Silk Road forums

Discussion => Security => Topic started by: evgenimalkin on April 27, 2012, 01:21 am

Title: Mental security (or, how do you guys cope with the stress?)
Post by: evgenimalkin on April 27, 2012, 01:21 am
Sup guys.

Just curious: how do you sellers (and buyers too) handle the stress of all this?

What I mean is, I may or may not have just made my first illicit purchase on SR and I'm already psyching myself up for prison.  The logical part of my brain realizes that I didn't do anything too retarded like order through PayPal or send my address unencrypted to an unknown, no-name seller, and that if the cops want to bust me for allegedly buying a couple trips worth of shrooms, they're going to have to devote some time and resources into busting a small time user who is a respected member of his community.

I'm a pretty high strung guy to begin with, but I imagine the stress of selling large quantities of illegal goods has to start messing with your head after a while.

So how do you guys cope?

PS: Meanwhile, I just learned that I really should only be browsing SR from an encrypted bootable thumbdrive, so I'll be spending my weekend backing up my porn and then DBANing the fuck out of my HD.  And after my product arrives, I'll probably cancel my internet and deny I have any knowledge of how the web works.  The real joke of all this is that shrooms are the only thing that have ever helped my anxiety disorder (allegedly).  Irony!
Title: Re: Mental security (or, how do you guys cope with the stress?)
Post by: Reece on April 27, 2012, 01:46 am
The only way people (buyers or sellers alike) can get rid of this "stress" is by feeling safe in how they ship or receive an order. You obviously do not. Sellers have their own private ways of shipping; I would nearly promise you that it involves shipping so that the product doesn't directly come back to them [or I hope this is true] and buyers, if smart, have ways to receive their products in a safe manner.
Title: Re: Mental security (or, how do you guys cope with the stress?)
Post by: simplyanon on April 27, 2012, 01:48 am
Bro. The fuck did you order? 4 keys of coke? Chill man. You're a small time buyer. And if it was weed, or pharms, then you REALLY don't need to worry. If you're a vendor, you need to worry about it, if not, well, I guess you could, but seriously. ALL these people here, how many "I'm going to jail" threads do you see?

Oh, wait, that's right, none.

Chill your nuts. If you do a little research, and have a legit vendor, you're fine.

I've been here less than a month and


Total transactions: 12
Total spent: $297.82
Refund rate: 0%
Auto-finalize rate: 0%
Member for: 26 days

Mind you, a few of those are books, and a porn account. But the rest have been delivered. To my door. Sometimes 2 or 3 at a time.

I'm still here. Not in prison. The feds have better things to do than take the effort to gather evidence and form a case against a guy who bought a gram of pot, bro.

Amount of fucks given? 0.
Title: Re: Mental security (or, how do you guys cope with the stress?)
Post by: QTC on April 27, 2012, 02:20 am
I'm still here. Not in prison. The feds have better things to do than take the effort to gather evidence and form a case against a guy who bought a gram of pot, bro.
Many people have gone to prison for buying personal amounts of drugs online so your logic is obviously flawed. I've noticed this kind of cognitive dissonance in almost every criminal community I've been a part of, everybody utilizes cognitive dissonance to at least some extent when they're participating in activities that will effectively end their life if they're caught, but it's something you need to avoid since it will lead to you getting sloppy.

Anyway, sometimes the paranoia isn't really there at all. Sometimes it gets really bad. I do know in my heart that I'm damn near impossible to bust but at the same time I fear for my life at times. I guess I kinda enjoy it too, gambling with your life is the ultimate high lol. I'm rambling though, I don't really have any useful suggestions besides sharing that whenever I get really paranoid I'll change up my nym. In fact I think I'm overdue for a disappearance now.
Title: Re: Mental security (or, how do you guys cope with the stress?)
Post by: blackend646 on April 27, 2012, 02:26 am
I find it more difficult to cope with the anger. Whenever I read the uncommon thread about someone getting busted, or turn on the news or hear people discussing politics I nearly lose my shit. I've never been truly aware of the bullshit and corruption in the world before. Reading reports of DEA agents making busts and seeing how happy they are about it, actually thinking they did something postive, completely enrages me. It's making it difficult to get through the week without being horribly bitter.
Title: Re: Mental security (or, how do you guys cope with the stress?)
Post by: poopiepants on April 27, 2012, 02:59 am
If you are worried about buying on SR, why not grow your own mushrooms?
You can buy a magic mushroom syringe (for microscopy study in the USA in most states) online and it's completely legal. Growing them is the illegal part. Make prints and new syringes from your successful grow indefinitely.
Title: Re: Mental security (or, how do you guys cope with the stress?)
Post by: pine on April 27, 2012, 03:08 am
Well, I can tell you, that unlike the majority of my peers, either on the black market or legitimate, I don't take a solitary anxiety or anti-depression pill. I'm proud of that fact, despite some drug pushers (doctors some people call them) telling me other things.

See, stress and blues are perfectly normal reactions of the human animal to it's environment. Being down is a way of letting the body know to take less risk, stress/anxiety tells you you're in danger. Only people *with an actual permanent chemical imbalance* ought to be taking anxiety/depression drugs. They are given out like candy in today's society. In the old days, you got a big cup of man the fuck up. There's something in that, even if it's regarded as neanderthalish by psychologists today. Ha! It'll come full circle one day.

I do however, use non-pharmacological methods to keep myself rational. First the obvious:

- Eating healthier stuff. I eat burgers and chips like everybody else. But not for when you're stressed.
- Sleeping. Don't do too much of this. Or too little. But too much is usually the problem.
- Exercise. If you don't ride your bike, you'll never run circles around LEO.

Then there is:

- A mp3 player. It plays the sound of raindrops, thunder and rain. Take a look at rainymood.com. I find it relaxing if I want to go to sleep.
- Long hot bath. Sometimes there is lemon or coca.
- Sex. No comment.

Otherwise I pore over my schemes to find loopholes (to the barricades!), read obscure books with no living authors, talk to friends or even you chaps. For entertainment, I read journal articles that cultivate the impression that I am a paranoid psychopath because of my vocation.

LEO Protip: Cancel BJC and pick up a copy of The Economist. It's cheaper, hate to waste taxpayer's $$$  :)
Title: Re: Mental security (or, how do you guys cope with the stress?)
Post by: Limetless on April 27, 2012, 03:10 am
I cope by being 100% badass....  8)

On a serious note I do IRL things as well and I have to admit that sometimes it gets to me. I just stay on top of my shit and ensure I'm always one step ahead of the game. Make sure my methods are tight, money laundering is tight and that I am always in control of the people I deal with IRL.

Pretty simple formula but it can be hard.
Title: Re: Mental security (or, how do you guys cope with the stress?)
Post by: UKGrower on April 27, 2012, 03:24 am
Fortunately, my chosen vocation comes with it's own stress management options.   ;D
Title: Re: Mental security (or, how do you guys cope with the stress?)
Post by: Spedly on April 27, 2012, 03:31 am
I stopped doing coke 15 months ago so I'm not the least bit paranoid. :)

I don't stress over the the things I can't control. What I *can* control are my own standards for security, in terms of my own security practices and those of the people I choose to do business with. If a vendor does something that goes against my standards that relationship will end.

In other words I don't take unnecessary risks. I also don't purchase anything other than cannabis, which in my country, isn't that far away from decriminalization.
Title: Re: Mental security (or, how do you guys cope with the stress?)
Post by: divinechemicals on April 27, 2012, 04:20 am
Honestly, it can get kind of stressful knowing that even though I haven't spent that much money on this site, the amount that I have spent would send me to prison for life. I have no prior offenses so that would probably be lessened, but even a ten year sentence or something like that would basically ruin my life. So to keep my stress level down, I try and just remember that hundreds of people have used this site without getting arrested. In fact, the arrests are a statistical anomaly, and usually due to some stupid mistake or bad packaging, which I have never received. Also, and this probably sounds harsh, but I am prepared to kill myself if the cops ever bust down my door. I wouldn't shoot any of them or anything, just I have the means to end my own life if I know that it's too late anyways. I'd probably rather be dead than in prison. If there's karma or a god or something, I'm a generally good person so I should have a good afterlife. And if not, I won't know anyways, I'll just be dead. Maybe it would make the pigs think twice about trying to arrest someone for something so minor. I also have this long letter written, and I've actually told my best friend that if something should happen to me, I want him to try and circulate that letter for me. It basically goes into the whole drug war and why it's bullshit and why sending people to prison for this petty bullshit is a deprivation of freedom. So at least if I die my legacy will hopefully live on.
Title: Re: Mental security (or, how do you guys cope with the stress?)
Post by: Limetless on April 27, 2012, 04:23 am
Honestly, it can get kind of stressful knowing that even though I haven't spent that much money on this site, the amount that I have spent would send me to prison for life. I have no prior offenses so that would probably be lessened, but even a ten year sentence or something like that would basically ruin my life. So to keep my stress level down, I try and just remember that hundreds of people have used this site without getting arrested. In fact, the arrests are a statistical anomaly, and usually due to some stupid mistake or bad packaging, which I have never received. Also, and this probably sounds harsh, but I a prepared to kill myself if the cops ever bust down my door. I wouldn't shoot any of them or anything, just I have the means to end my own life if I know that it's too late anyways. I'd probably rather be dead than in prison. If there's karma or a god or something, I'm a generally good person so I should have a good afterlife. And if not, I won't know anyways, I'll just be dead. Maybe it would make the pigs think twice about trying to arrest someone for something so minor. I also have this long letter written, and I've actually told my best friend that if something should happen to me, I want him to try and circulate that letter for me. It basically goes into the whole drug war and why it's bullshit and why sending people to prison for this petty bullshit is a deprivation of freedom. So at least if I die my legacy will hopefully live on.

That is possibly the deepest thing I've read since arriving on this forum.
Title: Re: Mental security (or, how do you guys cope with the stress?)
Post by: divinechemicals on April 27, 2012, 04:35 am
Thanks, it's just kind of how I've always felt about the situation here. I mean honestly I've thought about death a lot and I'm not afraid. In fact, I used to have suicidal tendencies when I was a teenager. It was actually a couple doses of MDMA that put me back on the right track and rid me of my depression, which is why I get so pissed at the idea that the drug that literally saved my life would now put me in prison for life. It's kind of sad that as drug users, we all have to face the proposition that someday, it could all end for us. They could bust in at any moment, put us in handcuffs, and lead us off to our new life in a jail cell. It doesn't matter what you do for a living, whether you're a lawyer or a teacher or even some college student, your life right there is essentially over. So yeah, I've come to terms with my life ending, and I've decided that if it's going to end, it's going to end on my terms. Not in a jail cell, but with a bang and a letter that will hopefully change some minds. I think everyone should have such a letter prepared. Don't let them silence you by throwing you in prison. You still have the voice of the written word, and that voice has changed a lot in this country. It's the last security blanket we have.
Title: Re: Mental security (or, how do you guys cope with the stress?)
Post by: Joeyjojojr on April 27, 2012, 04:47 am
Honestly, it can get kind of stressful knowing that even though I haven't spent that much money on this site, the amount that I have spent would send me to prison for life. I have no prior offenses so that would probably be lessened, but even a ten year sentence or something like that would basically ruin my life. So to keep my stress level down, I try and just remember that hundreds of people have used this site without getting arrested. In fact, the arrests are a statistical anomaly, and usually due to some stupid mistake or bad packaging, which I have never received. Also, and this probably sounds harsh, but I a prepared to kill myself if the cops ever bust down my door. I wouldn't shoot any of them or anything, just I have the means to end my own life if I know that it's too late anyways. I'd probably rather be dead than in prison. If there's karma or a god or something, I'm a generally good person so I should have a good afterlife. And if not, I won't know anyways, I'll just be dead. Maybe it would make the pigs think twice about trying to arrest someone for something so minor. I also have this long letter written, and I've actually told my best friend that if something should happen to me, I want him to try and circulate that letter for me. It basically goes into the whole drug war and why it's bullshit and why sending people to prison for this petty bullshit is a deprivation of freedom. So at least if I die my legacy will hopefully live on.

Dont do that shit bro. Fuck em. They can lock up your body, but never your mind. 10 years would suck so much asshole i wouldnt know where to begin, but I say man up and dont do the crime if you cant do the time.....

If its that stressful to you get out the game now. Go melt your laptop and destroy all evidence. Then buy a new computer and go to sites like e harmony and meet the love of your life or something, lol.

Just please dont off yourself. It would a total waste of potential and talent. Keep your head up.

Peace
Title: Re: Mental security (or, how do you guys cope with the stress?)
Post by: thereisnospoon on April 27, 2012, 04:55 am
Honestly, it can get kind of stressful knowing that even though I haven't spent that much money on this site, the amount that I have spent would send me to prison for life. I have no prior offenses so that would probably be lessened, but even a ten year sentence or something like that would basically ruin my life. So to keep my stress level down, I try and just remember that hundreds of people have used this site without getting arrested. In fact, the arrests are a statistical anomaly, and usually due to some stupid mistake or bad packaging, which I have never received. Also, and this probably sounds harsh, but I a prepared to kill myself if the cops ever bust down my door. I wouldn't shoot any of them or anything, just I have the means to end my own life if I know that it's too late anyways. I'd probably rather be dead than in prison. If there's karma or a god or something, I'm a generally good person so I should have a good afterlife. And if not, I won't know anyways, I'll just be dead. Maybe it would make the pigs think twice about trying to arrest someone for something so minor. I also have this long letter written, and I've actually told my best friend that if something should happen to me, I want him to try and circulate that letter for me. It basically goes into the whole drug war and why it's bullshit and why sending people to prison for this petty bullshit is a deprivation of freedom. So at least if I die my legacy will hopefully live on.

BRO. Unless you live in VERY shitty country, you will likely never go to prison for life for a fucking package.

I'm not saying it wouldn't be bad... but guy. You sound like your looking for a reason to do it. And I'm certain the the mdma helped you out. It's one of the most therapeutic fucking drugs in existence! Or currently discovered!!! Just like if you ever fully changed your whole outlook on life or entire perspective because of acid, or weed, or both like me. Even cocaine has had (some) positive attributes towards my life and my path.

Know that if you "get a package", as in LE comes to your door with a package............... It's just a package dude. You don't have grab the gun unless you were thinking about doing it anyway. It won't change shit, I'm sorry. It will have everyone who cares for you, knows you, loves you, it will have EVERYONE involved sad and shaking their heads. I think most here would hope you don't do that. But no one can stop you.

My belief on mdma... We all grow up in a fucked up world, with fucked up parents. (Mine were incredible, but still fucked up!) Or none, or one. We are all on a path that is ever changing, every growing. We are life. We carry consciousness. The reason mdma works so well for those who have yet to do it... is because many of us were told a bunch of shit as we have grown up in life. Many of us were raised quite poorly, abused, berated, yelled at, hit etc... Many of us have had extremely challenging life experiences. Therefore....

We try this drug... it blasts our receptors with seratonin and we feel fucking incredible! (some of us, we are feeling this, meaning this good, for the first time in our lives!), and this is an opportunity for self love, self appreciation, self desire, self affirmation. I've seen these transformations happen before my eyes (besides happening to myself years earlier) and it is a gorgeous experience. Some of us truly learn empathy on this drug. Serious truths, cleansing of mistakes, failures and serious downfalls. Of course, this can't be on your agenda every week, month etc.. But education and experience and growth is why many of us are here!

So just remember... as long you NEVER CONFESS SHIT! All they have is a package with your name on it. That will almost certainly not get you any jail time. Unless you confess. So take some deep present breaths homie. Breathe. Then breathe some more. Then breathe some more.
Title: Re: Mental security (or, how do you guys cope with the stress?)
Post by: divinechemicals on April 27, 2012, 05:06 am
Honestly, it can get kind of stressful knowing that even though I haven't spent that much money on this site, the amount that I have spent would send me to prison for life. I have no prior offenses so that would probably be lessened, but even a ten year sentence or something like that would basically ruin my life. So to keep my stress level down, I try and just remember that hundreds of people have used this site without getting arrested. In fact, the arrests are a statistical anomaly, and usually due to some stupid mistake or bad packaging, which I have never received. Also, and this probably sounds harsh, but I a prepared to kill myself if the cops ever bust down my door. I wouldn't shoot any of them or anything, just I have the means to end my own life if I know that it's too late anyways. I'd probably rather be dead than in prison. If there's karma or a god or something, I'm a generally good person so I should have a good afterlife. And if not, I won't know anyways, I'll just be dead. Maybe it would make the pigs think twice about trying to arrest someone for something so minor. I also have this long letter written, and I've actually told my best friend that if something should happen to me, I want him to try and circulate that letter for me. It basically goes into the whole drug war and why it's bullshit and why sending people to prison for this petty bullshit is a deprivation of freedom. So at least if I die my legacy will hopefully live on.

Dont do that shit bro. Fuck em. They can lock up your body, but never your mind. 10 years would suck so much asshole i wouldnt know where to begin, but I say man up and dont do the crime if you cant do the time.....

If its that stressful to you get out the game now. Go melt your laptop and destroy all evidence. Then buy a new computer and go to sites like e harmony and meet the love of your life or something, lol.

Just please dont off yourself. It would a total waste of potential and talent. Keep your head up.

Peace

I don't know, suicide seems to be the ultimate form of protest. I mean look at the one Tunisian man that lit himself on fire. He sparked the entire revolution in that region, just one man and his will to die. I obviously won't go into details about my life, but based on where I am in my life right now, getting thrown in jail would ruin me. After being released from prison, I would live a terrible life, not the one that I should be living. I don't mean to toot my own horn but I'm pretty successful, and I'd actually rather die than lose it all, especially if my only "crime" is using a drug that I chose to use. I would love for the cops to try and explain how they allowed a petty drug user, an otherwise successful person, to kill themselves. I'm not advocating for you to kill yourself or anything, it would just be my way of shoving their stupid laws back in the face of the system. I will never let anyone lock me up like that. I am not an animal. I am a human and I will die with dignity, and my death will mean something if it comes to that. I don't need to be alive for the information contained within my letter to be spread. And the media eats that stuff right up. "Note written by a man who killed himself after being arrested for drug use." If enough people did that sort of thing, it might start to get people's attention.

And I will certainly not give up my "crimes" out of fear. If you stop doing something because the government scares you into it, then they've already won. Fuck it. I'd rather die than give up my rights as a human being to make certain choices in life. Send me to Heaven, Hell, Nirvana, whatever, just don't think that I'm going to let the government decide how I get there. If they want a War on Drugs, I'll happily be a casualty for our cause. Death sparks protests; being one of thousands to go to prison just makes you blend right in.

Quote
You sound like your looking for a reason to do it.

Trust me, I'm not. The truth is that if the police come knocking on my door because they somehow figured out that I use this site or do drugs, they will most likely be able to convict me with something. It's really not that hard once they have your eye on you. Again, I can't get into my own life or anything, but even being arrested and put on trial would be a huge deal and throw my life into ruin due to certain circumstances that I am in. I don't WANT to commit suicide, but if it's at the point where I'm about to have my life ruined over a fucking chemical substance that I chose to put into my body, then let me die. I really don't fear death. I've been too close to the edge to concern myself too much with things like that. I would love to live a long, happy life, and that's currently the direction I'm headed. So if that path is thrown away, I'll step off the path completely, and hopefully others will follow.
Title: Re: Mental security (or, how do you guys cope with the stress?)
Post by: TreyWingo104 on April 27, 2012, 05:38 am
I just save up tons of poo on my prch so when they come for me I can thrwo poo at all of them
Title: Re: Mental security (or, how do you guys cope with the stress?)
Post by: itsmagic on April 27, 2012, 06:15 am
Researching, going over any places in my plan where I could be caught.
Experience, once you've done it a few times it's really easy.

Generally knowing that you've done your absolute best, is when you can calm down.
Planning ahead and thinking of scenarios and how to handle them, and once you've thought of every possible thing, you're ready for anything.
Title: Re: Mental security (or, how do you guys cope with the stress?)
Post by: thereisnospoon on April 27, 2012, 06:21 am
All I've ever heard about death from the certain spiritual teachings I've subscribed to have expressed suicide as always placing you at the same set of circumstances until you get what you meant to in the first place. That we place ourselves in places we ultimately choose in order to have a certain experience.

I place insane amounts of belief into that which I wish to be.

I stick with that. It works for me. Intuition and inner wisdom help out immensely as well.

Hopefully this might be of some relevance to you. Or if it's just all random and luck.

Best to you.
Title: Re: Mental security (or, how do you guys cope with the stress?)
Post by: Joeyjojojr on April 27, 2012, 07:06 am
Save some $ in a safe location where no one would be able to touch it besides you.

If god forbid you are arrested, stay nothing, get a lawyer. When you post bail dip out of the country. Fuck it flee. As pussy as that sounds you are fighting a losing battle and any option you go through with would be futile.

Killing yourself would make the headlines for a week tops, and then it would go away. We are talking a bout a billion dollar industry here.

I give you the utmost respect and you are one hardcore mutha without a doubt, but I feel like life is worth more and you shouldnt give them the satisfaction of taking your life. In their mind you just saved the taxpayers money because now they dont have to buy you your 3 hots and a cot. Its a fucked up system.
Title: Re: Mental security (or, how do you guys cope with the stress?)
Post by: kmfkewm on April 27, 2012, 11:14 am
Quote
I wouldn't shoot any of them or anything

Why not if you plan to kill yourself at least take out as many LE agents as you can with you
Title: Re: Mental security (or, how do you guys cope with the stress?)
Post by: Delta11 on April 27, 2012, 12:34 pm
Meditation. Seriously, I suggest everyone try it, it takes out all of your stress and helps you focus. The way I do it is write my entire operation down on a piece of paper and meditate right after and see what I can do better, different.
Title: Re: Mental security (or, how do you guys cope with the stress?)
Post by: divinechemicals on April 27, 2012, 09:14 pm
Quote
I wouldn't shoot any of them or anything

Why not if you plan to kill yourself at least take out as many LE agents as you can with you

If I kill any agents, the headline becomes "Crazed drug addict kills police officer(s) before being killed." For the media to start portraying the drug user as the good guy fighting for his rights, we need to make some sacrifices ourselves. Killing one police officer won't do anything except give the government a really big reason to take down the Silk Road immediately. But if I just kill myself and don't even try to shoot at another officer? I even have a part of my letter that says, "I don't know if the police will try to say that I shot at them, but this is false. I killed myself and specifically didn't hurt anyone, because the truth is that the War on Drugs is already hurting people just like me." That's the type of thing people can get behind.
Title: Re: Mental security (or, how do you guys cope with the stress?)
Post by: pine on April 28, 2012, 01:19 am
I'm not saying you should murder half of your local LE divinechemicals, but I agree with the motivation behind the concept. Your mental energies are not pointed in the right direction.

If you are being attacked or threatened -> you don't get down, you get mad. Fight.

Anger and violence can be constructive forces as well as destructive ones. It gives the enemy something to think about. Sure, he might hate me. But his self love for his own life prevents him destroying mine.

See, I agree that the occasional suicide can be framed into a symbolic event. That can engage public sympathy occasionally, act as a catalyst to coalesce the general tide of collective opinion (mob rule). But thinking it'll be *your* death, is quite mad. It is grandiose. Sorry, but it's true. There are thousands, tens of thousands of pathetic deaths caused by the DEA directly or indirectly. You'll probably be another statistic.

This reminds me of love, the rose tinted glasses perspective, except yours are blue tinted. You got to snap out of that fatalistic narrative and reach out for power and control in some way. This is not a bad thing, society guilt trips people way too much for acting out like this, when it's usually just trying to keep control of their own circumstances in most cases. Negative emotions can be used to create positive things. Look at the Hitler and Gandi, they are not so different in motivation. Both used powerful negative emotions to create or destroy huge parts of the world. Turning kamikaze is extremely unlikely way to change the world, whereas there's a 100% certainty it'll change yours.

To put it another way, bitching changes the world. Happy people are utterly useless. Why would a happy person would to change anything? Nah. Intellectually lazy, content with the status quo. Useless. What did Tolstoy say about happy families? But people who get mad, they change the world all the time. They make things more efficient, invent things, destroy things, and that's no bad thing.

Get mad!

Title: Re: Mental security (or, how do you guys cope with the stress?)
Post by: thephantommenace on April 28, 2012, 01:36 am
Quote
If I kill any agents, the headline becomes "Crazed drug addict kills police officer(s) before being killed." For the media to start portraying the drug user as the good guy fighting for his rights, we need to make some sacrifices ourselves. Killing one police officer won't do anything except give the government a really big reason to take down the Silk Road immediately. But if I just kill myself and don't even try to shoot at another officer? I even have a part of my letter that says, "I don't know if the police will try to say that I shot at them, but this is false. I killed myself and specifically didn't hurt anyone, because the truth is that the War on Drugs is already hurting people just like me." That's the type of thing people can get behind.

LMAO. Stop it! You're too funny!

But seriously, don't rely on support from mentally retarded groups who would feel any sadness at the death of a pig.  Just the thought of seeing their loved ones crying makes me happy.

Title: Re: Mental security (or, how do you guys cope with the stress?)
Post by: divinechemicals on April 28, 2012, 11:26 am
I don't want to be so egotistical as to act like MY death alone would spark this huge movement, and my name would appear on posters and all that kind of thing. But if deaths like that did happen, like suicides that occurred because the user wouldn't give his body over to the government, people might start to pay attention. Again, without getting into the details of my life, my death would upset a lot of people. They wouldn't understand why this successful person had been killed. The LE would have a lot of explaining to do. Part of their explanation would have to include the fact that I wasn't even being arrested for a crazy hardcore drug like heroin or crack. No, this was a guy who did one of the most popular drugs in America, ecstasy, and occasionally did magic mushrooms and LSD. If I just shoot a cop, I would have been better off going to jail.

I am absolutely mad. I'm fucking pissed at what the police are doing. I can think of no better way to screw their lives up and to kill myself right in front of them. They can watch the blood splatter, maybe even on their bodies, and they can look at the mess that their entry has caused. They have to deal with that image for the rest of their lives. Say what you will about cops, but they are still human, and an event like that could traumatize someone. Maybe he takes issue with the fact that one guy doing drugs in the privacy of his own home doesn't deserve to die like that. And my letter makes it very clear that I had no suicidal thoughts prior to this incident, and that it is solely the thought of me in prison for such a meaningless "crime" that caused me to shoot myself.
Title: Re: Mental security (or, how do you guys cope with the stress?)
Post by: dkmonk on April 28, 2012, 04:09 pm
Well, I have became overly paranoid a few times, but it was all due to being on meth and have missed a night of sleep or two, but still it was not very enjoyable.

I did gain the knowledge that nobody was watching me and everything was fine and it is ridiculous to think LE would go to great lengths to arrest me on such small amounts of drugs.