Quote from: Seeds and Stuff on May 08, 2013, 12:44 pmQuote from: Barbijuana on May 01, 2013, 03:34 pmI have been thinking about the concept of Self-Identity for a couple of days. It was after a trip that was less than spectacular, but very clear as to what went wrong and why.As years have gone on, I find myself secluding from Friends, Family and People, in general. Not by the essence of physical proximity, but by honest connection. I don't get too close. I don't reveal any profound feelings or thoughts. I'll sit and listen to others. I'll help people when I can and offer sound, rational advice when asked. What I have noticed is that the lack of connection is somewhat distorting my own mental perception of who I am. It leads me to believe that we are defined by the people we are around and how we chose to interact. It is through those tiny and consistent interactions that we develop our own personality, consciously or not. Without that outside stimulus, I am left constantly trying to find what makes me a person and then second guessing that decision before any positive or negative input is compiled. It makes for short work on many "flash hobbies" that I have been starting and then abandoning a few weeks later. I used to be able to get an entire room roaring with laughter and find some kind of joy or funny angle at most situations, but I think I was doing that because I liked people thinking I was that person; it felt good. Now that I am mostly alone, I've noticed my delivery/approach to joking feels forced like I am trying to keep what shred of a mask is left in front of the people who only see/seen me as such. Then it makes me think that everything is a mask, even this shit I am typing right now. I am interacting with this forum as a community. I am trying to create some image for YOU to define ME so that hopefully I'll have another character to play, for awhile at least. I think mind-expanding drugs have a very large impact on this mental state. It's, to me, a mixed bag. Introspection can make you more empathetic, understanding of yourself and others, but self-analyzing can be deteriorating and endless. Perhaps the Human species was not meant for as much "free-time" as we have now - or that No Man is an Island and I need to quit being a pussy and start hanging out more. I've used drugs for most of my adult life, but I think I've been doing it wrong. Forgot who it was (McKenna?) that said drugs can be used as a tool, like a microscope, but you can't walk around all damn day looking through it or you wont be able to see shit. I think it's time for a break - some purity, some clean eating. I don't think being alone is the problem, I think it's being alone with idle hands is the killer. Thanks for reading, oddly it actually means a lot. ;)I like this postIt's a good post :)