Silk Road forums
Discussion => Off topic => Topic started by: Inspectah Deck on January 26, 2013, 08:14 pm
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Ok ill start this off by saying I am very very depressed. The reason is my little brother and Mother dies in a car accident. Leaving my Father and I on our own. My Father has changed and has picked up the bottle. He often lashes out at me, saying its my fault they died and and he wishes it was me instead of them. I am honestly thinking about suicide. I cant live like this any longer. If anyone has been in a similar situation please guide me.
EDIT: I am now accepting donations so I can buy something to get me thru this.
My SR username is gardiale003 and my bitcoin address is 1LcnWPaYpig19fPXWfy4oDiiC5B9ak2nU7
Thank You and God Bless!
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im sorry. this must be very hard.
you decide what you do. but i think suicide is not the answer.
you can make yourself feel good if that is what you need. but i don't recommend drugs. Getting heavily into a sport would help a lot better on the long term.
but I think you will be fine. Because you reach out. That means you are aware. It is your father you should be worried about. he is on the path of self destruction without a force to pull him back. He is suicidal too. killing himself with booze.
You need to make him understand. Life goes on. Try to get professional help and get therapy together.
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I would suggest some time away from it all, move into the mountains or some shit. Suicide is big, its the very end, go get some professional help if you can. Shrinks get a bad rap but if you get the right one they can help you digest the shit thats way to fucked up to digest on your own. I had a string of a few months where I lost a handful of people I was very close with, it was the worst. I did a lot of stupid shit to try and cover up what was going on. Luckily I didn't wind up hurt or hurting anyone else, but i did that about 2 years before it all just caught up with me. It wasn't till I took my issues to someone for help and digested what was in front of me that I started moving forward. I don't know if I would have been able to have the break through I had if I would have handled it immediately, maybe all the outrageous stuff was necessary, who knows. But I do know it was always in the back of my mind and would always distort my view on things, until I took steps to deal with it. I'm anti religious and really not sure I believe in an after life, but I was given some books on death and I read them and they helped a lot. If I can find the titles I will post them here.
Stay strong man, sorry to hear about your loss.
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Inspectah Deck, my friend,
The key is that you say I cannot live like THIS. Change your surroundings. Tell your father honestly the issue and if he cannot change, then you may need to leave if you are unable to handle the current setting. This is probably extremely drastic but desperate times require desperate measures.
Suicide is not the answer. Why? Life is long and filled with mystery. One may be in the darkest depths of hell one day and a day later, a month, a year later, etc. they may be on top of the world. This is the nature of the journey we are all on. Suicide cuts the journey short.
Perhaps write a list of all the things you want to experience in life. Realize that if you end your life, you will never experience those things. On the other hand , if you can dream it, then you can do it if you truly want to as long as you are alive
As Valakki drugs will not solve the issues at hand. Your set and setting need to change. Drugs cannot do that all by themselves.
Good Luck! It will get better!
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Yes these people are right. Drugs can't do it l
All.
You should see a doctor and get this taken care of - I did.
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Chin up ,
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Yes these people are right. Drugs can't do it l
All.
You should see a doctor and get this taken care of - I did.
Yes this as well. I took a crap ton of shrooms after a friend passed thinking it would fix my mental. Worst mistake I've ever made, fucked with my head for a while, and now shrooms have a completely different effect on me. Stay away from psychedelics for a minute, stick to weed. And also stay away from E, that shit will eat up your serotonin and just make you 10x more depressed for the next week.
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get professional help. change your setting. learn to meditate. exercise regularly, eat healthy, have positive things around to entertain you, and get lots of sunshine. avoid illegal drugs until you have done these things first.
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i lost my mother a couple years ago, and she was the closest person to me. if it wasn't for the support of my girlfriend, i surely would have lost it. without cannabis, i would have been overwhelmed by my grief and unable to function. i never would have been able to come to terms with my mom's death if it weren't for psychedelics. however, i wouldn't recommend taking them in your state unless you have a strong mind and can sort through your negative feelings without being overwhelmed by anxiety... because anxiety during a trip will create tension, which will increase your negativity tenfold and do more harm than good. it really does depend on the person. meditation could definitely help you, and maybe see a counselor if you need to. it's very hard to accept the deaths of loved ones, but you must accept it if you want to move on. how you get to that point is for you to decide, as everyone has their own path to take. feel free to pm me anytime if you need support. i know how hard it is and i am here to listen.
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All intelligent people with good advice. Sending <3 your way Inspektah ( mean that, I do an energy prayer for loved ones and whoever needs it)
I agree with meditation as an excellant fixative to physical mental and emotional stress. . Maybe MDMA with a therapist, when you are ready. I haven't lost someone in my family besides grandparent who I didn't grow up with (thought Loved very much of course), so I can't say I know how you feel. Blerbadoo really said it " This is the nature of the journey we are all on. Suicide cuts the journey short. " Please stay with us on earth and continue on your path, living your passion, whatever it may be.
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I have talked to my Aunt and she is going to talk to my Father and try to get him to schedule us an appointment with a counselor around next week. I really appreciate everyone's support. Im going to try to find some money so I can get some weed. Anyone know of a good cheap pot vendor?
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I am very sorry for your loss and I will have you in my thoughts.
Don't take the guilt and abuse you dad is subjecting you to personal. It is the alcohol and greef talking. He doesn't see what he was doing to himself or to you.
Is it possible for you to get out of that situation?
If you don't have the funds to get out, is there family or friends you can stay with just for a while. Sounds like you need a break from home so you can start to heal.
Greef counselors can be a great help to you. You could find information on them online or in the phone book. Many are free. There are also support groups you can go too and these are always free.
Feeling depressed and even having suicidal thoughts does not mean you are ill. You have been through a severe trama. Please don't be afraid to reach out for help to cope with these feelings.
Having someone to talk to can help a lot. Even if it isn't a professional and just a close friend you trust. You don't have to struggle with this alone.
Meds might be a tool but view it as a temporary one till you learn other skills of coping.
Stay as busy as you can with any activity. The point here is not to be alone and have a distraction.
My best wishes to you and always be safe.
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I have talked to my Aunt and she is going to talk to my Father and try to get him to schedule us an appointment with a counselor around next week. I really appreciate everyone's support. Im going to try to find some money so I can get some weed. Anyone know of a good cheap pot vendor?
i recommend puffbuddy for that. stellar quality and amazing deals! never disappoints.
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Shit, that is terrible. Wish I could offer some advice, as others have done. I'd say remove yourself from your father, if possible. Why someone would blame you like that is just, sick really.
Any family/friends you could bunk with? I'd talk to someone close to you, let them know what is going on. It's def not fair. You lost as well, and this terrible event well, its supposed to bring families closer. Sadly, like in your case apparently, it seems to tear apart. But you're worth it, don't give up. If anything, stay alive, be happy for the ones you lost.
You'll most def get nothing but support here. So keep posting if it helps.
Oh and I nearly lost my mother. It is not the same as actually losing one. But I can relate to the fear/anxiety. Still not sure if my mother is going to have any of her memories... so we may have to start over. So yeah, I am thankful for that at least. Kind of puts things into perspective. I suppose the lesson here, is to cherish what you have, while you have it. Again, sorry for your great loss. :( Hope you're starting to heal some. You'll get there! Just remember - energy cannot be created, and it cannot be destroyed. So they just moved on. :)
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I want to thank everyone for the support! I just cant stop thinking about my Mother and little brother, this is killing me.
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It could take well over a year for you to come to terms with what has happened, but persevere, be strong and all will be well in time. I speak from personal experience.
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Been there brotha, remember to stay strong and keep your head up, do something that will make your mother proud of you. It's your job to keep their memory alive , fly high brotha... And to your mother and brother rest in paradise
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Incredibly Sad to hear this man, But very happy to see everyone here support you. I've never personally gone through something like this, but I think everyone's advice is very good. Take it 1 day at a time. I helped my buddy through him losing his father who had a heart attack and my friend attempted cpr with no success and he didn't make it. My friend has told me It was very helpful to have someone to smoke with and talk about it, So I would suggest getting someone close and talking your problems through them, bottling up things will only make it worse. Hope this helps friend.
-Makes me wish I had a vaccuum sealer, Because I would just send you a free 1/8. Anyways, stay strong man!
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Wu-Tang Clan ain't nuthin' to fuck with.
Try ketamine, mate. They've been using it as fast acting anti-depressant recently. Google it. It will help.
It sounds like you have some living to do homie. Get after it! One thing that helps me sleep soundly at night, is that there is no evidence of a "god" or overseer. Praying never helped me either. Hard times beget strong people. Shoot me a message Inspectah. I would love to talk to you some more.
"To be or not be that is the question...
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles
And by opposing end them. To die, to sleep--
No more--and by a sleep to say we end
The heartache, and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to. 'Tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wished. To die, to sleep--
To sleep--perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub,
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause. There's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life.
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
Th' oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely
The pangs of despised love, the law's delay,
The insolence of office, and the spurns
That patient merit of th' unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin? Who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscovered country, from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will,
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all,
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprise of great pitch and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry
And lose the name of action. -- Soft you now,
The fair Ophelia! -- Nymph, in thy orisons
Be all my sins remembered."
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My heart goes out to you it really does.Alls I can say is think about your mum and brother. Think about how much theyd want one last convo with you to tell you not to feel guilty. Youve got a life to live for them too. Dont let your mum down by giving up!
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I want to thank everyone for the support! I just cant stop thinking about my Mother and little brother, this is killing me.
I hate to sound like an absolute douche, you know, "that guy"... but I mean all you can really do is think about the ones you lose. I'm not saying forget the bad, and just hang on to the good. I hate when people say that shit, its insulting. I mean, we're all made of the good and bad. Just know that for as long you you remember them, they're with you. Just the though of losing someone that close, well, its more I could handle. These things will seriously either make or break you. It's up to you. Best thing you can probably do, is to do right by them. Live your life to the fullest. If we get anything from pain, its the lesson of compassion. I'm not one for all that sappy b.s., but really, the bad moments are what make who we are. Just be strong, for your mother & brother.
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I want to thank everyone for the support! I just cant stop thinking about my Mother and little brother, this is killing me.
I hate to sound like an absolute douche, you know, "that guy"... but I mean all you can really do is think about the ones you lose. I'm not saying forget the bad, and just hang on to the good. I hate when people say that shit, its insulting. I mean, we're all made of the good and bad. Just know that for as long you you remember them, they're with you. Just the though of losing someone that close, well, its more I could handle. These things will seriously either make or break you. It's up to you. Best thing you can probably do, is to do right by them. Live your life to the fullest. If we get anything from pain, its the lesson of compassion. I'm not one for all that sappy b.s., but really, the bad moments are what make who we are. Just be strong, for your mother & brother.
You have given me very good advice and I thank you! You have also donated some coin which I also greatly thank.
Again Thank you to everyone for giving me the support I need to get thru this.