Silk Road forums
Discussion => Silk Road discussion => Topic started by: teamterumo on July 03, 2012, 11:43 pm
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im offering .5btc for the best joke no strings payment will be awarded in 48hrs
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I don't want your BTCs, but we should turn this into a joke thread.
There's this guy walking through a large field on a nice sunny day. He's just enjoying nature and relaxing, he thought he was alone until he saw some man walking in the distance. He was feeling good, so he decides he wants to talk to him. The guy approaches this person, and he sees the person walking around in a circle, he sees that he's mumbling something. As he gets closer he sees that the guy is circling a hole, a pretty deep hole, and he is saying, "110, 110, 110, 110, 110.." The guy is curious so he says, "What is 110? Why do you keep saying it" The other guy pushes him into the hole and then says, "111, 111, 111, 111, 111, 111."
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Two ravens flew in the sky,
The other one fell down!
But it was OK
Because his father owns a hot dog stand!
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Whats the difference between Sarah Palins mouth and her vagina?
Retarded shit only comes out of her vagina some of the time!
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Q: What's a nosy pepper do?
A: Get jalapeno business.
I laughed and laughed when that joke clicked. Simple pleasures, I guess.
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Q:How do you punish Hellen Keller?
A: Give her a basketball and tell her to read it
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Why do squirrels swim on their backs? :D
....to keep their nuts dry! ;D
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I love the responses keep up the good work ;)
a joke does not have to be rude for it to be funny
if you think a certain joke should win post your reply about it
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It seems that Salman Rushdie has a new book out.....
It's called BUDDHA!, YOU FAT FUCK!
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A man walks into a bar, ouch.
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Barack Obama
sorry, I can't finish the whole joke because I can't stop laughing at the first part.
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Whats the difference between Sarah Palins mouth and her vagina?
Retarded shit only comes out of her vagina some of the time!
that is sick and wrong on sooo many levels. I hope i never have a retarded child...:(
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Two baby seals walk in a club.
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I was once in a men's room at a bar and someone wrote on the wall, "why are you looking up here, the joke's in your hand." Burn.
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How many gays does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One to screw in the light bulb, and the other one to fuck him in the ass.
GET IT?? cause they are homosexuals!!!
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I went to the zoo, but when I got there, there was only one dog.
It was a shitzu.
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After a long chase, a cop finally apprehends his suspect. The cop says "I ought to sock you for that!" and the suspect responds "I wish you had for the both of us!"
The cop is confused and asks "Why?"
The suspect turns to the cop and says "Because then I'd get my charges dropped, and you'd get a paid vacation!"
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I was gonna say a better gay joke, butt fuck it.
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A young boy comes home early from his friends house, and walks into his parents bedroom to took for his mom. He hears some loud noises coming down the hall, so he gets into her closet because he is scared.
the noises were his mom and some man getting into it hot and heavy, and when they finally get to the bed, they hear the husband return home. The strange man grabs his clothes and hides in the closet....there is a moment of silence, and the boy finally says, "It's dark in here" this scares the man half to death. trembling, he asks the boy not to tell his father what happened. the boy says "sure, if you get me a bike". the man agrees to buy the boy a bike.
The next day the boy is in the closet again, and the same thing happens. The man is startled once again when the boy says "It's dark in here" The man offers the boy $100 to keep his mouth shut about what happened, and the boy agrees.
The following day, the boys father sees his son riding this brand new bike down the road, and when he got off of the bike, the $100 bill fell from his pocket. The father asks the boy where he got the bike and money, and the son replied " I don't want to tell you because it was bad"
The boys father takes him directly to church to confess to what had happened. The boy gets into the confession booth, and when the priest slid the window open, the boy said "It's dark in here"..."Oh, not again" replied the priest.
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"A Serpant guard, a Horus guard, and a Satesh guard meet on a neutral planet. It is a tense moment. The Serpant guard's eyes glow. The Horus guard's beak glistens. The Satesh guard's...nose drips."
~Teal'c
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A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time.
So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site.
She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.
"Pardon me, sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. What's your name?
"Morris Feinberg," he replied.
"Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?"
"For about 60 years."
"60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"
"I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims."
"I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop."
"I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults and to love their fellow man."
"I pray that politicians tell us the truth and put the interests of the people ahead of their own interests."
"How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?"
"Like I'm talking to a fucking wall."
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+1 Gary that was funny
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Hmm, I only know 'dark humor' jokes, so here goes... (skip if easily offended)
What do you do after you're done raping Hellen Keller?
Break her fingers so she can't tell her mom.
Yes, I'll be going to hell for this ::)
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Hmm, I only know 'dark humor' jokes, so here goes... (skip if easily offended)
What do you do after you're done raping Hellen Keller?
Break her fingers so she can't tell her mom.
Yes, I'll be going to hell for this ::)
Don't feel to bad, I get my kicks from dead baby jokes myself. They're fun as hell to troll parents with over Xbox Live. ;D
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Yeah same here - dead baby jokes, antisemitic jokes, racist jokes... the list goes on.
I'm not a bigot or racist by any means, I just appreciate fucked-up, dark humor (see: Jim Norton, Louis CK). The kind of shit you hear and you go "I shouldn't be laughing because this is so fucked up, but I find it so goddamn hilarious."
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Two baby seals walk in a club.
I know I shouldn't laugh because I'm competing, but lololololol!!!!
Guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender says "do you know you have a ship's steering wheel hanging out you pants?"
The man sadly looks up and says "yarrr....its driving me nuts."
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What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
Wiped his arse.
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An English man, an Irish man and a Scotsman walk into a pub and they all think you're a cunt.
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There's two versions of this one.
Q: How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: That's not even funny!
Q: How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change the light bulb and the other to suck my cock.
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Mister Dank.
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alot of good responses here is my .02 btc worth
why do women fake orgasms ?
A) they think we care
i love this thread peace
teamterumo
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Mister Dank.
WINNER!
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What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
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A duck walks into a bar, goes up to the bartender and asks 'Do you have any grapes?', to which the bartender replies 'No sorry, we don't sell grapes here, try the green-grocer down the road'. The duck thanks the bartender and goes on his way.
The next day the duck comes back in, walks up to the bartender, and again asks, 'Do you have any grapes?'. The bartender, a little annoyed now, tells the duck 'No mate, I told you yesterday, we're a bar. We don't sell grapes here, now quit asking and buzz off.' The duck, unperturbed, strolls casually out of the bar.
The following day the duck is back once again. He walks right up to the bartender (who is already fuming at the sight of this fucking duck) and says 'Hey buddy, do you have any grapes?' At this, the bartender loses his shit. Screaming now, he replies 'Look, you fucking duck. I've been telling you for the past two days, we're a bar. We don't sell grapes, we never have and we never will. If you come into this bar again asking for grapes, I'm going to nail your fucking bill to the counter.'. 'Oh, well, OK then!' says the duck, 'You don't have to be so rude about it.'. Obviously, the bartender is glad to see the back of him.
He isn't so happy then, you can imagine, when the duck struts right up to the bar the very next day. 'Now what in fuck's name do you want?' he asks the duck, to which the duck says 'I've just come to see if you have any nails'. Perplexed and a little suspicious, the bartender replies 'What? No, of course we don't have any nails. I think by now your well aware that this is a bar!'. And at that, the duck asks the bartender, 'Do you have any grapes?'
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Whats a spider with no legs?
A raisin.
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Why are gays so well dressed? Because they spent so long in the closet
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A hairlip midget was in the market to buy a horse. He found a barn with a sign that advertised "Horse for sale". So the midget strolled in and told the farmer
"Yes sur. I'd like to buy a howse"
The farmer said "I have one for sale and here she is"
The midget said "Yes sur. Can i see her eyes?"
The farmer didn't understand, but he picked the midget up and let him look at her eyes, put him down and said "Well do you want her or not?!"
The midget said "Yes sur. Can i see her teef?"
The farmer was getting pissed, but he picked the midget up and held him close to the horses mouth while he studied the horses teeth. Then the farmer put him down and said "Do you want her or not?!!"
The midget said "Yes sur. Can i see her twat?"
The farmer lost it and picked the midget up and smeared his face in the horses ass, then he said "Here you go you dirty little son of a bitch is this what you want?", then he threw him down on the ground.
The midget stood up, dusted himself off, and said "Let me refwase myself...Can i see her RUN?!!"
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what did one tampon say to the other tampon?
Nothing, they were both stuck up cunts.
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Do you know how they say "personnel will be back after their break" in Chinese?
...
Neither do they.
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What's the worst part about being a black jew?
They make you go to the back of the oven :-X
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How do you get 1,000 dead babies in a single bath tub??
A blender!!!
How do you get them out??
Tostitos chips!
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Q: What is a woman doing on a spaceship?
A: Cleaning!
Q: What's the difference between American beer and a vagina?
A: The vagina stops tasting like pee after a while
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keep the jokes coming only 24hrs left
peace team terumo
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Q: How can you tell you sister is on her period?
A: Your dad's dick tastes like blood.
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Whats the difference between a jew and a pizza?
A pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven.
Whats the difference between a black man and a pizza?
A pizza can feed a family of four.
How do you stop a bunch of black guys from raping a woman?
Throw them a basketball.
Why do black people put mustard on their tootsie rolls?
So they don't bite their fingers.
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i needed a password that was eight characters long so i chose Snow White and the seven dwarves.
i went on a once in a lifetime holiday, tell you what, never again.
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When 3 people have sex,
it's called a THREESOME.
When 2 people have sex,
it's called a TWOSOME.
Now we all understand
why they call you
HANDSOME!
NCK
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Why are jew's noses so big?
Because air is free.
Why is duct tape so great?
Because it turns a 'no no no' into an 'mmm mmm mmm'
17WWn2EVp4uxcgCdpGnqKzXg5NbVby594T
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When 3 people have sex,
it's called a THREESOME.
When 2 people have sex,
it's called a TWOSOME.
Now we all understand
why they call you
HANDSOME!
NCK
Nice
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@trailertrash-- none of those were funny, but I like your avatar. Opiate is in my top 10 playlist to this day (arguably the best pre-famous release by any band in years)
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And the winner goes to Drum roll please Gary oak
Why do squirrels swim on their backs? :D
....to keep their nuts dry! ;D
i love it it clean and witty thanks everyone for there entries i will start another soon
i enjoy doing these as it good for the community any ideas for the next competition
peace
team terumo
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Whats the difference between jesus and a picture of jesus?
It only took one nail to hang the picture up.
A priest and a rabbi are sitting in a bar, and a young boy walks in. The priest says "I want to screw him" the rabbi says "out of what?"
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Wicked man, that joke get's me every time. ;D You can forward it to my address below. Thanks a ton, I'll save it towards something special. :D
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Hmm...how about one for writing the best trip report on their favorite drug of choice? ;)