit went sideways and now I'm in a psychiatric ward. FML. The only real entertainment I get is making the doctors nervous with my knowledge (they seem to prefer dumb sheeple).
I'll try to be here as much as possible but I might not make it because I can't use Tor Browser because the public computer here is locked down with a shitty software called SiteKiosk. I ripped the LAN cable out of the computer and connected it to my laptop to write this but I'm pretty sure that's not allowed. They don't have WiFi either so I might not be here for some time :(
Stay SNEAKY, I bet you anything they will take your laptop if the see you have the LAN hooked up to it.
Also.... Damn man you're in a Hilton compared to the places I was institutionalized. You get to have a laptop AND an internet connection.
That laptop is considered a "sharp" meaning it could be a weapon, in this case a bludgeoning device. When I was inside I couldn't even have hardback books or art supplies(certainly not any paint, I could swallow that and try to kill myself apparently they didn't understand what "non-toxic' meant, same exact reason they took soap out of the bathroom, people were swallowing massive amounts of soap trying to kill themselves). And you get internet that's amazing, granted they have whatever censoring program on it but it is still a great privilege and you bypassed it to get on the SR forums, props for shenanigans. I certainly wasn't allowed a cellphone, laptop, or any electronic device. I am beyond surprised they let you bring your laptop, I'm going to guess it has a webcam on it. which is another reason they wouldn't allow it. Confidentiality. They don't want people taking pictures of other patients and violating the medical privacy, they can get sued for that. Anyway keep us updated but not at the expense of your laptop, getting friends or family to sneak you in a pre-paid 3G usb stick is a great idea. You get cigarette breaks? How's the food? One of the hospitals I was in I was served day after day what looked like catfood and catshit mixed together and to this day I have no idea what the fuck it was they served us I lost a lot of weight in that one, not to mention the one community bathroom we had was broken for 3 days (on day two a patient jumped up on top of the nurses desk proceeded to shit and piss on a the nurses computer monitor... they got right on it after that episode) and when it wasn't broken you had to go get a fucking key from the nurses desk (usually they were too busy to be bothered with something like caring for the patients, even something as simple as giving them the key to the bathroom, or getting you a blanket, or even a snack for a diabetic patient with low blood sugar, that patient started to freak out and cried and wept continuously for hours pleading for help and they wouldn't do anything but sedate her after 3 straight hours of that. So low-blood sugar with no food combined with tranquilizers equals a diabetic coma, no shit all this really happened) That one was the worst I've ever been in. We had ONE doctor for 6 floors of patients about 20 patients on each floor which basically meant you get almost 5 minutes with the doctor to try and figure out what medicine you need to take, plus that damn doctor barely spoke English so that was a hellish 2 weeks. It was almost as bad as when I was in an institute that was full they didn't have any beds so I spent three days in a extremely overcrowded room sleeping in a chair (my back was fucking killing me) and they wouldn't let us sleep on the fucking floor because too many people had shit and pissed all over it and they hadn't brought anyone in to clean the damn carpets. Anyway I've got a million stories not all of them about malpractice but I should stop here with the stories anyway. Pisses me off about all the gun debates going on right now, nobody gives two fucks about America's piss-poor state of mental health care. That would require a lot of money that nobody wants to give up (certainly not the insurance companies) however stricter gun laws will cost a whole lot less and get guns away from civilians. Also now that you've been institutionalized you can no longer buy a gun, Brady laws prohibit that, assuming you're American. I actually agree with that one even though it means I can't have a gun
My advice... Don't make the doctors nervous with your knowledge, that will only make them keep you longer. You are superior to their intelligence, work them don't let them work you. Use it against those stupid quacks. My trick was to pretend how happy and upbeat I was when in reality I was freaking the fuck out. So I pretended to be happy and having the fucking time of my life and the meds were actually working. When I was asked "You think you're ready to get out?" I would reply, "I could stay here a few more days, I'm doing good here, do you think I'm ready doctor?" if you show panic they'll keep you there longer. Plus this is the only time you will be glad you're insurance company doesn't want to pay for medical expenses. Right now it is costing them thousands to keep you in there, after a week or a few days they'll basically send the doctor a message that is basically "Is he ready to get out, can we stop paying for this shit yet?" (depending on your behavior, go to groups, get up when they wake you up, try and eat, participate in group, engage the staff in conversation and make them laugh charm the hell out of them) that is when the doctor will ask you if you think you're ready to leave remember of course to be calm and "normal", don't panic don't even act slightly eager to leave. Act like it is no big deal even though you want out so bad. The insurance company will put pressure on the doctor to decide whether or not you are ready to leave so take advantage of the insurance companies avarice and the stupidity of the psychiatrists and their inability to read people.
Let us know how it went when you get out
Wow, Copycats, my stay here seems like holidays in the Burj Al Arab compared to the "institutions" you were in. I have my laptop, cell phone and all kinds of stuff I could theoretically use to kill myself, including a blow drier. One could almost have the impression that no one gives a shit here except they actually do. There's at least two nurses here 24/7 who answer all my questions. There's space for only 18 people in this ward and each ward has its own doctor so he has plenty of time for everyone.
That thing with the medical privacy is the same here but I can still have my laptop and cellphone which has a camera, I'm just not allowed to take photos of anyone without their consent, but that's the law in Germany anyway.
Anyone can smoke whenever the fuck they want, there's a balcony for that and there's two recreation rooms, one of which is for smokers and both have flat-screen TVs.
The food is awesome compared to the shit I had in other regular hospitals.
There's no such thing as community bathrooms here, each room (with two people living in it) has its own bathroom with a shower.
It's fucking ridiculous. I always thought of psychiatric wards as those horrible places like you described but apparently not where I live. Thank God for that shit :D
And about the gun thing, I'm in Germany so I can't have a gun anyway (legally at least ::) ;) :P 8)) so being institutionalized doesn't change anything for me in that regard.
And yeah, I'm gradually starting to play a little bit dumb to spare the doctor's self esteem. I think I scared the shit out of him during the first interview. He actually asked me if I had memorized my "symptoms" from Google searches because I was so articulate :D
I'm not bent on getting out as quickly as possible although I don't particularly like being here of course. But it's free (gotta love the German health care system) and it's definitely helping me getting my act back together.
these shit painting lunatics should be put on trains and sent to the gas chambers
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Hey Ballzinator,
Just wanted to send you a quick note of support. I hope you get better soon and are able to get everything sorted out while you're there!
Much love my man.
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Hey Ballz, i'm sorry to hear whats happened mate, wishing you all the best for a speedy recovery. ;)
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I'd be curious to hear more abut how all this happened but anyway, Ballz, I'd hate to see you leave this community, you're one of the most valuable members here.
I hope the cosmic love we are sending reaches you ! Good luck bro !
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hope to hear from you soon dude be strong and dont take there drugs
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mmmmm..seraquel LOL
be safe my friend, come hell or high water we'll be here when ya get to come back home to us 8)
Peace,
ChemCat
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I fap into my own mouth. People can always smell my own man jam on my breath.
wtf dude
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I fap into my own mouth. People can always smell my own man jam on my breath.
wtf dude
Whoa wtf. I'm glad I missed that the first time but seriously wtf
Anyways... Ballz, how are ya buddy? Any progress?
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Yeah Ballz how you been doing?
We all hope your well and getting better. ;)
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I'm doing good, thanks :)
I'll update when I get out (should be soon).
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I'm doing good, thanks :)
I'll update when I get out (should be soon).
Let us know a bit (if you can) how the treatment went! I'm always interested in foreign healthcare (I'm in the U.S.). Wishing you all the best Ballz.
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I'm doing good, thanks :)
I'll update when I get out (should be soon).
I hope it has been an easy stay my friend
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I hope things get better soon man!
I know what it's like in places like that.
Just another hurdle in life.
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Holy shit copycats that's some disgusting shit. I didn't realize American spots were so grossly....... underfunded????? Though from the sounds of it they were getting plenty of dough.
I wish you the best ballz.
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Sorry to hear you are not feeling well. Places like that suck but.
I hope something good comes out of it for you. I hope you feel better soon.
Will be interested to hear about it when you get out.
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Any progress? Hope things are well. I just stopped in to see if there was any progress.
Like lots of posters, I too had a stay, so these things interest me. So you are not alone friend. Lots of support here and great like-mined people to chat with if you need too.
Hope you are well. Get better. Take all the time yu need. No rush.
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http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rosenhan_experiment
The only way out is to tell them you're 'sick', but getting better.
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Hmm... the crazier they think I am... the more drugs they give me.... Do I need to VIP for this or just show up?
All jokes aside man, get better and enjoy freedom once it is yours.
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I've been in the loony bin a few times over the last couple of years, was where I get introduced to meth. Loony patients and rehabs don't go to together.
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Sorry to hear your in there man!
All the best bro, I hope your out soon and back up to no good. :)
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still in? any word on this?
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I'm doing good, thanks :)
I'll update when I get out (should be soon).
Good to hear. Best health to you, Ballz. Find some meaning in the mess and come out wiser. :)