Silk Road forums
Discussion => Drug safety => Topic started by: madapata on December 05, 2012, 01:32 am
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I have been on so many psych meds that it isn't even funny anymore. I am at the end of my rope. I can not go on living this way. Doctors have failed me, therapy has failed me, I have only a few options left.
My psychiatrist is a new doctor and is afraid to use medications for off label use. He has made me worse than I was to start.
I can hardly get out of the house, I don't shower or take care of myself unless I have somewhere to go. My place is always messy. I pick up but halfway through I get so depressed and overwhelmed and feel like a piece of shit. I juat want to be able to live my life not feeling exhausted, guilty, and miserable.
I am thinking of trying oxycodone. It has helped in the past. Any advice?
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I have always found that no level or amount of depression can be sustained with LSD and laughter.
Drop a tab of clean L, and surround your self with w.e makes you bust a gut. Either funny friends, or some stand up comedy. You can check my posts for the thread about everyones fav comedians. Good luck friend.
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I know exactly how you feel. Check out the third link in my signature. Looking forward to seeing you in that thread ;)
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try "st. johns wort" and other natural herbs. opiates help a lot, but, continued use can weaken your immune system. i had a bunch of morphine pills once, the "M 30" 's, and after two weeks of daily use i developed pneumonia. that happened over three years ago and i now avoid opiates. good luck
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a long life of depression for me
and i decided to do my own DMT extractions so i could have the experience
and that chemical changed my life for the better
give that a try, i consider it a therapy session with your own sub conscience
it will bring your problems out and make them easier to think about and deal with
good luck to you
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there really is no easy "cure" for depression. in order to rid yourself of depression, you must get down to the root cause(s). personally, nothing has helped me confront and overcome my issues like psychedelics have. they can be of great assistance when used for therapeutic purposes, as they bring your subconscious to the surface so you can really figure out what's going on. that being said, since you have severe depression i would not recommend tripping alone. mdma could be of great help as well, if you take it with care (as in don't take it more than once a month). taking it too often could drain your serotonin, which wouldn't help you. some people have found ketamine to be a very good treatment for depression as well. remember to tread lightly when trying new chemicals. also, read the clearnet link in my signature. that pamphlet helped me immensely when i was struggling with depression. :)
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As someone who has battled with depression all my life I have a suggestion. Have you tried a small dose of mdma? As long as you dont take too much, or take it regularly and deplete your serotonin, you should be fine. Mdma helped me out of a huge depression but its not for everyone.
I hope this has helped and I hope you find what you need. I empathize cause I have been put on so many meds by so many different quacks its just sad at this point. Obviously these therapists are making a killing off of us along with the big prescription companies.
I always do my best to just hang in there when things are really tough cause eventually things have a funny way of turning around. Thanks for sharing, all the best.
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I smoked a lot of weed in the past and now have more responsibility so pretty much quit.depression hit me as well.i found that vaporizing some bud a couple times a week takes the blues away nicley.hope that helps
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Hey, madapata,
As they say on ASH, welcome, sorry you're here.
What makes you feel truly free? Our recommendation is to do that, giving consideration to how your freedom might hurt others and then curtailing it based on that. But get free, or as free as you can be.
Good luck!
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There's actually some truth in the thought that psychedelics can cure depression.
A study was done recently using psilocybin that suggested that psychedelic action on the brain basically loosens up pessimistic thinking.
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I have been on so many psych meds that it isn't even funny anymore. I am at the end of my rope. I can not go on living this way. Doctors have failed me, therapy has failed me, I have only a few options left.
My psychiatrist is a new doctor and is afraid to use medications for off label use. He has made me worse than I was to start.
I can hardly get out of the house, I don't shower or take care of myself unless I have somewhere to go. My place is always messy. I pick up but halfway through I get so depressed and overwhelmed and feel like a piece of shit. I juat want to be able to live my life not feeling exhausted, guilty, and miserable.
I am thinking of trying oxycodone. It has helped in the past. Any advice?
for me PERSONALLY heroin cured my depression but left psychological addiction.
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Before I was prescribed SSRIs I was looking into lucid dreaming and ibogaine as technologies for confronting my most essential issues. Thankfully for me SSRIs worked and I never have done either, though thanks to the silk road one is more possible and the other is something I still try without an effectively active commitment.
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Ketamine and psilocybin mushrooms. Both of them have clinical data which shows their effectiveness in combating depression. Perhaps better than majority of antidepressants out there.
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Thank you for all the ideas and support! This is much better than depression forums on the clearnet that tell you stock answers like "call a suicide line if things get bad" or "make an appointment to see your doctor".
A few questions. What exactly is DMT? How long do the effects of a small dose of hallucinogenics like LSD and mushrooms last? I have never taken anything like that, the closest is probably salvia, and it was immobilizing. I took MDMA a long time ago, so I can't really remember much, but if I took a low dose could I still go about my daily activities? Would it be dangerous to take if I needed to drive to the store, or obvious if I took like a 1/4-1/8 of a pill and went to work?
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Here you will find everything you need to know about DMT: www.dmt-nexus.me
I don't think it is a good start due to the fact that you will have to get your technique down before you will be able to immerse yourself in the experience. Start with LSD first and if you can, get an experienced sitter that will be there for assistance. It will give you a good idea of what psychedelics can do for you. If you were comfortable with LSD, then DMT should be the next step. DMT has the advantage that it's all over relatively quickly, while LSD and mushroom trips, depending on dosage, will last 6-12 hours or even longer.
Hope that helps, good luck!
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Oxycodone did help me with depression. However, keep in mind that oxy builds a tolerance fast. In other words, after few uses, you'll find that the dose doesn't give you the same effect so you'll need to go higher.
and before you even know it, you'll find your self becoming an addict.
I wouldn't advice it.
Keep trying with antidepressants meds. and keep drugs in hand to cheer you up every once in a while.
Be wise. Drugs are meant to be enjoyed. Regular use and addiction is not joyful
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P.S: don't do mdma, shroms while on anti-dpressants
it won't work
look at my experience in this section.
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I have no experience and limited knowledge in DMT, but I believe its benefit may be as an experience, an eye opener, something to give life and it's apparent 'fuckedness' some real perspective. To go about your daily activites with DMT as an active mood enhancer would not work out on a regular basis. I found smoking weed gave me that constant mood lift but it was a false economy - regular use changed my chemistry leading to depression but more importantly it was the gradual decline in my work ethic, reduced contact with a variety of people, the neglect of actively creating my life and reality that led to the real spiral of depression.
Be careful in using drugs as a solution. Having said that drugs can offer part of the solution but remember it's the other things in life that a new perspective will help to appreciate. Drugs can open the door, definitely, but that's where it often ends. You can go through that door clear minded and lucid once it has been opened, but not if you use drugs too frequently.
You are on the right track in that you asked real people for advice. Doctors are sometimes real people but they often live in a clinical reality, they know a lot of facts, causes and effects, diagnoses based on historical events and trends - all very good for science but what about INSPIRATION? what about PASSION? Hey, madapata,
As they say on ASH, welcome, sorry you're here.
What makes you feel truly free? Our recommendation is to do that, giving consideration to how your freedom might hurt others and then curtailing it based on that. But get free, or as free as you can be.
Good luck!
I have been on so many psych meds that it isn't even funny anymore. I am at the end of my rope. I can not go on living this way. Doctors have failed me, therapy has failed me, I have only a few options left.
If your physical/chemical situation is so severe, there is an effective treatment, relatively new, called DEEP BRAIN STIMULATION. This is surgical, carries risks but has been effective in lifting the moods of severe and long term depression sufferers, also pretty much the only effective treatment for severe tourettes syndrome. It works simply by pinpointing the critical spot in the brain tissue and stimulating with an electrode. This is a drastic solution, but please remember there are always positive solutions out there.
Good luck with your mission and keep the forum updated, you'd be surprised how many are in the same boat.
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Man the fuck up this is the cure!
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Ignore crackheads rude comment.I'm a vetran who struggles with depression and have seen and done things no human should. The va has put me on every drug known to a pharmacist with no help u will have to self medicate and figue out what cocktail works for u.
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Ignore crackheads rude comment.I'm a vetran who struggles with depression and have seen and done things no human should. The va has put me on every drug known to a pharmacist with no help u will have to self medicate and figue out what cocktail works for u.
Can you tell me your opinion on my thread about depression? Link in my signature :)
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LSD or mushrooms in small dosages may alleviate symptoms of depression. At least they do for me.
Other than that, daily exercise, meditation, good diet, multivitamin supplements, sunlight, marijuana.
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A small dose of mushrooms (0.2 - 0.4g dried) on a semi daily basis may help to open you to the wider possibilities of experience.. It's subtle but powerful. Don't overdo it, a few days here and there when needed. Not everyday, it's not something that need be done long term.
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Ketamine S+ helps with depression. order some. snort 60mg. Depression cured for up to two weeks
Cubensis mushrooms. Eat 1.2 grams. Depression cure for about a week.
Good luck and remember,
THE POWER IS YOURS!
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I would try... dying.
;)
edit: for clarification, check out Ballzinator's cure depression thread.
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I would try... dying.
;)
edit: for clarification, check out Ballzinator's cure depression thread.
+1 :D
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Find a new psychiatrist. Or see if you can push the current guy. Call the office before you even have the appointment: "This isn't working for me. I need something else." I did this with my last psychiatrist, the secretary talked to the doctor who brushed me off, so I said, "Okay, cancel my next appointment."
I had a new script waiting for me that afternoon. (I made an appointment with a different doctor anyway. Fuck him.) Bear in mind I wasn't asking for Oxycodone. That might be pushing it. I'm sorry I don't know of many other options, though...
I recently started going to a psychologist who gave me the most astonishing advice, especially considering where I'm living right now: "you can do all the mushrooms you want, but you can't keep drinking the way you are." His argument was that psychedelics force you to be introspective and deal with the things you have to deal with, whether you want to or not. Alcohol doesn't do this; you're not actually facing your problems, you're simply numbing the pain they're causing. I suppose this is something of a truism in the recovering alcoholic community, but to hear him say it after wholeheartedly approving some of the most misunderstood drugs on Earth, that carried a lot of weight with me.
Acidhead's advice was good too. I would also add: try to spend time with people who actually make you happy, whoever they are. Get out of the house once in a while if you can. See people.
Try to clean up your living space. Not all at once. Just make sure every day that you leave it in slightly better condition that it was in the day before; e.g. throw out the day's trash and throw out some other shit you had lying around along with it. No matter how long it takes, your room will become more and more livable and slow and steady improvement makes a huge difference.
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I used to suffer from depression. I didn't respond to medication. The depression cured itself after I did the following:
- Drank two glasses of water first thing in the morning and had a healthy breakfast with a multivitamin supplement. I can't underestimate how essential this is.
- Went for a brisk walk every morning.
- Lifted weights
- Stopped spending sunny days inside my house.
- Stopped staying up all night. Got a good sleeping schedule going
- Socialised more often
- Meditated
The only drug that helped me for depression was marijuana, although I understand that this doesn't work for everyone.
If someone had told me that these simple things would have cured my depression, I wouldn't have believed them. I would have said my depression is the result of a genetic predisposition, and can only be treated by drugs.
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I used to suffer from depression. I didn't respond to medication. The depression cured itself after I did the following:
- Drank two glasses of water first thing in the morning and had a healthy breakfast with a multivitamin supplement. I can't underestimate how essential this is.
- Went for a brisk walk every morning.
- Lifted weights
- Stopped spending sunny days inside my house.
- Stopped staying up all night. Got a good sleeping schedule going
- Socialised more often
- Meditated
The only drug that helped me for depression was marijuana, although I understand that this doesn't work for everyone.
If someone had told me that these simple things would have cured my depression, I wouldn't have believed them. I would have said my depression is the result of a genetic predisposition, and can only be treated by drugs.
I would like to think adding Ketamine and LSD into your scheduled, you would be more happy :D
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I would like to think adding Ketamine and LSD into your scheduled, you would be more happy :D
When I was depressed, I sometimes had terrible trips on LSD which made my depression much worse. So as much as LSD has helped me in my life, I can't recommend it for anyone who is depressed, although it may work for some people. Certainly, in microdoses it's an effective antidepressant.
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ill say, lsd isnt even the best psychedelic for depression.
Mescaline and ayahuasca are much more powerful anti depressants.
LSD just helps the mind think of different perspectives, which can help with depression or not
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I feel like a strong dose of shrooms would pull out depression from where it's hiding and show its true face to who it's possessing. If that makes any sense. ::)
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As everybody on this page says, LSD alone ain't gonna do it. I ruined my first and only LSD experience by taking a very high dose at a point in my life when I was on the verge of a fucking mental breakdown (and KNEW it), thinking it would solve all my problems. Guess what? It didn't. I had the kind of waking-up-your-roommates-who-then-call-your-parents bad trip that I thought only a 15-year-old girl was capable of. (I really hate to call it a bad trip because it was all my fault. "Bad trip" sounds like you're blaming the drug. The drug was great, I was just in no position to handle it.) In fact, by any definition, I had a fucking mental breakdown.
DISCLAIMER: just so you don't think I'm a complete asshole: at first I took only one hit and it did absolutely NOTHING to me. Three hours later, I was sure I was ripped off, figured "I can handle five times nothing", and went ahead and took the other four. Well, they worked. :-\ Still, with my mental condition at the time, I should never have been fucking around with those kinds of doses.
tl;dr drugs are not the answer.
The answer is far more mundane. Get into a routine. Go for a walk. I did it today. I had to drag myself to the fucking car, drive to the park, but once I got going it was great. Get your body used to having energy again.
You gotta do SOMETHING, man. Best of luck.
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As everybody on this page says, LSD alone ain't gonna do it. I ruined my first and only LSD experience by taking a very high dose at a point in my life when I was on the verge of a fucking mental breakdown (and KNEW it), thinking it would solve all my problems. Guess what? It didn't. I had the kind of waking-up-your-roommates-who-then-call-your-parents bad trip that I thought only a 15-year-old girl was capable of. (I really hate to call it a bad trip because it was all my fault. "Bad trip" sounds like you're blaming the drug. The drug was great, I was just in no position to handle it.) In fact, by any definition, I had a fucking mental breakdown.
DISCLAIMER: just so you don't think I'm a complete asshole: at first I took only one hit and it did absolutely NOTHING to me. Three hours later, I was sure I was ripped off, figured "I can handle five times nothing", and went ahead and took the other four. Well, they worked. :-\ Still, with my mental condition at the time, I should never have been fucking around with those kinds of doses.
tl;dr drugs are not the answer.
The answer is far more mundane. Get into a routine. Go for a walk. I did it today. I had to drag myself to the fucking car, drive to the park, but once I got going it was great. Get your body used to having energy again.
You gotta do SOMETHING, man. Best of luck.
i was about to say something.. and then i saw ur disclaimer. i feel better now.
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That can be the answer sometimes indeed.
Depression is, mostly, a state of mind. You can improve that by engaging in some activities, even if they don't appeal to you at first glance.
Drugs like fluoxetine or citalopram can help, but simple taking them will not turn your life around. If you have some factor in your life that makes you feel down, addressing that wil be much more effective than taking any drug,
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You could try looking into 5-HTP. You can get it in the vitamin section of the supermarket. It's a precursor to serotonin. I combined it with this....
Other than that, daily exercise, meditation, good diet, multivitamin supplements, sunlight, marijuana.
...and the days are a bit easier to bear. I think getting out/active AT LEAST a few times a week is the most important though. The more rigorous the activity, the better you'll feel afterwards, it's pretty much fact that exercise produces happy chemicals(endorphins) in your brain.
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Anyone have any luck with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) techniques? Some of the ILF find it to be genius in its simplicity. Basically it involves examining the thoughts that lead to a depressive mood, not allowing them to weigh so heavily on your mind, and altering your behavior to focus on enjoying life more. Re-label, re-attribute, and re-focus is a short way of putting it.
Now, we're not saying you always have to look on the bright side or be insufferably cheery in the face of real suffering, but when one's depression is, in fact, irrational, or even partly irrational, CBT can help to avoid unnecessary suffering.
Here's an example, with CBT-like re-evaluations in brackets. So say you let down a friend or lover or someone you like. You're prone to depression, so you think, probably over and over again, I'm a fucking worthless idiot [No, that's blanket statement which isn't true]. I wish I had never done that [But that's dwelling too much on a past which you can't change now, anyway. In the here and now, things aren't so bad]. Everything is ruined now [Everything isn't all or nothing. My friend will understand that it was a one-off mistake, not the whole of our relationship. And why am I anticipating such bad things in a future which is still very unwritten and might be great?]. Might as well lay in bed and do nothing [Or I could get up and do something nice for my friend. Later I'll pick up that book that I was enjoying, but haven't taken time to read lately].
Part of the trick above is to realize that you're even having those thoughts, because sometimes we simply feel what those words express without articulating it in words to ourselves (e.g. "I wish I had never done that"). That can make it even harder to see what's going on in the mind, and the problem all the more overwhelming.
A lot of personality "disorders" -- especially BPD and anxiety-related ones -- are co-morbid with depression, so treating them with CBT alleviates the melancholy, as well. The idea is that as you re-train your brain to see the world differently, you start to see the beauty that's being buried by the intrusive, repetitive, negative thinking your brain is habitually engaging in.
Depression is a real struggle. Good vibes and good luck to all those who have to fight it.
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Hey Captain Mal! That's great that you had such good results with CBT also. One member of the ILF did find normal psycho-therapy to be a good start: he began it when he was relatively young, and it helped him to see that he did in fact have some problems, to understand what life experiences caused or contributed to them, to develop some meta-cognition, to examine his feelings, things like that. Did it for a quarter of a year or so, with a very good (astute and empathetic) therapist. But CBT has been where it's at in terms of practical steps to get better.
Another member of the ILF has had talk therapy in three (wildly different) settings. In all three, it was, well, I don't want to sound mean to my therapists if they're reading this, but, really, it was awful. I could never figure out what the point was! As Capt. Mal said, I just re-hashed unpleasant things and then waited, like the children in Mary Poppins, asking, "Is som'n s'posed to happen?"
One question: could you name some of the titles your therapist recommended? The ILF has been looking for some good words on this subject.
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Here's something that can help lift the mood sometimes :)
http://thenicestplaceontheinter.net/
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+1 Thank you, CaptainMal!
btw, is that a Firefly reference? Loved the whole ethos of that show.
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I would say try getting a pet cat. It hasn't solved depression for me but it has been instantly more helpful than any medication or advice my psychiatrist has ever given me.
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I have suffered with depression on and off for the last 17 years. I know for a fact that MDMA crystals have helped me out in the past and put me on the right track. I had taken it before but only realised it's theraputic affect by accident when I was at a party. I was at a point in life where I felt I had lost a lot of my sense of self and discovered it not only lightened the load but also brought back alot of my personality that had been missing for so many years. Honestly once the initial rush subsided it made me feel myself again, I wouldn't have considered myself particulary high, just myself again.
It's not only a short term anti depressant but it also helps bring down any emotional walls you have built up over the years. It gives you the space to openly and subjectively understand your negative thoughts which is what has more than likely been causing your depression in the first place. From this you get the jump up you need and emotional space to move on a little, bit by bit. I would not recommend using it regularly and be careful to not use it in large doses as it can add to your depression. I would consider using it when you have just had enough and life is getting you down big time.
For everyday supplements I use St John's Wort. I haven't taken MDMA in years but I will always remember that it helped me. It's also used for PTSD and by therapists around the world so don't just take my word for it.
Oh and I also found regular excercise helps too. Quit smoking if you smoke and find something to look forward to or an interest/hobby/girlfriend/boyfriend