Quote from: aciddeath on April 25, 2012, 01:36 ampine, You are a very insightful person and I appreciate you taking the time to reply.we're talking about Modafinil right?This was where I originally ended up when I was faced with this same exactly dilemma three months ago. I have never tried it but I am definitely going to. I really tend to not want to be 'part' of the psychiatric system. The only time I've ever seen someone was a general practitioner for social anxiety (benzos). The thought of somehow piecing together an ADHD diagnosis just seems 'wrong' in one way or another to me.. mostly because my immediate motivation is hyperfocusing my way through a ton of technical projects, rising to the top of my work environment ($$$), and slight financial gain through diversion sales of the excess.I took a lot of ritalin and adderall in college. It was one of the reasons I was able to get a decent grade point average. It was all dispensed to me from 3rd parties. I would want to be honest with a health care professional, but this would likely immediately send up red flags. Ritalin and its extended release made me feel like dying. Adderall was an entirely different story.The real crux of the issue is wanting to remain chemically pure. On the other hand this is incredibly hypocritical. I love to experiment with drugs. I make it a policy to exercise self control with all substances. I do a piss poor job with weed. To the psychiatry world I am a severe drug abuser. We working professionals keep a fully stocked bar to drink heavily once a week, sometimes twice. I smoke the tall earth to the head daily. In the past 4 months I have ingested a wide variety of drugs not directly intended for my consumption(fent,oxy,2cb,mdma,adderall,lsd) in addition to the hash, benzos and liquor. I am constantly wrestling with ideas like, "is it OK for me to take opiates every weekend? every other weekend? Is it OK to offer opiates to my girlfriend who enjoys them when available?". The slopes seem extremely slippery.I guess when I read the articles and browse the books seeing things like "chronic forgetfulness, poor self esteem, difficulty controlling anger, impulsiveness, chronic boredom, difficulty concentrating when reading, mood swings, troubled relationships, driving violations, 6 or more symptoms of inattention lasting 6 or more months causing problems in two or more areas of the life like home or work"I start to think... I could REALLY benefit from being medicated and it could sure make life a lot 'easier'. Do I really need to dance with another addictive substance? Aren't these just symptoms of everyday life for everyone? Do I really need to be 'part of their system'? If I am part of their system, will I be tempted to abuse? Is it worth the risk of starting to believe there's something wrong with me OR IS THERE really something wrong with me(and has there been this whole time)?Crazy chitBasically you feel like you are losing control. Your symptoms are that of prolonged stress over a long period. This is very TLDR, but I think it will help you. I was much in the same boat until a couple of months ago.Some people would tell you to take a holiday, but I believe holidays themselves are the source of a considerable amount of stress. As far as stress relief goes, such ideas are practically mythological for the average person. In terms of stress, it's like the after dinner mint which accompanies your amazing bill. Just serves to emphasize the enormity of the new hole in your wallet even more. People spend their working lives thinking about 'holiday', and then all holiday thinking about 'work'. Dante would have to invent a new circle of hell were he living here today.The majority of psychological advice given to people today, is feminine. Let me explain that statement because it might sound a little odd at first blush. I'm sure you've heard of concepts such as "reading a helpful book on the subject", "hearing the experiences of people who 'overcame'", "group" and worst of all: "talking about it" or "expressing your feelings".I'm terribly afraid this is the most awful rubbish. Not in all cases is it junk. Just in the majority of them. For men. It usually works for women. Women are more empathetic than men for brain chemistry reasons, so this makes sense to them, which is why they enter fields such as psychology, nursing, much more so than males.Crux of the matter as far as psychology is concerned: Sharing is good. But there's something really weird about that now isn't there?I mean, surely you've noticed that when men and women disagree, argue etc, that men always are talking about the functional problem e.g. how to solve it, while women simply want to be listened to, to connect? Or visa versa, that a woman misunderstands that when a guy talks about doing something, that this is not really a 'sharing moment', but a potential act genuinely being considered, a plan being made. A good example is the rate of male suicide. The majority of female suicides are pre-empted by a series of extremely obvious attempts that mostly fail until the final act. But when men kill themselves, it is highly unusual for there to be a 'warning'. This comes down to a very functional thing: men and women have different levels of different hormones (usually). So when we say they 'think differently', this is not a metaphor about having different ideas to each other, but a literal truth like the level of base or acidity on the PH scale.You are not going to solve a male problem, with a female solution. That seems trivially obvious when you think about it for even a second, yet the tide of information around you says the opposite. Well, they are wrong and your instincts are correct.--I think you need a 'respite' or 'rehab'. I don't actually mean drug rehab at all, drugs are not the real problem here, that is blatantly obvious. I mean you get 7 - 14 - 28 days by yourself. No family, no friends. No electronic media whatsoever except for perhaps a landline call to let girlfriend/wife know you're alive once a week so you don't wind up on a missing person's list. I really mean once a week. If she/others want morning/noon and night updating on your status, then they can go fuck themselves. Enough with the digital stalking already. And if your significant other/family give your phone no. to co-workers or friends... Some people would call that selfish. So. Fucking. What. What is a holiday *supposed* to be about. Other people? Ha! No drugs of any kind, not even modafinil. Coffee and the like are fine, but not alcohol. No TV, no videogames. No fast food, just a big stock up of groceries, eggs, milk, that kind of thing. Remove any clocks from the house, including alarm clocks and your watch.Ideally, you ought to be situated in the remote countryside in a holiday home to rent or similar. I'm not against cities, many are very nice peaceful environments with parks, but the problem is that we live in a lot of them and as such you're in a familiar place, whereas the objective is to get away from anything like that. This is partly why I ranted against holidays. They are actually very prescriptive.I suggest you take one or two of those books you always intended to read, but never found the time. A stack of paper and some pencils. I'll stop, I think you get the drift. If you're not sure, then it means you ditch it. Come on, you're not stupid, don't kid yourself. What is it they say about removing temptation?--You'll be amazed at what will happen next. It will feel absolutely horrible and you'll be twitchy. Ugh. Bet my email has hundreds of emails. (it does). Omfg, I forgot blah! It's important I go and... (it isn't and you know it).Almost unbelievably, the world continues to revolve despite your absence. Colleagues find alternative drinking partners. Wifes and girlfriends get a break from routines, expectations. What if there's an emergency? That's why you need your mobile, no? No. There is no emergencies. I figured that out a long time ago. Emergencies are a fiction invented by telecommunications companies. Unless you are actually a paramedic, nobody needs to ring you in an 'emergency'. Statistically then, they must not really exist. I mean, if somebody in family dies, what of it? It is sad but you can't exactly do anything about it.Also, you'll notice time dilation. While an hour at home lasted for two minutes seemingly, an hour here will feel like days. But you won't be bored, boredom, like emergencies and holidays, is also a colossal lie, I'm pretty sure your brain will find something to do, and that will likely have something to do with your life since the majority of relentless trivia has been exculpated from your environment.So, like a snake shedding skin, you'll slowly morph into a new creature. One that actually has long term plans. As such, a wiser version of yourself. Stress you see, is ultimately caused by lack of perspective for men, lack of connection with the social environment for women. Women are about relationships and men are about ideas, that is how it has always been. By the way, I speak from experience. I just did exactly this for three weeks. Notice if you view my posts by timestamps from 1/2 week backs, there is a gap of > 21 days between posts. Some people might imagine a 'get in touch with nature' experience or 'yeah, getting away from the rat race and realizing $$$ isn't everything...' is what we're talking about. That's not my bag at all. Fuck that hippie crap. I plotted a scheme to obtain considerable amounts of money and leverage while I was away. Go away and then come back and tell us about your thoughts.P.S. Women can do this too, if they have the urge to, with positive results, it's just they already have their hands held by an entire industry which caters for most of their needs, so I didn't see much reason to sugarcoat it.tldr; Go on holiday. A real one.