Silk Road forums
Discussion => Drug safety => Topic started by: PriscillaMarie90 on April 30, 2012, 02:24 pm
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Hi, Silk Road.
This may not be the appropriate place to post this, cause it doesn't really concern drug safety, but I'm really just looking for some advice. I know there are not as many regular meth users in our community as I would like to think, let alone chronic meth users like myself. My problem may not be related to meth at all, it could just be a personality disorder of some kind, or anything else, who knows. I'd really appreciate any help ANYONE has to offer, so don't hesitate to post.
Anyway, I've noticed lately (I say lately, I mean the past 4 months or more) that I've become increasingly unorganized and it has become harder and harder for me to focus on ANYTHING. In fact, I opened this page to start writing this post at least 5 hours ago, but kept getting off-track and have just now forced myself to take a moment to write it. It's so horrible, I can't stand it, I am consistently late for appointments and late for work because I can't seem to get around in time nomatter how soon I start getting ready. I find that I will constantly talk myself into trying to finish "one more thing" before I go, or sometimes I just seem to ignore the clock as time ticks away and suddenly I'm an hour late.
I'm not sure if it is related to my meth use or not, because I've been using meth almost daily for close to 2 years at this point, and this behavior didn't start up until about 4 months ago, like I said before. Does anyone else have this problem? Is it possible for habitual lateness to just come up out of nowhere? Please, if anyone can help me I would be so greatful, you guys have no idea. I literally hate myself because I hate when people are late and I hate having to wait on things and I know the way people must think of me when I can't be on time for anything. Being late makes me look unreliable and untrustworthy, and I guess I am?
I dunno, but thank you all in advance for any advice you can give me. I love you guys. <3
PriscillaMarie
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Adderall might be what you're looking for, until you've worked up to being accustomed to focusing on a task.
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Never tried meth so I dunno if this sort of thing is actually ever necessary/has any effect, but you could try taking a tolerance break? Would give you something to look forward to, give you time to focus on other shit and also see if the drug itself was causing it. When you want to lose weight it's much easier to resist the urge to buy junk food when shopping than it is to not eat the junk already in your house. Once your stash is killed off just don't order any more for a while. Giving yourself an arbitrary time to accomplish shit usually helps too.
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TAKE A BREATHER> :P
:)
nomad
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http://silkroadvb5piz3r.onion/silkroad/item/0c67958f9a
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Hi PriscillaMarie,
Yes, this is characteristic with extensive use of any of the amphetamine class. Nomad is right, you need to *gradually* lower your usage, ensure you get enough sleep (difficult) and eat three square sensible meals per day.
While you're doing that, I recommend using mobile reminders to force you to adopt your new routine, to use modafinil to enhance your concentration (I have an intuition it will also make it easier to ween yourself off too, it works with other drugs), that's 100 mg - 200 mg in the morning before 12 noon. In 1 month you'll be bright eyed and bushy tailed again.
Don't procrastinate and ask VMM et al to cease supply even if you request it in the next 3 months.
Tough love <3
Pine
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Hi, Silk Road.
This may not be the appropriate place to post this, cause it doesn't really concern drug safety, but I'm really just looking for some advice. I know there are not as many regular meth users in our community as I would like to think, let alone chronic meth users like myself. My problem may not be related to meth at all, it could just be a personality disorder of some kind, or anything else, who knows. I'd really appreciate any help ANYONE has to offer, so don't hesitate to post.
Anyway, I've noticed lately (I say lately, I mean the past 4 months or more) that I've become increasingly unorganized and it has become harder and harder for me to focus on ANYTHING. In fact, I opened this page to start writing this post at least 5 hours ago, but kept getting off-track and have just now forced myself to take a moment to write it. It's so horrible, I can't stand it, I am consistently late for appointments and late for work because I can't seem to get around in time nomatter how soon I start getting ready. I find that I will constantly talk myself into trying to finish "one more thing" before I go, or sometimes I just seem to ignore the clock as time ticks away and suddenly I'm an hour late.
I'm not sure if it is related to my meth use or not, because I've been using meth almost daily for close to 2 years at this point, and this behavior didn't start up until about 4 months ago, like I said before. Does anyone else have this problem? Is it possible for habitual lateness to just come up out of nowhere? Please, if anyone can help me I would be so greatful, you guys have no idea. I literally hate myself because I hate when people are late and I hate having to wait on things and I know the way people must think of me when I can't be on time for anything. Being late makes me look unreliable and untrustworthy, and I guess I am?
I dunno, but thank you all in advance for any advice you can give me. I love you guys. <3
PriscillaMarie
You smoke Meth chronically. I feel bad for you. Meth is one of the most neuro-toxic substances you could ever harm your body with, let alone your brain!
Wish you the best with kicking the habit; you need to do it though before it kills you...and it will, eventually. Before that though you'll lose the ability to sleep after completely burning out your neurons. A family friend actually only sleeps but 5 hours in 2 days because he blew up his brain snorting too much coke.
If you need, get some serious help or a close friend/family member.
I know what speed brain is like and it is something I don't want to be permanent. Take care of yourself Pri! Hope you the best with everything. Take some good multivitamins and feed yourself good, HEALTHY food. Start treating your body better, it will reflect in your emotional health too!
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I would suggest trying an extended release amphetamine salt (adderall/ritalin)
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All amphetamines (methamphetamine, and dextroamphetamines) are neurotoxic. Prolonged use is going to effect your brain in a negative way.
If you stop, you might be able to give your brain time to heal. More amphetamines are not the answer. Nootropics are drugs that increase your brain function by increasing the rate at which your brain cells work - without increasing your metabolism (ie. blood pressure, or heart rate) - I wouldn't try these because there is no literature documenting their effects in your case - and it might dangerously decrease your seizure threshold even further IMO.
The only thing I would feel safe taking in your case would be benzos (short acting like ativan/lorazepam). By decreasing your irritability you might be able to think clearer. Personally, I would go see a family doctor and ask for a script for some ativan - at the very least you should read this http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/820918-overview
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Pris, try cutting back gradually, cold turkey for too long would be too harsh after 2 years. Maybe try keep a journal ,or at least mark on a calendar the days you use and the days you don't. Maybe ingest some days, and only smoke on others. If cutting back gradually helps the concentration any, then that's the way to go. The scary thing might be that cutting back might not have any noticeable effect at first. Just keep trying to ease into it. If it happened over 4 months, try to give at least that amount of time. Who knows maybe you could notice a difference much sooner.
If not concentrating is making your life hell, you got to figure the constant meth use is not going to be worth it anymore.
Sincerely good luck, your a sweet kid ( I know you are an adult, but hell compared to me you are a kid, heh). I'd hate to see you suffer any further, if the lack of concentration is making you suffer.
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I have similar problems whenever I go on any kind of binge, although not nearly as bad I suspect. Once you start lacking that sleep, it snowballs into more impulsive, manic behavior, lack of concentration, paranoia, etc. which in turn encourages you to sleep less and do more drugs. lol
The only thing I use habitually is weed, although I've had similar problems as a kid whenever something really interesting came into the picture; I'd get completely distracted from everything and stay up playing with whatever it is for days at a time, getting maybe 2-3 hours of sleep in between MAX.
Sometimes I fall into those same "always late, can't think, can't sleep, constant brain fog, impulsivity, depression, lack of emotion, forgetting the next step to everything procrastination BS" patterns for no reason at all. Personally, I think this ADD type behavior is something you're born with, and it's similar to depression, bipolar depression, OCD, and all the other labels which reflect different constellations of symptoms probably linked to the same cause. When I feel it coming on, it always feels like someone either injected me with some drug or drained my brain of serotonin and dopamine or some shit. It feels like the effect of a chemical coming on suddenly, and does not come from my conscious mind.
Perhaps most drug abusers have the same problems with their brain chemistry, hence the desire to seek balance using mind altering substances. IMO, Marijuana beats placebo-ass antidepressants, stimulants, and wrongly-prescribed antipsychotics. Self medicating FTW!
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Sounds very much like ADD, almost as if you've worn out your dopamine and without being on meth, your brain lacks dopamine just as an ADD child does.
I think you need to take a break...
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Thank you all for the advice & for the link, winterjacket1.
- I've taken Adderall a few times before but I have never felt ANYTHING from it. I think using meth has pretty much rendered all of the other kinds of amphetamines useless to me.
- I think my inability to concentrate is probably directly linked to lack of sleep(and possibly eating habits, but I do eat on a regular basis, believe it or not) because it's like I always feel like I'm in that twilight state of mind when you wake up from a dream and you think you might still be dreaming, you know? That's probably a weird way to put it, but I often feel like I can't focus on anything important and I kind of just drift through the day doing whatever I can actually pay attention to for more than a moment. I just don't know how to get back into a regular sleeping schedule, I hate sleeping. And most of the time I spend all night working on things that I wasn't able to get done during the day. It's like there aren't enough hours to complete everything I need to do. It's so frustrating.
- I don't have any family or friends that can help me through this. The only family member I could even think about asking for help is the one that keeps pulling me back into using meth, and my only "real life" friend is a heroin addict. :/
Does anyone know how I can work myself back into a regular sleeping schedule?
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^I get that same dazed half-sleep feeling from time to time when I sleep for too long, and especially when I try to sleep and keep waking up every few hours, then try forcing myself to sleep again. It's like you never fully wake up, and dreams kind of repeat themselves in your head. You can't feel shit and don't want to do anything.
FWIW, not only have I never done meth in my life, but the one time I tried Amphetamine (Adderall), I didn't really care for it. Stimulants aren't my thing, and I pretty much hate caffeine. Only thing I do habitually is smoke bud. Sometimes I'll take benzos to calm me down and help with sleep, although I don't much enjoy the feeling and the quality of sleep sucks, plus you sometimes get depressed with the really long lived benzos. If I get back pain, occasionally I take like 5-15mg of oxycodone or hydrocodone but I'm not quite blown away by the opiate buzz either. Yeah, it feels good, but it also feels fake and reminds me of being sick with the flu a bit. lol I used to drink when I was a teenager, but now that I found weed I really have no desire for alcohol anymore.
Sorry for the thread hijack, just wanted to share my (somewhat) relevant experiences. Whenever I had the weird half-sleep symptoms, I found that taking like 3mg of melatonin worked wonders for restoring my sleep to a normal time the following day. Try to slowly taper yourself off any stimulants you are using, and definitely pay attention to diet. If you start to feel cold and shaky along with the other symptoms, try eating something sweet to get your blood sugar up.
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Does anyone know how I can work myself back into a regular sleeping schedule?
I've got a pill for that as well;
http://silkroadvb5piz3r.onion/silkroad/item/f4fee76ba1
I'd also recommend taking melatonin; more than just a sleep aid, it's something everyone is deficient in these days, and has a multitude of beneficial effects (or rather, deficiency of melatonin causes a variety of adverse effects which we consider 'normal').
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I'm going to give some of the nootropics a try as well, and I'd recommend them to anyone with similar problems. It really can't hurt, and the reviews (on SR and off) have been generally favorable.
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I can't imagine how you didn't have any changes from smoking meth for two years. After just a day or two I notice that I'm becoming extremely disorganized and that I actually can't concentrate on anything. That's generally why I don't do it. It's certainly possible for its effects on you to be different, but it horribly impairs me in the short term. =/