Silk Road forums
Discussion => Off topic => Topic started by: Jediknight on April 03, 2013, 01:04 am
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Q: What do you call a rave full of epileptics?
A: A foam party.
Amy Winehouse bumps into Jeremy Clarkson and they start to chat.
She says to him, "What do you do?"
He replies, "Top Gear".
She says "Fucking brilliant I'll have two grams"
Q: Why did the hens get thrown out from the boat rave?
A: Because they was taking eggs to sea.
Q: Why did the religious person give up smoking?
A: Because god hates fags
Q: What were Princess Diana's favourite drugs?
A: Speed & Smack
Q: How can you tell when an addict is lying?
A: When he opens up his mouth. (No offense, addicts of the world)
Q: What did the one gay magic mushroom say to the other gay magic mushroom?
A: How's it going fun guy?
A young man on acid walked into a dentist's office and said, " Can you help me? I think I'm a moth."
The dentist said, "You don't need a dentist. You need a psychiatrist."
"Yes, I know," the man said.
The dentist asked, "So then why did you come in here?"
The man replied, "The light was on."
Q: Why did the blonde snort artificial sweetener?
A: She thought it was diet coke.
Q: What do you get when you take ecstasy and birth control pills?
A: A trip without the kids.
Q: What are the first five words a crackhead in a three piece tailored suit hears?
A: "Will the defendant please rise"
Q: What do you call someone who stays up for 14 days straight?
A: A two-weeker.
Q: What's the best thing about being a meth addict?
A: Only one sleep till christmas.
Q: What is the worst thing about having snorted way too much meth?
A: You have to hold the jet when you take a leak.
Q: What do women addicted to heroin got in common with ice-hockey players?
A: They both change clothes after three periods.
Q: What do you have in a room full of tweakers?
A: A complete set of teeth!
Amphetamines are used by millions of American kids and adults every day to treat attention-deficit
A speedfreak is out walking one fine evening. He finds a poor person on the street and helps him up. The poor person says, "Son, I'm a genie. And since you helped me I'll give you three wishes."
The speedfreak says, "I want a big bag of meth!", the genie says."Okay." POOF, the bag appears! They prepare some thick long white lines and share it between the two of them.
The next morning the genie asks "What's the second wish?", "I want two big bags of meth", says the speedfreak. "Okay," says the genie. POOF! And they prepare it and snort it between the two of them.
The next morning the genie asks "And the third wish?" "I want four big bags of meth!" POOOF!! So, they prepare lots of big lines and share it between the two of them.
Much later the genie gets up and says, "Okay, it's time for me to go." The genie takes a couple of steps, pauses, turns around and says, "Okay, just one more wish."
Q. What did one deadhead say to the other when he ran out of weed?
A. "Hey man, this music sucks!"
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You Know Your A Drug Addict When...
Every story you tell begins with, "We were really high and..."
You buy your Visine (eye-drops) at a wholesale club
You're a Bob Marley fan and you don't even like reggae
Mosquitoes get a buzz after attacking you.
Someone asks you for a dime and you tell them you're out of herb
The High Times centerfold turns you on
Every vacation you wind up in Amsterdam or Jamaica
Your friends call you Smokey
Your parents call you Smokey
Smoking resi on a daily basis is essential to keep your bowl from getting clogged
Your cigarette gets way too heavy
You think everyone is staring at you and there's nobody in the room
All you want to do is drink & smoke & eat & smoke & chill & smoke...
Your room turns into your grow room
The lab technician testing your urine sample gets high off the fumes
Your best friend just happens to be your dealer
You vote Harry Browne for president
A friend without weed is a friend in need
Your bumper sticker reads "Honk for Hemp"
Your bong becomes an extension of your arm
Your creativity is only used when you have nothing to smoke out of
You can ask for heroin in other languages
The mind is a terrible thing to waste, but you don't mind being wasted
Sorting out life's problems, the answer is always roll, lick and smoke
You want to have kids named Herb, Bud, MaryJane, and JackDaniels
You were born white but all your friends assume you're Chinese
Your clothes are full of burnholes from dropped joints
You learn about the KGB in history class and all you can think about are green sticky buds
If an autobiography of your life was made into a movie, it would be called "Waiting to Inhale"
Breakfast consists of a spliff, some OJ, and a bowl packed with Fruity Pebbles
You smoke your screens and save your roaches
You clean out your car and smoke the shake you found on your car mats
You forget your friends' names
You forget your own name
Your motto in life is "Why ask Why? Just Get High"
You call people you don't even like to hang out with, just because you know they've got buds
You roll your blunts fatter than your 40oz
You begin hearing knocks at the door and CD skips that aren't there
You find yourself in the kitchen eating everything but Spam...then you eat the Spam
When you have to hold onto the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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Police recently arrested a man on drug charges. The suspect allegedly had been selling pills he claimed would give you eternal youth. When going through their files, police discovered it was the fourth time the man had been charged. His earlier arrests were in 1612, 1800 and 1928.
Reality is a crutch for people who can’t handle drugs.
The price of Prozac doubled last year. When Prozac users were asked what they thought about the increase, they said, ‘Whatever.’
Why did the man tiptoe into the chemist’s? He didn’t want to wake the sleeping pills.
Acid: Better living through chemistry.
Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it’s the scenic route.
Drugs: Accomplish your dreams.
I used to have a drug problem, but now I have more money.
Viagra: A whole new concept of recreational drugs.
Three students are sitting in a room smoking cannabis. After a few spliffs they run out. One of the men stands up and says, ‘Look, we’ve got loads more tobacco, I’ll just nip into the kitchen and make one of my speciality joints.’ Off he goes into the kitchen where he takes some cumin, turmeric and a couple of other spices from the spice rack, grinds them up and rolls them into a joint. On his return he hands it to one of his smoking partners, who lights it and takes a long drag. Within seconds he passes out. Ten minutes go by and he’s still out cold, so they decide to take him to the hospital. On arrival he is wheeled into intensive care. The doctor returns to his friends and asks, ‘So what was he doing then? Cannabis?’ ‘Well, sort of,’ replies one of the guys, ‘but we ran out of drugs, so I made a home-made spliff.’ ‘Oh,’ replies the doctor, ‘so what did you put in it?’ ‘Um, a bit of cumin, some turmeric and a couple of other spices.’ The doctor sighs. ‘Well, that explains it.’‘Why, what’s wrong with him?’ demands one of the students. The doctor replies, ‘He’s in a korma.’
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subbed :) thanks Jedi - looking forward to more guffaws - if i come across any, ill post 'em up.
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lol thanks. I'll sub in case I ever have extra time, remember this is here, and want a laugh.
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Bump for the cranky people on the forums.
Spread the love and laughs.
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This
Q: What's the best thing about being a meth addict?
A: Only one sleep till christmas.
This
You Know Your A Drug Addict When...
Your friends call you Smokey
Your parents call you Smokey
You call people you don't even like to hang out with, just because you know they've got buds
And this
Three students are sitting in a room smoking cannabis. After a few spliffs they run out. One of the men stands up and says, ‘Look, we’ve got loads more tobacco, I’ll just nip into the kitchen and make one of my speciality joints.’ Off he goes into the kitchen where he takes some cumin, turmeric and a couple of other spices from the spice rack, grinds them up and rolls them into a joint. On his return he hands it to one of his smoking partners, who lights it and takes a long drag. Within seconds he passes out. Ten minutes go by and he’s still out cold, so they decide to take him to the hospital. On arrival he is wheeled into intensive care. The doctor returns to his friends and asks, ‘So what was he doing then? Cannabis?’ ‘Well, sort of,’ replies one of the guys, ‘but we ran out of drugs, so I made a home-made spliff.’ ‘Oh,’ replies the doctor, ‘so what did you put in it?’ ‘Um, a bit of cumin, some turmeric and a couple of other spices.’ The doctor sighs. ‘Well, that explains it.’‘Why, what’s wrong with him?’ demands one of the students. The doctor replies, ‘He’s in a korma.’
Oh ho ho ho, veeery funny
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ahahha i got to the second one and was like :o bitch she deeaaaad!! ooooooops