Silk Road forums
Discussion => Silk Road discussion => Topic started by: GodKiller on April 21, 2013, 02:34 pm
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Hi folks,
I'm sure some of you read my stupid thread the other day about heroin and not getting addicted (now deleted)... Well I would like to apologize for my complete and utter stupidity.
I have been weening myself off the H taking some where between 2 and 5 mg per day first thing in the morning. Gotta stop eventually though. I find even at that low amount, if I choose not to have it in the morning I'm getting really bad diarrhea if I don't have it. I never realized how powerful this drug was....
Apart from that, anxiety, depression, utter feelings of hopelessness and despair. Not sure how to describe it really. Just awful.
I hate to imagine what people go through that have been on the stuff for a long time. I really feel for you. Not that I can even begin to understand what you go through though.
Fuck I feel like an idiot.
I hope this weening off works once I finally stop.
And no, I won't be buying anymore, not for a long long time. I mean I enjoy it and all, it's just that I need to be 100% sure I can go through the withdrawals and deal with it.
Sorry everyone for being such a retard :(
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that's big of you. We all suffer episodes of retarditis time to time. Mine never goes into remission. :-)
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that's big of you. We all suffer episodes of retarditis time to time. Mine never goes into remission. :-)
So true. I guess we all have 20 20 hindsight.... I just have no freaking idea what I was thinking (obviously wasn't one bit). :o
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Off the hook from this junkie.
With me it was Morphine (MS Contin) 60mg 4X a day for 3 years. Doctor cut me off, started running to ER's, doctor shopping, (before the term was used), then then cold turkey. Utterly the worst, and I've been through a windshield in a car accident, that pales in comparison.
Actually what was worse was allowing myself to be talked into Suboxone. I know it can save lives, but I was already past my 3rd day of cold turkey, and then I just got addicted to that. I forced myself off of it after a month (the Dr wanted me on it for at least 8 mos). Restless legs, and arms. Goose flesh. Diarrhea.
I don't have to say more. I actually found a Pain Mgt Dr who looked at my chart and was surprised I hadn't tried Oxycontin. - Yes, I was the one drug addict, NOT taking Oxy in 2010~! LoL . By giving me a low measured dose over a few months, and tapering me off, while giving me Immodium AD, and Clonidine, I was still running out of my monthly Rx a week early, but read on a site for people like us that Ritalin of all things helps, because it hits the dopamine receptors. Sounded crazy to me, but I'd been Rx'd it a while back, from a shrink who said I was ADD. Well the Ritalin allowed me to take that last 15mg Oxy, and flick it out the window, into a pond!
Turns out I really have had ADD all along. Now I take Adderall, which I buy in bulk on here. (cheaper than Doctors. prescriptions and gas!~!)
Since finding SR a year ago, curiosity got the better of me, and I tried the big H for the 1st time (I know-idiot) I was surprised, I didn't feel like I had to run out and get more the next day. - That might just be my weird body chemistry. I sure don't advise anyone to follow my foolish ways.
Other than an occasional dabbling. Once every month or two. I stay opiate free. Definitely Rx opiates anyway. They seem more addictive to me, but everybody's different.
You can do it! I did it, and I'm big pussy when it comes to getting sick. That's the whole addiction after a while. Just avoiding that sickness.
It may feel like pneumonia, the flu, the common cold, and dysentery all at the same time. - But it won't kill you. You'll get to the other side!
Good Luck!
peace 8)
jagfug
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Off the hook from this junkie.
With me it was Morphine (MS Contin) 60mg 4X a day for 3 years. Doctor cut me off, started running to ER's, doctor shopping, (before the term was used), then then cold turkey. Utterly the worst, and I've been through a windshield in a car accident, that pales in comparison.
Actually what was worse was allowing myself to be talked into Suboxone. I know it can save lives, but I was already past my 3rd day of cold turkey, and then I just got addicted to that. I forced myself off of it after a month (the Dr wanted me on it for at least 8 mos). Restless legs, and arms. Goose flesh. Diarrhea.
I don't have to say more. I actually found a Pain Mgt Dr who looked at my chart and was surprised I hadn't tried Oxycontin. - Yes, I was the one drug addict, NOT taking Oxy in 2010~! LoL . By giving me a low measured dose over a few months, and tapering me off, while giving me Immodium AD, and Clonidine, I was still running out of my monthly Rx a week early, but read on a site for people like us that Ritalin of all things helps, because it hits the dopamine receptors. Sounded crazy to me, but I'd been Rx'd it a while back, from a shrink who said I was ADD. Well the Ritalin allowed me to take that last 15mg Oxy, and flick it out the window, into a pond!
Turns out I really have had ADD all along. Now I take Adderall, which I buy in bulk on here. (cheaper than Doctors. prescriptions and gas!~!)
Since finding SR a year ago, curiosity got the better of me, and I tried the big H for the 1st time (I know-idiot) I was surprised, I didn't feel like I had to run out and get more the next day. - That might just be my weird body chemistry. I sure don't advise anyone to follow my foolish ways.
Other than an occasional dabbling. Once every month or two. I stay opiate free. Definitely Rx opiates anyway. They seem more addictive to me, but everybody's different.
You can do it! I did it, and I'm big pussy when it comes to getting sick. That's the whole addiction after a while. Just avoiding that sickness.
It may feel like pneumonia, the flu, the common cold, and dysentery all at the same time. - But it won't kill you. You'll get to the other side!
Good Luck!
peace 8)
jagfug
Thanks for your reply. I'm sure the best advice for anyone is to stay opiate free, with the odd dabble every few months, but I guess there are some people that get very caught up in it. And now I 100% understand why.
I'll get there. Don't you worry about me and me nearly shitting my pants :) That's nothing compared to what you and others go through.
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I hope you're back to normal soon.
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I'm a retard. Don't feel so bad.
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GodKiller, Jagfug has hit a really good point with the dopamine receptors and the opiate addiction. There is some data to back this up, so says a self professed Doctor on here taking a poll about drug users. But I myself have and had used the almighty Oxy 4X80 and 6X30 prescribed per day after a short career in the sports world left with titanium pins, 11 surgs later and 13 years of Oxy. Today is day 23 without an opiate going through me and yes it still sucks, sucks, sucks but the good hours are starting to out number the bad ones, at least most of the days. Now the point here is back to the amphetamines, which I have dabbled in for about 5-7 years with the longest run of about 6-7 months of on off. Sometimes weekly sometimes monthly, but they seem to show up, lol, when I am looking for something else. I have found they, Meth that is, does shove aside the horrific withdraws that opiates cause me. In 2010 I went to detox and they put me on the Bups, 14 months later, the doctors decided that I do have chronic pain that needs to be dealt with on a maintenance level that they could not sustain. Well fuck no shit I knew I had the damn pain I was trying to find a better way of dealing with it. The buprenorphine is was far harder to deal with then the oxy's withdraw and within two days I was back to the original Dr and back on the OX. God what a ride I have been on, until I have actually typed this out I did not realize wafm I am. FFFF
Alright let me regroup here, I will not come out and say go get amphetamines or meth but I know how I have been able to survive these last 3 weeks with a supplement of 1.64g of SR meth and that is going hard in the first 4 days stopping for 5 days then on for 5 of light use and now have been off the meth for 8 days. Sure I traded one for the other but this was a decision I believed had to be made to make it. Not exactly sure where I will go from here but I never dreamed I would have made it 23 days without taking massive amounts of opiates to function.
Point is hang in there it will get better and if you are dealing with a short term addiction then the possibility of permanent change to the receptors will make it much easier for you then those of us that started taking prescriptions almost 20 years ago I will more than likely delete this before to long out of guilt but I will try to post and see how long I can leave it. Peace, thanks for the time....
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Crazy how fast this progressed. I see your post from the 15th, "My first time with H was last week. I snorted 10mg and within 5 or so minutes I was feeling slightly warm and fuzzy. It was quite a nice feeling.
Although I have an 'addictive personality' (whatever the fuck that means) I have managed not to get addicted to anything, even an ice smoking habit that went on for a few months. I just got bored, the ice did nothing anymore and I just said to myself "this is sooooo pointess and a waste of money".
Not only that, friends, family and career are far too important to me to let ANY drug control my life, EVER."
versus now, and the contrast is amazing. Benzos, opiates... things that are physically addictive are dangerous and WILL creep up on you before you know it if you are over-confident and think you can just push through.
I'm glad you're OK, GodKiller, and glad that you've been able to learn from this. Once you've weaned down to a low amount, better to go cold turkey—you will be uncomfortable for a while, but you won't get trapped in a cycle.
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I think it's kind of a shame you deleted your original thread. Heroin is the one drug I've never been offered. It just wasn't that big around here when I was younger and more tied into the local drug scene. I have always had a burning interest to try H even felt a little bummed I never got a chance. I figured it was rare enough around the people I knew that I wouldn't easily be able to score more if I loved it too much. Ever since I joined SR in Oct I've kinda had it in the back of my mind to try a small sample just to satisfy that curiosity, even though I'm way too old to know better. The problem with experimenting now would be it's a little too easy and private to get "just one more".
I'm sorry to hear you've been having a tough time. If it's any consolation to you, know there might be a couple people you kinda slapped a little reality/humility into, for sure one person. Your posts gave me the impression you're a person of strong character publicly admitting your ignorance is pretty cool. So good luck to you I hope to read you're 100% off the shit in the near future.
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Hi folks,
I'm sure some of you read my stupid thread the other day about heroin and not getting addicted (now deleted)... Well I would like to apologize for my complete and utter stupidity.
I have been weening myself off the H taking some where between 2 and 5 mg per day first thing in the morning. Gotta stop eventually though. I find even at that low amount, if I choose not to have it in the morning I'm getting really bad diarrhea if I don't have it. I never realized how powerful this drug was....
Apart from that, anxiety, depression, utter feelings of hopelessness and despair. Not sure how to describe it really. Just awful.
I hate to imagine what people go through that have been on the stuff for a long time. I really feel for you. Not that I can even begin to understand what you go through though.
Fuck I feel like an idiot.
I hope this weening off works once I finally stop.
And no, I won't be buying anymore, not for a long long time. I mean I enjoy it and all, it's just that I need to be 100% sure I can go through the withdrawals and deal with it.
Sorry everyone for being such a retard :(
Happens to the best of us at times but kudos to anyone going thro cold turkey or decreasing an opioid. I didn't see original post so can't comment.
The best I've lasted was around 8 hours, horrible and eventually give it up due to really bad akathisia (restless legs syndrome thingy)
but big of you to apologies and its a hearty one :)
days n weeks will go by and it'll be forgotten but maybe a lessened learned?
good luck and I wish you well with the decrease, oh dear; 1 day this will be me!
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every junkie once thought he was stronger than the drug.
first we find out we're wrong. and then we pay.
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WOW! (seriously)
I was afraid to look back after baring my soul there. (believe me, that's the tip of the iceberg)
I can see that, at least I am not alone. YOU are not alone. I'm an old fuck.
So glad I didn't get to try H until I'd already realized I was powerless over every drug on the planet.
The shortcut out of this story is:
Methamphetamine is neurotoxic.
Amphetamine is not.
For all you people who've been 'in program', METH is a 'Yet' for me.
Though, I've found that speed (amph not meth) is a lot easier to go off of, and go back on.
Can't do that with opiates. They'll own your soul absolutely. You'd fuck over your most loved one for another fix.
Don't think I don't know, because I only mentioned Rx'd narcotics. - There's more, but there's no point. Those who know, know I know what I'm talking about.
So, in closing, I have to say, try a little Ritalin, or go full bore right on to Amphetamine. That's the stop I get off at now, at 50+ years.
Meth? Sure, I want to try it. - but it's always nice to have a YET. - Like - - "I haven't done that yet!"
You'll do what you want to do my friends, I just hope you gain some sort of wisdom from this forum.
Some of you, like me, have to put your hand in the fire for yourself, before you'll believe someone else, that it will burn you.
Peace out.
Everyone is on drugs.
Try to choose the most manageable one.
soon to be off the boards
jagfug
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GodKiller, Jagfug has hit a really good point with the dopamine receptors and the opiate addiction. There is some data to back this up, so says a self professed Doctor on here taking a poll about drug users. But I myself have and had used the almighty Oxy 4X80 and 6X30 prescribed per day after a short career in the sports world left with titanium pins, 11 surgs later and 13 years of Oxy. Today is day 23 without an opiate going through me and yes it still sucks, sucks, sucks but the good hours are starting to out number the bad ones, at least most of the days. Now the point here is back to the amphetamines, which I have dabbled in for about 5-7 years with the longest run of about 6-7 months of on off. Sometimes weekly sometimes monthly, but they seem to show up, lol, when I am looking for something else. I have found they, Meth that is, does shove aside the horrific withdraws that opiates cause me. In 2010 I went to detox and they put me on the Bups, 14 months later, the doctors decided that I do have chronic pain that needs to be dealt with on a maintenance level that they could not sustain. Well fuck no shit I knew I had the damn pain I was trying to find a better way of dealing with it. The buprenorphine is was far harder to deal with then the oxy's withdraw and within two days I was back to the original Dr and back on the OX. God what a ride I have been on, until I have actually typed this out I did not realize wafm I am. FFFF
Alright let me regroup here, I will not come out and say go get amphetamines or meth but I know how I have been able to survive these last 3 weeks with a supplement of 1.64g of SR meth and that is going hard in the first 4 days stopping for 5 days then on for 5 of light use and now have been off the meth for 8 days. Sure I traded one for the other but this was a decision I believed had to be made to make it. Not exactly sure where I will go from here but I never dreamed I would have made it 23 days without taking massive amounts of opiates to function.
Point is hang in there it will get better and if you are dealing with a short term addiction then the possibility of permanent change to the receptors will make it much easier for you then those of us that started taking prescriptions almost 20 years ago I will more than likely delete this before to long out of guilt but I will try to post and see how long I can leave it. Peace, thanks for the time....
Wow, never eve knew about permanent damage to receptors making addiction seem much more likely.
Thanks for your input.
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Crazy how fast this progressed. I see your post from the 15th, "My first time with H was last week. I snorted 10mg and within 5 or so minutes I was feeling slightly warm and fuzzy. It was quite a nice feeling.
Although I have an 'addictive personality' (whatever the fuck that means) I have managed not to get addicted to anything, even an ice smoking habit that went on for a few months. I just got bored, the ice did nothing anymore and I just said to myself "this is sooooo pointess and a waste of money".
Not only that, friends, family and career are far too important to me to let ANY drug control my life, EVER."
versus now, and the contrast is amazing. Benzos, opiates... things that are physically addictive are dangerous and WILL creep up on you before you know it if you are over-confident and think you can just push through.
I'm glad you're OK, GodKiller, and glad that you've been able to learn from this. Once you've weaned down to a low amount, better to go cold turkey—you will be uncomfortable for a while, but you won't get trapped in a cycle.
You are so right about how they creep up on you... and then BAM! they have you by your sack (or flaps if you happen to be a lady).
It's hard to admit, but fuck H is strong. So moreish, so beautiful, so I want to do this every day all day....
I am down to about 2-6mg per day (scales are really shit) and even then most of the time I only inject half of the syringe.
I have 15mg codeine on standby Not sure I'll need it, just in case.
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Reading back in a clearer frame of mind. I just wanted to consolidate my overall message that by using the Ritalin while going through the "7th+8th day withdrawals" of Suboxone (most horrible addiction I've experienced)
I was able to 'trick' myself or my dopamine/serotonin/norepinepherine (etc) receptors long enough for the remainder of the opiate (agonist or antagonist) to leave my system. - I never really 'dug' stimulants.
Perhaps by taking a drug that was never my DOC, I was able to fool my receptors (or myself) long enough to not "need" opiates anymore.
Just to shed some addiction perspective on you all. I was in a "Rehab" for Quaalude/Valium Alcohol addiction in 1981, before Betty Ford, before 'rehab' had anything to do with drugs. - When I got home, my friends all said "Yeah bullshit, you were in the nuthouse"- This was my senior year in High School.
The nuthouse came later . . .
Thought I was done with this thread, but it has become "addictive". :-[ (sorry) ;)
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Hey op if you use suboxone or methadone wisely you won't have to suffer coming off H. Just take subs or dones for about five days then stop. It's the poll that abuse suboxone and methadone that take away from it's purpose. If you do that your just trading one addiction for another. Silicone and dones allow you to enjoy heroin and not suffer when you want to stop. Just got to use your head bro
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Hey op if you use suboxone or methadone wisely you won't have to suffer coming off H. Just take subs or dones for about five days then stop. It's the poll that abuse suboxone and methadone that take away from it's purpose. If you do that your just trading one addiction for another. Silicone and dones allow you to enjoy heroin and not suffer when you want to stop. Just got to use your head bro
I can't completely decipher this message but I will elaborate on what I *think* you are saying. I used to be addicted to opiates for a good 3-4 years... lots of oxycontin and vicodin, some smoking heroin, and one time I shot up. I used outpatient rehab with suboxone and while it kept the withdrawal symptoms from quitting oxy / Heroin the human body starts to become physically addicted to suboxone. Don't quote me but I've heard that suboxone lasts in your system longer and that withdrawal symptoms from suboxone actually last longer than withdrawals from oxy / H. *Again, don't quote me on this but I would love to hear others' thoughts on this*.
Weening down is definitely the way to go. When I got off suboxone and oxy all of the variables that were in my way happened to line up perfectly:
a.) I was being hired for a job that reserved the right to drug test me. Opiates would have shown up although a suboxone prescription may have kept them at bay... but I'd rather start a career without my HR department knowing I've got a drug habit.
b.) I had wanted to get off for a long time anyway
c.) I was living in a new city and didn't even know where to find any stuff (this was before SR existed, I believe)
d.) My psychiatrist who prescribed me suboxone was unable to do so for me because I was across state lines.
e.) I was busy at work with my job so that kept my mind off things
f.) I had discovered that melatonin could help me get sleep on those restless nights
First two weeks sucked. Next two weeks weren't as bad. Once I hit the 1 month mark I felt confident I had kicked the habit. I definitely wish I had some Xanax around at that time because the sleeplessness was the biggest issue for me. I can persevere through almost anything if I get a good night's rest. Also make sure you have a ton of good music on your iPod! A good song is often enough to turn your day around.
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sorry for the typos .but what i meant is a person must use suboxone correctly and correctly is not how a dr tells you. you dont need three 8mg strips a day. one strip cut in half twice a day for three days then STOP. thats the only way it works. if not like the above poster said you are trading one misery for another
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Well done for realizing so soon :)
I used to smoke/snort my share of heroin, spent years going on/off oxy n xanax, combining all sorts of shit.. Also a couple months dedicated to meth then coke, some other stuff, hmm fuck. No wonder I'm so messed up today, haha.
Reading this thread, especially the descriptions of withdrawal, made me recall it so vividly I feel pain in my body lightly reminiscent of those times. Never again will I go there in this life.
Nothing can really bother you and you can do no wrong.. It's an attractive state for the brain, we have no chance.
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Reading back in a clearer frame of mind. I just wanted to consolidate my overall message that by using the Ritalin while going through the "7th+8th day withdrawals" of Suboxone (most horrible addiction I've experienced)
I was able to 'trick' myself or my dopamine/serotonin/norepinepherine (etc) receptors long enough for the remainder of the opiate (agonist or antagonist) to leave my system. - I never really 'dug' stimulants.
Perhaps by taking a drug that was never my DOC, I was able to fool my receptors (or myself) long enough to not "need" opiates anymore.
Just to shed some addiction perspective on you all. I was in a "Rehab" for Quaalude/Valium Alcohol addiction in 1981, before Betty Ford, before 'rehab' had anything to do with drugs. - When I got home, my friends all said "Yeah bullshit, you were in the nuthouse"- This was my senior year in High School.
The nuthouse came later . . .
Thought I was done with this thread, but it has become "addictive". :-[ (sorry) ;)
Hey, drugs not hugs, shit got that backasswards again..JF I think your gone now but well put I understand all you have inputted with this and appreciate ya. Very close time lines as well, scary..Peace brother, still hanging on to ZERO OX flowing through me but this other thing is really fucking with me...I think people can tell...lol