First of all, you are worth a lot. You are not worth a lot dead. Once you are dead you are worthless. If you kill others you make them worthless as well. You need to realize that there is a meaning in your existence and like all great people the meaning will come to light in time, by living. You must wait, you must live & bide your time. The meaning and the purpose will likely come only after you have conquered your biggest enemy. If you allow yourself to perish your enemy to win and you will not have fulfilled your purpose because you will have never met your meaning. You must wait. You must live. your purpose WILL be revealed, but only in time. Patience if your test. It may take years and years. Impatience is the name of your enemy. Wait. Wait. Wait. Once you have conquered impatience your purpose will be clear. Hang in there tiger. Modzi