Silk Road forums
Discussion => Off topic => Topic started by: deadhead89 on August 17, 2012, 10:15 pm
-
For about 4 years i have been dating this girl, she has never known i smoke morning and night usually (about 1 pipe, maybe 2) . She usually doesnt have a problem with me smoking when i am out with friends (most of the time, but doesnt really like me gettin completey mashed, just a couple of pipes or a bong or two)
i sometimes smoke a pipe in bed when a movie is about to start or before food so generally she is cool with that, but I don't think she'd be cool if she knew i was a daily toker, this i really feel guilty about doing, as its literally something I have done for years HOWEVER
The strange thing is , a couple weeks ago swim showed one of my closest friends my 'collection' (he doesnt do drugs anymore but expierenced alot with him), stupidly about a week later i popped a valium in my beer but my gf came upstairs and saw the pill in the drink and asked what it is, i panicked and said it was codeine and ibuprofen. ( it was actually diazepam)
Anyway she didnt take it too well and was suspicious and worried, she has slight aspergus and suffers from anxiety and called my best mate up at about 2 am in the morning crying and basically told him what happend as she needed someone to talk to. The reason she didnt call up her friends is because they are anti drug and would no longer like me ( i hate her fake friends) she stayed on the phone to him for a couple of hours and in the end my friend basically couldnt lie anymore as he is such a honest guy and he could see how upset she was. (he doesnt know that i know he told her)
Next day
My mate after I finished work had called me just before i was going home, he told me fran had been on the phone to him and was not convinced and was suspicous to what it could of been(she has no idea really about many drugs just the names) After this phone call i had this gut feeling Like i knew tonight I had to tell her, I just knew it.
The next day she came over, i was unaware that she had found about my collection, I had been at work al day and it was just running through my head, I feel like my gut instinct was telling me something was not right, i was constantly battling in my head whether to just lay it out on the table and show her everything, i could feel tears in my eyes knowing this could dramatically change or break up my relationship.
After work my girl came round and we were chilling on the bed, I could see something was up by looking in her eyes and her expressions, i asked if it was about the drink pill yesterday, and looked upset and I just thought fuck it , so i said along the lines of (I got something to show you, took this dvd case out full of about 12 different drugs)
Obviously she was shocked, she cried and in the end i did too, i just said "this is me, I cant hide this from you any longer, i would not be surprised if you broke up with me but if you do i would be devastated as it would ruin the whole expierence we have shared in life. i said " Please just accept me, this is what I do, you know I have always been in interested in drugs, she used to see me on forums, i would watch drug documentaries, with her, had meph in front of her (but it was legal so she kinda didnt really mind AS much)
In the end I said i cannot help it this is what I do, if you cannot accept it we will end and that is not what I want (something along these sort of lines I cannot remember everything (few days on valium)
i assured her i would be completely honest(Except most of the time daily weed lol but go thru phases) about all the drugs i consume now and what i have, I feel that I would never keep anything from her and i feel so much more open and loving with her now,i feel like a weight has been tooken off my shoulders.
The relationship is still not fully stable but we are working on it, we are strong and we still love each other she is just hurt and keeps having waves of sadness and other emotions that would be expected.
We do not live together so this is why i have been able to keep this a secret for a long time, used multiple drugs on multiple occasions and even met her later on and she did not even realise.
am asking for any advice for anyone has been in similar situations and how I should approach this, I know she loves me so much but for some people drugs really are a issue as they are scary/unknown.
FIRST OF ALL SORRY FOR THE SWIMS GUYS, IM STUPID AND COPIED IT FROM FD INSTEAD IF NOTEPAD WITH I's
When i do drugs next, i do not know how she willl react, but do you thinki should tell her before or after I have taken them on the next occasion.
I do not know how she will react, Si think if I tell her before I take them she may make me anxious by her being anxious about me taking them, causing me to possibly have a negatve time. Or I could Tell her after I had done it on the day or night with friends or alone.
What do you think would be the best option, i do not do stimulants more than once every 2/3 months or anything 'heavier like H or meth/crack" but take benzos sometimes for a few days on end or just occasionally ( not addicted)
Any advice or opinions would be greatly appreciated, especially if you have been in a similar situation.
I do not think this will break us up, but we will just have to see how it plays out as she may use it against I in arguements but all I know is it would take alot for us to spit up I HOPE.
-
Someone who is ME thinks you should remove all those fricking SWIM references if you want any rational discussion of your situation. Annoying as hell and prevented me from being able to read your post. sorry ???
-
I quit reading at the first swim, gj.
-
Sorry guys, replaced...
FIRST OF ALL SORRY FOR THE SWIMS GUYS, IM STUPID AND COPIED IT FROM FD INSTEAD IF NOTEPAD WITH I's
-
Much better now I might give it a try again in a bit.
-
try "my plants have been dating this girl," "my lab machine has been dating this girl," or "my pink elephant's been dating this girl"
Dating plants...lab machines...pink elephants...?
I am now completely certain Shannon is from Japan :D
--
To Deadhead:
Suggest simply chilling out. You seem to be making this into an "event". It doesn't have to be an event. Just be friendly to your friend and thoughtful etc. Show her you're a responsible adult, taking care of things, you have it all together etc.
Secondly, learn how to use Find & Replace feature in Notepad as a matter of urgency. It is not too late! :)
-
Hey Deadhead,
I've been in a quite similar situation.
My gf, with whom I've been in a relationship for almost 5 years now, has always known my fascination for drugs .She has seen my books, my documentaries, and some of my lifestyle. We share the weed, and I managed to get her to trip on Ayahuasca, shrooms & mescaline. So you know, I thought she was okay with that.
Truth is, those are not the only drugs I use, so when she found just a few tabs of Modafinil laying on my table, she got pretty mad. She asked for explanations, told her it was just from time to time, and nothing to be worried about, that I would always use drugs responsibly. But there was no way she would hear anything, she started to cry, told me she was afraid I would become a junkie (yes), and other terrible things. She left with me swearing that I would never use these tabs again (which was a lie) and she then flushed them down the toilet.
Not that it was of any help, she discovered the nitrous oxide device and the balloons the next day. Drama again.
So, since then, I avoid telling her all about my drug use and am not planning on showing her my secret box full of drugs. We've been happy so far, smoking weed and tripping occasionnaly together.
THe way I see things: do not tell something that does not need to be told if that something is going to make both of you sadder than you were before. Better live some white lie and be happy than knowing the truth and be depressed.
-
Yeah i really think in some situations it isnt nessecary to tell someone your ingesting something, like how does it benefit them by knowing aslong as its not directly affecting them?
I feel for you dude, modafinil isnt even really a hardcore recreational drug, like sometimes if i have a bit of oxy or benzo and weed at home by myself i enjoy a smoke when shes gone bed and its just chillin at night , why does anyone else need to know my business, especially when im not abusing regularly and am responsibile with usage.
I find it quite strange that she has tripped with you and so forth but gets so angry about a drug she probably has no idea about, alot of people are ignorant and just think drugs are bad without actually doing research as they dont have an interest in it.
Good luck dude, I would just be extra careful about stuff she does not agree with as if you are in a serious relationship and she broke up with you you be destroyed
trust destroys relationships, i think people should be able to ingest what they like as long as they are responsible and know the risks they are placing on themselves and the effect it may have on family and friend relation
-
I find it quite strange that she has tripped with you and so forth but gets so angry about a drug she probably has no idea about, alot of people are ignorant and just think drugs are bad without actually doing research as they dont have an interest in it.
Yes, most people, even your most open-minded friends may frown on your drug use, especially when it comes to recreational pills and prescription meds. There is such a stigma on drug users...I now avoid talking about this topic or I water it down to what society can accept.
-
Clearly Chil, your girlfriend has no idea what modafinil actually is.
It is about as addictive as aspirin. In fact it's possible to OD on aspirin, but not modafinil (some dude tried this, he was totally wired for 24 hours, but otherwise fine).
Hell, I take modafinil, and I don't even smoke ciggies.
-
Indeed, its used more for anti fatigue and used for long work hours and performance enchanments, maybe show her some research or she may just be too short tempered and close minded and a touchy subject
but is it TRUELY wrong to tell everytime I take a drug, its like " hey i had a coffee this morning" or "hey just tought id let you know i just had a pint at my mates" come on...anyone see my view?
obviously if its something 'heavy' like mdma i am gonna tell her, but i dont think its nessecary to say everytime i have the odd pipe or benzo? do you get me
-
Find the core of her sadness, work on it, discuess.
Discuss more!
And more.
You need to ask her, why does this make you sad?
Is it the fact that I hid it from you? -- appologise
Is it the drugs?
---Many discussions to be had here---
there are so many options, keep discussing it till you get to the roots.
-
Id be worried about your girl calling your best friend for a shoulder to lean on....leads to bad thing ime.
-
never lie!!!
never say anything!!
give her some acid to chew on!!
never know might help.
I am so glad i don't own a TV and so proud of myself for never liking soap operas!!!!
I know this sounds harsh but maybe if it ends up where she can't deal - trade her in for a newer model.
stress kills!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-
Id be worried about your girl calling your best friend for a shoulder to lean on....leads to bad thing ime.
She didnt really have a choice as her friends are very anti drug, and do not know me very well so ofcourse they would respond very negatively.
my friend is like my brother and knows me very well, trust him completely and so I would of rather she spoke to him than her friends.
GOD life is a fucking rollercoaster, CHAOS BABY.
-
Id be worried about your girl calling your best friend for a shoulder to lean on....leads to bad thing ime.
She didnt really have a choice as her friends are very anti drug, and do not know me very well so ofcourse they would respond very negatively.
my friend is like my brother and knows me very well, trust him completely and so I would of rather she spoke to him than her friends.
GOD life is a fucking rollercoaster, CHAOS BABY.
Love that attitude! :)
-
Live by your own convictions lest you cause someone else to stumble. Always be truthful and remember omission = lies.
(Married over 15 years)
-
Once in a great while a girl will give me half a shot.
But I actually feel the need to be honest about my drug habits.
This usually scares them away.
-
ahh I get what you're saying here. Girlfriends can be very irrational sometimes. I have had similar incidents with my gf in the past about smoking weed/drugs etc. After each argument, and the longer she could see that it's just a natural interest within me, I think she's become a bit more acceptive of my lifestyle.
Told her all about SR a couple of weeks ago. She gave me bad stressful news for us, which was something she caused herself, but effected our living arrangements. Instead of getting angry, after a couple of hours of receiving this news I decided to tell her about SR. After all, I was being very nice about the whole situation, so I thought if I told her about SR she might not get angry and just accepted my differences/flaws as I had accepted the mistake she made. It wasn't meant to be a conceited plan, just something in me told me it was the right time. It turned out as well as it ever could. She was initially just surprised about the place, but I think she could see the excitement in my eyes when I opened up about it, and didn't get upset about it.
You sir, don't sound like you're at the stage of telling her everything just yet. I guess all you can do is try and put her mind at ease, while maybe cutting down usage for the short term until things cool down (a few weeks). Also, as a drug enthusiast, I have found I talk about drugs A LOT IRL, if this sounds like you, then maybe dumb down the daily drug references/jokes, if you make those!
One thing I know for sure is that you may be able to cut back a little to show you care, and that might go further than you think towards long-term acceptance of your lifestyle. Never let her dictate a set of rules of what you can and cannot do though, just make some kind of small initiative to show you care. Just ideas.
My GF and I took MDMA last night. It was her first time. She and I both had a great night at the party we were at, and she was surprised it was so calm and clearheaded. Not exactly what she was expecting, but she loved it and isn't as intimidated by the idea anymore. She took 150mg of Ivory's molly, I had that plus 100mg of 3jane's MDA. Woo, was a great night! Got home at 4:00am and the visual effects of the MDA made themselves known in the back of my eyelids, I saw rooms inside castles with patterns chiseled into them. Today we had the great afterglow day, got lunch, went record shopping, coffee etc. It's kinda weird how she'll take acid, but be freaked out by modafinal! Very strange indeed.
GET SOME MDMA INTO HER AND THEN DISCUSS WHEN IT COMES UP, SHE WONT BE ABLE TO DENY HOW GOOD DRUGS ARE THEN! lol Goodluck dude.
-
if you've been with her that long and she didn't even know you smoke weed daily, then she doesn't really know you. i bet theres a whole world of shit that you think about that you can't talk about with her.
i know it sucks, but it sounds like you should break up.
BTW, i only read the first paragraph or so because
A) all was revealed in the first few lines and the rest is probably the ramblings of a stoned, possibly tweaking, teenage/early 20s lovefool.
B) the fucking SWIM bullshit. this is silk road dude; we say and do whatever the fuck we want.
-
What do you think would be the best option, i do not do stimulants more than once every 2/3 months or anything 'heavier like H or meth/crack" but take benzos sometimes for a few days on end or just occasionally ( not addicted)
Easy on the benzos, buddy. I used to think my benzo use was under control until i had a seizure from withdrawal. I didn't know i had even taken enough for long enough to go through withdrawals. I was taking maybe 3 mg of xanax daily for a few days at a time then stopping. seemed to work fine. then one day after a particularly stressful night of working from about 11p - 5 am (my job back then demanded i be on call 24/7 for rather strenuous work), i was dehydrated and hungry and sleep deprived and had just come off the tail end of one my few-day runs of xanax use and i crashed into the pavement at a grocery store after buying some gatorade and food and heading to bed. your gf might not take too kindly to a withdrawal-induced seizure. :\
-
Be honest to her, or break up, imho.
-
It really all depends on the person....my gf only smokes weed rarely but dosent care I use heroin. All she asks is I dont get high when we go out or see eachother and thats perfectly understandable. I for one could never be with a girl that uses drugs I know it makes me a hypocrite, but girls that are junkies are a huge turnoff to me.
-
In my opinion it sounds as if you popped your entire stash far too quickly. Many people may be open to the idea of safe, recreational drugs. However years of American propaganda has brainwashed the masses, whereby anything government sponsored (pharmaceuticals) is good while everything banned is bad (weed, ecstasy, etc).
What you could attempt doing is a slow but steady re-education of your girlfriend. You could perhaps find out research about one of the safest illicit drugs in the world (weed). State facts. Weed doesn't kill. Weed is less toxic than alcohol. Why is weed banned then? Alcohol companies would lose millions (billions) of dollars if weed were an alternative, because it's safe and has far fewer side effects. Weed has shown signs of fighting cancer. Weed may in fact cure or alleviate the symptoms of many things that modern medicine cannot.
You have to show that you care for your girlfriend and that you aren't some drug crazed addict. Take it slow. One day at a time, perhaps make an agreement with her to let you show her one or two things that signify how safe the drug world can actually be. If she's absolutely unwilling to change or even open her mind, then that will be a long term problem that will likely end in a break-up due to disagreements in life.
If it's ever possible, you could let her try a bit of weed. Just a bit. Find a safe, easy to accept method. You could try vaporizing it as a healthy alternative. A brownie perhaps, because edibles are the best. MAKE SURE SHE DOES NOT GET TOO HIGH. Nothing is a better turn off than freaking out on a drug. If you are experienced, show her the research you do to make sure what you take is what you want, and what you want is OK for you. In fact, you could try sprinkling some weed in a hookah bowl (if she smokes hookah). Yes, it's a bit of a waste, but it improves the hookah flavor (seriously) and it's also a very mellow and chill high.
I hope this helps!
-
my advice for you would be to stop being such a smart ass will ya
-
I think you should've started with just opening up about drugs instead of showing her your whole stash.
I'm a girl, and honestly (even though I smoke weed), I would be more than upset if my bf of four years just surprised me with his drug collection. BUT you do have to explain AND prove to her that you're the same guy that she loves, all that mushy stuff, etc.
You guys will have to compromise. If she wants you to slow down, you can consider that. If she's okay with it, you need to be respectful of her wishes when she wants you to be sober. If she wants to try some, THE BETTER, in my opinion hahah ;D
For me, I love weed too much to not share it with someone I'm in a relationship with. If it's other drugs, I usually tell him "Hey I'm taking blahblahblah, you can join me if you want, but you don't have to."
-
i think your gonna have to leave her mate, youve just basically lied to her for 4 years, imagine if she turned round said she had another bloke on the go for the last 4? the person she thought she knew, was someone completely different, im sorry but thats the truth.
-
Step one: Get things alright with your girlfriend so she's willing to snuggle up and watch tv.
Step two: Play "Ecstasy Rising"
Step three: Take MDMA!
Step four: Enjoy your newfound drug freedom (maybe)
Also, try to cover up that this was a planned step by step process, make it natural! Timing is everything, these four steps might have to be spread out over at least a month or two!
-
Rough story man. It's tough because as others said most people are really close-minded about drugs. If she's willing to talk about it then that's a good start. If you've been with her all this time it's important to ask how she feels things have changed now that she's found out. If you have a job or school or whatever and have been successful these past few years, use that to show her you have been functional--that it's not ruining you.
Take things slow and if she really cares she'll come around. I've had similar experiences and it's usually better to introduce one drug at a time and explain why you like it and how it doesn't negatively affect your life.
Cheers
-
this isn't a relationship advice forum post your problems elsewhere where people may actually give a shit
-
this isn't a relationship advice forum post your problems elsewhere where people may actually give a shit
If he wants to ask let him. There's clearly at least a few people who don't share your view and may in fact "give a shit"
-
I wouldn't be comfortable with my fiancee/girlfriend calling my friend to talk to about my problems.If there is one thing that would kill our relationship in an instant it would be that.She is having a problem with YOU so why discuss the problems you two are having with someone else.That is ridiculous that would be like her doing something you don't like and instead of confronting her about it or talking it through with her you call her friend.As for the whole drug thing my girlfriend is pretty open minded about it I don't know if she would be the happiest if she woke up and I was still awake tweaking or something but if its weed then she doesn't smoke it but she doesn't mind if I do just not around the baby and she really doesn't like it if I smoke in front of her because she thinks Ill get caught but in the house or at a lake or in the woods or whatever shes fine with it.She knows that I do extensive research on any drug that I decide I want to use/try and that I know my limits and would never put myself or her into a situation where I would be geekin about shit and acting like a schizophrenic.Like for example I know that I can drop acid around her and ill be fine but if I were to blow some meth or smoke a sherm stick I'm not good with that and Ill be paranoid,somewhat aggressive,and irritable and because of those reasons we have came to a mutual agreement that I wouldn't do those things around her and anything else that Ive tried like jimson weed and shit like that and I tried it and didn't like it and she didn't like the way it made me act either so we agreed it wasn't good for me.She should trust your judgment about how much and what you can handle.You have a brain and can make your own decisions you don't need her judging you or freaking out about you getting high especially if you're doing it responsibly and not doing it constantly ( and in the morning and before bed is NOT constantly haha when I was a teenager I was smoking weed first thing when I woke up and didn't ever let myself come down until I fell asleep and woke up the next morning and was sober for about 10 minutes while I packed a bowl).And most importantly she should want you to be yourself and if you get high you get high that's my opinion and advice.But seriously I'm a jealous and possessive person and the whole calling my friends instead of going at the problem with me would reallyyy get under my skin I would have to choke a hoe and cut my friend then say deuces to both of them.
-
Id be worried about your girl calling your best friend for a shoulder to lean on....leads to bad thing ime.
What the trader said. If she confides in your mates, but not you.... big trouble.
I apply the harshest reality filter to ladies when I start dating. When they realise that is the worst you are evert going to be they are pleasantly surprised when I am generally an upstanding gent :)
Be honest straight up, else expect failture. I see this happen so many times. You will either get dumped (who cares) or have to be a phoney for ever and let it cripple your relationship.
-
Id be worried about your girl calling your best friend for a shoulder to lean on....leads to bad thing ime.
This x10000 ^^^
Also, when I date a girl, one of the FIRST things I tell her is I do drugs. I am responsible with them, and if she has a problem to tell me now. That way, there's no bullshit and problems down the line. 4 years is a lot of time to be lying about that shit.
-
I think you should've started with just opening up about drugs instead of showing her your whole stash.
I'm a girl, and honestly (even though I smoke weed), I would be more than upset if my bf of four years just surprised me with his drug collection. BUT you do have to explain AND prove to her that you're the same guy that she loves, all that mushy stuff, etc.
You guys will have to compromise. If she wants you to slow down, you can consider that. If she's okay with it, you need to be respectful of her wishes when she wants you to be sober. If she wants to try some, THE BETTER, in my opinion hahah ;D
For me, I love weed too much to not share it with someone I'm in a relationship with. If it's other drugs, I usually tell him "Hey I'm taking blahblahblah, you can join me if you want, but you don't have to."
Yeah... bad plan to start with. "Hey honey, I know you were worried before, well check this shit out!" But now that has passed, so you need to be honest. But life is not black and white. You need to be open, but some things can go unsaid from time to time.
-
this isn't a relationship advice forum post your problems elsewhere where people may actually give a shit
Ummm.... how about not clicking on a forum that does not interest you?
-
Tip: redcube use the edit button :P
Agreed with you on both your posts though, +1 :)