Silk Road forums
Discussion => Off topic => Topic started by: flicky42 on March 03, 2013, 07:52 pm
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I'm having a serve depression breakdown, haven't had one of these in two years so I thought I was making progress :-[. Anyway I'm super busy with work so this is probably irresponsible but I'm hoping I can use this as a therapeutic strategy to get myself out of this. I'm gonna be keeping a journal with me while I trip and listen to music. I need some smoothing music for my trip, I really like listening to mutemath when I trip (oods, valium, etc.) Do you all have any suggestions?
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When you say "sever depression breakdown" can you clarify what you mean?
Sorry to hear it mate, but self medicating is probably not the way to go, get professional help if you're not feeling right in the head.
Have a great trip anyway dude.
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I've been force feeding myself for the past 5 days. I have that horrible feeling in my stomach where I'm just anxious all the time and I can't sit still. I get about 4 hours of sleep a night but I have no ability to nap during the day.
Today I was just screaming and crying hysterically on the floor (btw I haven't actually cried in years something about my body just never wants to cry.)
I also have no friends and blah blah blah. I just really hope this works because I need to do well on this exam on Friday and I can't focus for shit.
Adderall only makes my anxiety worse so I didn't bother.
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I know that feel bro, I'm guessing you use benzos? Have you ever been to see a doctor regarding your anxiety issues?
Hows that trip comin' along?
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You'll be fine. Stay in the house until you come down. See your doctor tomorrow.
You need some real medication.
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the most important thing to do is relax and go with the flow. resistance creates tension. whatever you do, don't resist! this experience you are having is impermanent, as are all things...
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good advice moonflower..
to the OP, I strongly recommend learning to meditate.
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It's been a long time since I've used Cubensis but I clearly recall the feeling of needing to do something but not knowing what. Do you have anyone you can call to engage with? Physicality could be really good. Tennis, swimming, basketball, singing, dancing, whatever as long as you don't feel too exposed in public.
I remember how therapeutic the natural deep breathing was that came with Cubensis use. I wouldn't do it in a public square. Is there somewhere you can go and exercise you lungs, chest muscles, and respiratory passages? It could be noisy and could also feel really, really, really good.
If you really have no alternatives, and don't want to ride out the trip, you could take one benzo (Valium etc.) Use the clear net chart here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_benzodiazepines
Other options would be hot tub, hot shower, or lay up in bed and wait it out. Good luck. This too shall pass. Some of the most valuable journeys begin with great challenges.
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btw, how are you doing today flicky?
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Holy fuck I had the most insane trip of my life. It was actually pretty horrible and the feeling in my stomach won't go away.
But there was this girl I really liked who lead me on really hard and thats what brought all this on. After this trip I realized that I'm going to be ok without her and this feeling in my stomach is gonna go away. I just need to focus on my work and get some sleep.
Thank you all who posted in this thread seriously it put such a smile on my face when I logged back on to check. I love you all even though I don't know you and I think I'm gonna be ok.
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good to hear you got through without problems. did it flip your depression up side down?
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good to hear you got through without problems. did it flip your depression up side down?
I'm doing so much better today so who knows. The majority of the trip was horrible but it reminded me that there are people that love and would actually care if I was dead. I also had this song pop in my head on the come down, idk where it came from but it was strange and happy I liked it.
I was able to focus really well today on my studying and I just have this feeling that as long as I can breathe and focus on whats in front of me I'm gonna be ok. I over think things way to much and its very difficult to get out of my own head.
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Glad to hear everything worked out Flicky...I can relate to a lot of what you said, I tend to over analyze and it drives me nuts. Since you said you have no friends, if ya ever want to chat or just bullshit send me a message. We can help each other out! All the best!
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Keep ya head up flicky. Like someone said, go with the flow. Be in control of your mind and emotions, not the other way around. Meditation is something that has helped immensely with my anxiety.
Just remember that it's not the quantity of people you have in your life, but the quality. I've been lead on in the past as well, and you know what I always say? FUCK EM. If a woman doesn't see what I have to offer and would rather use me instead, it's her mistake.
Take care buddy.
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take a day off, drop 150mg of MDMA, listen what your heart tells you.
No relationship changes while you are high, no phone calls to anyone, no matter how important you think it is to tell them something. No big life decisions.
I learned to love myself with MDMA and a year of work on my personal issues.
gl :)
P.S.: you might consider pre-postloading with vitC, Magnesium (carbonate, not the oxide, it is not bioavailable) and maybe some ALA if you can get your fingers on that. your brain will thank you :)
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It looks to me you have a lot of different problems caused by many things. You should not take any drugs, natural or otherwise, for the time being. They won't help you, you're just trying to escape.
You must find someone you can confide in to talk to. I don't know your age, but it could be your school counselor, or a trusted friend or minister, or therapist if you have one. If you don't, then seek one out. You may have to go to a physician to see if there are any physical causes for your ailments, it sounds like a severe anxiety episode combined with something else.
You have to unload yourself and try to find out what makes you fly off like that. Forget about drugs for a while, maybe a long while. Once you are back to feeling more or less strong and healthy, then and only then can you consider indulging; but stick to the tried and true natural entheogens, like shrooms or San Pedro or the like.
goblin
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Things are still going for me everyone. I really appreciate these replies they mean so much to me. I really do need some professional help but I'm just so busy I don't know when I can find the time. I'd love to spill my story on here but it really might hurt right now to type it. Just know that you all are making a stranger feel more comfortable through this horrible anxiety. I'm still having problems eating but I've decided to force feed myself protein shakes for fear of losing weight.
-Flicky
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Yea Im going to also go ahead and say your episodes lately are due to either your benzo or your addy use.
The mushys should do you some good tho man, 3.8 should get you to a good place. If you panic, breath and embrace it. Do not ever question your sanity or your fucky thoughts, just roll with all the punches and youll be fine. Good luck dude